Dartegnian's Mood Calendar

That Wraps 2024!

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today was the last year of 2024. It was marked with an extremely bad start with me still angry and annoyed at my sister and Mom for what happened last night. I arrived home in the pouring rain and scrolled on my phone for a bit before going to bed. In the morning, things were awfully quiet and I passed the time just being in my room for the most part. And then I decided to just go out today and spend New Year's Eve somewhere else. Eventually, my mom talked to me and I basically lashed out at them, and then this big fight occurred. Things get out of hand but I don't let up and I don't flinch from what happened. I just remained firm in the place I was standing at and reaffirmed my point because I had suffered a lot and I just wanted a sorry for what had happened. After a lot of crying and shouting, eventually, my Mom got out of the room and my sister and I talked for a bit before they finally apologized to me. My anger dissipates after they apologize and I try my best to feel the sincerity of it. Things get "okay enough" between my sister and I and she asks me to talk to Mom instead. My Mom and I then have a lengthy talk about the past and I really push her to apologize for what happened in the past and that I want her to appreciate my efforts in still being successful despite being a college dropout. She admits that it's her biggest regret in life to not have me finish school and asks me to continue it but I disagree and I'll continue pursuing my career instead. She also says that she's proud of me because I did turn out okay despite dropping out and that was enough for me to feel okay. Even though dropping out of college is probably the biggest scar I have in life, I always reaffirm to myself and everyone that I was able to succeed regardless of my past circumstances. I didn't end up in a job I hated or any low-effort job, and I instead pursued my dream of being an administrator of many computers, and that's success for me. I just wanted my Mom to appreciate my own efforts. Our talk goes on and then we make up after that. For the evening, I mostly just relaxed and even napped for a bit. I watched some Mrwhosetheboss videos at night and my sister eventually came in to hug me and apologize sincerely, and then I told them that everything can be talked/reasoned out. After that, our cousins came upstairs and set the food on the table. We took a lot of photos together and talked a lot amongst ourselves. I think we were 13, all in all, in the living room and we were a lot. At around the end of 11 o'clock, we all went up to the rooftop to light fireworks that we had bought and some sparklers that we had. We celebrated the countdown and I was glad to have this day turn out right. 2024 was kind of like this day, some parts of it were **absolute hell** to go through and I don't want to experience it all again, but I'm glad that things eventually got resolved and I'm back to celebrating New Year's with my family again.

Journal entry for Monday, December 30th, 2024

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today would be another quiet day at our house and, for the most part, it was. I spent the afternoon watching How To Make Millions Before Grandma Dies with my mom and my sister, and I could tell that my mom was moved by it and my sister was crying throughout some parts. We all did our thing afterwards and we prepared to leave for SM Aura afterwards. We got a ride and we walk around SM Aura for a bit before deciding to eat at a restaurant I wanted to go to, which was Gino's Brick Oven Pizza. I order the "meat" pizza and add blue cheese on it, while my mom orders a margherita pizza with fresh mozzarella and my sister orders carbonara. We all eat and it wasn't as filling or as "food coma"-incuding as a fast-food pizza, like from Pizza Hut and mom give me a note of how that was the case. Then we leave and go to Market! Market! to buy some magnesium and I get sleeping tablets to help with my insomnia. We eventually walk back to SM Aura because that's where we'll do our grocery shopping and, on the way there, my sister makes a happy note about how we haven't fought during this time and I just found it weird that she'd make that comment, but mom agrees and says the last time we went out as 3 to SM Aura, we had a fight. After walking a bit, we eventually get there. We did our groceries and I helped pay for the cost using the 500 Peso gift certificate I got during our company's Christmas party. We carry the groceries around and it was quite heavy. I wanted to go to the 4th floor to rest and sit down while we were booking for a ride, which I know would take long considering that it was a holiday, Jose Rizal Day, and almost before New Year's Day. My sister gets frustrated at me for this and I point out that this would be the better decision rather than sitting on the floor waiting for a ride while we were booking, and we already did this before and hung out here while we were going home from our dinner with dad. I was right and the booking she got was cancelled and it took us a while before we got a new driver booked and it took a while for them to get here, but my sister was already pissed off at me. It turns into this huge fight and they storm out and walk downstairs alone, then my mom and I follow. By the time the driver arrives, I get in and my sister tries to push me out of the cab even though I just said that things were alright and the driver arrived as usual. I then tell her how it was off how she acted and she didn't want to hear any more of it, and she then threatens to punch me by holding her fist to my chin and telling me to shut up. It was extremely rude and it was so off because I had never treated her like that, despite being an older brother. The car ride home was awkward and I was ruminating in my head about how disrespectful all that was. Despite everything I did, even to the point of [going outside suddenly to meet them in a city away, and cheering them up in person because they had work issues](https://dartegnian.com/calendar/2024/08/22), they could do that to me is honestly just disappointing and disgusting. My kindness has been extremely taken advantage of this year by people and they abused me regardless, whether it's *someone* or even my sister. I never had either person listen to me talk about my problems, not even console me. People never really know how much hurt and pain I'm going through but I do my best to be there for people, and yet I'm treated like shit this way, even physically threatened. I made the decision to just stop the car at Libingan ng mga Bayan and just walk for a bit. I played the "Some Nights" album and walked for a while alone. I then make the decision to just go to Starbucks on 32nd Street and figure things out from there. I worried about my phone's battery even though it was still at more than 60% but I get to 7-Eleven in Bayani Road, then book a ride to Starbucks, and walk to the nearby Uncle John's to buy a charger. I bought a shit charger and even a wrong connector which cost me 900 Pesos overall. I'm glad that my drink at Starbucks was free, though, because I accumulated enough points for a free drink. I stay at Starbucks for a bit to figure things out, and that's where it sinks in that I really can't depend on anyone these days. After that, I had to go home because my stomach was starting to hurt and I rode an Angkas in the rain. I'm glad my phone didn't get wet, though, and I eventually arrived home and just used my phone for a while.

Song of the day: Mingle Game Song/둥글게 둥글게 by jung jaeil

Journal entry for Sunday, December 29th, 2024

Sun, 29 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today aside from me catching up with a bunch of things for my website and developing a few new features for my blog. I also chose a new color palette my mood calendar.

Song of the day: Magbalik by Callalily

Journal entry for Saturday, December 28th, 2024

Sat, 28 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My morning and afternoon pretty much passed by. The only thing I had going on today was my thing with Nathan and Ane where we'd have samgyupsal for dinner later. Eventually, time passed and I had dinner with Nathan and Ane. I bought my Squid Games outfit, even though it felt a bit uncomfortable to wear. It was easy to get to the samgyupsal restaurant. I arrived to the restaurant and it was funny because they laughed at me for my outfit. I could feel a lot of people also look at me and stare me down, but the dinner we had was pretty nice. It was surprisingly a lot of food and, for most of it, it was mostly me and Nathan talking about things like the computer shops we used to spend time at during college. The food was good, Ane and I took turns cooking it and it was plentiful for only 500 Pesos. Once all that was done, we headed home and Nathan actually had us 2 tag along with him on his motorcycle. I was scared of us 3 adults riding such a small motorcycle, but Nathan managed and dropped me off near my house. Nothing much happened after that and things were good even though I got rained on.

Journal entry for Friday, December 27th, 2024

Fri, 27 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

The day began with me continuing to watch Squid Game Season 2. I binged the entire show continuously because I really do just like this show. I also realized that the "me" who watched this 3 years ago and the "me" that's watching it today are 2 completely different people. It's crazy, but I'm glad I still like the show enough to continue watching it after 3 years. Too bad it ended on a cliffhanger and I didn't really like the story all that much, mostly because it feels unfinished and I don't care for a lot of the characters. I don't know, but it's an "okay" for me. I slept at around 5 a.m., the first time I've stayed up in a while. I woke up at 4 p.m., which shocked me. I slept for 11 hours. I woke up and did my usual stuff, ate some food that mom had prepared. Afterwards, they went on a run to BGC together and I was just at home. When they both got there, they suddenly invited me to tag along and I was able to book a ride there and met up with them. I didn't really run with them because I had my new sneakers and they weren't built for running, so I just watched them and then they called me over afterward. We took some pictures at a Christmas tree nearby and ate at Tiong Bahru Bakery. I ordered a croissant with eggs in it and it was pretty good. After that, we went to Funhan Mart so I could buy my Cinnamoroll candy again and going inside was such a surprise. It was a Korean convenience store and it was like Assi Fresh Plaza, but way better. The store had a self-cooking area for noodles, lots of shelves, and more imported Korean stuff. It even had Cinnamoroll gatcha capsules and I took a photo so that Bea would go here next time. My sister also wanted a Cinnamoroll gatcha egg so I also bought one for her. We shopped for a few more things and, by the end, I bought this Cinnamoroll bag. The total of all the items we bought was 2,100 Pesos, which seemed excessive because we only bought a few items. But whatever, I paid for it and we sit and drank the Milkis we bought at the Sun Life Amphitheater nearby. We opened our Cinnamoroll gatcha eggs and I got a blue one where Cinnamoroll wears a top hat, my sister got a cupcake Cinnamoroll. Afterwards, my sister went home on her bike and my mom and I book a car ride home. Our sister arrived at the house first and that was that, I was able to sleep somewhat-early despite only being awake for 8 hours.

Song of the day: CRAZY (English Ver.) by LE SSERAFIM

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Yeah, hit me with that lightning
Like CPR, work it
It's giving electrocute
Higher on the voltage, we jump in
I'm an Otaku, bestie
Kawaii, I know, so sassy

Afternoon Run? (Walk)

Thu, 26 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Squid Game Season 2 would release today and I mostly did nothing noteworthy until the afternoon. My mom and sister invited me to run with them in the afternoon but my Samasung smartwatch wasn't charged properly. Worse yet, I forgot the password to the thing! I spent the majority of the time after leaving the house trying to get into the watch, but I couldn't. When our run started at the Libingan ng mga Bayani, I couldn't really focus on running properly and my feet were starting to get sore. I don't know why, but it's probably because I'm not used to running and I didn't warm up properly. My feet ached a lot at the start and it was just bad throughout the entire thing. They were able to keep their pace and ran quite a bit while I just walked and kept my eye on them. The whole time, I was wishing that my feet weren't sore and that I wish I was just tired instead, because I know I can walk a lot and even run far. This time, though, not so much and I had really bad foot problems. We keep our pace until we got to Venice Grand Canal Mall where we had dinner. I got spaghetti with meatballs and mom made a joke about how I liked red pasta as much as her, and I only liked it because my dad is Italian (he isn't, it's just a joke that doesn't translate well). After eating, mom wanted to walk a bit more so we did and we all went to Assi Fresh Plaza where my sister got some kimchi and I got some Korean noodles. We made jokes and observations along the way there, like how Tuscany used to be filled with shops and bars, but now they've all closed post-pandemic. It's sad, but I guess things have changed since 2021. We booked a ride home afterward and I eventually watched the first few episodes of Squid Game Season 2.

A Great Christmas!

Wed, 25 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

Christmas this year started with me staying home with my family. We still had **A LOT** of food from last night and I ate some of the *liempo*, although I was very wary of it since it wasn't refridgerated. I just made sure that it wasn't expired. My mom and sister took photos with our cousins the morning and they also shared some of the food. In the afternoon, we left to go to Sto. Nino de Paz Greenbelt Chapel for Christmas Mass, despite the pouring rain. We were able to book a ride there with relative ease, surprisingly, and I wore the same outfit I had for my company's boho-themed Christmas party. I honestly felt fat in that outfit, and even way bigger now, but my sister liked my outfit and gave me compliments, which helped out a bit. We eventually get there and stay a few minutes for the end of one mass. I went to use the restroom and I honestly felt like this outfit was extremely tight on me, and I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. It didn't help that the Squid Game Vans I was wearing also felt uncomfortable. But whatever, I went and met up with them, despite almost wanting to leave because they had left their spot. We took some pictures at the Tiffany and Co. Christmas tree and mom had managed to ask some people to take a group photo of us, much to my dismay. We walked to the Starbucks nearby and we ordered some coffee. I ordered 3 drinks for us and that was enough for me to complete the stickers for this year's Starbucks Traditions. I was having a hard time choosing which tumbler to get, my eye was initially set on the indigo one. But my sister pointed out that the turquoise one looks better so I picked that instead. We got our drinks and I unwrapped it, and it does look really pretty! After finishing our drinks, we went back to the chapel to actually attend a *full* Catholic mass this time and it was a good experience. After that, we had dinner at Greenbelt nearby. Since the Japanese restaurant that my mom liked had closed down, we just went in for a random restaurant that had noodles and we chose the Honolulu Cafe. My mom and sister didn't like the food there that much since they overstuffed it with pepper, but I just made a joke to them that they wouldn't last in Hong Kong. I did like the curry chicken that I ordered. We booked a ride home afterward and that ended a very peaceful and great Christmas.

Journal entry for Tuesday, December 24th, 2024

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

It's Christmas Eve and my family didn't plan on going out today, but we're supposed to prepare food for Christmas tomorrow. In the afternoon, Nate and Ane came over to visit and bring food, also so that Nathan's PC can get Windows 10 installed along with some games. They came over on time and I cleaned my room enough before they arrived. Eventually, they got here and we talked about a few things, I also set up Nathan's mini PC while all of this was going on. They were on my bed and I was mostly sat on my chair while Nathan told his wild stories. I ate blueberries and offered them some, and Ane seemingly didn't like it because it was too sour for her. Nathan kept telling his stories and us 3 also engage in conversation about other topics like FNaF, games, and other things. Surprisingly, installing Valorant, League of Legends (even the post-install resources), and some of Nathan's games didn't take that much time. So we eventually finished up and Nathan and Ane eventually had to go back to their house for Christmas Eve. They did gift us a container full of Jollibee spaghetti, so that was nice of them. Nathan was especially excited in going back to his house so he can enjoy his new PC, and I'm sure they played online games the whole night. After they left, I helped my sister in cooking some *liempo*, and it turns out it was really had. We had a makeshift stove made out of some iron wires that was on top of 2 cinderblocks and coal underneath. I wasn't even sure if it was safe to cook on, but whatever. Despite the difficulty, I enjoyed cooking the liempo and I sang lines from Eraserhead's "Spoliarium" to pass the time. Mom was busy cooking the other dishes on her own and my sister was off taking care of Milktea because he was scared of the fireworks outside. Eventually, the liempo was done cooking and mom takes the other food she cooked upstairs. We took pictures of the food and of our family afterwards. We played some ABS-CBN Christmas songs on the TV while we ate and took photos. I also took photos of the gift I had bought myself this year, an iPhone 16 Pro Max, and posted it on IG. Afterwards, I greeted a few friends a merry Christmas. I ate **a lot** of food, like a lot. We had *liempo*, Pinoy spaghetti from Jollibee, friend chicken, Italian-style/original spaghetti, fruit salad, and that was more than enough for our family, honestly. I ate some of the food while talking and spending time in the living room and I eventually went back to my room to sleep the night off after things died down.

Song of the day: Spoliarium by Eraserheads

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Dumilim ang paligid
May tumawag sa pangalan ko
Labing isang palapag
Tinanong kung okay lang ako
Sabay abot ng baso, may naghihintay
At bakit ba 'pag nagsawa na ako
Biglang ayoko na

At ngayon, 'di pa rin alam
Kung ba't tayo nandito
Pwede bang itigil muna
Ang pag-ikot ng mundo

Mom Comes Home Again!

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I woke up today feeling really, really horrible. I don't know what happened yesterday, but I just felt an immense amount of body pain in the morning, even though I slept for a proper 8 hours. Still, I had to pick up mother in the morning. She's supposed to arrive at NAIA sometime around 10 a.m. so, at around 9, I got ready and booked a motorcycle ride there. I got there pretty much on time, which was surprising because it was a Monday morning and we're so close to the holidays, but I got dropped off the wrong part of the airport. I was supposed to be dropped off at the **arrivals** part, not the **departures** part of the airport. I couldn't find a way to get down from outside the airport aside from jumping and falling to my death, but I asked a security guard and he told me that there are elevators going down, **and I had to go inside the airport itself**. It has NEVER occurred to me that I can just waltz into the airport with no ticket, no passport. Security didn't even stop me. And when I entered the airport, holy shit was it an experience. It's been decades since I last went inside an airport, and the last time was when we went back to the Philippines after living and studying for a while in Singapore, and that was in the mid-2000s. I was so awed by how big and promising the airport seems. When I was in high school, I used to dream about going to the airport and leaving the Philippines for good. [I even dreamed of my Korean parents taking me away](https://blog.dartegnian.com/my-korean-parents-never-picked-me-up-from-school/), but that's besides the point. I was in so much awe from stepping inside that I just took it all in for a while and snapped a few pictures. Someday, maybe next year or in 2026, I will step inside once again and fulfill my dream of leaving the Philippines. But I eventually made my way downstairs and then waited for my mom. It was actually a hassle because we didn't have a clear way of checking where she was, and I didn't know her actual flight number until much later. I walked and paced around the huge arrivals area, I saw travelers from other countries arriving, a couple of tourists getting scammed by people hailing for a taxi, and people reconnecting with loved ones. My sister eventually sent a photo of what my mom's outfit would look like and that made her easier to identify. After waiting for a bit, I checked that the flight was delayed and it was supposed to arrive at 11 a.m. or something, so I decided to go and visit the Burger King at the airport for some food. But before checking, I went on Google and checked the flight number again and saw that it had already arrived, and it arrived late. I went to go check the arrivals gate again and saw my mom there! It was such a massive coincidence but I'm glad to have found her so quickly. We catch up and I thankfully get an easy time trying to find a car ride home. It was considerably cheaper than her paying for her own taxi, which would be around 1,000 Pesos while my ride was actually only worth around 240 Pesos, but mom insisted I give out the 300 Pesos I had in my e-wallet. Mom and I catch up and tell stories while on the way home. When we got home, my sister cried to mom and she vented about her frustrations at work. She cried for a good while and we eventually unpack mom's stuff in her luggages. She shows us all of the stuff that she got us, including new shoes for us and this year I got new Addidas shoes, which would be replacing the Nike shoes she got me last year. I also got what I had requested: lots of [Bounty](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bounty_(chocolate_bar)) candy. I contemplated getting it myself and just buying it online, but I'm glad I just waited for my mom to come home to get it. We ate some of the *adobo* that my sister cooked and I ate a few Bounty bars. My mom got me 2 outfits that were really nice and totally fit my style. They were both black long-sleeved shirts and I love the texture of them. She also got me a great black cap that I was sure I'd wear for a long time. After unpacking mom's stuff, we got ready to go to Market! Market! Initially, we were supposed to get our teeth cleaned and mom had to dye her hair at a salon, but those didn't go through. We eventually went for a massage instead and I wore new clothes that mom had gifted us. We booked a ride there and we eventually got our massages. We visited Daiso Japan for new plates and other home essentials, and then I had to leave them both so I can attend that Christmas gathering Loy invited me to. I book a ride going there and eventually arrived at Loy's house a few moments later. When I arrived, things were awfully quiet and not much food was prepared on their table. We eventually waited for a bit until Macximil, a friend who I hadn't seen or talked to in years, showed up. That's when it clicked that it wasn't just me dining with Loy's family, but that our old Discord group in IMC Taguig would be coming here for a get-together. **People who I haven't talked to in years, people who I had cut off, will now meet and share dinner with me.** I honestly wanted to leave on the spot and kind of regretted leaving my mom and my sister, but they were already going home since they bought a lot of fragile things. Eventually, the other members of the IMC Taguig Discord arrived and it was pretty awkward meeting with them. They eventually prepare their dinner and they mostly talk amongst themselves, they use the time to catch up with each other. We prepared our cooking station outside of the house, but essentially at Loy's front yard/garage. We were going to have *samgyupsal*, Foz and Jaze were the ones who mainly cooked our food. For the most part, I was just a fly on the wall and I didn't really talk to them that much. It's only fair because I'm literally the outsider of this group, the one who gathered this group of people but eventually left due to some complications in 2022. Ead eventually talks to me about how I'm mostly quiet throughout the whole night and that the purpose of this night was to reconnect amongst themselves, including me. I eventually came clean to this group that they aren't my friends at all, which seemed harsh to them, but it was true. Loy was completely shocked because he thought I considered him as a friend, when I didn't consider him that close of a friend after all. I even told him that I mostly just listened to his problems, but I never told him mine. He couldn't name a single problem I had in life for 2023-2024 and he was honestly shocked. I told him that I just listened and listened to his problems, but I didn't really trust him enough to share my problems, and for a good reason because he would share it to this group of friends I had cut off. We get down to the heart of the problems which was that I didn't appreciate what they did to me in 2022. Instead of helping me, supporting me through my tough times, they made fun of me in 2022. They got mad, annoyed, even made me the butt of the joke. I **NEVER** appreciated any of that, even though they claim their intentions were "for the better" or something. That they were giving me "tough love" and "calling me out" so that I would come to a realization of some sort. In reality, I don't appreciate that kind of behavior. I treat people how I want to be treated, and I honestly just need gentle support and a friend to listen. Something that I've been doing to Loy for his problems. Ever since Loy has been telling me his relationship problems, I never called him names or even made fun of him for it. I just gave advice. Even when me and Jaze were together, I never made a joke at his expense. I didn't call Loy names even though he technically qualified for some mean name-calling insults, but he and this group of people were quick to label me and shun me for going through normal problems. I even told Foz that if he told me his problems, I wouldn't make fun of him for it. They got my point, but I still didn't receive a simple sorry from them, even though Foz did want to apologize and make up. I think my trust towards them is fundamentally broken, to the point that I don't even think I could share what I ate for breakfast with them, but whatever. Since they wanted to make up, I'll give it a try. The normal round of talking amongst themselves continues and I try to make conversation with Macx and Ead. Eventually, we all had to go home before 3 a.m. and we cleaned up. Me and Jaze also re-followed each other on IG and, in going home, I was in a car with Foz and Fritz. They dropped me off and I got my rest after getting home.

Song of the day: Honey, I'm Good by Andy Grammer

Breaking Bottles with Naomi!

Sun, 22 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today was the day that Naomi and I would hang out! I thankfully woke up early and prepared for our day together. I got my Christmas gift for her ready and I was able to book a ride for her first. I was a bit nervous, and Naomi was definitely nervous to see me, I'm sure. Eventually, the car I booked arrives near my house and I see Naomi inside. I sit near her and she tells me she's about to cry. The reason behind it is sweet, that she's nervous but also happy to meet an Internet-first friend for the first time. We also exchange gifts while in the car and I take a peek into the gift bag she got me. I didn't bring out the items, though, but Naomi really liked the gift I had gotten her. She said it was perfect and it was the exact model that she was searching for, so that was nice. I don't think I've had seen someone show this much appreciation for a gift I got them in front of me, so this was a first. I notice that Naomi leans on my shoulder a little while on the ride there, which was kind of a surprise. Naomi and I keep talking in the car and she gives me cute Cinnamoroll fake tatoos, which honestly made me laugh. I don't think I have seen fake tatoos ever since I was a kid and the novelty of it made me laugh. We eventually arrive at Circuit Makati and we walk around for a bit while we try to find the rage room place. I took some semi-artistic, candid photos of Naomi while we were walking on the way there. After finding the place, we got in and I was surprised that no one but the barista/cashier was there. Regardless, they explain the package that I ordered and we get more bottles for our rage room session. In total, we got a total of 18 bottles and we stepped inside the rage room after putting on our jumpsuits. Naomi was the one throwing bottles first and I mostly recorded her having fun and getting angry. It was funny to see her try and smash some bottles. We were also given a crowbar to hit the tires inside with. It was a shock to me that a real, live crowbar weighed *that much*. It didn't seem like much in video games, but apparently it was heavy for me at the time. Naomi also smashed some bottles with the crowbar, which was honestly impressive. We also took some photos together, inspect the writings on the wall, and play some songs via the Bluetooth speaker. It was fun and I barely felt the 45 minutes pass by. We saw some interesting things on the wall and pointed it out to each other, and at the end we got a pen to write our names on the wall also. Once our 45 minutes were up, we went outside to remove the jumpsuits. We drank the coffee that was included in our package and it was nice. While we were drinking coffee, I opened Naomi's gifts and it was super cute. First, I opened and read a heartfelt letter and the other letter was a DIY pop-up bouquet card, which was adorned with pictures of Cinnamoroll. I find it really cute, but also really funny that my friends have consistently gifted me flowers. Additionally, she gave me a book, which was Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" and I honestly wanted to laugh on the spot. Someone's favorite book was "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen and now I have another book, that someone also read, which was "Sense and Sensibility." Regardless, it was a cute gift and I appreciate the effort since it was the cutest gift I had received this year. We talked a bit more about a few things about life, then we left to go and eat lunch since it was around 12 noon by now. We get Naomi's screen replaced but we then notice that the screen had already cracked, which was kinda sad to see. But it's fine and we eat at Marugame Udon. Naomi didn't know what to get, which was funny, and I only ordered a regular bowl instead of a large one. I wasn't into noodles and the curry I wanted wasn't available. We get our food and talk about a few things, mostly what's their family's plan for Christmas and New Year's, and what their friends have planned. I'm surprised that I couldn't finish my meal despite ordering just a regular bowl. After that, we walked around, passed by a store that had some Cinnamoroll stuff, and we found Timezone on the 4th floor, upstairs. Naomi and I went bowling afterward. She told me that she's never really tried it before, but she was actually a natural at it. I was honestly impressed because her shots kept going into the middle of the lane. She really was close to beating my score, we had a gap of 2 or 4 pins and I was only leading by a small margin, despite being the more "experienced" player. Overall, I still won with a score of 77 to Naomi's 71, a surprisingly close match. We played some other games after that, like air hockey and I constantly beat Naomi there, but she also did really well serving the puck back to me. We then went into the karaoke booth to sing some songs. I was kind of sad that she didn't know the songs I liked, but it was fine and I just sang OPM pop songs that everyone knew. Naomi also sang as well, she tried her best with her rendition of "Satisfied" from her Hamilton days. I ended with Rico Blanco's "Antukin" which she liked and sang along to. After that, we tried some ticket games and took photos at a photo booth together. I only printed out one copy, though, and I gave it to Naomi. We claimed some of the tickets and they were for strawberry keychains that Naomi would give to her sisters. After that, I gave Naomi my Timezone Gold card as a sort of remembrance. We then walked around some more and we went back to that store so I can buy some Cinnamoroll keychains, and I also bought one for her that matched with mine. We walked around into this store and saw a Cinnamoroll notebook which she bought for her sister. Once that was done, we went downstairs and I ordered Starbucks for us. She tells me that it was her first time being in a Starbucks store, which honestly surprises me, and she doesn't know what to order. Naomi orders the same drink I get which was a strawberry acai with lemonade. We find a seat nearby and just chill there, Naomi also relaxed her head on my shoulder again, which also surprised me. It was still too early for us to call it a day so we just pass by some time on our phones. Eventually, I book a ride home for us and I set it to stop by Naomi's house first so that her mom wouldn't be mad at her. We booked a ride quickly and I send Naomi all of the pics I took throughout the day. While on the way to Naomi's house, she leans on my shoulder the whole time. It was cute, but at the same time surprising because I don't know what it implies. I just try to not giving much thought and keep my shoulder up so she could lean on it. After some time, we arrive near her house and she shows me the places nearby, including the high school she used to attend. Eventually, we arrive at her stop and she gives me a hug before leaving and thanking me for the day. It was just me remaining in the car and I take the time to look outside and process today's events. On the way home, I notice that the road started to look familiar and it was the same road I took a few months ago. I knew this road. This was the same road I passed through on [August 31st](https://dartegnian.com/calendar/2024/08/31) and it was so, so eerie. In both instances, it was just me, alone in the backseat, thinking about what happened today and looking back on it. It is kinda sad that I'm not with someone anymore, though. I then chat with Naomi during the car ride home and she tells me that she "misses my scent" which was pretty cute but also really flattering as a compliment. The car ride home honestly took a long time, we even got stuck in traffic! It was so frustrating, the driver went outside to walk for a bit due to frustration. At the end, I paid him a tip and eventually got a lot of rest by the time I got home.

Song of the day: Antukin by Rico Blanco

Journal entry for Saturday, December 21st, 2024

Sat, 21 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a pretty okay Saturday. It started out with Naomi and I still being in a call and I showed them my various Facebook accounts. We made fun of them and she also asked me to check out her account. We mostly laughed and talked about the stuff on her public profile feed. I also showed them my cosplay photo when I cosplayed as Emilia from Re:Zero and she couldn't believe that it was me. Showing people my cosplay photos always makes me laugh and I told them that I miss cosplaying. Eventually, a family member came into their area and they had to mute. Since I had nothing to do, I browsed for places about Taguig and found this old church named Minor Basilica of St. Anne that I've never explored before, despite years of living here. I make a note to explore it someday and I also ask my sister if she's been here. Eventually, I feel tired and Naomi tells me that she's going to do other errands for the evening so we both leave the call. I slept for a really, **really** long time. I think I slept around 2 a.m. and eventually woke up at around 10 a.m., which is the correct time. However, since my sleep schedule was disturbed, I still felt sleepy despite having a full 8 hours. I ultimately woke up at around 1 p.m. with a searing headache. It was really bad and I felt so off and groggy. Still, that subsided when I did my usual routine. I also updated yesterday's calendar entry and decided on what to do for the rest of the afternoon and evening. My sister and I had planned to go to the night market later. Since it was a Saturday, I also decided to treat myself out today. I saw [this thread on r/Makati about where to go for a solo date](https://www.reddit.com/r/makati/comments/1hgb3ah/date_with_myself_where_to_go/) and I decided on going to the top answer, which was The Black Bean in Legazpi Village in Makati. I was able to book a ride there and eventually get seated. What surprised me was how small the cafe was, but the server who greeted me at the door was this pretty woman. She didn't look like a server at all and even like a model. She eventually found a seat by the window seated between 2 girls who were talking amongst themselves and a girl who was also a solo diner. I eventually chose fish and chips and a kombucha drink, despite this being a cafe, because I had to go to sleep in 5 hours. It was a **huge** plate of fish and chips. I took photos for an IG Story and eventually ate. The service was pretty attentive and they constantly refilled my water. I couldn't finish the entirety of the fish and chips, no matter how hard I tried. The bill was around 740 Pesos or so, which was not bad but also a bit pricey. I then left and walked to Greenbelt after paying the bill. On the way, I had this **horrible** headache again. It felt like my head was being split open. I think I made the wrong choice of staying up so late and it surprised me how I was able to stay up until 4 to 5 a.m. constantly this year. I tried my best to carry myself to Greenbelt so I can book a ride there. I thankfully was able to easily book a ride home and I took a paracetamol shortly after getting home. My sister and I still went to the night market to have dinner and order some food outside. It was pretty good, we got to eat oysters and scallops, and I also tried this Korean corndog. It was nice and after we got home, I got some rest and slept relatively on time.

Song of the day: What Do I Call You by TAEYEON

Lyrics that resonated with me:
What do I call you
이럴 때엔 이름이 역시 무난할까
내 연인이었던 my honey, my daisy
My only
So what do I call you now

Journal entry for Friday, December 20th, 2024

Fri, 20 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a very chill day and it was also the first day of my Christmas vacation. For the most part, nothing noteworthy happened aside from my sister and I ordering take-out for breakfast, lunch, even dinner. For the evening, it was dinner with my sister and I ordering take-out. And I also played Sky for the "last time" and especially the last time this year. I played it to pay respects and also see someone's account in Sky for the last time in a while. It was an incredibly heavy feeling to go and complete our dailies and dragging along someone's account with it. By the end, a friend of someone and I, we named Little Moth, logged in and wondered why we're back online. They thought that we had stopped playing Sky and I told them what had happened. I told them that someone and I haven't spoke to each other since the end of October and that they decided to walk away. They were really shocked but also a bit sad hearing that. After telling them all that, I felt the weight and the loss I had with losing everything again and it almost made me cry. I told Little Moth to reach out to someone because I know they won't respond to me reaching out anymore, and they agreed to take on the role. They then said this: > Once again I'm so sorry, you seem so fond of her presence. I would try my best so we could fly together 3 of us. After they said that, memories of us 3 flying and playing Sky together came back in my head. I remembered the times we were in VHH and tagging along with our old friend. I immediately cried when I remembered that. It was the first "hard cry" I had experienced in a while because I got to actually look at what I had lost. It absolutely pierced through me and I didn't expect the amount of grief I still have. I gave them the contact information of someone and my Discord username as well, asking them to freely add me if they ever do want to fly again in Sky. I hugged them and I also hugged someone's account, and I also took photos before logging off. It was a heavy feeling to keep for the rest of the night. I was still able to talk to Naomi and our plan to watch a movie later was still on. She had to charge her phone first and she also asked me what happened in Sky because I posted an IG Story of what happened. After that, we watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004). I prepared 2 movies: Mamma Mia! (2008) and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and what we would watch would be depending on the outcome of Naomi's confession. Needless to say, I picked the latter even though I was really looking forward to watching Mamma Mia! We watched it and it was pretty good, I watched while eating some chocolates and I eventually picked up on the subtleties that I missed despite rewatching this so many times. At the end, Naomi said that she liked it and I was glad I picked a good movie. I also somehow forgot the ending, which was weird. I forgot that they decided to work through things together and still make their relationship work. It left a bad taste in my mouth because I'm still dealing with me and someone falling out and it just hurt seeing two people work things out. I also showed Ariana Grande's "we can't be friends" music video to her because it was about that movie. Naomi said that she hasn't watched the MV for it yet but she was glad that she did because she understood the references. I also showed her Taeyeon's "What Do I Call You" because it was another reference to that movie. Finally, she showed me a song that reminds her of the film and it was Wilbur Soot's "Maybe I Was Boring." It was a nice, short song to listen to and the night still went on after that.

Song of the day: IYKYK (If You Know You Know) by ILLIT

A Stressful Musical

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

This day was just **STRESSFUL**! It even started stressful! We suffered a power outage just as I was getting to sleep! I really hoped to start my last day of work for the year on a good night's rest but I had to stay up until the electricity came back, which was 30 minutes later. But I wasn't able to sleep until 3-4 a.m. or so. Also, in the middle of the night, I just found myself singing to the Eraserheads "Ang Huling El Bimbo" for some reason. My day started out groggy because I slept late but I was able to get on top of things quickly. This was my last day at work for the year so I had to do my best. I just need to complete all of today's tasks, and it's my holiday break by tomorrow. I resume work on the 2nd of January next year. So today started out with me fixing a lot of things and coordinating with people on 2 different chat platforms. My sister and I were able to order McDonald's for the morning and I was able to eat some breakfast, she even treated our coffee for today. I got a lighter blend of coffee today instead of the heart-attack-inducing one I drank yesterday. Then it was off to me focusing on my work. My stress really ramped up from there, I didn't even have the time to go out or rest for lunch because I was actively monitoring something, and responding to those concerns as fast as I can. While working, I sang the lyrics to Leizel Garcia's "Gisingin Ang Puso" out of the blue. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with it being my last day of work for the year and remembering that someone isn't here anymore. I worked alongside them for most of the year and, here I am now, at the end, without them. The lyrics really reflect a lot of heartbreak and I can see why my songs have been about loss or heartbreak. I don't even sing this song that much, if at all, but I was just really affixed to it on a random day. Since my sister still had her lunch break, she went inside my room to chill for a while and I continued to sing along to songs, even finding instrumental tracks on YouTube when nothing was happening. The people outside our house also sang karaoke, so maybe that's why. We sang along to some OPM songs and Taylor Swift songs. I really enjoyed singing "Our Song" and I enjoyed singing some of her early songs, which I'm surprised I have mostly memorized. After that short musical break, it was back to me focusing and even getting into a call in the afternoon. My stress really increased in the afternoon as I was under a lot of pressure to get something fixed immediately and a lot of people were asking for my attention. I focused on my main task, though, and dealt with the other things afterward. It was stressful, but I'm glad I got everything done in the end. I didn't know what to celebrate with at the end of the day, so I just treated myself to any food I wanted. Since I was still stressed out, I wanted something that I'll like and got Burger King for dinner. I uninstalled my workplace chat app afterward and disabled notifs for the other app so I can fully enjoy my Christmas break. I got my food and, only at that moment, did I think of ordering pizza. But whatever. For the rest of the evening, it was mostly me watching Gangnam Style Chinese memes on IG Reels, watching other YT videos, and making fun of Naomi as she was going to confess to the guy she likes at their Christmas party tomorrow. With all that fun, all of my stress for the day just dissipated. I'm glad I was able to do everything I was asked of me and today was a little bittersweet. I reached the "end" of my work journey for this year and I don't have *someone* to celebrate it with. It sucks, but whatever. I hope I can celebrate it better next year.

Song of the day: Gisingin Ang Puso by Liezel Garcia

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Sa bawat araw, bawat tibok ng puso
Ikaw ang nasa isip ko, oh-oh, oh

Alaala mo sa akin ay gumugulo
Bakit 'di na lang bawiin ang hapdi sa aking puso?
Pipilitin ko, limutin ang pag-ibig mo
Kung panaginip lang ito sana'y gisingin ang aking puso

Ikaw ang nasa isip ko, oh-oh

Alaala mo sa akin ay gumugulo
Bakit 'di na lang bawiin ang hapdi sa aking puso?
Pipilitin ko, limutin ang pag-ibig mo
Kung panaginip lang ito sana'y gisingin ang aking puso

A LOT of Catching Up

Wed, 18 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

The majority of my workday was mostly just me doing my usual stuff. But in the morning, I want something to really energize me so I can get everything done today. So I ordered a sea salt latte from Pickup Coffee. I added in an extra shot of espresso because I think it'll really help boost my productivity levels. And I was kind of right, but also severely wrong. The coffee made me so agitated and anxious for the rest of the day. I didn't even finish it, which is rare since I'm a heavy coffee drinker. I still had 1/3 of it left over because it was so strong and kind of triggered a *flight-or-fight* response from me. It helped me achieve a lot for my afternoon tasks, but it just made me feel extremely anxious and agitated. I rested for most of the evening until I had to cram all of my journal entries together. I wrote more than 4,000 words in this hysteria-filled evening just trying to get everything complete and pushed. I'm glad I finished all of the entries, though, and I'm glad to be "fully caught up" in things once again, but damn, I don't think I'll be ordering another shot of espresso.

Song of the day: Lonely by Akon

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Yeah, I woke up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn't by my side
Could've sworn I was dreamin' for her
I was feenin' so I had to take a little ride
Backtrackin' on these few years
Tryin' to figure out what I do to make it go bad
'Cause ever since my girl left me
My whole life came crashin', and I'm so

Lonely (So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
For my own (To call my own, girl)
I'm so lonely (So lonely)
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
For my own (To call my own, girl)
I'm so lonely

Journal entry for Tuesday, December 17th, 2024

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing much happened today but for the afternoon, I ordered some Korean snacks as a pick-me-up. I got this cool snack that had Cinnamoroll on it and it was a yoghurt-tasting candy. It was nice. In the evening, my sister brought home some mushroom enoki she got from the night market and we had fun eating it. I mostly talked to Bell about her blog and it was nice to know that I had helped her in some way with her blog. I also saw that Naomi's IG Story had a Cinnamoroll shirt and I asked her how her day was. The day ended just fine and I was able to complete some calendar entries.

Song of the day: Black Magic by Little Mix

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Take a sip from my secret potion, I'll make you fall in love
For a spell that can't be broken, one drop should be enough
Boy, you belong to me, I got the recipe
And it's called black magic (And it's called black magic, yeah)
Take a sip from my secret potion, one taste and you'll be mine
It's a spell that can't be broken, it'll keep you up all night
Boy, you belong to me, I got the recipe
And it's called black magic (And it's called black magic, yeah)

Journal entry for Monday, December 16th, 2024

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today which was a nice departure from an extremely-eventful past 2 days. Work, in general, was generally a breeze. In the evening, I noticed that Spotify's API didn't work so I programmed an image fallback to Last.fm should Spotify's API fail. I didn't finish it, though, and I mostly spent most of the evening just chilling and doing nothing.

Song of the day: In My Life - Remastered 2009 by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all
...
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

In my life, I love you more

Ace Poolrooms with Nathan and Ane

Sun, 15 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I had my alarm set early today because I thought that I might arrive at Ace Water Spa earlier than Nathan, his mom, and Ane. Nate told me before that they would eat first at McDonald's before commuting and I didn't want to be late as the guest so I prepared to leave as early as 8 a.m. I had breakfast first at home, though, and I ordered McDonald's as well and had breakfast with my sister. After that and preparing my Cinnamoroll tote bag, I left for Ace Water Spa. By the time I got there, around 10:50 a.m. or so, Nate's party was still on the way so I was assured that I was early. But since I had nothing else to do but loiter around, I just went inside the hotel area and took a few pics from the area outside the pool room. I mostly waited for a bit and tried to get coffee, but I just approached the counter and paid for a rental short and for my ticket inside. I went to the men's locker room and thankfully my Under Armor shirt was allowed so I just had to wear it and store my stuff. To be honest, I was a little concerned about leaving my iPhone 16 Pro Max inside the locker, but whatever, I had no choice. I took a shower and messaged Nathan that I'd be swimming now and I stuffed my phone into the locker and swam for a while. Swimming alone was really nice, although I wasn't able to enjoy the full extent of it because I kept thinking about someone. I tried my best to anchor myself to the present but I mostly found myself within my mind, thinking about sad stuff. I'm not sure how much time had passed but I think an hour or so passed and then I surfaced to check if Nathan had messaged me. He did and they were already here. I waited for Nathan and eventually met up with him in the locker room. I told him to go shower first because he was just going to head into the pool rooms which made me laugh a bit. But after that, we both went to the pool rooms and we rode in the "lazy river" part for a while. Nathan also invited me to go to Thailand with them, to which I agreed. Eventually, we saw Ane and his mom, and he went along with Ane and we 3 just explored the massage pool facilities to pass the time. We mostly hung out there for a while, I talked to them about Arcane just to make conversation, even though I wasn't interested in playing League or watching it. They said that it was inaccurate to the lore that they know so I'd rather not watch it at all. I went back to trying out the other massage pools and keeping my mind in check, trying to think about my future. Then we moved on to try the herbal pools and the sauna area. The sauna was extremely hot and it was the hottest part of the entire facility, with it being around 67°C inside. They both left and I left shortly. I tried out the other herbal pools instead, I think I went to the jasmine herbal pool first, then the lavender one, next was the mint pool, and finally the rose pool. I drank a bit of cold water and entered the sauna room by myself again. Inside, there was this 10-minute sand timer that I flipped to track my time. It was honestly hard to stay inside the 67+ degree room so I eventually called it quits, got water, and dipped in the cold ice bath which was around 13°C or something. I met back with Ane and Nate and tried more of the massage pools again before we all tried napping at some benches nearby. I actually got some rest on the benches and I even had a dream, but I don't remember what it was about. We dried up after that and took our showers. I got my iPhone out of the locker and it, thankfully, was still there. I checked some notifications on Instagram and eventually went out to put on my shoes, although I was scolded for trying to put them in the locker room (which wasn't allowed). I met up with Nathan's mom and sat between Nate and his mom. He showed my pocket Wi-Fi to his mom and they talked about their many trips and needing one to bring along. I tried to show the speed of the Wi-Fi but fast.com didn't load, which Nathan's mom made fun of me for. It was a little embarrassing but funny at the same time because Nathan's mom had a sense of humor. It was funny, and eventually, Nathan started to compare my fan with the fan he got. His mom thinks that I have a stronger fan even though Nathan thinks that they're the same. Nathan even borrows my phone to post a Close Friends Story on my IG, but I sadly had to delete it because I think I look horrible. But once Ane was done getting ready, we decided where to go and then got off the bench. We take some pics along the way and at the downstairs lobby. We went outside to hail for a ride and it started drizzling a bit so I pulled out my Cinnamoroll umbrella, and then Ane asked if I was gay or not, which was funny and I said no. I just *really* like Cinnamoroll. They tried hailing a ride to no avail, and I eventually booked a ride for us to Market! Market! While waiting for our ride, Nate's mom talked to me about a lot of topics, like why I dropped out of college, where my parents were, and a lot of other things. She also tells me that My Melody and Hello Kitty used to be famous in her time and made a comment about how cute my Cinnamoroll stuff was. Our ride arrives after a while and we board the car. On the way to Market! Market!, I've been talking to Bell about things since she replied to my IG Story. We talked a bit more and I eventually thought of inviting her to Ace Water Spa next year. I'm surprised that she agreed, which made me pretty happy, to be honest, because I'd never expected that we'd go out. But I want to get my body a little more fit first before meeting them, for some reason. Then Tiffany talks to me and asks me how much she owes for yesterday's trip. It was surprising to hear because I didn't want any of them to pay for the trip, but it was just so touching to hear because I've been used so much over the past few years. She eventually sends money after computing her own individual cost and it was pretty nice. It just solidified that I'm surrounded by better people now. We eventually got locked in traffic, but we were already near SM Aura, so we got off in the middle of the street and Nathan's mom paid for the car ride, which was nice because I thought I was going to be paying for the ride. Once we got to SM Aura, we went to the food court and we tried to find a seat. Once we found one, Nathan and Ane ordered for themselves and me, and Nathan's mom got noodles for her own. I then tell her about this horrible situationship I recently got out of and I tell her that I have gout and all that, which shocks her but she tells me to not do it again and to spend my money more wisely on people. Eventually, she gets her food and Nathan and Ane arrive with our food afterward. Nathan and Ane had to go back because they got their order wrong, so Nathan's mom and I just talked for a bit more before they went back again and we ate. We talk about a few things but I mostly tell Nathan to check his SSS contributions. After that, we then left to get some snacks at Cinnabon, and I eventually ordered a blueberry cinnamon roll because Nathan and his mom kept making fun of how the blueberries overfill the bun in the advertisement, but is actually only a tiny amount in real life. Nathan thinks that we should get yoghurt llaollao while waiting but his mom says that we should just stay. So we did, but the wait was super long and the people were probably new at the job, so Nate regrets waiting for our order. After getting Cinnabon, we got yoghurts at llaollao but since they didn't accept cash, I paid via Gcash and Nate asked me how much it was. Since that was a nice gesture, and since they already paid for my dinner, I just decided to treat them to it and pay for everything. Nate says alright and we get our yoghurts. We talk about work and compare my work to Nathan's work while standing near the store, and then we eventually finish our yogurts, then Nathan tries to withdraw some money before going home. They wanted to commute and wait for a jeep before going home and I was going to take a solo Grab ride home. Nathan's mom came up with the idea to just tag along with me and I agreed because I was going to pass by Waterfun anyway. I get a few cars booked, but some of them cancel, until one comes through and it's what we waited for. The car eventually arrived and Nathan told me that there was a Cybertruck while we were getting in the car. I thought it was a joke and then I looked back to see that **IT WAS ACTUALLY A CYBERTRUCK WTF**. I thought it was just a joke, but damn. I regret not taking a picture. Even though I don't think it's a good vehicle, it still has an eye-catching design. But our trip continues on. They eventually get off at around Waterfun and I have the rest of the trip all to myself. The driver was quiet this time, so that was nice. I eventually arrived home and put some of my things away, even though my room was still generally messy. I ate some of the Manam *sisig* from yesterday and it was okay, but not delicious and I didn't even finish it. I told Naomi that we're still game to watch a horror movie tonight and she chose You're Next (2011). It was pretty interesting, despite me not being into slasher films in general. I was surprised because I actually liked the film and rooted for the protagonist. It was pretty brutal, but I enjoyed watching it and it was a good pick. After that, Naomi and I just talked about past relationships and I opened up some of my unshared mood calendar entries to her. I told them about how I cried on December 10 because I remembered a letter that someone gave me early on in our situationship and she also shared a letter that she wrote for a guy that she liked. Only for her, she saw her letter as cringey so I just read it and laughed along. Naomi mostly told me about the relationships and romantic encounters she had, mostly the heartbreaks, and I listened to her for most of the night. She tells me about her confession next week during her Christmas party and I cheer her on for it, and I also remind her that our meeting is also next week. She then shared this presentation that she prepared for and I was impressed by the effort she put in. After that, we left the call and I tried getting some sleep.

RC at Manam!

Sat, 14 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

## **Today was the day I would finally hang out with the RC!** I started my day early and, thankfully, I didn't oversleep. I woke up on time and talked to a few friends, mainly Baguettes. Meryll had asked us for our Locket usernames so we could add each other and I redownloaded Locket again, even though I kind of said goodbye to it. When I checked, it seemed that someone had unfriended me there. It kind of ticked me off a bit because I was still their friend last time, but whatever. Since we weren't friends anymore here, and they actively made a choice to remove me, I just removed them from my Steam Family Library. After that was done, I continued my morning and then left to book a ride to Fully Booked, Bonifacio High Street to meet the other RC people. Today was finally the day I'd meet the RC again and I would be the de-facto "host" of today's events. I'd primarily be arranging where people meet, eat, and everything so it was a little nerve-wracking. But, after freshening up and booking a ride, I eventually got to Fully Booked at around the correct meetup time, which was at 11 a.m. I tried to find Jared since he was already there and I found him sitting on one of the benches with the picnic table. We talked for a while about US politics and I mainly asked him how he was doing and why he was back here in the Philippines. We mostly talk about tech and he told me how he bought a Windows Phone in the US because of **me**. Because I paraded a Windows Phone around in high school and even showed off my Windows 8 laptop which he remembered had a fingerprint sensor (an uncommon thing in laptops around 2013). It honestly came as a complete shock because I thought everyone had forgotten that part of me, being a "Windows ambassador" and all, but it's cool that he still remembered. I eventually showed him the iPhone 16 Pro Max I recently bought and I checked out his Samsung S24 Ultra and Galaxy Buds, which were a model above mine since he had the 3 Pro and I had the 2 Pro. We waited until Tiffany arrived and she eventually messaged me that she was already inside Fully Booked. We headed in to meet her and I couldn't believe that it was her at first since she had blonde hair, but it was Tiffany! We greet each other and so does Jared, and I eventually ask Tiffany and Jared to take a photo together. Tiffany was just looking for some blind boxes because she might buy one, but she ultimately didn't decide to buy anything and marked herself as safe from buying blind boxes again. Surprisingly, Reilly pops out of nowhere and kind of jumpscares me. I take a photo of Jared, Tiffany, and Reilly together and Reilly tells us that he was here early because he didn't want to be late due to traffic, considering how congested the roads are these days. I then take a pic of the 3 of them and we browse the other parts of Fully Booked. Reilly then pays for the books he bought. While we were talking, JK jumpscares us by popping out of nowhere and then to the right of me. We talk and I note how he has a cool Spongebob wallpaper on his iPhone. Reilly rejoins us after buying his books and he's surprised to meet JK again since it's been a long time. We mostly catch up as a group and head to the 2nd floor to explore Fully Booked a little more. They talk about anime and a bunch of other things, JK also shows me this clip of a cool anime he watched, titled Blue Eyed Samurai. I make a note of it and we continue exploring the other parts. Eventually, I messaged the group chat and saw that William and Sydney were on their way to Manam Netpark, so we had to leave Fully Booked and make our way there. We mostly just talked amongst ourselves while walking, I took a few photos of them while on the way. Tiffany also told us that her Samsung Galaxy Flip broke a few days ago and she got a new S24 just yesterday. We kept walking and actually passed by Sydney, who is William's girlfriend, and we got to Manam Netpark. I was kind of worried because I hadn't actually reserved and it was right around lunchtime so it would be expected that we would take a while to get seated. We got put down as the 13th or 15th customer on the waitlist, which was fine because we still had a lot of us waiting. William and Sydney eventually meet up with us, making us 7: Tiffany, Reilly, Jared, JK, William, Sydney, and I. Lactaoen joins us eventually, then Jaymz, then Reynald and his girlfriend Bea, making us **11**. Finally, Sean was the last to join us, making us **12** who will be dining at Manam. I actually couldn't believe how I pulled 12 people to gather in one place—all of us having wildly different shifts and availabilities. It's actually pretty impressive as an extrovert. I actually didn't properly count us and I initially told the waitress that we were 9, then I bumped us to 14 for whatever reason. But everyone was all here and gathered now. Reynald and Bea gave me a gift upon meeting me, which was a really nice gesture. Everyone was so eager to talk to one another and catch up because it's been years since the last time they met, some even meeting for the first time since their senior high school graduation. It was really nice to see everyone together as a cohesive group. I talked to some of them for a bit, but I was mostly concerned with our placement in the queue. It was mainly my job and, even though I didn't socialize with the others that much this early, it was fine as long as I have taken care of everything for them. I ordered for us and chose good dishes while not minding the price. I expected the damage to be around 8,000 to 10,000 Pesos for this get-together, which was painful but it's fine. I believe I'm spending it on good friends. Everyone really took the time to socialize with each other while waiting, but we eventually had our table ready at around 1 p.m. I did ask the waitress to take a photo of our group and we got seated after that. I wasn't sure where to sit, but it was somewhere that was supposed to be in the middle, as JK said since I was the one paying. But since no one was sitting to the left of me, Bea and Rey asked to switch seats with me and I'd be sat at the end of the long table. It was fine, so I sat at the end with Jaymz and then Jared to my left, also William to my first right and then Sydney, followed by Sean afterward. Once the food arrives, we all eat together and chat with one another. Everyone's essentially in their own circles, but I can see others are the end of the other side of the table having a good chat. The ambiance of Manam was also good enough for us to talk to one another. I'm mostly cut off from the "main group" because we had 2 extra seats that were kind of separating us 4—William, Sydney, Jaymz, and I from the rest of the table. Food was also hard to pass, but we had 4 dishes (*palabok*, pork *kawali*, *Bicol* express, *bangus* belly) and 2 full bowls of rice. After eating, some ordered drinks like *buko* pandan + sago and then iced tea. I didn't really get anything but we somehow had 1 extra glass of buko pandan which I just drank. It's funny because I had put the straw upside-down which Jaymz and William made fun of me for it. I also opened Bea and Reynald's gift to me and it was a Cinnamoroll blind box! It was so cute and I immediately loved it. I took a few photos of the gift and of the other people on the table from my POV. Weirdly enough, I ordered Manam's famous *sisig* and another bowl of rice, but everyone else was already full by then. No one really ate the sisig and I was the only one who had a few more bites of that before having it for take-out. I eventually asked for the bill and it was around 6,000 Pesos, which was *surprisingly* """cheap""" for me. Considering the factors, especially that we're 12 people, it didn't seem expensive and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. After eating, everyone wondered where else to go and I essentially came up with the Timezone bowling idea on the spot, but Sydney suggested that we visit a museum nearby, either the Mind Museum or the Metropolitan Museum of Manila, both of which were along BGC High Street and we had all passed by. We tried booking for the Mind Museum and Sydney organized the logistics of that, which was a nice gesture. Sean also called in his girlfriend Denise to join us. We then left Manam and I was going with Sean and Tiffany to the newly-opened Starbucks along High Street. Others joined us on our trip, even though they weren't getting coffee. They eventually splintered from us, though, and Reilly, Tiffany, and I just went inside the Starbucks to order. We got our drink and Sean also had Denise come and tag along with us. We sat at a bench with a picnic table nearby, but then I saw that the Kuube installation from yesterday was empty, so I asked everyone to move there instead. I showed them how the Kuube bench worked and that it had Bluetooth speakers. I think JK and Tiffany were impressed and, after playing Taylor Swift's "Our Song" I gave the Bluetooth connection to Tiffany so she could play songs from her phone. She played some Reddit stories and eventually, some music, and then JK took over the Bluetooth connection and played a few songs. I also borrowed Tiffany's power bank during this time to charge my phone. We mostly waited by the Kuube bench while waiting for Sydney's museum booking to go through. But we had already booked too late and the Mind Museum wasn't accepting any more bookings for the day. We just settled for the Metropolitan Museum and headed there after we got our reservations. Jared and JK would be left out of the trip, so it was just us 11: Reynald, Bea, Sean, Denise, Sydney, William, Reilly, Tiffany, Jaymz, Lactaoen, and I. We really enjoyed our spontaneous ""field trip"" if we could call it that. We passed through a Korean knotting part called *Maedeup* and we wore some traditional Korean attire, which we wore and took pictures with. I also took photos of the others and sent it immediately to our group chat. After that, there was this Banksy installation which we went to next. I took more photos of the others, primarily Jaymz since he needed to post FB/IG Stories as we were going through the exhibit. I took a really good photo of him inside a British telephone booth which he really liked and thanked me for. We passed by the other parts of the exhibit and eventually saw this "freedom wall" at the near end. I wrote the hurt I was still feeling, a "FUCK YOU —" followed by that person's name, and posted it on my IG Story for my close friends. I had Meryll reply to that, then Max, then Rachel and it was nice to express some of the anger I was still keeping from this morning. It was honestly a nice photo, too. The other RC members wrote other things on the wall, and Reynald wrote our names at the top of the wall. After that, we had our last few installations upstairs. The majority of them were just paintings by Filipino artists and we didn't really fool around that much and just took simple pics. I took a funny photo of Sean and Jaymz and they tagged one of our friends who wasn't able to join us. We hung around the gift shop after that and took photos of Reilly and Tiffany having a conversation just by themselves. After that, we all gathered up to go downstairs and we visited the final art installation, which was ironically the first art installation that we visited. We were also able to take this big group picture of the 11 of us! It was a really nice stop in our day and, by the time we got out, it was already the evening. I also gave Tiffany her power bank back. We had to go to Market! Market for our final activity as a group: Timezone and bowling. I had spent around 2,500 Pesos loading my Timezone card, which totaled around 3,800 in Timezone credits due to promos. While we were walking on the way there, Reilly pulled me over to talk about a few things. I listened to him, gave him some advice, and then headed upstairs with Jaymz and left him to accompany Tiff while she was going to buy cases for her new phone. I met up with others at the bowling alley part and we played some bowling! Initially, it was us 4—Me, Jaymz, Reynald, and Bea—who would be bowling on one lane and William with Lactaoen bowling on the lane to the right. The others were sat on the chairs around the bowling alley behind us. We kept playing bowling and I really just enjoyed the whole thing. Once William's lane was done, I invited the other guys to play on that lane, so it then became the lane of Sean, JK, Jared, and William. Once our lane was done, I didn't want anyone else to hog it and no one else wanted to bowl so I just swiped for myself and was the lone player for that lane. Reilly arrived worrying about his overthinking and mostly just sad in the seat worrying. I also saw how competitive the other lane of 4 guys was getting. Tiffany then joins us with a new case on her phone. She asked for my Timezone card and I let her borrow it so she could play a few games. The others also borrowed my card to play basketball or other games by themselves, like Sydney, Reynald, and Lactaoen. I just walked around and kept a watch on how many credits I still had. By the end of the boys' bowling lane, no one wanted to play bowling anymore and they seemed to have a fun time mocking each other and joking about William's bowling skills, but it was mostly Sean accusing him of cheating because he played well. In the end, William scored 113, Sean 94, Jared 55, and JK with 48. We had nowhere else to go afterward but some of us decided to have dinner in Market! Market! instead, mostly because it was Syndey's idea and no one else contested it. Sean and Denise splintered away from us and enjoyed their evening afterward. While we were on our way out, the guys played basketball one more time and they played this "extreme" version where the height of the ring was high and far away. The girls took photos amongst themselves and I used my remaining load for that. I actually had to load 500 Pesos more because we lacked the funds to print out another set of copies, but I wasn't able to reload in time before the timer expired. I still had some leftover load on my card. The other guys had moved on to this punching bag game. I wanted to give it a try so I did my hardest punch, I even moved my body and put all of my weight into that punch, and I ended up beating the other guys with a score of 3,300 or something. Tiffany was seriously shocked at how hard I punched and William was also impressed, he saw that I put my entire body's weight into that. But since William was a more experienced boxer, he even had a punching bag at home, he eventually beat my record at 3,600 or something. It was still really nice to know that I could land a powerful punch if I wanted to. Then we used the elevator to go downstairs to KFC and made our order. We had trouble seating since there were still 9 of us remaining, but we eventually got seated. Reilly and I took everyone's order. Reilly added 1,000 to the order and I withdrew 2,000 in cash and the bill for tonight's dinner for all of us was around 1,700 Pesos. Overall, the amount of money I spent was equal or around to the amount of damage I had expected today would be. While waiting for our food, JK was running out of battery and only had a Lightning to USB C cable. Since no one else had a power bank ready, I had a wild idea to plug JK's iPhone 14 into my iPhone 16. Jared couldn't let JK's phone charge because he was already at 29% charge. I just had a feeling that it would charge, and apparently, I was right! JK honestly couldn't believe it and I honestly couldn't believe it, too. It worked, though, which was nice because he needed the extra charge to get home. After eating, we all stood up, walked downstairs, and parted ways with each other. Jaymz went first, then William and Sydney, then Rey and Bea, leaving me, Reilly, and Tiffany. Reilly then had his driver pick him up and it was just me and Tiffany. We talked a bit about some stuff, mostly about their area and how they would tag along with their sister for a Grab ride. I eventually had my own Grab ride booked and I was on the way home. The driver was mainly talkative during the whole trip home, but I learned a lot about him and his new Toyota Avanza. We mostly talked about his car but in the end, he eventually thought that I was a passenger given to him by Grab because he was going to go home. My home's route was in the same direction as his home so he was thankful for that and he was thankful when he dropped me off. I gave him a tip and he also thanked me for that. I got home safe and I was pretty tired from everything. It was a *really* special day. Throughout it all, my friends wanted to actually repay me for all the money I spent. William, Reilly, and Tiffany even wanted to ask how much their expense was so they could send some money back, but I didn't want to collect some money back. It's a really nice feeling considering how much I've been taken advantage of these past few years. To experience people who just take and take, but give almost nothing back. It only assured me that I was spending time with the right people and that was all that mattered to me.

Song of the day: IYKYK (If You Know You Know) by ILLIT

Working in Makati Again!

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My sister and I got home from our dinner with Dad very late, I think got home at around midnight or something like that. We tried feeding Milktea some of the steak, but he didn't like it that much. For some reason, I wasn't able to sleep even though I was already so exhausted and it's way past midnight now. I just continued using my phone until 2 a.m. and I had fallen asleep by then. I had set my alarm to 6:20 a.m. because we were supposed to visit on-site in Makati. I was going to work at a building in Makati CBD. When my alarm went off, I thankfully woke up on time even though I felt like shit and I wanted more sleep. I just told myself that I'll be getting Starbucks in the morning to make up for my sleepiness. I got ready and, while I faced a bit of difficulty trying to get a motorcycle ride at 7 a.m., I just settled for a car ride and booked one via Grab, thankfully. It was nice and I talked to LK while my trip was going on. It's cute that she sent me a reminder about thinking that a person already loving themselves and then never actually taking care of themselves when they need it the most. It made me reflect on my current state and how I essentially had let myself go, even way before 2022. It was something to also think about because I had already let myself go further, and eventually I shared my latest blog post with LK for her to read after her duty. Eventually, I arrived at The Enterprise Center. I stopped here because I read that there was a Starbucks here and it was just around the building where I was going to work today. It turns out that the Starbucks isn't nearby so I just walked around the building, took a few pics of cats, and eventually went back to the Starbucks I used to visit back when I worked at the PNB Makati Center. It sure brought back memories. I order a white chocolate mocha and eventually walk my way to the building. **IT. WAS. A. LONG. WALK.** I eventually got to the building on time, surprisingly, although I was tired from having to walk this much. For the rest of the day, nothing much happened. I was very attentive during my time in the office, though. After our meeting for the day wrapped up, we eventually went home and I was able to book a ride quickly. I thought that I would still see my sister at home but I didn't really catch her by the time I arrived. I still had some time in my shift but I mainly coasted through work just fine. In the evening, Naomi and I watched a movie together. Since it was my turn to pick a film, we watched Click (2006) and it's probably my favorite Adam Sandler movie. We enjoyed it, despite suffering a few technical hiccups. I heard Naomi laugh a few times during the movie and I also quipped a few comments throughout. It was nice to hear that she thought it was a good movie, too, and that she cried in some parts. After talking about a few more things, we eventually had to leave the call to go to sleep, especially me since I had another big day tomorrow.

Dinner with Dad

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Nothing much happened today for the morning and afternoon. Worked passed by all the same again today. For the evening, though, it was our time to have dinner with Dad at Wolfgang's Steakhouse in BGC High Street. My sister and I booked a Grab ride there and I slept while we were on the way. I even had a dream of talking to her while on the Grab ride, which shocked me awake once I realized it. But we got there and we tried to find some seats nearby. Since the Starbucks there was just newly opened, we went inside and ordered only juice drinks since coffee in the evening isn't conducive to sleep. We waited inside for a while, then went out when Dad said that they were close by. We saw this new bench and my sister pointed out that it had Bluetooth. Apparently, it had a Bluetooth speaker and you could play music on it, so I connected to it and it was apparently called a Kuube. I searched for it and it was apparently a bench from Hungary, which seemed fancy and it's something the Europeans would definitely come up with. Eventually, we see Dad and meet him and he also brings along his firstborn son, Zachary, with his wife after Mom. We then just walked into Wolfgang's Steakhouse and we had no choice other than al fresco dining since the tables inside were already booked. We made a few orders, primarily a "porterhouse steak for four" and it wasn't that expensive! It was """only""" around 6,200 Pesos. It shocked me because the meat I ordered at Melos 2 years ago cost me 15,000 Pesos, and it wasn't even that big. (Although, to be fair, I had stormed out of the restaurant before even seeing it.) I also added in some oysters since it's been a while since I ate oysters. To pass the time, we mostly talked about life stuff, I mainly showed off my work history and found out that I had a longer "short tenure" at work compared to my dad's. The shortest he's ever worked at was for 1 morning and 1 lunch period, while my shortest was for 1 year and 1 month at KVH. I was initially impressed because I had already reached far and seemed to have a good record despite dropping out, which Dad also pointed out. And eventually, our porterhouse steak arrived and it was **HUGE**. It was so many. I don't even think we could finish it because the meat would probably taste bland after the first few bites. We had so much of the same beef cut, we got full of it so quickly. I guess not having any side dishes also made it worse, but thankfully we were able to have our leftovers for take-out. Dad gave the waiter a 1,000 Peso tip and I saw the waiter take the bill and slam it against the restaurant's window to show off to his other coworkers. For me, he deserved it because he was eccentric but also attentive, and also funny. The other people around me didn't notice it but I did, and it made me laugh. I also tried to feed this stray cat some of the beef and it seemed that they liked it. Zachary had also been into cats the entire evening. We went to Market! Market! so that Dad and Zachary could commute back to Laguna. It really baffled us how they didn't take a car with them here, but that's okay. Dad and I talked about future job opportunities in Australia and I told him I would be seriously considering it. He gave me a few pointers and I really thought about the opportunity. In the past, one point holding me anchored here was that I was still with someone. I was actually stupid enough to let a situationship hold me back from pursuing a career abroad, and it's something that bothered me a lot last year. Now that I'm untethered and I'm free to make my own future, I'm seriously considering pursuing a career abroad and seeing the lengths I take myself. Zachary and Ailysh talk about their own thing which was about heartbreak or Zachary's love life. After that, we bid goodbye to them and they went back to their house in Laguna. My sister and I tried to book a ride at SM Aura, but we couldn't so we went to that Kuube bench again only to find out that it had turned itself off for the night. So we went back again inside the Starbucks and ordered some chocolate drinks because it was really late. Somehow, our same seat from earlier was still free and we sat there until the baristas had to ask us to leave since the store closes at 12 a.m. We just waited to book a ride and we eventually got a Joyride car home. We chatted with the driver and they said that they were on their way home, too, as well and our house was luckily on the same route to their house. We just chilled and talked the whole ride home and my sister gave them an additional 100 Pesos or so as a tip, which was nice. After that, we got home really late but we really enjoyed the day.

Song of the day: Don't Matter by Akon

Journal entry for Wednesday, December 11th, 2024

Wed, 11 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing much happened today for the morning and afternoon. Worked passed by all the same. In the evening, I treated myself to that Kenny Roger's 4-cheese chicken I keep seeing ads about. I first dropped off Uptown Mall, but it was actually the wrong place because the Kenny Rogers restaurant was at Park Triangle so I had to walk there. I also decided to treat myself to some ribs since I keep giving it to someone but I never actually had it for myself. I didn't spend as much money, which was a surprise, and I was thankfully able to book a ride without issue and got home safely. I also saw a lot of stray cats and people being nice to cats, so that was nice.

Song of the day: all-american bitch by Olivia Rodrigo

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Forgive and I forget
I know my age and I act like it
Got what you can't resist
I'm a perfect all-American bitch
With perfect all-American lips
And perfect all-American hips
I know my place
I know my place and this is it

In the Middle of the Night

Tue, 10 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

My day was already peaceful and I had slept on time last night. Suddenly, around 12-1 a.m. or so, I woke up and used the bathroom. Some thought entered my mind and it was a sentence that someone said to me in a letter they sent years ago: > Here's to hoping we stick with each other whatever happens. Yikes. That absolutely ruined me. I remembered that line and just began crying and crying. I tried to find the full letter and I just had a big cry after reading it once again. It was so painful. It was another "big cry" but I didn't expect it coming and it just hurt. I tried to calm myself down, and told myself to just focus on my own future and that better things were coming. After a good cry and talking to myself about everything again, I stopped crying and was able to go to sleep, albeit at a later time. The whole day was still kind of shitty since I didn't feel okay. I was able to go through work, though, and the evening was nothing noteworthy.

Song of the day: Ever After - EK Beach Mix by Bonnie Bailey, Eric Kupper

Journal entry for Monday, December 9th, 2024

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Superman (It's Not Easy) by Five For Fighting

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Diggin' for kryptonite on this one-way street

A Tell-All!

Sun, 08 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I told one of my coworkers that I still wasn't feeling okay, and I eventually revealed to a coworker in our group chat my secret with "someone." Eventually, I told my coworkers about someone and I opened up to them. It was so painful and I had to fully explain them **EVERYTHING** that went on for those 2 years and 9 months. I released my tell-all of that whole situation. Some people had questions for me, like why did I do all of that for more than 2 years, or why did I allow myself to be treated that way, but I always gave out the same response: > "Kasi mahal ko siya." Because I love them. That was meant to be a joking response because I see it in Reddit all the time, like why people stay in abusive/toxic relationships and the OP always excuses behavior with that line. But for me, it also applied. I wouldn't do all that, go through that amount of hurt, sacrifice my health, and even put my work on the line if it wasn't for someone that I loved. After all that was said and done, I mostly calmed down and they eventually gave me some advice. They told me that I should just block them so that they couldn't message me anymore, even though they were the ones who left (and I doubt they would message me anyway). Two, I should move on and try to deal with my inner problems, like consult a therapist and get to know why I got attached in such a toxic relationship. And those are pretty much all I noted down. My coworkers also gave me platitudes that I've heard before, like knowing my own self-worth and all that, but I already understood those so it didn't have much weight on me. I sat back down and everyone else started talking in their own circles once again, and eventually, we all had to pack things up because it was already 5 a.m. in the morning. The feeling of getting it off my chest made me feel better and I can't believe I told everyone all that, without even being drunk. I went back to our room, lay on the bed, told a few coworkers some other things that I missed, and eventually slept afterward. In the morning, I mostly sneezed a lot which fully woke up a coworker. They eventually prepared some breakfast outside and I just browsed on my phone for a bit. Then the others prepared breakfast and I used the spare time to just swim in the pool and talk to myself for a bit about what I'm going to do. I contemplated blocking someone, but I honestly don't want names on my block list so I just decided against it. Eventually, it was time to eat breakfast so I dried up, changed my outfit, and then ate with others. Our breakfast was nice, we ate some of the Bicol Express leftover from last night and it was really good. It's too bad that it was mostly gone by the time I wanted more servings, so I just had sinigang. After that, time passed by quickly, we swam again in the pool, talked for a bit, and eventually left the resort. I rode back with another set of people than the ones I came to the resort with, and we headed back to Metro Manila. On the ride there, I mostly talked about someone and how badly they treated me, including how they [asked money from me before leaving my life](https://dartegnian.com/calendar/2024/10/31) and that just made me angry while also shocking the others in the car with me. They didn't know the amount that someone took advantage of me was that egregious, and it sorta hurt recollecting those experiences again. I even managed to accidentally cut my thumb because I tried to snap my fingers together while making a point. But yeah, our trip back to Manila was fairly quick and I eventually got off at around PUP Taguig. I commuted on foot and via tricycle for a while, ordered those chili con cheese franks from Minute Burger, and got home. I was super tired when I got home, but it was still before 5 p.m. so I had some time to rest and passed the time doing random things. I talked to Naomi that our call later was still on and I asked her to move it to 9 so I could sleep earlier. In the time between, I mostly just did random stuff and napped a bit. When I woke up, it was nearly 9:40 p.m. and I felt shocked to have missed out 9 p.m. call. I messaged Naomi again but thankfully we were able to go on our Discord server pretty quickly. Since Naomi was the one picking the movie tonight, she chose Aftersun (2022) and they were the ones streaming. They had some technical difficulties, and I mostly admired them because they streamed on their phone. I found it cute but also kind of funny that they could only stream on their phone, which meant that some messages would pop in every now and then. It was definitely a unique streaming experience, to say the least. The movie was really interesting. It was odd at first but I eventually grew to be immersed in it since it took place at this resort. It was definitely a slow burn, which I don't mind, and it doesn't tell everything in the story. Most of the film's meaning is in the subtext which mostly flew over my head and I only understood after reading the plot explanations. But Naomi and I were still in the call after the movie finished and it seemed that she understood the movie more than I did, which was also funny. After that, we mostly talked about other things like her past relationships and she's handled moving on + still seeing the person really well. I think she handled it better than how I'm handling things right now. Then she showed me the journal entries she's written which was pretty cute since she used an app and her mood calendar looks up to date. She even showed me a journal entry with me in it, which was super cute. We also talked about her things planned for the next few weeks. I also offered to give her take-out next time we watch and she outright declined it, which absolutely shocked me. She said that she's fine with me just ordering take-out but she doesn't need it. Coming from *someone* who was eager to take advantage of these things ([even asking for ribs](https://dartegnian.com/calendar/2024/10/12) because they wanted to feel better), it was a complete surprise to meet someone selfless. It absolutely came as a shock to me, but I admire that about them. They said that they were also a giver, too, so they knew the feeling. We talked for a bit more, mostly about music and I was able to request a song from them since they also were trying to learn the ukelele. And we talked about our future plan to hang out and go to a rage room. It quickly rolled over to midnight the following day but we ended things around there and I slept afterward.

Song of the day: Apple by Charli xcx

1st Day at Pansol!

Sat, 07 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

Today would be my first day at Pansol, Laguna with my coworkers. I got took my long-awaited morning bath and I had a thought in my mind the whole morning. It's been more than a month since someone and I haven't talked, so it just felt right to make that post. I would guess it took me a few hours to write it because time passed by so fast and it was already noon. Thankfully, I was able to write it, proofread it, and [publish it to my blog](https://blog.dartegnian.com/everything-but-the-kitchen-sink/)! So that was nice. I also prepared for the trip and packed my clothes for the outing. After a while, the marinade was done and I had booked a ride to SM MoA to meet the others. The trip was fairly quick and I got there at a good enough time. My other coworkers were still buying food and it was hard trying to find them in the supermarket, but I eventually found 2 of them just eating near the food court. I withdrew some cash and just waited for the others to group up. After everyone had bought groceries for the trip, we all gathered up and there were a few of us, surprisingly. We were just 7, I believe, and I thought we were going to be more. Someone joked that I was already using the bag we got from our "Christmas gift basket" yesterday, but it was honestly a good-enough bag already. I told them that and they do believe it's a quality bag anyway. So after a while, we stand and talk amongst ourselves for a bit while the head of our group got the van from the parking lot to the entrance where we loaded some of our groceries. While some of the stuff was being loaded onto the van, the container of the pork was tipped a little and eventually tipped halfway, making a moderate amount spill onto the floor. It was pretty shocking, but I honestly don't blame the supermarket worker who carried our stuff. We got into the van and went on our way to Pansol, Laguna. I didn't have anything to do while on the way there, but my mind just passed the time. I tried to re-read my post earlier and updated a bit of it while on the road. I tried my best to browse Reddit but the signal was so bad. I passed in and out of sleep. While on the way, we stopped by at a gas station and met our other coworkers who were going to join us. One of them gave us a mint tea from Starbucks, which everyone disliked. But I decided to take instead. It tasted like some herbal medicine but whatever, I had nothing to do. I also checked my sister's location on Google Maps as they were also going to Pansol today and saw that they were just leaving. I mostly talked to my sister while our trip was going on. After that, I probably passed out. I eventually woke up and saw that we were at Pansol already, but the traffic was just horrible. Still, we eventually reached the resort and got out of the van. The whole place looked pretty okay, and it was overwhelmingly blue. The walls were blue, the box containing the karaoke was blue, and even the pool area was mostly blue. We eventually dropped off our food and some prepared for dinner, while others played pool, and I used the karaoke machine to sing a few songs along with another coworker. I sang [Buksan Mo by Willie Revillame](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zpi3SXt4rc) and they asked me if it was Willie who sang that song, which was funny to me because they recognized the singer. After that, I mostly watched others play billiards and a husband of our coworker cook the *liempo* I brought. After a while, pizza was delivered to us and my supervisor invited me to try his tequila shot + lemon + cinnamon + sugar combination that he saw on TikTok, and he eventually made our other coworkers try it as well. They complemented me on how tender the meat of the pork was and that I did a good job at marinating it, which made me smile and I felt a bit happy from that. After that, we mostly passed time preparing stuff for dinner. I took a photo of the pool because it looked """liminal""" and posted it on Instagram. A while later, Kai asked me where it was and I wasn't able to send my reply due to the horrible signal. After all that was said and done, we ate and the liempo was pretty good. It tasted nice and a few of my coworkers liked it. Radney said that the liempo was really nice and it was a nice compliment to get. A few coworkers remarked about how I only ate meat and maybe it had something to do with my gout, which I kind of agreed and said that I shouldn't even be eating fatty food in the first place. After that, I mostly listened in on another coworker's conversation, and I even pointed out that I had interviewed all of the people I was talking to. But after that part, the conversation moved on to other things and I mostly listened afterward. Once dinner was done and we all dispersed, wore my swimming outfit and swam for a while. After that, I mostly sat with people who were drinking and had to more tequila again with the *cinnamoned* lemon included. I told everyone that I had a pocket Wi-Fi connection and eventually gave everyone the password. A boyfriend of one of our coworkers thanked me for giving them access and that they could finally play their slots game on their phone. I mostly just listened in as some people talked and I also went downstairs to sing karaoke with some coworkers. We took turns in using the karaoke machine. I sang a few songs, most notably [Kabet by Gagong Rapper](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpCnndeRp_8). I didn't know I could sing the whole song, which surprised me because it was a 5-minute song with rap parts, but I pulled it off. After singing, I went back to my coworkers and sat with them for a while.

Song of the day: Apple by Charli xcx

A Boho-Christmas Party

Fri, 06 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

Today was my company's Christmas party! It was "boho"-themed, which I still don't get, but I think it's some sort of beach-adjacent style of clothing. My day went on as usual and I timed out of work normally, and then I had to prepare to go out to Makati. The pants I bought yesterday were somehow too tight for me to stretch my legs in. I couldn't properly board the motorcycle ride there without some difficulty because of how tight those white pants were. After heavy traffic, I eventually arrived and there were some people already there. The festivities began and some games were hosted. I was picked as one of the contestants for this game and I was put into a team. My team made an offensive joke about me so that kind of threw me off, but whatever. We won the game, though, so that was all good. We had the usual stuff like the newbies' performance (which was just a lame video, boo! Cheating!), dinner (which I couldn't finish despite not having rice and eating barely anything the whole day), and the raffle. We also had a "best dressed" nomination thing for the event. I was surprised because **I AM, ONCE AGAIN, FOR THE THIRD YEAR IN A ROW, NOMINATED AS ONE OF THE GUYS' BEST DRESSED**. What the hell?????? I didn't even want to put effort in my outfit! This was literally a lazily put-together outfit I had randomly chosen at a store I didn't even know. This was honestly my bare minimum, and it was enough for me to get nominated. If anything, I'm impressed because I'm just vain. I did a walk down a "runway" like last year, but for this year I randomly got a rose from our table's decoration and gave it to whomever at the first table was. It was pretty embarrassing and cringey to give a random person a rose—especially since it was someone in HR, but whatever. I gave myself plus points for actually pulling this whole stupid stunt off. While I, sadly, didn't get the crown nor the runner-up crown, I'm still glad that I got nominated, even though this was me barely trying. After that we had the big raffle prizes given away and I won a Samsung microwave. Since we already had a microwave, ironically being the same brand as the one I won, I exchanged it to Beni for Sony headphones. It wasn't as good as [the noise-cancelling headphones I had before](https://blog.dartegnian.com/noise-cancelling-and-why-it-works-for-me/) (and I had **lent** to someone, then just gave it away to them), but it was a step in the right direction. For me, I took it as a sign of getting things back to what they once were, including my life before them. I'm continuing to move in this new direction where I can freely have fun with people in the company and my life without anxiety or worry about anything anymore, and that was pretty great. I enjoyed the night, to be honest. I talked a bit more with my coworkers, told Nicole about what had happened between me and someone, and I told Justine and Mondi about it. I also took pics with my friends and made most of the night. At the end, I was thankfully able to book a ride and got home with no problems.

Song of the day: Payphone - Edit by Maroon 5, Wiz Khalifa

Journal entry for Thursday, December 5th, 2024

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO STRESSFUL?

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

I still didn't have an Internet connection today and it's been almost 3 days straight, so that really frustrated me. It's so weird that our Internet connection got cut so quickly and it's taking a while for them to restore it, despite having the weather be perfectly clear these past few days. In the morning, I just decided to go to Starbucks on 32nd Street so I could work there. On the way, I stopped by a truck that spilled some beer on the street and, when I came back, they had cleaned it up but still had some glass shrapnel on the street. I was able to go to my usual Starbucks place and order some food and coffee. For the rest of the day, I was mostly busy but also stressed because, every time I had to leave my desk, I was worried that someone might steal my MacBook for whatever reason. I was extremely paranoid about having it stolen. Thankfully, it wasn't and it was me mostly seated at the comfy part of the building the whole afternoon. After that, I went to Market! Market! to buy my outfit for this Friday's "boho party" and I thought that I found some good fits. Still, it was kind of expensive at around 1,800 for everything. Additionally, I bought a PLDT 5G prepaid router because I read good reviews on Reddit about it. The official store didn't have it so I had to buy it from this lady that marked up the price to 2,500 Pesos from 1,500 Pesos. I wasn't getting scammed, but I was *finessed* and I had my desperation taken advantage of, which really rubbed me the wrong way. Booking for a ride home also added to my stress. I got home super stressed and extremely irritated because this day just seemed to go on forever. Even though our Internet connection was restored, I had gone through hell just to get it back again. Days like this remind me that "forever days" can come in the form of "good forever days" and "bad forever days" where the pain of today's challenges seemed to last forever.

Song of the day: Thick Of It (feat. Trippie Redd) by KSI

Journal entry for Tuesday, December 3rd, 2024

Tue, 03 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I called off work today because I still had no Internet connection and, in the middle of the day, someone from work called me to time in and try to fix a few things for work. I timed in and tried to do my best on such limited Internet connection. That's the most that I did for work and nothing else happened for the evening. After work, I still had nothing to do and I still didn't have proper Internet connection.

Song of the day: The Spageti Song (feat. Joey De Leon) by Sexbomb Girls

A Productive Monday, Too

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a productive day as well, for both work and personal time. I mainly breezed through my tasks during work. Although, our Internet connection got cut off in the middle of me working. I was still able to work and use that Samsung Galaxy SCR01 I bought a few months ago as a Wi-Fi hotspot. It was pretty okay and it got me through work. In the evening, I tried to clean the water dispenser because the taste of algae was too disgusting for me to take. I tried to rush that while doing something else. After a while, I spent some time trying to find a working archive of a Japanese easter egg I remember watching before. **Thankfully, I was able to find it!** I was pretty impressed that my skills in web development, shell scripting, and Internet sleuthing have helped me find this easter egg. I'm glad that I can preserve it and use it as an easter egg on my site. I also continued to clean the water dispenser with hydrogen peroxide and I tried my best to do it all before bedtime. The only thing is, I was able to sleep but then I had to wake up for a bit and I wasn't able to sleep again for the night, which kind of broke the sleep schedule I'm trying to commit to.

Song of the day: Some Things Never Change by Kristen Bell, Josh Gad

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Yes, the wind blows a little bit colder
And we're all getting older
And the clouds are moving on with every autumn breeze
Peter Pumpkin just became fertilizer

And my leaf's a little sadder and wiser

That's why I rely on certain certainties

Yes, some things never change
Like the feel of your hand in mine
Some things stay the same

Like how we get along just fine

Like an old stone wall that'll never fall
Some things are always true
Some things never change
Like how I'm holding on tight to you

A Productive Sunday

Sun, 01 Dec 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was **finally** the productive Sunday I had been hoping for. I finally caught up with 53 of my backlogged mood calendar entries and I was able to complete them all today. Honestly, all of them were hard entries to complete because I had to look over the days when I was happy with someone, losing someone, and living life without someone. November was such a bullshit month, with most of it being mid as hell. But since my entries had been delayed since October, I had to return to my "happy days" with someone. It sucks, but I'm ready to put a bow on it all and continue looking forward. I also did the usual things today, like go for a candle run in Sky and drag someone's account through it. I also retrofitted my updated Angular 18 code into my portfolio, and I did it all by 9 p.m., making it easy to get into my new bedtime. I did my nightly routine and went to bed after all that.

Song of the day: Mad by Ne-Yo

Lyrics that resonated with me:
So both of us are mad for nothing (Fighting for)
Nothing (Crying for)
Nothing (Woah, oh-oh)
But we won't let it go for nothing (Come back for)
Nothing, it should be nothing
To a love like what we got

Oh, baby I know sometimes it's gonna rain
But baby, can we make up now?
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain (Can't sleep through the pain)
Girl, I don't wanna go to bed (Mad at you)
And I don't want you to go to bed (Mad at me)
No, I don't wanna go to bed (Mad at you)
And I don't want you to go to bed (Mad at me)
Oh, no, no, no

Journal entry for Saturday, November 30th, 2024

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today seemed like a boring Saturday so I went out to BGC to complete my mood calendar entries. I hung out at my usual place, at Starbucks 32nd Street, and I just relaxed there and continued writing my entries. I also did OT work, which was a first in a while. I completed writing the bulk of my entries and I closed my laptop to go out and eat. I thought about that language to learn and I was leaning on learning French for next year, for my future travels in Europe. When I went outside, it was drizzling a bit and I had to make a decision on whether or not I would eat outside or go home and order takeout again. Since my sister wasn't home yet, I just decided to eat outside. I settled on Ramen Nagi and I chose the Black King Ramen as my dish. I eventually arrived at One Bonifacio High Street and ate my ramen while watching some downloaded videos from YouTube. It was a bit annoying how poor the signal reception was there. I tried to use my pocket Wi-Fi connection and even my iPhone, and both just couldn't get a proper signal. I honestly couldn't believe it because I'm in the middle of BGC, a very well-known place, and yet the signal here is as horrible as in a remote village. But whatever, I just watched the downloaded videos I had and paid for my meal. Afterward, I talked to Naomi and she says that she's interested in continuing a mood calendar of her own. She even read my blog posts because she was bored. It was nice to know and we kept talking once I got home and the night continued from there.

Song of the day: Defying Gravity by Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande

Lyrics that resonated with me:
It's me

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly"
And if I'm flying solo
At least, I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me

Tell them how I'm defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon, I'll match them in renown

Journal entry for Friday, November 29th, 2024

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Work today was pretty chill, there were some stressful bits but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Also, Tiffany sent her *pasalubong* from her trip to Cebu, which was pretty nice. Work eventually ended and my evening was pretty chill. I also ordered BOK Chicken for my sister and me because it was Friday. We had some conflict regarding rice but we were still able to eat the chicken while it was relatively hot. I also got to talk to Tiffany about a lot of things, which was pretty fun. I also showed her some pics of her that I found in some of my Google Photos albums. Also, Naomi invited me to watch a movie online with her since it was the weekend. For the RC, I decided to just invite the other people and I also pulled in Reilly. Tiffany was confirmed to go on specific dates so I wanted the others to come with and tag along. Hopefully, our trip in December pushes through because I miss hanging out with friends. I just chilled until 10 and that's when Naomi and I got into Discord and watched About Time (2013) together. It's nice to always share my favorite movie with other people. It's cute that she called my voice sweet and I found it funny that she was shy, but by the end of the movie she eventually opened up and we talked about a few things. The night continued from there.

Song of the day: crushcrushcrush by Paramore

A New Look

Thu, 28 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was pretty alright. Work was pretty chill and I was able to handle my tasks well. We also got our salary today so I was able to donate 1,500 Pesos to a person who fosters cats. In the afternoon, Reynald sent me the completed commission for my OC. Apparently, he had already completed it last month and was waiting on me, meanwhile, I was waiting for Reynald. It was a funny situation, but I was able to update the profile pictures on my alter account. It was really nice to see a new artwork for my OC, and Rey's drawing looked pretty professional.

Song of the day: Smart by LE SSERAFIM

Journal entry for Wednesday, November 27th, 2024

Wed, 27 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: IDGAF by Dua Lipa

Lyrics that resonated with me:
You say you're sorry, but it's too late now
So save it, get gone, shut up
'Cause if you think I care about you now
Well, boy, I don't give a fuck

Journal entry for Tuesday, November 26th, 2024

Tue, 26 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Bakit Papa? by Sexbomb Girls

Journal entry for Monday, November 25th, 2024

Mon, 25 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much went on today, but in the afternoon while playing Sky, I was able to get the Moomin plushie for someone's account. I'm glad that I was able to be dedicated enough to do the dailies every day without having someone by my side anymore. And now I finally collected the Moomin plushie for their account. It's a hollow win because I'm not with someone anymore to celebrate it with. Also, Naomi wanted to go to a rage room with me so I have that to look forward to for December, which is nice.

Song of the day: Uptown Girl by Billy Joel

Wicked with my sister

Sun, 24 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was bored and couldn't sleep so I went to some chat app and matched with someone new. I met someone named Naomi and we eventually started talking. I went to rest after talking to them. Today was a pretty boring Sunday until my sister came up to me and hung around my room. She was singing Popular all day and I wanted to take her to watch Wicked (2024) so she could see the movie as well. I originally planned it for next week, but since I had nothing else planned, I just immediately booked tickets for 4:20 in the afternoon. The tickets were pretty pricey at 1,400 for both of us, but it was worth it because my sister helps me out a lot. I just passed time in the afternoon and we eventually had to prepare to leave at around 3 p.m. She booked an Angkas first and I eventually got a ride as well after a while. We watched at my favorite movie theater, the Venice Cineplex Ultra Cinema, at Venice Grand Canal Mall. I was scared that we would be late but we actually arrived just in time. We watched the movie and I can tell that my sister was moved by it. The people who sat to the right of us, though, were talking the whole time during the movie. They were so loud and one even tried to sing while a quiet scene was playing, which was annoying. We kept shushing at them and they eventually had quieted out at the end. In the end, my sister was in tears and I already knew that she loved the movie as much as I did. After watching, ate at Marugame Udon nearby. My sister wanted to read the book and we were supposed to visit the Fully Booked nearby. After eating, we tried to look for the Fully Booked nearby. We stopped by a store that sells Apple accessories and stuff so I could get my tempered glass replaced. It took a while and my sister got tired while waiting outside the store. I'm glad I was able to replace my screen protector, though. The screen looks so much better now. We kept walking and eventually found out that the Fully Booked store had closed. Since we were both kind of tired, we just went home and my night has been pretty chill.

Messages from the Past

Sat, 23 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Since today was boring, I decided to do something. I restored all of my old messages from my Nokia phone from 2012 and I had to reset my iPhone just so I could transfer some messages. I also moved some messages from my Samsung Note 20 Ultra to my phone. It was a painful process and it took a big chunk of my time, but I had nothing better to do anyway so I just focused on it. In the evening, I got to play Valorant with Rachel and I got to show her that I went bald. We joined the server of Rachel's friends and I got to FaceTime her and show her that I was bald. She couldn't believe it at first and laughed a bit, but I owned up to it and told her the reason. After that, we played Valorant to pass the night and shared stories with each other. I told her what I was still feeling and that I still missed that person, and she tried her best to console me. I also asked her how she was doing and what she plans to do next year when she stays in Manila. We played a few rounds until it was our last one and we ended with a win, which was nice. Our gameplay ended there and I tried to sleep for the night, but couldn't.

Song of the day: Regent's Park by Bruno Major

Journal entry for Friday, November 22nd, 2024

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Things were like your typical day today, I did my tasks, and work passed by just fine. In the morning, I received the battery replacement for my OnePlus phone. I told my sister that I was going to go to Market! Market! to have it repaired and she wanted me to also have her Samsung phone repaired. In the afternoon and after timing out for work, I booked a ride to Market! Market! to have the phone repaired. Thankfully, I had both phones repaired easily and in a quick manner. It also didn't cost me much to have both repaired, only for 800 Pesos. I tried to find a replacement screen protector for my phone that didn't have a black border, but I couldn't find one. I just tried to get a lens cover for my iPhone and that was it. I went home afterward. My evening was pretty chill with nothing much going on.

Journal entry for Thursday, November 21st, 2024

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: All I Want by Passion Pit

You're Green!

Wed, 20 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today seemed like a pretty average day, but in the morning I got the first half of my 13th month pay and I was able to breathe easy from that. I paid off some credit card bills early and I was able to buy Royal Canin food for Milktea again. I also bought healthy food for myself, which was pretty pricey but I thought was worth it. I was also mostly bored in the afternoon and commented on a post on Reddit about posting wallets and I posted mine. After a while, it got hundreds of upvotes. After work ended, since I had nothing to do for the evening, I just went outside to watch Wicked (2024) at Venice Grand Plaza. Thankfully, I got a ticket and I was early enough to have some spare time. I shopped around Miniso buying Cinnamoroll items for myself and I bought something for my sister as well. When I got in, I had to inform the lady that I sat next to that I bought the seat next to her. It was a bit awkward to then see that my seat had no popcorn and drinks allotted, but thankfully I'm an extrovert and I simply went outside the theater and called an attendant to give me the popcorn and drink that came with my ticket. I then watched the movie and it was pretty good. I went in mostly blind and I didn't even know that it was about the Wizard of Oz, but I really, really liked the film. Especially the ending which sort of resonated with me a bit. After the movie ended, I went home and talked to my sister for a bit. I eventually slept afterward.

Song of the day: Defying Gravity by Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And if I'm flying solo
At least, I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me

Tell them how I'm defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon, I'll match them in renown

Journal entry for Tuesday, November 19th, 2024

Tue, 19 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today aside from me getting the replacement SIM for my old number, but nothing ever came out of it. It didn't really activate and I just wasted money on a replacement SIM.

Song of the day: Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) by Clean Bandit

Journal entry for Monday, November 18th, 2024

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today felt pretty productive for me. I got a lot of things done at work and in my personal life, and I felt better from that. I migrated from a Globe physical SIM to an eSIM and, after work, I went to SM Aura then Market! Market! to convert my Smart number to an eSIM as well. After that, I ate at Paotsin and ordered the shark's fin dumpling there, which was pretty nice. I went home early and my evening was pretty chill after that.

Song of the day: The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Journal entry for Sunday, November 17th, 2024

Sun, 17 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Pasensya Ka Na by Silent Sanctuary

Binondo Day!

Sat, 16 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today was the day I'd go to Binondo with Exavier. We're supposed to leave early today, around 11 a.m. or so, but I just couldn't sleep properly. I ended up falling asleep at 4 a.m. or so. I thankfully woke up at the right time, around 10 a.m. and I immediately got ready to go out. I messaged Exavier that I was getting ready and he eventually came over to my house to pass by me. We walked all while talking about various things and then rode a tricycle to the jeep station. I was so scared for my phone because I rode a jeep again and I don't think I've ridden one ever since my Samsung phone got stolen. I tucked my phone in my long sleeve and just watched as we commuted to Pasay. We eventually left the Jeep at around Gateway Mall and rode the LRT going to Manila. We took line 1 of the LRT from EDSA station to Carriedo, with our main destination being Binondo. I was still scared for my phone because I feared that it might get stolen, so I still tucked in my phone inside my long sleeves while talking to Exavier. I mainly asked him and his plans for the future. We eventually reach Carriedo station and walked around. After that, we went directly to Eng Bee Tin which was supposedly some super-famous store but I'd never heard of it. We passed by a few places that looked extremely Chinese and Binondo seemed so strange but pretty cool. We eventually got to Eng Bee Tin and went inside the store to buy a few snacks and stuff. The line for checkout was actually extremely long, it wrapped around half of the store. We talk about IP addresses, MAC addresses, and other networking things to pass the time. I also took a photo of a big mooncake the store had on display. After we paid for the things, we headed for Lucky Chinatown Mall. Exavier bought something in the grocery section there and I took a photo of a baguette and sent it to Max and Meryll. We then got a reservation at San Guo Lamien and the wait was going to be for a while. We just went to Timezone on an upper floor and Exavier used his Timezone credits to play this Avengers coin game. He actually got a lot of tickets in the process, which seemed impressive tbh. We even had a small crowd of guys gather around us to watch for some reason. But after Exavier stopped playing, we claimed the tickets and went downstairs to the restaurant. We got inside since it was our turn, but we had to wait for a bit longer until a table opened up. It seems weird that such a successful restaurant would settle for such a small and cramped space inside a mall, but whatever. We finally got our seats and ordered a few things. I got some beef noodles and Exavier got his own dish. Since I was really curious, I tried out the sausage that they were selling. I had never heard of a Chinese sausage dish before so I tried it out of curiosity, I also got dumplings as another side. We waited for a while for our food to arrive, and I noticed that I had bad signal reception all day. Even Exavier's phone had horrible signal. It's honestly so weird that a famous, densely-populated place in Manila itself would lack good signal strength. It just boggled my mind. I also noticed that the table had business cards underneath the glass, cards of different people in different industries. It seemed tacky, maybe they were trying to bank in on any Chinese person wanting to make a deal with them or something. But anyway, we got our food and it honestly made me feel full a few bites in. I barely ate all day and yet I don't have it in me to finish my dish, while Exavier finished his. I had to ask for mine to be taken out and we then left after that was done. Since we were still full and I needed a place to sit so I could transfer money, we went to the UCC Cafe nearby and we got coffee there. Exavier then told me a few things about how much I should focus on my health, be independent and cook my own meals, and other things I should watch out for. Afterwards, we commuted back to the LRT. Binondo is so weird because it's such a big and famous place in the heart of Manila city but it has some of the worst signal reception. While walking to the LRT, I passed by a girl who I thought looked like Belle. I took note of her appearance and continued walking. We got to the LRT and the ride was really cramped. I was so scared to have my phone taken from me so I tried hard to grip it. We eventually got off the train at EDSA station. Since we just wanted to get home quickly, I booked a Grab ride for us both to go to my house. I also paid the money I owed to Exavier and sent pics of our trip today. After that, I walked back to my house and Exavier walked to his house nearby. In the evening, I was browsing Instagram and eventually saw Belle's IG Story. ### SHE WAS ALSO IN BINONDO TODAY. When I talked to her and told her that the girl I passed by was wearing a brown sleeveless shirt, she confirmed that she had worn that outfit earlier. I honestly couldn't believe it. **I passed by Belle on a random day, at a random time, at a random place in Manila**. It seriously made my brain explode. What are the odds? Belle and I had never met before, but apparently our first-time "meeting" was passing each other by as strangers at a street in Binondo. I don't even go to Binondo that much, if at all. This seriously shocked me and I kept talking to Belle about it. I also told Exavier as well. But after that, my night eventually wrapped up and I went to sleep.

Owed Controller

Fri, 15 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was a really boring day, as usual. My day passed and work just passed by. I had an idea in the afternoon to buy that Dualsense controller I promised someone and I'll also give them back the PS4 disks. I went out and I went to Starbucks, and I tried to find the number of someone's mom. I was able to call her and eventually arrange for her to receive the package. Eventually, I bought that brand-new Dualsense controller for someone and even got them a tote bag plus a small Howl-related notepad. I thought about adding a note in there but I just had the controller gift-wrapped. I had a Grab rider pick it up, and then I was able to contact their mom to get it. After she received it, I thought about asking her if she wanted me to get them dinner or something, as a thanks for all the trouble. She laughed at it but eventually declined. I thanked them and went on my way. I did a lot of thinking and walking while in BGC. Someone really didn't contact me, even though I know that their mom gave them the controller. I was kind of half-expecting that they would reach out, but they didn't. Oh well. I just walked to Army Navy to eat a naked sisig burrito and went home after that.

Song of the day: Angels Like You by Miley Cyrus

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I know that you're wrong for me
Gonna wish we never met on the day I leave
I brought you down to your knees
'Cause they say that misery loves company
It's not your fault I ruin everything

Journal entry for Thursday, November 14th, 2024

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today aside from me discovering a new song on IG Reels that really resonated with my situation.

Song of the day: Back for Good - Radio Mix by Take That

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
(Want you back, want you back, want you back for good)
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood
(Want you back, want you back, want you back for good)
I want you back for good

Work Together Alone Again!

Wed, 13 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

My company has their "Work ToGather" event again and it's being held at the same place as before in Mega Tower. I got ready to leave after working for a bit and then went there. I was technically late. But by the time I got there anyway, most of my coworkers had just arrived as well. The event was okay, I just focused on work and spent the majority of my time sorting out things on Viber. I talked to a few coworkers here and there, but it was nothing noteworthy. I just focused on work throughout the afternoon and we eventually had to go home at around 6 p.m. or so. I had difficulty in finding a ride home so I just chilled at the same spot as last time. What struck me as odd, though, was that I was using an iPhone now instead of some crappy Samsung phone. A few coworkers passed by me and we exchanged glances, but that was mostly it. I eventually got home and ended the night there.

Song of the day: We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
We (We) are never, ever, ever getting back together
We are never, ever, ever getting back together

Journal entry for Tuesday, November 12th, 2024

Tue, 12 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Sour Grapes by LE SSERAFIM

Journal entry for Monday, November 11th, 2024

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was a pretty average day, nothing much happened but for a time, I was playing SSX Tricky while someone was talking to me via call. It made me feel horrible afterward because I missed that point in my life. In the evening, I finally watched Oppenheimer (2023) and it was okay. I was surprised by a lot of the familiar faces in the movie. Aside from that, nothing else interesting went on.

Song of the day: Regent's Park by Bruno Major

Going Bald

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I made a conscious decision today to go bald and have all of my hair shaved off. I just had to let go of it. It symbolized a lot of my anxieties, fears, and self-doubts. I also wanted to let go of it since I'm going to a point in my life where I need to get things together. I felt different after shaving it all off and I also found out that I had psoriasis on my scalp. Maybe going fully bald was the best option after all. In the evening, I told Max and Meryll about it. I also deleted a profile that I had and vowed to not meet any more people for now until I get my act together. I'm not going to get into relationships with anyone either.

Song of the day: Thinking Of You by Katy Perry

Journal entry for Saturday, November 9th, 2024

Sat, 09 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My Saturday began with me and my sister still being in the bar gig from yesterday and listening to Tanya Markova's songs since they were the last performer. The lead singer even went to my sister and handed her the mic, which seemed pretty surreal. It's too bad I didn't take a proper photo of it. We enjoyed their songs and they eventually ended on Disney. After that, we booked a Grab ride home and I was able to charge and upload pics during the trip home. The rest of my Saturday passed by pretty quickly. I woke up late, at around 12 p.m. or so, and thought that I had wasted half of Saturday already. In the evening, I had fun playing Valorant with Rachel. We talked about our current life circumstances and I told them that I still wasn't feeling okay. It was fun to be able to talk and play with a friend again.

Song of the day: Cupid - Twin Ver. by FIFTY FIFTY

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Now I'm so lonely (Lonely)
Oh, I wish I'd find a lover that could hold me (Hold me)
Now I'm crying in my room

Meeting Tanya Markova!!!!

Fri, 08 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My Friday seemed pretty average at first. Nothing much went on for the morning and afternoon. After work, I played Phasmophobia with Rachel and we just talked and I was able to rant to her about some things. It was nice and my sister and I ordered Greenwich for dinner. I got lasagna and was enjoying it. All of a sudden, my sister saw that one of our favorite bands, Tanya Markova, was playing tonight at Social House Bar and Restaurant around Circuit Makati. At first, she was apprehensive to go, but since I had no plans with anyone else tonight, I decided to just force my sister into going through meeting them. We both got ready and our Angkas rides actually arrived at the same time. We both kept seeing each other and passing by one another on the way there. It was pretty cool. My sister got there first and she actually arrived near the bar itself, while I was dropped off at the front of the mall. I eventually met up with her and we got 2 tickets inside. We watched a lot of artists and bands perform that night. It was pretty good, in my opinion. I have never been to a music gig event inside a bar before, despite the many times where I actually attended music gigs. It was a new experience for me to be able to sit down, eat, and watch artists perform live. It was pretty good. One artist even stood up on a bar table and it was pretty entertaining. I also brought my own power bank and my sister was surprised to know that my iPhone has a USB C port. At the end of the night, Tanya Markova played and my night continued from there.

Song of the day: Disney Reprise by Tanya Markova

Journal entry for Thursday, November 7th, 2024

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was filled with anticipation and a kind of "wait" for things. It was as if I had *something* to do today or something had to happen, but apparently nothing like that happened.

Song of the day: Pasensya Ka Na by Silent Sanctuary

It Takes

Wed, 06 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

For today, I mostly just watched the US election go on as the day progressed. I was really surprised at the outcome. Since I was bored, I went out to watch a movie. I watched We Live in Time (2024) at Venice Grand Canal and it was pretty good. Some parts of it were pretty emotional, although I somehow got confused by the flow of the story. But it was good and it eventually ended. Since I still had time, I asked Loy if he was still down to meet. Since I was just nearby, I offered to visit him at his house like we used to. I booked a ride there and eventually arrived. We mostly talked about a few stuff, he showed me his Steam Deck again and I played Thrillville: Off the Rails on it for a while. We also ate some luncheon meat he cooked up. He mostly talked about his current situation, and I just tried my best to listen and give him advice on it. After that, it was already starting to get late so I booked an Angkas ride and eventually went home. I just realized that it took that many things happening in the day for me to feel okay or count it as "above average" as opposed to before.

Song of the day: Mirror Mirror by M2M

Journal entry for Tuesday, November 5th, 2024

Tue, 05 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a pretty boring day so, in the evening, I went outside to BGC and I met up with my sister. We got Starbucks at 32nd Street and I treated her to Samgyupsalamat. We both had fun eating and we took pics. We saw a few music videos on the TV at Samgyupsalamat and we tried some new fizzy drinks. It had rained pretty badly when we were eating and, by the time we finished, it was still waiting pretty hard. We waited a while for the rain to subside and we were able to book a Grab ride home. I just chilled for the evening and nothing else went on after that.

Song of the day: Mirror Mirror by M2M

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind
Now in the cold light of the day, I realize

Mirror, mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me
Who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror, mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back
Bring my baby back to me

Journal entry for Monday, November 4th, 2024

Mon, 04 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today. I tried to be productive and thought that drinking coffee would help that, but it just made me jittery and too hyperactive with no focus. It was also disappointing to see that my Starbucks order did not count as a sticker. Work passed by and the evening came and went with nothing significant happening.

Song of the day: Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) by Clean Bandit

Journal entry for Sunday, November 3rd, 2024

Sun, 03 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I woke up really early to get my blood work done. It was painful but the process of getting my bloodwork done was relatively easier than what I had expected. I then went home and passed my day without doing anything noteworthy. I did receive results in the afternoon, which was a surprise. Thankfully, the readings were fairly-normal and I'm without issue aside from a few lifestyle changes which I've been meaning to do anyway. Nothing else happened for the evening as I just passed my time.

Song of the day: Coffee by Beabadobee

Journal entry for Saturday, November 2nd, 2024

Sat, 02 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, I went outside with my sister so we could get my blood work done, as requested by my mom. But unfortunately, they weren't taking in blood samples anymore so we just went grocery shopping for a few items. I bought Paotsin, which I haven't eaten in a long time. We went to another place that had some blood tests but they told me that I was already over fasting, so we had to push it to tomorrow. We just got food and then went home. We had a lot of food to eat and the Paotsin really made me full. The night was pretty chill after that and nothing much happened.

Song of the day: Midnight Fiction by ILLIT

Midfest Moviefest

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was a Friday but I had no work today since it was a holiday, All Saints' Day. I honestly didn't have anything else to do today but I wanted to take my new phone out for a spin. In the morning, I went back to reserving tickets for House of Sayuri (2024) again and I saw that there were seats for it. It was only 150 Pesos so it didn't cost me much. Since it was cheap, I also booked another movie which was for Tenement (2024). I booked it because the trailer was kind of creepy enough. Eventually, I went to SM Aura to watch both movies and, honestly, both were mid. Tenement was too boring, it barely had a plot and didn't connect the characters that well. It also lacked a good plot. House of Sayuri gave me an intense whiplash when the grandmother suddenly went "super saiyan" and got powers. House of Sayuri was "alright" as a movie by itself, it was definitely something I've never seen in a movie, but I didn't like either film on the grounds that I just wanted to be scared. It was pretty disappointing, to be honest, and I did nothing more than think about how I lost someone. In the evening, I just went home and ordered takeout for my sister and I.

Song of the day: You'll Be Back by Jonathan Groff

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Remember, despite our estrangement, I'm your man
You'll be back, soon you'll see
You'll remember you belong to me
You'll be back, time will tell
You'll remember that I served you well
Oceans rise, empires fall
We have seen each other through it all
And when push comes to shove
I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love!

Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da ya da!
Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da

Graceful Exit

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today started with me waking up and feeling super sleepy. I left a message on our server so that someone can see that I might not be able to stay up late today. Cue 2 minutes later when they join the server and eventually catch me still online. The timing honestly shocked me because it was such a coincidence. After that, we just talked about how their work is going and they complained to me about this graphic design work they're doing. They repeatedly say that they're so sleepy and whatnot, so I wanted to treat them to some coffee. I didn't think of treating them for it since I already have a lot of things to pay for, but I eventually gave it after they kept pressing me on about it. After giving them some money for coffee, we still talked about their work and other things. Since they've been so busy, they barely drank their coffee and it tasted like water to them. They then were asked to go out to Uncle John's to buy coffee there and they asked to borrow some money from me. I just gave them the amount and I passed out while they were getting coffee. I woke up after passing out for a bit and I noticed that they weren't in the server anymore. They eventually came back a few minutes later and I was already pissed off. It's so disgusting how they can just take so many freebies and ask so many things from me, and then have the gall to leave and come back so easily. I already know that I'm being taken advantage of, but it feels like I'm kicked in the mouth as well. She saw it as attitude and sadly didn't see things from my side as well, but whatever. She insisted on just leaving again and told me she was unsure of still being friends with me, that's why she keeps leaving and joining. I get pissed to the point where I just want to take off in the night and think about things, and she took that as an offense. She just insisted that she leave and I didn't really stop her from doing so because it seems we've both had enough. She just left and didn't really come back. At the very least, she said goodbye. I stopped myself from leaving for the night and just slept afterward. My morning came and passed by with no issue. I did my tasks for the day and work ended with no issue. After work, I helped my sister prepare because she had a Halloween party to attend. I was bored to high hell and wondered if I could rope in any friend for an evening out. I looked at my friends lists, contacts, and messages list and decided on no one. I just decided to try to catch House of Sayuri and wondered if I could make it before 6:15 p.m. when the movie starts. I booked a ride for SM Aura and got there after a while. I tried to use the SM Cinemas website to try to get a ticket since the line was so long, but it seems that all of the tickets were sold out. I sat at the food court for a while before deciding on just eating for tonight. I didn't like the expensive options at the food court, since what I would eat would total to 700 or something. Having no options, I just decided on Samgyupsalamat since I would get "good value" there, plus I'd be full. I walked towards there, stopping by at a Timezone and playing Wangan Midnight for a bit, and I eventually got a seat. What surprised me was the lack of people for the arcade, there were 2 seats just unavailable. The line for *samgyupsal* as well was nonexistent, which was super baffling considering that tonight was Halloween. But I just dined, ate 6 plates of beef by myself, watched some K-Pop videos that were playing on the restaurant TV, and eventually paid the bill. I then walked to my usual hangout spot, Starbucks on 32nd Street, and got a white chocolate mocha. Starbucks was my next destination because I wanted to pick my sister up and we would both go home together since we're already in BGC. I waited and drank my coffee at the Starbucks and eventually made my way to pick up my sister so we could go home. We took a Grab car home afterward and she told me a few things she was going through. We eventually arrived home safely. For the rest of the evening, I just cleaned up some laundry outside and helped clean my sister's room. I then cleaned up after myself and cleaned my room as well, and that ended my night.

Song of the day: It's Been a Long, Long Time by Kitty Kallen

Hallow-meh Party

Wed, 30 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My day started with me seeing a message from someone inviting me to a game. I missed her chat and I just woke up so I sent them a message via iMessage and she eventually joined the Discord server to talk there instead. They have a long meeting so we really can't play a game right now, so we just talk about random things like their work. Oddly enough, they made fun of the guy in one of the pictures which seemed a bit funny but also offensive to me. Their meeting eventually ended and we played Supermarket Together at around 4:30 a.m. or so. I stayed up really late playing with them and we ended around late 5 a.m., I think. I eventually left VHH and caught some remaining sleep. Today was my company's Halloween party. It was supposed to be held in person, but due to various things happening over the past few months, it had to be held online again. So this is my 4th year or so having an online-only Halloween party. It is anime-themed but I didn't think putting in any effort this year would be worth it. I just went with my dumb Squid Game outfit that I keep recycling and even casually wear. After that, I invited someone for VHH. The Halloween party was kind of lonely and lame without someone there, but at least they were with me in VHH. I turned up the volume from the laptop so they could also hear what was going on while the other games were playing. I then told someone that the costumes were cool, so that was fun. We were talking in the background so that generally lightened up my mood and kept me happy. We kept listening along to the Halloween party. I even made fun of them because a company that works with us has the "spectacles" name and I called them 4 eyes. After all that, the party ended and we stopped playing shortly after that. I got some rest for the evening and just relaxed for most of it.

Song of the day: Middle by DJ Snake, Bipolar Sunshine

Journal entry for Tuesday, October 29th, 2024

Tue, 29 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today went on as my days normally would. I did work, completed tasks throughout the day, did my morning routine, and had my lunch. At around 2:21 p.m., someone joins the server and they talk to me about getting the camera they bought. We talked for a while in the server and then played Supermarket Together again. We played for a while until my shift ended. After that, we stopped playing and left VHH. For the rest of the day, I didn't really do anything noteworthy.

Song of the day: the cutest pair by Regina Song

Switched to iPhone

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today started with me still being in VHH and playing Supermarket Together with someone. Our playthrough eventually ended at around 1 a.m. and we both went to sleep after that. In the morning, I thought that today would seem like any other day, honestly. I woke up at 8 a.m., got started on work, and my day was going to continue as it usually would. I did my morning tasks at work and finished a task. I even ordered taho as a pick-me-up for the morning. Everything was seemingly going fine and normal until I received an envelope around lunchtime. That envelope contained my new BPI credit card and I immediately started organizing my finances and getting everything in order. I then checked the feasibility of getting a new iPhone today, right now, and factored in the amount. Originally, I was going to go for the iPhone 16 Pro model, but after checking some comments on Reddit, I decided to swing for the Pro Max model instead. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure if I had enough money to even afford the Pro Max model, but whatever, I just decided on it. Since I wanted to get the phone today, I eventually prepared to leave at around lunchtime and timed out for work at around that time. I headed straight to Glorietta and immediately began to get a grasp of the current state of my finances. I asked the store and it was around 91,990 for the phone and I would be paying in credit installments for it. They said that I could pay in cash for some of the amount, and then the rest would be in credit. So I decided on it and eventually withdrew some cash. I was short of the amount that I needed and I was contemplating on taking out another loan for the amount, but thankfully my sister had let me borrow 9K for it and I would eventually pay her back. After getting the cash, I went straight to the store to actually buy the phone. I eventually paid for the phone and swiped my credit card in for the installments. I was then directed to a lady who managed the setup of the phone and she unboxed it for me, which was a surprise. But I needed it to be tested and to make sure that it was fully working, so it was fine. I then had to reset my Apple ID because my password was too damn long but it all eventually worked out. I walked out of the store with the bare phone in my pocket and I had never been so scared. Thankfully, I was able to find a store nearby that sold a case for it and then got tempered glass on it. Still, I was scared to carry it so I immediately booked a ride home. I eventually told someone that I got an iPhone and they sounded so excited for me. After getting home, no one was thankfully looking for me at work and I got home at around 3 p.m. or so. I even had enough spare time to go and play Supermarket Together and I gushed to them about the new phone and stuff. While I was playing, I couldn't wait to set up my new phone afterward and we eventually stopped playing at around 5 p.m. For the evening, I did nothing else other than enjoy my own iOS device for the first time and set it all up. It was really nice and I can't believe this day happened.

Song of the day: Cherish (My Love) by ILLIT

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Boy, I ch-ch-ch-ch-cherish my love (My love)
Ch-ch-ch-ch-cherish my love
Oh, my crush, that's all my wish
빛이 나는 이 설렘은 못 참지 협조해줘, you gotta
Ch-ch-ch-ch-cherish my love (My love)
어차피 넌 내 게, 내 게 분명
날 말릴 순 없을걸
하느님도 두 손 두 발 들었지 좋아해 'cause I wanna

Journal entry for Sunday, October 27th, 2024

Sun, 27 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Sunday was pretty chill, today was nothing noteworthy and I had thought that someone had finally left. In the evening, around 8:23 p.m. or so, someone rejoined the server and they immediately invited me to play Supermarket Together. We played for a while until it was suddenly the next day, and our playthrough ended at around 1 a.m. or so.

After 24 Hours

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Since today was a Saturday, I decided to stay up late and stay in VHH with someone. I still accompanied them for the late night and I was still playing Supermarket Together with them for some time but they eventually had to do their work. After that, it was your usual stuff of us talking, watching things on YouTube, and eventually playing somewhat scary videos in the background to pass the time. And then, someone suggested that we watch that Filipino zombie movie Outside (2024). I played it in VHH and it was pretty intriguing for both of us. We talked about the characters and the premise, but eventually, someone started sleeping and I just kept playing, rewinding, and doing my own thing in the background. Eventually, someone woke up again and we were back to playing Supermarket Together by 7 a.m. or so. After their shift, I looked back on what happened and spent the majority of the day just sleeping and keeping to myself. I was able to rest after a good 24 hours or so of staying up, finally.

Song of the day: Mary On A Cross by Ghost

Supermarket Together!

Fri, 25 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Midnight started with me still being in VHH and watching someone play God of War: Ragnarök and getting into the final parts of the main story. Eventually, they defeated Thor and eventually Odin and I think they cried a bit over the story. They complete a few post-story things and even complete Brok's Viking funeral, as well as play some parts of the Valhalla DLC. Their gameplay ended at around 2:36 a.m. and I shortly went to sleep afterward while someone had to continue working. My morning wasn't all that eventful and work passed by just fine. In the afternoon after work, someone joined the server again and told me that they finally bought the AirPods Max themselves. We talked for a bit and they wondered what game to play, I suggested that we play Sky and I did some cleaning up before playing Sky. We played Sky for a bit and then moved on to other games. We played Phasmophobia and completed a few runs. In the end, I died at the farmhouse and someone was too scared to continue so they just guessed. After that, they said that they were going to sleep and I just rested for the evening. After napping for a bit, I messaged someone and they replied quickly, despite telling me that they were going to sleep. We played Sky for a bit and I was able to gift them the season pass for the current Moomin season. They even logged into their alt so that I could give them the season pass for that account as well. After playing Sky, someone recommended a game they saw on Instagram and they suggested that we play it. It was called Supermarket Together and it was really fun for us to start up and manage a small grocery store. It took some getting used to, but we kept playing until it was the next day already.

Song of the day: Twinkle by Girls' Generation-TTS

God of War: Ragnarök Complete!

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I woke up early in the morning to reply to someone's messages after they left them in the server. They eventually replied at 4 a.m. and asked me why I was awake, then told me to sleep, and then they said that they would leave after I agreed to it. It was pretty strange but I still fought for it and eventually gave them the Moomin Season Pass in Sky after talking about it. We also complete our dailies for today. They eventually left after a while and I didn't expect them to come back. I just went to sleep. Morning came by and work passed with nothing interesting happening. But after work, someone and I were talking and they said that they would go outside today to buy AirPods Max. They also accused me of unfriending them in Sky, even though I didn't. It was weird but okay. I just talked to someone during that time. Before doing my chores, someone said they were just going to take a nap. I just went on with my chores. It was fairly quick and I messaged someone after so they could stream God of War: Ragnarök before their work started at 10 p.m. They kept playing and they got through the later parts of the story while I was eating the HBAF nuts they gave me some time ago.

Song of the day: I Don't Think That I Like Her by Charlie Puth

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I don't think that I like her anymore (Yeah)
Girls are all the same
All they wanna do is break my heart, my heart (Oh-oh)
I don't think that I like her anymore (No)
Girls are all the same
They just wanna see me fall apart, apart (Oh-oh)

A Clutch Parlayed Into a Win

Wed, 23 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

The day started with us continuing to play Sky and exploring a bit. Eventually, someone had to work and I was just going to hang around in VHH for a bit longer. We had nothing else to do and someone had to work, so they suggested I play the Silent Hill 2 remaster. I played it for a while and streamed it, and it was really creepy. I didn't progress far because I was playing and someone was working. Since I thought our time was going to end, I just decided to stay up all night. I called in a few favors from myself that essentially allowed me to "mind over matter" this whole thing. Around 3-4 a.m. I asked someone if they wanted to get food and they accepted it, so we ate during VHH like we used to do. We also watched a few videos during this time from aespa and Olivia Rodrigo. By 5 a.m., they were playing God of War: Ragnarök and completed some side quests while I was eating. After that, we passed by time as we normally would in VHH by watching scary videos from SNARLED, Shrouded Hand, and Chilling Scares. Morning quickly came and someone eventually had to go to sleep and get rest. Other than that, nothing else from my morning was noteworthy at all. My tasks came and went, I did my work as I usually would. After work, I found out that someone had a bad Internet connection and they didn't really talk to me much for the majority of the afternoon. I then got my well-deserved sleep. The fact that I was able to do all of that running on no sleep at all was honestly incredible.

Song of the day: Tarzan Boy by Baltimora

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Night to night
Give me the other, give me the other
Chance tonight
Give me the other, give me the other
Night to night
Give me the other, give me the other, woah

And the Kid Clutches It

Tue, 22 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today was turning out to be the same, usual day I've been experiencing for the past few: being sad that they were gone and trying to continue despite the massive amount of pain in my heart. Work came by and went. Playing a lot of songs helped my mood. Eventually, the evening quickly arrived and I was alone again. I was having an internal debate on whether or not I should reach out to someone. The mature, older side of me decided on "no" but my inner belief said "yes" and he wanted to give it a try. I was really pushing myself towards no, but I ultimately made a decision. I didn't believe it would work, but I gave the kid in me a shot at whatever he wanted to do. So I decided to message someone again, in Telegram, and I sent the 10K I had in savings as help for them with the cats. I texted them and we talked for a bit, and they sounded like they were completely done with me. Like they wanted nothing to do with me at all anymore. It was a hard-fought battle. During the whole time, I was outside of my room because the signal was bad and I was trying to not miss their text messages. It was also raining so I was on the verge of tears, then crying, what did I do to deserve this? Why have the gods or God given me this fate of trying hard to get the bare minimum, when all I wanted was a genuine relationship. Eventually, they decided to have us play Sky again after I told them that they should log on and see the broom I got them. We, miraculously, played Sky together and I felt really, really, super happy because that part of me came through and won at the end of the day.

Song of the day: Look At Me by TWICE

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Look at me, look at me
나를 바라봐, 나를 바라봐
Look at me, look at me
눈을 바라봐, 눈을 바라봐
Look at me, look at me
나를 바라봐, 나를 바라봐
Look at me, look at me
날 바라 바라봐

Here Come the Waterworks

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

Today was really hard to get through because I was just faced with the possibility of someone never coming back and it just made me cry and cry all day. I watched aespa after work and it was really sad because I didn't watch it with someone. I thought that someone was watching the MV alone or with someone else, and the thought crushed my heart. Things really weighed down on me and it was really rough to get through it.

Song of the day: Whiplash by aespa

"Meh" After All

Sun, 20 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

After a long trip from QC and around BGC, I eventually made it to Premier The Samgyupsal - Bonifacio Stopover BGC. I was surprised to find out that there was a long line and it still had a queue of people. I found out that they don't serve solo diners and that I would have to pay for 2 people even though I'm just 1 person dining. Since I barely ate anything all day, I just said "fuck it" and paid for it. I waited for my turn to be called and got seated. The food was okay, it was just your standard samgyupsal. They didn't have a lot of sauces, though, and they had no cheese. I liked the *Gyeranjjim* (egg souffle thing) and it was pretty good. They served, like, 1 big tray full of meat which had chicken, beef, and pork, and since I hadn't eaten all day, I was able to finish all of that. I also ordered a plate of various beef on top of that, which was alright. I also listened to some of the songs the restaurant was playing and it was mostly NMIXX so I didn't sing along to a lot of the songs. I did hear some Seventeen songs playing and I sent those to the group chat I have with Meryll and Max. I felt really full after eating and the bill was extremely expensive, even though it didn't seem worth it to me. I had been wanting to try Premier for such a long time and it was kind of a letdown. So much for that. I walked around BGC afterward to burn some of the food I had eaten. There I was, again, walking around BGC with an anxious mind. It's been 2 years and nothing's changed. Here I am again. I found it funny and also cruel that here I was at the same point in my life, despite the many struggles, hardships, and effort I put in; through the many experiences I've had, the games we played, here I was again—alone, not talking to anyone, lonely. I just tried to talk to myself as I was waiting for a ride home. I got home without issue and slept shortly afterward. I think I slept at around 1 a.m. or so and then woke up at around 3 p.m. in the afternoon. Nothing much happened for the afternoon and evening. I couldn't make up my mind on what to do so I mostly ended up moping around. In the very late evening, I had time to reflect on my situation and I cried a bit. It was a surprise because I finally cried after days of not crying.

Song of the day: Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal) by Fergie

100% to Be Okay

Sat, 19 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up today to no notifications, no one messaging me, nothing important going on. It's a quiet Saturday and I just feel like being in bed all day. I also don't feel okay, so, for the most part, I just slept in today. That was until the afternoon when I randomly decided to go out so that my spirits could be lifted. I went to BGC High Street first and tried to get my Timezone card replaced. I gave away my old Timezone Gold card to someone and it's been a while since I've had a new card again, plus my account's tickets were all gone. Thankfully, the whole process of getting a new card was simple and I only had to pay 100 Pesos for a replacement. I also added 150 Pesos worth of extra Timezone credits to spend and I waited for a seat at the Wangan Midnight arcade cabinets. Unfortunately, the people who were playing didn't really give up their seats and they took a long time. I had waited around 30 minutes or so at this point, and that was when I remembered Kai and her booth at UP Diliman. Since I had nothing better to do in BGC, I just decided to meet Kai at Gyud Food inside the UP Diliman campus. The commute there was pretty long and I was preparing a playlist for Belle to listen to, but all in all, it was an okay ride. I eventually got there and met Kai along with her boyfriend. I bought a few cookies from her and I really liked the matcha cookies, although it didn't help me because I felt dehydrated by the time I arrived there. I just kept getting drinks for me and Kai and sat next to her for a bit. It was nice to visit Gyud Food, although there wasn't much left to do aside from talking to Kai and idly chatting with her boyfriend as well. The time passed by quickly. Kai read my palm and told me that I wouldn't be married in my life and that I would only get 2 long-term girlfriends in my life, which mildly shocked me but I appreciated her insight. After a bit, I asked Kai when she would be packing up and then she started packing up soon after. I helped her a bit and also helped with carrying the oven + a few other things. It was surprisingly a lot but I was happy to have helped Kai and her boyfriend. They both got into a Grab car and I bid them farewell. I went back to BGC so I could finally eat and tried to look for Premier. The trip back was kind of lonely, but it is what it is. Premier was already closed by the time I got there so I settled in at a Starbucks for a while to recharge my devices. I then took a ride to the next Premier restaurant, one that was open for 24 hours and my story continued until the next day.

Song of the day: I'm Not The Only One by Sam Smith

"But if this was a movie, you'd be here by now"

Fri, 18 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I started the day still playing Monster Hunter with Nicole and Beni. We eventually left at around 1 a.m. after completing a few hunts. I played Sky for a bit and ran across a Spanish speaker and told them that moving on was okay and that I would be alright, which was nice to hear. I mostly just passed the day doing anything noteworthy. I really liked this song from Taylor Swift and felt that it really resonated with my situation.

Song of the day: If This Was A Movie (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie, you'd be here by now

Journal entry for Thursday, October 17th, 2024

Thu, 17 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing really happened today. I was still in shock from yesterday, but that was it. In the evening, I played Monster Hunter: World with Beni and Nicole in Nicole's server. We fought Fatalis and eventually won after a few tries. It was nice to play Monster Hunter again after years of not playing. We played on until the next day.

Song of the day: Bumble Bee by Bambee

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Sweet little bumble bee
I know what you want from me
Dup-i-dup-i-do-la-da
Dup-i-dup-i-do-la-da
Sweet little bumble bee
More than just a fantasy
Dup-i-dup-i-do-la-da
Dup-i-dup-i-do-la-da

The Loom Collapses

Wed, 16 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Awful

My day started with Kai still being here and we were still hanging out in my room. Eventually, someone messages me during this time and it's about Tanuki peeing blood again. They try to persuade me to take Kit and I tell Kai about this. My conversation with Kai wraps up and eventually, they hold Milktea for a bit before booking a ride home. I escort them outside and wait until she's picked up by a rider and then they leave. It was nice to have Kai around, even though it was unexpected. I went back home slept because I was kind of sick. In the evening, someone then got home and couldn't send Kit away so they just napped for a bit and I eventually napped for a bit as well. Someone eventually called me and it woke me up. I told them that I would take a bath and focus on myself for once, which they took in offense. It then spirals into this huge fight and segment where they try to get me to take Kit. I really didn't want to handle Kit and I'm not going to their house this late of the night to take Kit and cause a bad memory. I had enough of putting in so much effort for them, only for them to take it for granted or not give a shit about it. The fight ended with them blocking me and wishing that I never find happiness and that they regret ever meeting me in the first place. I was shocked, more than anything and all I felt for the remainder of the night was pure shock because I knew this day would come.

Song of the day: Coffee by Beabadobee

A Surprise Visit!

Tue, 15 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

It was a usual day for me. I got up to work and completed my usual round of daily tasks. Work was pretty chill so I socialized with some coworkers. Lunch went by as usual. In the afternoon after timing out for work, my friends eventually woke up and messaged me. They were sick all day but they still invited me to play Sky with them and join a call. When I got in a call, they really did sound sick. We were still able to play and complete our dailies. I played a video from Edvasian in the background about [The Liquid Sugar and Caffeine Craze](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHU_ygYtFOY). After playing Sky, they played God of War: Ragnarök again and finally won the fight against their first Berserker, Frækni the Zealous. They then complete more of the story. After playing for a while, we played Sky for a bit more and then left the call after we stopped playing. We talked for a bit after that about K-Pop, Cinnamoroll, and things on Reddit, and it was pretty fun and light for the most part. They eventually stopped responding and I went on with my evening. Suddenly, Kai messages me and says that she was in BGC for this math event, and I tease her for being a nerd. She then asked for directions to my house and said that she wanted to visit to see Milktea. I was personally shocked at the sudden ask to visit, but I still welcomed her. I gave her directions and I did some clean-up since my room wasn't completely organized. Kai eventually comes over and Milktea warms up to her. She plays with Milktea for a while and then I show her my room. I first showed her the Cinnamoroll night light I got last week and she continued to play with Milktea. I then showed her my controller and the arcade stick I still had lying around and invited her to play Tekken with me. She did pretty well and was able to win a few hours while using the controller. We then played Cuphead and they got the basics done, but it was too difficult for us to complete. We couldn't even complete a single stage. After that, Kai gets hungry and I just treat her to some Chowking, which was also what she coincidentally wanted. Our food eventually arrived and we watched some of her favorite YouTubers play Pico Park while we were eating, we also talked for a bit about her boyfriend and other stuff while eating. Kai stayed and our hangout continued until the next day.

Journal entry for Monday, October 14th, 2024

Mon, 14 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Early Monday began with me messing around with ChatGPT's Advanced Voice mode. I tried to make it sound like a valley girl, then like a country girl, then Jamaican by asking them to speak in *Patois*. It was pretty funny. I stayed up all night because I ordered coffee from BonChon yesterday. Monday morning started out just fine and usual. It was the start of a new week and I was just doing my usual round of tasks. Nothing else went on in the morning and my shift ended just fine. Around the afternoon, my friends messaged me but I took a while to reply because I was busy. We talked for a bit and I would be sleeping for the remainder of the afternoon, they understood and I continued sleeping. When I woke up, I went back on my PC to talk to my friends. We talked on Discord about other things like what they want to buy and how to get Kitsune adopted by my friend Ane. They then send a picture of themselves and Kitsune. They then had to leave for a bit and excused themselves. After work, I mostly just passed the time by relaxing. When my friends came back, we played Sky. The new season of Moomin had launched and we were able to explore the new area and some parts of the event. We also dove into the Moomin story and collected some flames for candles. After that, they played God of War: Ragnarök and continued the fight against Frækni the Zealous. They weren't successful in beating them for this playthrough. After that, we watched other videos on YouTube, particularly from Kurtis Conner and Edvasian. I had this sudden feeling to eat mint ice cream and I ordered ice cream for myself and someone. They wondered why I suddenly wanted to send ice cream and I decided that it was just a random thing on my part. I eventually got cereal, mint, and bubble gum. I got someone that chocolate + KitKat. We watched a few more videos on YouTube and then eventually left the call. In the late evening, we tried a code in Sky that gave us a free heart, which was nice. The day shortly ended after that as I spent my remaining time just browsing online.

Song of the day: I'm Unhappy by aespa

Journal entry for Sunday, October 13th, 2024

Sun, 13 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My friends and I were still in a call by the start of the day. We were still listening to that video from Something Sinister, but I could tell that they had already passed out and gone to sleep. I was playing SSX Tricky in the background and it sure felt like I was back in "the good part of 2024." I eventually left the call to sleep. After that, I woke up as usual and ate breakfast. I microwaved the KFC that we had from last night and watched an episode of the Horror Mine about The Grudge. It still frightens me, no matter how many times I re-watch it. While I was eating, my friends messaged me and we had a conversation about how they were doing and what their Sunday looked like, with them not being able to use their PC for God of War: Ragnarök. We talked about other things instead until the conversation pivoted to them wanting the Korean dish *chapchae* and that it's been a while since they ate it. I told them that my mom had cooked it before and it was alright, and then we both settled on ordering food from BonChon Chicken. I agreed because it's been a while since I last ordered food from there (the last time I recall was when they were playing Uncharted). We ordered food and then got into a call to watch Horror Mine. I also showed them this Korean movie I liked before titled A Tale of Two Sisters (2003). I even told them I posted a review about it on my blog. I wanted to watch the Horror Mine condensed version but they suggested that we just watch the full thing. My food arrived while watching and the pacing was incredibly slow for them. We eventually watched Horror Mine version instead because they were impatient and wanted to know the story. Thankfully, they really liked the story and we continued watching Horror Mine. We also watched Horror Mine's video about Dark Water (2002), a movie I've been recommending for a long time. We watched other scary videos after that like the cursed Japanese Kleenex commercial, niceday-fineday.org, and we eventually left the call because they had other things to do for the day. For the remaining part of the afternoon and evening, I just focused on building another easter egg for my website. I made pretty good progress so far.

Watching All Day!

Sat, 12 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I messaged my friends at around midnight to ask if she was awake or not. They then woke up at around 4 a.m. and replied to my message. They told me they were late by 4 hours and that they were shocked to see me still awake. I told them that I was still up because I got coffee last night. We then talked about a few things, particularly a post about some Filipina-style Barbie and their creator. We then talked for a bit after that and they asked me why I still haven't slept yet, despite it being 5 a.m. already. I decided to just give in and call it a day, even though I was hoping that we would get into a call to talk or something. I woke up at around 11 a.m. and I felt really, really groggy. It was almost as if I got hit by a train. I messaged my friends but they didn't reply until an hour later, then they told me that they felt sick. I felt sorry for them and I was concerned because they've been getting sick a lot lately. I asked them to eat and take medicine, but they didn't know what to get and someone else in their house cooked for them instead. They invited me to watch The Great (2020) with them again, but only after they cleaned up after their cats. I also did my morning routine to pass the time. We watched a few episodes of The Great, then played Sky at around 3 p.m. when the daily lights had just reset. We did the usual daily candle run in the Hidden Forest, but that was it. They then played God of War: Ragnarök for a bit after that and they had to rest for a bit. We both left the call afterward. The evening continued as normal. I ate KFC with my sister and it was pretty good. After a while, my friends messaged me again and said that they still felt sick and were disappointed because of it. It felt like a waste of a good weekend to them. They also don't have food for dinner so I asked them what they wanted to eat. Surprisingly, they suggested ribs because they wanted to feel better. I just got them ribs and they asked me to stream The Great again in VHH. They were going to organize their drawers so I went into a call and streamed The Great. We watched for a bit while they ate, and then played God of War for a bit. After that, we were back to watching but this time we watched the 1st episode of season 1 of Scream Queens. They suggested it so I was interested in how it would play out. It was pretty gruesome and the ending was pretty gory, so we didn't really continue watching it. We watched some other scary videos on YouTube instead. I recommended a video from Something Sinister and it was the perfect video to wrap up the day.

Journal entry for Friday, October 11th, 2024

Fri, 11 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today started with me still staying up late because of the coffee I drank last night. I still feel really full and I wasn't able to finish the drink I had because of that. My friends messaged me during this time and they invited me to play Sky. I eventually was able to join them at the Days of Style runway after a few technical errors. I accompanied them for a bit and we did a few things in Sky. In the background, I was playing my [Antok FM](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4pL7SjwqBmOfmZaFYbJU9x?si=ce0bb48376bb4550) playlist and it was making me really sleepy. Eventually, we stopped playing Sky and we were just chatting on Discord. They still had work and I told them that I would just stay up late tomorrow instead. After that, I went to sleep. My morning started as usual. Work was pretty chill, but I had some tasks to do first. I completed my shift just fine. In the afternoon, my friends messaged me and I greeted them a good afternoon. They invited me to watch season 1 of The Great (2020) and I eventually forced myself to wake up since they invited me. I excused myself because I had to do my routine and they eventually excused themselves because they had to buy medicine. After they went back, I was still finishing up my things and my friends had to wait for me a bit, then we both got into a call. We played Sky first, then we watched a few episodes of The Great. It was pretty funny and interesting. Huzzah! I just did my work in the background and also played some Fieldrunners. After that, we watched a few scary videos on YouTube, mostly from WOWMAN or Chilling Scares. In the afternoon, I had a meeting so we had to leave the call come evening and they went to rest. My friends didn't message me anymore in the evening and I was just alone for the time being. I got Chowking for dinner, though, which was good. My sister also gave me coffee and pizza since it was her last day at her old workplace, and it was interesting to see her miss her workplace that much.

Song of the day: all-american bitch by Olivia Rodrigo

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Forgive, and I forget
I know my age and I act like it
Got what you can't resist
I'm a perfect all-American

Journal entry for Thursday, October 10th, 2024

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I started my day trying to complete the blog post I had started late into the evening yesterday. I was pretty proud of my work this time, after having a few revisions, and I decided to publish it shortly after checking. Suddenly, my friends message me on Discord asking if I'm awake and that we should play Sky together. After playing, we mostly just chatted about other things like musicals and then we played Sky. We completed the runway thing that was underwater, which was a little difficult. After that, my friends went back to work and I eventually slept. I woke up and my usual morning started. I got to work and did my usual morning tasks, as well as routine. Nothing was noteworthy during work. My friends also messaged me in the morning but they didn't reply back. I also facilitated the delivery of that commissioned Sky figurine I got for someone. It was expensive, but it seemed worth it. After lunch, my friends eventually woke up and we got into a call shortly afterward. They were playing God of War: Ragnarök and completing the favors that Freya had. I then shipped that Sky Kid figurine to someone and they really liked it. I also asked them to ship the HBAF they bought for me, as well as my PS Vita. I received both things shortly afterward, as well as some *pasalubong* they had from their Davao trip. After those things were done, I continued watching their gameplay of God of War and they progressed pretty far into the story, the most notable event was Atreus eventually reaching Asgard and fighting alongside Thor. After that and getting stuck in a battle with another Hateful enemy, someone eventually called it a day between us and left to rest. I also disconnected from VHH shortly afterward. The evening wasn't all that eventful aside from my sister and I ordering Starbucks at home for some reason. At least I got to try the new pumpkin spice latte as well as the berry burnt basque cheesecake. Needless to say, I felt pretty full by the late evening. I probably took in too much food from finishing the HBAF + sweets during the evening.

Song of the day: Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) by Clean Bandit

Lyrics that resonated with me:
If you gave me a chance, I would take it
It's a shot in the dark, but I'll make it
Know with all of your heart, you can't shame me
When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be

Journal entry for Wednesday, October 9th, 2024

Wed, 09 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today started with me still staying up a bit. Since my friends noticed that I was online, we talked for a bit about their plans for tomorrow and other things.But nothing noteworthy happened and I just slept after saying goodnight to them. My morning was your usual, average morning with me doing my morning routine and doing some tasks. Nothing noteworthy happened at work. During lunch, I talked to Meryll and Max and we shared a few updates, but that was mostly it. I eventually timed out of work after a few hours. Then my friends messaged me again. They invited me to watch them play God of War: Ragnarök and they completed the Freya's Missing Peace side quest. But my friends eventually stopped playing after they kept losing to 2 drekis. After that, we just hung around in the call and watched the first episode in the first season of The Great (2020). We liked it and I found it funny as well at times. After that, we all left the call to do other things. I mostly just slept for a while after that ate dinner, and then did other things for the evening.

Song of the day: Cupid (Twin Ver.) - Live Studio Version OT4 by FIFTY FIFTY

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I'm feelin' lonely (Lonely)
Oh, I wish I'd find a lover that could hold me (Hold me)
Now I'm crying in my room

Journal entry for Tuesday, October 8th, 2024

Tue, 08 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I only talked to my friends for a bit, but I quickly slept after that. My morning started okay. I got started on my usual morning activities like my routine and my tasks. I was handling a lot in the morning but I got it settled. I spent most of the morning focusing on my tasks and preparing/writing documentation. In the evening, my friends and I played Sky together. We saw a dapper-looking Sky Kid in the game and I befriended it. We also did the trials for and collected our dailies plus a candle run afterward. We met this moth during our candle run in the Hidden Forest and we tried to talk to them to no avail. After that, since I had some spare cash, we got food and I got myself Jollibee. We watched a new analog horror video from 4Plus about the Medusa Virus and it was alright. Then I just played a video from the Tape Library. We all eventually left after that and I got to have a productive evening. The night went on after that with me doing random things and relaxing for the evening.

Song of the day: Bulong !!! by Kitchie Nadal

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Hoy, kaibigan ko!
Pakinggan mo ang mga bulong sa'yo
Ito'y 'di galing sa mundo
Patungo sa pangakong paraiso

Journal entry for Monday, October 7th, 2024

Mon, 07 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today started with my morning and workday was just normal. I did some tasks in the morning but my work itself was nothing extraordinary. In the evening, I had time so I ate dinner. My friends also hadn't messaged me since early morning. Just when I'm about to do the dishes, they messaged me about them doing something else for today but nothing much happened after that. I did other important things in the evening.

Song of the day: Sticky by KISS OF LIFE

Lyrics that resonated with me:
How long before we fall in love?
(널 마주친 순간 I fly high)
How long before we fall in love?
(Let me know, let me know)
Oh, 뛰어들어 둘만의 ocean dive
왠지 묘한 이 느낌 녹아내려
Sticky, sticky, sticky, sticky

Journal entry for Sunday, October 6th, 2024

Sun, 06 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My day started with me talking with my friends on Discord for a bit. Then I browsed the Internet for a bit before going to sleep. In the morning, I had a dream about time traveling and I went back to the past to see an old best friend from high school. After that, I thought about time traveling to see my friends a few years later, but then I thought about what my friends said about us playing games in the morning, so that woke me up from my dream. When I checked Discord, I didn't see any messages from my friends but they eventually replied a few minutes later after they had supposedly woken up. We got into a call shortly afterward and they played This Bed We Made in the call for a bit before we moved to play Sky and I ate my lunch. We were in the call until around 2:30 p.m. or so when we all had to leave for other things. For the afternoon, I decided to catch up on my mood calendar entries for the past few days and completed the bulk of it. For completing them, I wanted to go out and I had already planned to, but then my friends messaged me. They invited me to play Sky. For the evening, we spent the time just playing Sky and watching videos on YouTube. We watched a few videos from FunkyFrogBait and a few live performances of BTS, and then we watched the usual Girls' Generation performances and a few music videos after that (like Sticky, Miniskirt, etc.). It was pretty fun and they eventually were able to download Silent Hill 2 and install it. It was pretty scary for some of them and they eventually stopped playing after a while, they complained to me that it was me who wanted to play Silent Hill 2 anyway. They just played God of War: Ragnarök and the evening went on from there.

Song of the day: As If It's Your Last by BLACKPINK

Journal entry for Saturday, October 5th, 2024

Sat, 05 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I wanted today to be productive, but nothing ever came out that want like yesterday. I just spent the whole day by myself. I also talked to my friends every now and then in the background. The day was kind of bad because there was a big confrontation that happened in the house and things got a little dicey, leaving me to worry about Milktea. Something about not doing anything big for 2 days feels wrong to me, but whatever, I guess I need chill days like these because my future is going to be filled with stress and overworking again.

Song of the day: Both of Us (feat. Taylor Swift) by B.o.B

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I wish I was
Strong enough to
Lift not one but
Both of us

Journal entry for Friday, October 4th, 2024

Fri, 04 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today, to my surprise. Work was pretty chill and I got all of my tasks done, though. I also got my Cinnamoroll night light today and posted it on IG. I talked to Jil and caught up with her, which was nice. And I just did random things for the rest of the day. My friends were mostly gone for today so I just played Clash of Clans and other games in the evening.

Journal entry for Thursday, October 3rd, 2024

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My morning started as usual. A coworker asked me if I was okay to work now and I said that I was alright. The morning continued on with some tasks and things were fairly-chill. After work, my friends and I got into a call after they ate and I got my cleaning done. They eventually finished the story of The Last of Us and they played some of the "Left Behind" chapter while I had my lunch break, and it was pretty intriguing. After playing, we all left the call and I had the rest of the day to myself. For the evening, I saw an IG Story that Bell posted and I decided to contact the seller so I could gift those to someone. I talked to Bell for a bit and it was pretty funny how she still knows my story, even though we barely talked anymore. I also talked to other friends which made the day alright.

Journal entry for Wednesday, October 2nd, 2024

Wed, 02 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I was mostly sick today. I tried to work, but eventually reached a point where I couldn't so I took the day off to rest and recover.

Song of the day: Regent's Park by Bruno Major

Journal entry for Tuesday, October 1st, 2024

Tue, 01 Oct 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I surprisingly had a nightmare today. It involved me playing truth or dare with other people and the others became ghosts or turned dead. When I woke up, I still saw a ghost from my dream flash in front of me and it was pretty scary. I was able to sleep again and started my day as usual. In the morning, I woke up and did my daily tasks and my daily routine. Work was nothing noteworthy and was pretty chill for the most part. After work, my friends messaged me saying that they were down to play and we got into a call. They played God of War: Ragnarök and got through the part they had been stuck on since last week. They eventually end up at a part of the story where they meet a girl named Angrboda, who tells them a prophecy about Kratos dying at the end of the story. They stopped playing after hearing that because they didn't want Kratos to die. My friends and I eventually just played Sky afterward and we did our dailies, and they also showed off the new outfits that can be bought from the shop. We disconnected from the call after that but kept talking for a while until they stopped replying to me. I just did random things during the rest of the evening and nothing noteworthy happened.

Journal entry for Monday, September 30th, 2024

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My Monday morning started at the correct time, at 8 a.m. and things got busy in the morning as I had my tasks done. I finished my shift with nothing noteworthy going on. After work, my friends messaged me and they invited me to watch them play The Last of Us. I just watched them play and time eventually passed until it was the evening. By then, their PC had some overheating issues so they decided to play other games like The Closing Shift from Chilla's Art. But even that was prone to crashes. I mostly streamed scary urban exploration videos and other scary real life videos to pass the time. We played Sky after the new Days of Style event had just been released. They played God of War: Ragnarök afterward. In the evening, I also talked to Cheska a bit about her journal and she showed me what some of it looked like. She also told me that she took inspiration from my mood calendar for the weather log part of her journal. It was a pretty fun conversation and, by the end, she recommended some songs to me. After that, someone had finished playing God of War after they were able to free this large jellyfish (Hafgufa) in Alfheim. For the rest of the evening, I still continued my stance on doing better so I started to exercise for tonight and eventually fell asleep after cleaning up my room.

Song of the day: Fearless (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Pulled Apart

Sun, 29 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I was still in a call with friends as the day started. They were still playing God of War: Ragnarök and had found Týr, freed them, completed a small side quest by Atreus, and were now back in Alfheim. It had already been around 2 a.m. at this time and they had called it a day. We both went to sleep shortly afterward. I woke up at around 9:35 a.m. to prepare to leave for SM Aura and get in line to buy tickets for Olivia Rodrigo's tour. I was supposed to go with Ane but she still wasn't awake so I went there early. Eventually, I had to go home and tell Ane. I told her that I had to go home because there was this electrical issue in my room and I just continued helping my sister clean parts of the living room. By some gracious timing, my friends had woken up and invited me to watch them play. But first I had to stream a scary video from Nick Crowley and then they decided to play The Last of Us. They played for a while and then we all left. After that, I was already back at SM Aura and I had a bit of trouble trying to meet Ane. We eventually met and ultimately gave up on buying tickets because the line wasn't moving and people online also reported that there were barely any tickets sold. Ane and I parted ways after that and I did my groceries. I mostly bought household essentials like alcohol, shampoo, trash bags, and whatnot. While grocery shopping, I ran into someone who looked like Mariah. They really looked like her and I wanted to approach them to say hi, but I didn't think we were close enough and they were with their family, also I was busy shopping for groceries. I checked out and then messaged Mariah afterward. It was funny because they did notice that it was me, but they couldn't tell because I had a mask. It was funny that I did see but nothing much came from that. I went home having a hard time carrying the groceries because they were really heavy. I got home and continued cleaning some more. Since my friends would be gone until tomorrow, I just decided to continue cleaning. By the evening, our part of the house was pretty clean and things felt comfortable again. I had decided that I should take care of myself more and have a regular cleaning schedule so as to not let things fall into disarray.

Song of the day: Ulterior Motives by Who's Who, Christopher Saint

An Entire Saturday with My Friends

Sat, 28 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My Saturday started pretty routinely, which was surprising. I started the day at 8 a.m. My usual Saturday just began, with me relaxing and chilling for the most part. In the afternoon, around 1 p.m., my friends messaged me saying they were now trying to learn manual. We talked for a bit and I joked them about how I know everything there is to know about real-life driving by playing Wangan Midnight at the arcade. At around 2:30 p.m., we called the others and got into a call to play Sky. We did our dailies for today, changed our outfits, and I got a new "emo" hairpiece from the traveling spirit. We took a break from Sky to watch Hollow's playthrough of No, I'm Not Human, and we got back into Sky shortly afterward to collect some winged lights in treasure island. After their download of This Bed We Made, they played it for a bit before having PC problems and then we all left afterward. Around 9:40 p.m. in the evening, my friends messaged me saying that they were still down to play so they just invited me to watch them play God of War: Ragnarök. The night continued from there.

Journal entry for Friday, September 27th, 2024

Fri, 27 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing much happened in the morning and for work. After work, my friends messaged me saying that they were game and were ready to play God of War: Ragnarök. Then they played for a while and streamed in the server. By late evening, they were game again and that they were going to play The Last of Us instead. Since I was feeling bored and my salary already come, I decided to order take-out and buy dynamite and some chicken from Peri-Peri Chicken. I also got one of my friends in the call food as well and they decided to order a snack box from Popeyes. Unfortunately, the dynamite I ordered was unavailable and it was replaced with chicken skin, so I had to order from another Peri-Peri restaurant. Also, someone's order arrived late and the food they got was already cold. They didn't like the fries that much because it tasted like cardboard. After they were playing, we just decided to watch a new video from WOWMAN about Dexter the Dog and its analog horror series. While eating, I noticed that I was still charged the regular amount instead of the adjusted amount for the chicken skin replacement. I was able to get a refund, thankfully enough. After that, we all had to disconnect I continued the rest of the day doing other things and passing time on my own.

Journal entry for Thursday, September 26th, 2024

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My morning started and I got my usual work tasks done. Work was pretty okay today, things were fairly calm. My shift ended with nothing noteworthy happening in the day. My friends had other things to do today so we didn't get into a call. We didn't talk much on Discord either. I spent the evening watching Family Guy and playing other games.

Song of the day: Paparazzi by Lady Gaga

Lacking?

Wed, 25 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was my company's "work together" event and I attended it. While on the way there, I kept daydreaming of a future chapter of my life where I'd be able to play songs from the Aim and Ignite album by fun. again. I could imagine myself meeting someone new or starting a new chapter and playing all those songs, and the thought of it all made me giddy because I was so ready to be happy. But when I got to the event, things were just.. normal. I got to talk to some people, and I socialized a bit, but I didn't have any of my close friends at the event so that kind of made it dull for me. Also, I kind of felt lonely that someone wasn't here anymore. I enjoyed the event, all things considered, but I just felt lonely. Some junior devs came up to me and asked me about a few things, which made me feel like I was an actual senior at the company (which I was, but I still feel like a newbie). Overall, the day was actually blander than I thought. It kinda stung to know that this chapter of my life had been stagnant, and I guess I truly feel like I'm alone. What made that feeling worse was that I went home alone and I didn't talk/meet someone before going home, which was always the case. My ride took so long and I was the last person to leave the premises, with me being left behind at a Starbucks. I went home alone and just did random things in the evening alone.

Song of the day: I Wanna Be The One by fun.

Lyrics that resonated with me:
For all the steps you'll take and all you've overcome
I wanna be the one to put it in a song
Take every single tear for all the world to hear
I wanna be the one to put it in a song

Kill It with Fire! (And Bleach!!)

Tue, 24 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was a pretty disgusting day. But my day started with me cleaning up after Milktea had shat on the floor for some reason, but it was probably from when I somehow scared them while they were using the litterbox. In the morning, I did my work and my tasks continued as usual. I also ordered breakfast for myself so that I could get a lot done today. Nothing noteworthy happened aside from my thinking of setting up a logging tool. During lunchtime, I decided to get to the bottom of that horrible smell and I found the source of it with the help of my sister telling me. It turns out that it was a bunch of decayed matter that had pooled up near the living room. I saw the fly larvae crawling in it and it reeked like death. It was honestly the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, way worse than the maggots from Saturday. I bought 2 bottles of bleach and poured pure bleach onto the pool and the larvae mostly died from it. I had to watch all that disgusting thing unfold. After that, I had to throw out the water and other sludge that had pooled up and it was honestly so disgusting. Doing all that felt like absolute hell and it was some of the most disgusting things I have ever experienced. After dousing it all with bleach and removing all the decayed stuff, throwing it all outside, the smell was noticeably gone from the living room. It didn't smell like death anymore. It reeked of bleach but I'm glad to have cleaned things and I took a long bath afterwards. After and finishing work for the day, my friends tried to invite me to VHH so I could watch them play but they had a hard time speaking because of issues. We ran into a bug early on in their God of War: Ragnarök playthrough and they got stuck at a dwarven tavern. We eventually disconnected from the call shortly after. My evening wasn't eventful much but today was just really, really disgusting.

Journal entry for Monday, September 23rd, 2024

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I couldn't sleep properly today so I just kept playing Genshin and doing other things to pass the time. My morning started at the usual time. Thankfully, things were pretty chill at work. After work, my friends invited me to the server so we could call. They were going to play The Last of Us. In the evening, they streamed their Sky playthrough and they explored the area of the Nine-Colored Deer in the Vault of Knowledge. They completed the whole story of it and we also did an Eden run by the end of my shift. We had another person tag along in our Eden run but they had connection problems midway and we finished our Eden run ourselves, with someone failing to do the window shortcut at the end. After that, we finished playing and I just rested for most of the evening.

Song of the day: Long Chat (#♥) by aespa

Journal entry for Sunday, September 22nd, 2024

Sun, 22 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My Sunday started with me watching my friends stream their playthrough instead. They played God of War: Ragnarök instead and then got to a new realm, the realm of the dwarves which was called Svartalfheim. After that, they got tired and asked me to stream a scary video instead. I streamed a new video from Nexpo and, since I was bored, I also downloaded Bondee. I was shocked to see that everything was still there. I updated my room and that was it. I slept afterward and disconnected us from VHH. My morning went on as usual and my friends invited me to watch them play The Last of Us around noon. While they were playing, I was asked to stream songs from Taylor Swift's 2007 debut album and we listened to it, while I mostly ate an orange and kept scratching my eye. I streamed scary videos on YouTube afterward. Eventually, we all had to leave and I did my own thing for the afternoon and evening. They eventually came back at around 10 p.m. or so and invited me to play Sky. We played up until 11:52 p.m. and called it a day shortly after saying goodbye to each other in Sky.

Song of the day: The Outside by Taylor Swift

That One Saturday Where I Accidentally Made Chloroform

Sat, 21 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a Saturday which just made me feel more relaxed after a pretty chill and rainy week. However, the day wasn't chill as it progressed. Today started with me talking to my friends on our Sky Kids server about them being interested in buying new keys for their other keyboard. We then continued talking about keycaps and we kept looking for them until I found this Howl's Moving Castle-themed keycap set and they loved it. We also loved the blue keyboard used in the product images and I found out the specific model after asking about it online. After a while talking about keyboards, someone in the server shows me this Lilo and Stitch meme and I eventually reveal to them that I had commissioned an artist to make their Sky Kid into a small statue, which seemed cute. I kind of ruined the surprise, but whatever. At least they know that they will be getting that gift from me now. We talk about other things while I try to get my own copy of God of War: Ragnarök working on Linux. We left the call shortly after that because I did have to sleep and I eventually got God of War: Ragnarök to run on Linux before sleeping. I eventually woke up to see that my sister had left for my nephew's birthday party and I woke up at 1 p.m., in the afternoon. I did my daily routine and we got into a call in the server. They played God of War: Ragnarök after I helped them install it and we got through the first parts of the game. It was also raining really hard and my sister had just come home, bringing pasta and other things from the birthday party. After playing for a while, my friend's PC crashes and we're left to play Sky first. We play Sky for a bit and then move on me playing Bad Parenting because they suggested it. It was pretty creepy, honestly, and it had some jumpscares that scared us. It was a short game so, after I was done playing, we took a break and did other things. During the break, I helped my sister clean that maggot infestation on the dining room table. A piece of chicken, which I saw from last night, had eventually rotted and had maggots. My sister kept pouring bleach onto it and I had the fucking bright idea of pouring alcohol onto it, thinking that it'll kill the maggots faster. We did our best to clean up, all while covering our noses and hands with paper and masks because the whole thing was just so disgusting. After cleaning it all up, I went back to call my friends. For the evening, they made me play The Devil In Me from the Dark Pictures Anthology, their favorite horror game series. We played it for a while and some of it was frightening, some of it was intriguing as well because it was apparently about a real-life story. We continued on playing until I got tired and asked them to play instead.

Journal entry for Friday, September 20th, 2024

Fri, 20 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

My day started with me trying to download God of War: Ragnarök because it had just been released. I was still talking to my friends about cat stuff. We still got into a call at around 2:45 a.m. We watched this creepy analog horror video from Wowman about Inside Out and it kind of frightened me. I played Tokyo Xtreme Racer 3 in PCSX2 to chill and make myself feel like I was in the old status quo. I streamed other videos and then played Genshin in the background. After that, we left the call and I had to sleep afterward. My morning continued as usual with me just chilling and doing my morning tasks. My shift passed by as soon as it came with nothing noteworthy going on. In the evening, I talked to my friends about how their day went. I did their dailies in Sky and adopted a moth that had lost some of their wings in the Hidden Forest.

Song of the day: Akala by Parokya Ni Edgar

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Akala ko alam ko na ang lahat
Ng dapat kong malaman ngunit
Mali na naman
Pero okay lang 'yan

'Wag kang matakot na baka magkamali
Walang mapapala kung 'di ka magbakasakali
Dahil lumilipas ang oras
Baka ka maiwanan kung hindi mo susubukan

Journal entry for Thursday, September 19th, 2024

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My day started with me talking to my friends. We played Sky for a bit and saw a Shared Space that someone had set up in the Valley of Triumph that had a Cinnamoroll plushie on it. It was cute and we took photos. After that, we talked on Discord for a bit until they had to nap and I got some rest afterward as well. Today's morning was nothing new. It was pretty chill aside from me doing a few tasks which I had expected. During lunchtime, we got into VHH and we played Cuphead first. We tried to complete that dragon stage, but we couldn't do it so we decided to stop playing Cuphead for now. Since we had nothing to do, someone suggested that we watch Maria Leonora Teresa (2014) instead and I streamed it to pass the time. After that, I streamed a few other scary videos, and then someone and I left VHH in the afternoon. I just did random things and patiently waited God of War: Ragnarök to be released in the late evening.

Song of the day: Taste by Sabrina Carpenter

Journal entry for Wednesday, September 18th, 2024

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was talking to my friends as the day was starting and we were talking about a few things, but mostly was nothing noteworthy. I eventually asked them if they wanted to get food for tonight and I told them that I would treat them. They were getting palabok and so did I, but I got chicken and burger steak as well. We continued the same horror video about YouTube's unwatched horror and then we all disconnected from the call. But I couldn't get some sleep, so I just kept myself awake for the morning. As my shift started in the morning, I completed a few work tasks. My work was pretty chill. After work, I saw that I received a lot of messages from my friends because they invited me to play Sky with them. We kept playing Sky and even bumped into one of their moth friends, the same one from yesterday. We collected a few winged lights together and we stayed in a call until around late evening. After that, we all left the call and I did other things for the evening.

Song of the day: Who's Holding Donna Now? by Rhythm Of The Night

The Chillest Day

Tue, 17 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today was pretty fun, like today was the opposite of stressful. I wish I could have more days like this. My day started out with my friends messaging me on the Sky Kids Discord server asking if I'm still awake. I told them that I was still awake but they didn't notice because I was still offline. Then we talk for a bit while they do their work. It was just your usual conversation between us. They eventually tell me that some of our old coworkers have been sending them weird messages and I just laughed at it. We talked about a few more things after that and I told them that I was worried about God of War because I heard that Sony has blocked other countries due to PSN before, and it was almost release but it was still not available in the Philippines. Queue me trying to buy God of War: Ragnarök for a bit and it was stressful as hell. Eventually, I figured out a workaround and I was able to buy some credits on Steam for the game. After that whole fiasco, I eventually just asked them to just eat together with me. We mostly got Chowking and some of my friends got wonton mami, while I got beef wonton mami and wonton mami. While we were in the call, I told them that this photo of Eunchae looked cute and then they teased me about it. I also showed them a photo of Winter which they also teased me about. We watched some scary horror videos while we were eating and it was alright until we had to stop halfway through the video because we had to go do other things. I slept after that. My morning shift was pretty much easy and no major problems arose from yesterday's work, which made me feel glad. After that, I did other work things and eventually, my shift ended. I just napped for 2 hours after that because I was so sleepy. Come evening, my friends and I were talking again and they were supposed to play the new Fears To Fathom that just got released: Woodbury Getaway. They tried playing it for a bit but then the game kept crashing and pretty soon they got frustrated. Since they couldn't play it, I decided to just play it instead and stream it in VHH. Since nothing went on for the entirety of the evening, things were pretty chill as I just played Fears To Fathom. It was thrilling, but the early parts were a bit slow in my opinion. I did other things and my friends messaged me, saying that they made a new friend who was a moth. I joined them and played around with them in Sky. We collected a few winged lights and I found out that they were Indonesian. It was fun to play with them for a bit and I did other, random things after that.

Song of the day: 100 Years by Five For Fighting

Ragnarök

Mon, 16 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

My day started with me still staying up from last night. I couldn't sleep properly and I started my day pretty early. I got myself food from Jollibee and eventually my Monday shift started after that. Work was fairly-okay and nothing major went on. And around lunchtime, my friends messaged me and we got to talking. Moving on is the only way. Things have gone full circle and I told them that Ragnarök was the end of Asgard, they said that it was the end of worlds and that our server was a world of its own. After that, we just got food and then decided to have a call. We got into one and they decided on pizza, and I ordered pizza for myself as well. Our food also arrived and we ate pizza. We watched a few horror videos on YouTube for a bit and then continued playing Sky. Things were okay after that, we completed our last Eden run together. In the afternoon, I did some light work and my shift quickly ended after doing that. Things were sailing easy for all of us and we eventually left the call after that. Nothing much happened in the evening.

Song of the day: Emma Rose by Kate Wolf

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Saying "Emma Rose, it grieves me
To leave you so alone"

Journal entry for Sunday, September 15th, 2024

Sun, 15 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I spent my early morning talking to Nathan, Ane, and Ane's friends on their Discord server for a while. We were discussing Ane's story and I was playing Monster Hunter in the background. After a while, we played Phasmo and we completed the weekly challenge together. It was fun but felt weird because I wasn't playing with my friends like I usually would. After that, we left the call and I stayed up for the night. I couldn't sleep because I drank coffee last night. It wasn't even a tall cup of coffee, it was a regular-sized cup I mistakenly ordered. But still, it was enough to keep me up the entire night. I stayed up until 9:40 a.m. but slept throughout the entire morning after that. I then woke up at 7 p.m. and I checked my notifs. I replied to my friends for a bit and we were talking. They showed me that they were watching the DotA grand finals or something. Then Rachel invited me to play Stardew for a bit. They told me what was going on in their life and I was finally able to tell a friend quite a lot about my life situation. These days, I feel like Rachel is the only person I can talk to things about and they wouldn't judge me or make me a lesser person in their eyes. Rachel would just tell me stories about her love life and the things going on in her life and I got to tell her about the dilemma I had just fixed in my life and a bit about how I was genuinely feeling. It made my day a little better and that was honestly the thing that saved this day from being a disaster. Because after that, I ran into problems with my friends. I just told them that I was just gonna do my own thing like put away my food because I had just eaten and they took it as something else. I just got fully frustrated and called things out, but they didn't reply to me after that so that just solidified my stance on ending things for good.

Journal entry for Saturday, September 14th, 2024

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was surprisingly average, despite hanging out with friends. I stayed up the entire night doing random things and I slept in the morning because I was tired by then. I woke up for a bit to message Ane if we were still g for today and we were just waiting on Nathan, so I just slept for a bit longer. Ane eventually called me while they were on their way to BGC. After a while, I got ready and booked a ride to that location. Eventually, I arrived and met Ane and Nathan at Fully Booked. They eventually tried to share a few things with me but couldn't tell me the full story. They asked how I was doing and I told them I had no life updates, which was kind of a half-lie, but whatever. We eventually got to Bread Talk and I ordered some bread from there, but it wasn't that good because the bread wasn't hot, even though I had asked for it to be reheated. We ate at Marugame Udon nearby and the food was okay there as well. I ordered alongside them and paid for it because that was what we talked about. We got our orders and talked for a while. I probably rubbed some onion in my eyes because my right eye got irritated. But Ane got on with her story and told me about it. After a while, an unknown number called me and it was the same angry motorcycle dude from a few days ago. I essentially got berated and argued with them, and it was a stressful experience because I was in front of my friends. The whole argument seemingly went on for a while and my food was getting cold, so I just muted them and my voice input to talk to my friends, and the guy eventually dropped the call. It was really stressful and kind of ruined my appetite because I didn't eat much after that. It was so off-putting. Ane eventually told me the bulk of her story and then we had to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf a little bit down BGC High Street. I got coffee for them and I also got coffee for myself. Ane eventually caught me up to speed with her story and our discussion ended there. Ane and Nate were doing something and Nate specifically was preoccupied with something related to Ane's story, but that was it. They asked me what was going on in my life and they really thought I had something to say or a story to tell them. While I did, I didn't really want to tell them. I wasn't sure if I could confide in them about the things going on in my life. The past stories I told them kind of colored their view about me and I don't want more stories to make their view worse. I just gave them the generic "me being busy with my own things" speech. I also told them that I would rather be happy and quiet on my own than cause drama or a mess in someone else's life, which Ane and Nathan immediately understood. We just did other things before we had to leave. We walked for a bit until Market Market and talked for a bit, but then we had to leave and I shoulder-hugged them both before leaving. I booked a ride home and eventually got into their Discord to talk and play games, which continued my night.

Song of the day: Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
You're the kind of reckless that should send me running
But I kinda know that I won't get far

Journal entry for Friday, September 13th, 2024

Fri, 13 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My day started out with me waking up early in the day at around 2:15 a.m. I saw a message from my friends asking me if I was awake, but that was sent at around 1 a.m. I still replied and messaged them, and I was surprised that they replied immediately. They asked me to play this horror game called Ten Bells and it was a horror game but also kind of a puzzle/logic game. I said I was down to play it but also hungry. I was originally going to order palabok from Jollibee and I also invited them to eat alongside me. Unfortunately, while ordering, the restaurant was suddenly closed in Grab and I was forced to order from another Jollibee store, one that didn't have palabok. I changed my order and still placed it. Also, my friends' order arrived way earlier than mine and they opened their cam to show their pajamas, which I noticed was new. Since they got their food already, I just played the game as I would and I eventually had to pause for a bit to get my order. I played Ten Bells while trying to eat on the side. I couldn't eat much because I had to play the game and then eat, but whatever. I told my friends that it was my pet peeve to let freshly served food get cold and told them my experience about it. We continued and we progressed really well after a few early hiccups. I eventually got up until 9 bells. My friends were telling me how anxious they were for me and I told them that I wasn't anxious of failing at all. We both remarked it was because of our different upbringings and life experiences, which I just really made me notice that I'm no stranger to failure. My friends also helped me out by spotting some things I didn't notice. Unfortunately, I failed after getting 9 bells straight and we didn't notice the anomaly that tripped us up as everything seemed normal. After that, they got back to other things but they were still watching my playthrough. I got back up to 8 bells when I made a mistake that caused me to reset my progress once again. My friends eventually called it done after that and had to go back to other things. I just ate after that and tried to reheat my food. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and worked on other things. Then my morning started and I got to work. My morning was mostly spent on fixing a major thing that popped up and I tried my best to help. That was pretty much it after that and things were just chill for the remainder of my shift. In the evening, I just helped my sister with her website and gave her tips. I also ate dinner and just chilled for the rest of the evening.

Song of the day: Armageddon by aespa

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Imma get it

Done
(Aw wayo wayo)
널 향해 겨눠 Get it, gone
(Aw wayo wayo)
이젠 널 끝내 Better run
(끝을 모르는 너와 나
You gonna, gonna)
깨트려 거침없이 Done
(Go way up, way up)
Full shot pull it up Armageddon

Journal entry for Thursday, September 12th, 2024

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Jesus Christ, was today a close one. My day began with me accompanying my friends but only talking to them through chat. I tried to talk to them for a bit and tried to get them to take that free food thing that I got, but they said they wouldn't be eating tonight so I just slept. After that, my shift just started fine. I played with my friends in Sky and we had a quick run. My evening was uneventful, but at least things turned out okay so I'm counting that as a win.

Song of the day: Armageddon by aespa

Journal entry for Wednesday, September 11th, 2024

Wed, 11 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

In the morning, I was finishing standalone journal entries for my mood calendar and I had just completed it. I wanted to message my friends about it and I told them, and they eventually replied because they were still working. I wanted to treat them for food because I had just completed a major accomplishment but they said that they couldn't eat tonight. I just slept after that after I offered them the food coupon. My day was just okay. Work started and things were just par for the course. In the afternoon, my friends messaged me but I slept during lunchtime. After I woke up, I replied to them and they eventually invited me to play Sky soon after. Nothing much happened after that. I did get Mualani, though, so that's something.

Song of the day: Doki Doki Literature Club! by Dan Salvato

Journal entry for Tuesday, September 10th, 2024

Tue, 10 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My day started with me programming and doing some work on my website to have standalone links for mood calendar entries. It took a while and I had a lot of stuff to work out link theming and how entries would be fetched, but it all worked out in the end. I was able to make significant progress and I stayed up coding until 5 a.m. in the morning. After that, I talked to my sister for a bit and slept for a while. My morning started with me doing my usual work tasks and having a chill time doing so. Things were just okay and nothing big came up. Also my friends messaged me in around lunchtime. We talked for a bit and they said that we should do our Eye of Eden thing today. I said that I would sleep for a bit more for lunch, and I did. After resting, they asked me again if I'm free for Eden and then asked me to VHH. They told me that they have been in VHH since earlier, which seemed sweet that they joined without me, and I eventually joined them in VHH. We did our usual Eden run and they went further than I did and we finished Eden. In the afternoon, I got into a quick meeting to handle some work stuff, but I handled all those and my shift eventually ended. After that, we did our dailies in Sky for a bit after that then I streamed some videos. After streaming, they suggested that we watch a movie titled Leave the World Behind (2023). Since nothing much was going on at work, I streamed it and we talked during the whole movie. I also realized that I had already watched the movie before, but only the summary of it. We couldn't finish the movie because we all had different things to do in the evening and we left the call. After all that, I talked to my sister for a bit and did some miscellaneous things in the evening. I slept/passed out early, at around 7 p.m. or so and but then woke up later at around midnight.

Song of the day: Bubble Gum by NewJeans

Journal entry for Monday, September 9th, 2024

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up at midnight today to reply to my friends and got started on SSR for my website. I had decided that tonight would be the night where I got everything done. As a treat, I got myself my favorite sisig baboy naked burrito from Army Navy and watched some episodes of The Simpsons and Family Guy as a rest before starting on work. Then I started coding and got to work trying to get SSR ready and deployed. It was a rough 4 hours of just straight-up work, but I finally got it done come morning. I deployed a new version of my site and updated the mood calendar entries for the past day. Since it was already morning, I couldn't sleep and continued working since it was already my shift anyway. My morning started out pretty busy but I was able to solve most of my issues with ease, aside from a few hiccups here and there. Everything was okay, though. Things went on as usual for me and my friends also messaged at this time. We played Sky for a bit and did our dailies, along with a candle run as well. After that, they downloaded Beyond: Two Souls and played it in a call during lunch. They stayed in a call with me and kept playing the game throughout the afternoon, then I had a work meeting. After the meeting, we played Sky and we did quick candle run, and also did the daily quests for today. After our playthrough ended, I got some rest and slept for the entire evening because I was so tired and sleepy.

Song of the day: KEEP UP by Odetari

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Let's start the war, I love it when it's like that
G-go ahead, I'll get ya right back
I-I-I love it when you fight back
I'm up, so, where yo' flight at?
N-n-no (Oh no, now don't get frozen)
L-l-lightspeed to all who's chosen
Keep up, I'm too fa-ast, I'm too fa-a-ast
Push my foot up on that pedal, then I'm gone
(G-g-g-gone, g-g-gone, gone)
Keep up on my track, on my track
Boy, I'll dust ya, keep my numbers going strong
(Strong, strong, str-str-str-strong; g-g-g-g-grand slam)

A Return to Normalcy

Sun, 08 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My day started with me still being at the same Starbucks from yesterday. I had completed a lot of work for SSR on my website and I believe I had fixed a big chunk of it by now. After taking a while more code and fixes for the album art fetching, I eventually decided to go home at around 2 a.m. I booked an Angkas ride going home but I had a small kerfuffle with the first rider, but the rider after that was without issue (aside from him driving a too fast and scaring the heck out of me). I eventually arrived home and Lala was still talking to me, so I messaged her and stuff. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep because I had drank coffee from the previous night and very recently so I had nothing to do other than staying up. It was already morning and my sister wakes up and we talk for a bit more. I slept quite a bit in the early morning and woke up in the afternoon. Then my sister's boyfriend came by our house and I asked him to help me lift the PC and to assist in installing the replacement 32GB RAM sticks I got. I gave him the old 16GB RAM sticks I was using and I eventually set up the cables again on my desk. I had also noticed that one of my drawers had collapsed so I had to fix that, too. After cleaning up my room a bit, I decided to just chill down for the rest of the day and focus on implementing SSR for my website. A bit into my coding journey, Exavier messaged me out of the blue saying that he was free to play Sons of the Forest. I just paused coding and decided to hop on Discord with him so we can play the game. It was still really fun, we easily killed enemies but had difficulties in the cave systems. As usual, we talked about life and updates, but it was mostly just us playing the game and having a chill time. He recommended an air purifier for me since I was sneezing all the time and I told him that my nose was usually clogged up. I decided to buy an air purifier like that in the future. We kept playing and my friends messaged me around 7:50 p.m. after they noticed that I was playing Sons of the Forest. We talk a bit about Sky and other things in the background while I was still playing with Exavier. We got lost in a really dark cave that left us disorientated so we decided to park it for the day and said that we'd continue playing at another time. I talked to my friends after that but they weren't inviting me to a call. I decided to just sleep the night off and called it a night.

Journal entry for Saturday, September 7th, 2024

Sat, 07 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I went home alright and our house still had no Internet connection. My friends asked me if I still had Internet connection and I told them no, and they didn't reply to me anymore for the evening. I talked to Lala for a bit but that was mostly it, I slept after that since there wasn't much to do. I woke up in the morning and it was still horrible in our house because everything was still wet as hell and there still was no Internet. My sister thought that it was just a broken fiber cable and that it was the cause of the issues, and I told them that it wasn't the case, but they didn't listen and spent on a new fiber cable. When it had arrived and I connected it, nothing happened. I really wanted to tell her "I told you so" but held back on it because I was still frustrated at the Internet provider. I knew the whole time that there was an issue with the ISP itself anyway, not just some dumb cable. In the evening, I lit my friends' star in Sky and they logged on immediately. We played for a bit in Sky to complete our dailies and do a candle run as well. I was deciding on whether or not to go out again but instead decided to stay at home and my sister and I bought KFC for dinner. After my friends and I stopped playing Sky, they tried to find a game to download and I taught them on how to download this horror game from the Dark Pictures Anthology. They were going to stream it in a call and I decided to go to Starbucks in 32nd Street so I can watch. I booked a ride going to my favorite hangout spot ever and eventually arrived there. I ordered a white chocolate mocha and a slice of a chocolate swiss cake (which was rather small). I went upstairs to find myself a seat and thankfully I found a vacant cushion seat. Then I messaged my friends and we got into a call, they tried to stream the game, but their PC kept crashing so they couldn't really play it. They streamed something else instead, We Harvest Shadows, and I was watching while eating that cake I got and drinking coffee. On a side note, the cake was unexpectedly good. My friends played in the call for a while but it was hard because I felt embarrassed to speak to them in public, for whatever reason. I'm usually the type to not give a shit about what people think of me but I just had to hold myself back at that moment. After a bit, my friends got too scared and couldn't finish the game. We talked for a bit more and eventually my friends had to leave early because they had to sleep. I just continued programming and working on SSR for my website after that, I also implemented a song search feature for the song that's playing on my profile card.

Song of the day: I'm Not The Only One (feat. TAEYEON) by Sam Smith, TAEYEON

Journal entry for Friday, September 6th, 2024

Fri, 06 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, all of the sudden, my Internet connection cuts out and I'm left to use the pocket Wi-Fi until it comes back. I just decided to sleep for the night. In the afternoon, I decided to just leave the house and finally get the RAM sticks I sent in for warranty. I went through a very familiar road I passed by in 2022, it almost was close to Lubiran street as well. I had some anxiety swell up in me as we were going through this road and it was just scary to go through. But I eventually arrived at the store where I had sent the warranty in for and I got the RAM. Since there was a Starbucks nearby, I just decided to hang out there at Starbucks High Pointe Medical Hub. I thankfully got a couch seat and ordered a non-usual drink (though I couldn't remember what). I stayed a while in the Starbucks, surprisingly. I was in the store from 4:55 p.m. up until 11 p.m. in the late evening and the store was pretty packed. I'm glad I got a couch seat which made the experience better. I tried my best to work on SSR for my website and I progressed very far into refactoring my code and cleaning up the functions, and more things. By the end of the day, I could say that I was pretty productive in my efforts. I went home after that and ended the day there.

Song of the day: CRAZY by LE SSERAFIM

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Back in the days 미침에
미치지 못했던 me
더이상 내 끌림 앞에
거짓 증언은 않지
무슨 의미 또 무슨 가치
가능과 불가능 이젠 다 쉿

Journal entry for Thursday, September 5th, 2024

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I just decided to take a leave from work today because I was sick, and I was sick all day. Nothing much happened.

Song of the day: Think of Laura by Christopher Cross

Journal entry for Wednesday, September 4th, 2024

Wed, 04 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Christ, was today just stressful. Some days are just not worth writing down/coming back to.

Song of the day: (What A) Wonderful World by Sam Cooke

A "Horribly Good" Bad Day

Tue, 03 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was a really fuckin' weird day, I tell you. It started with me staying up until 3 a.m. but then I got bored and lonely so I decided to hop on Omegle and talk to someone there. I met a person under the "Genshin" interest tag and we were quickly playing Genshin. They helped me with doing my dailies and some domains. I eventually ran out of resin to use and we just kept talking on Discord through chat. It turns out that we had a lot in common like we both have very unique names. Eventually, I had to sleep since it was already 4:15 a.m. and I had work in the morning. My morning started out really nice, to be honest. Milktea was very playful and wanted to be very close and affectionate with me. I think he mostly missed my sister. With that, I started doing my work and I was very easily stressed out in the morning due to technical issues. It actually pushed me to the brink of almost breaking down because I've spent my early mornings doing work (for free) and my stress has been piling up. It was a mess. Regardless, I just pushed through with work even though I was so ready to just cry and have a mental breakdown then and there. My friends were talking to me during this time. For lunch, my friends and I went into a call to play Devour and they were so scared of it. So instead we tried to continue watching the American version of The Ring (2002) and we finished it. After that, we played Sky again to complete Eden and that was that. I went back to work and my friends eventually disconnected from the call after we finished our Eden run. The evening was also stressful because I got into a minor argument with my sister, but all was okay by late evening. I also talked to that new person very late into the day and we just found out that we also had the same favorite solo artist. It was such a massive coincidence and I just couldn't believe it. Eventually, they had to say good night to me because they had to sleep and my friends also messaged me at this time. I had a *very* shit day, but having my friends there and meeting someone new that was interesting made my day way better. The general mood was still horrible and I felt extremely exhausted, but I still enjoyed it. What made my day was when I got the message, "Thank you [again] for today" and it honestly touched my heart. It's been such a long time since a person was very appreciative of me, even at a small level, and I would've been a wreck today had it not been for small things like that. Playing Sky, watching a movie, and talking to friends really helped stave off what could've been an awful day.

Song of the day: The Lion Sleeps Tonight (Wimoweh) by The Tokens

Journal entry for Monday, September 2nd, 2024

Mon, 02 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was a usual workday for me, I was very busy and mostly alone today. Since it was raining really hard today, my sister worked from home today. I talked to my friends on the side, but it was very sporadic and nothing noteworthy happened throughout the day.

Song of the day: Cold Feet by Lost Lander

Journal entry for Sunday, September 1st, 2024

Sun, 01 Sep 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I don't remember much happening today. In the morning, I stayed up late even until 6 a.m. and my friends saw me online. We talked for a bit and then they asked me to stream the American version of The Ring (2002) since they didn't watch it properly. So we got into a call to watch the movie. Around halfway through the movie, my friends weren't responding so I left the call. I also needed to sleep because I had been up for almost 24 hours at this point. Aside from that in the morning, I also spilled the tea to my friends. After that, nothing else noteworthy happened.

Song of the day: Ocean Man by Ween

The Great (Non-British) Bake-off

Sat, 31 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today is the day! Today is the day when someone and I will be baking together! Only, we wouldn't bake together and instead, we'd be baking each of our own cakes, separately. In the morning, I was thankfully feeling less pain in my foot and I can place it firmly on the ground now. Phew, I'm glad that the "hail Mary" thing I did yesterday of chugging medicine and a full carton of milk to ease my gout and hasten my recovery worked. I could finally walk now! Only, there was that small side effect of the medicine that I had to endure in the morning. But eventually, I booked a Grab for someone and me, and we both had the same ride so we could talk on the way there. Since the ride was approaching my house, I just made a deal with myself to carry on and live through the next few hours and that was my only wish. I've been suffering from side effects and had a shitty week, but I'm going through this gritting my teeth. Once the car arrived and I hopped in, someone and I began talking. Initially, they got the location of my house wrong, which was funny, but we also talked about a lot of things while on the way to S Maison. We talked about our old friends, the places I've been to in Taguig, my neighborhood's history, and a lot more. It was a comfortable ride. Since someone and her family were going to hang out later for dinner, I just gave her the gold Timezone card (which still had some credits) that I had. The driver was supposed to drop off us at the front of SM Mall of Asia, but I just asked them to drop us off somewhere near S Maison, and someone said Conrad Manila and asked to tip them 50 for the trouble. They agreed and we were dropped off nearby, we had a short walk before going to Conrad/S Maison. We walked for a while, but thankfully I didn't feel any pain in my left foot. I thought it would be really, **really** bad because I couldn't walk with it for some reason, in the morning. Since we were a bit early and it was just 1:30 p.m. (our reservation was at 2:00 p.m.), we walked to Fully Booked for a while. I thought it would be on the second floor, but apparently it wasn't. It was such a big surprise that it had relocated and was way smaller now, I had just been there in January! Regardless, someone and I checked out the store and we found some really interesting books. We saw a few books we were familiar with, like Pride & Prejudice and the other books of Jane Austen. Someone was interested in The Secret Garden because the book looked pretty and it was special to them since they had memories of reading it during elementary. I offered to give them any book of their choosing and they told me that they would pick a book later. We looked around for a bit longer, found some other books, and talked about them, and we went to Bakebe for our activity for the day. We entered early, at around 1:45 p.m. or so and we got started. We took a few photos and that's when I told them that we both would be cooking our respective "Shakespeare's Chocolate Cake" for the day. They told me it would take a while but they continued along with it anyway. Someone immediately got started and I tried my best to catch up to them. They were preparing and measuring ingredients and they taught me how to use the digital kitchen scale. I kept looking at her items because I was too lazy to get my provided iPad and follow along, but I eventually did. For the most part, we were mostly focused on our cooking. We didn't have much time to idly chat and take photos together. We did help each other with our cakes, funny enough. I helped them carry the cake batter to the oven and they told me to be careful with it, I joked that I could've been a surgeon in this life with how steady my hands are (even though they aren't). I was able to help, though, and I brought some ingredients to her from time to time. In return, someone also helped me with preparing my cake like helping out with setting the chocolate on the parchment paper, and I even used the chocolate ganache that she made because mine was too hot to set on the cake. It was a fun, casual activity, all things considered, and we also joked around like how we normally would in VHH. By the end, our cakes looked massively different from each other. Hers was shorter because she opted out for the feather and had cut her layers too thin. At least someone's cake looked presentable. Mine looked like a mess but in a good way. I had unevenly cut the layers making my cake look like it's leaning, and I didn't put much frosting on mine. It looked like a giant tower of cake, funnily enough, because it was way taller and had 2 feathers as the topping. We eventually took a photo together while holding our cakes and we went back to Fully Booked. She's decided on the book she wants and it's The Secret Garden. She looked happy with the book and we went to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to sit while they waited for their family to arrive. I got caramel macchiato for myself and water for someone because it was the only thing they can drink. We mostly waited for their family to arrive and someone mostly read through the whole thing. I opened Genshin on my phone and someone pulled on characters for me, and it was the luckiest 10-pull yet because I got **3 characters that I've never had** (Chichi, Xinyan, Xingqiu) which honestly shocked me. Even though we pulled for Mualani, I didn't really get her. I showed them my characters in Genshin but she eventually went back to reading her book. After a while, their family called them to say that they had arrived to their meetup place and I booked a Grab ride to stop over there. The ride was just going to stop there and then take me directly home. We got a ride and we talked about a few things like if we liked Popeye's or not and work, but then we quickly arrived at the mall and someone had to leave. The rest of the car ride was just me playing music and looking outside. By the time I got home, I placed the cake in the fridge and had a take-out dinner with my sister. I spent the night mostly by myself, just resting because I pushed my body too far and I needed the rest. Someone was still out with their family but they messaged me every now and then. Eventually, they arrived home and we got into VHH. Eventually, someone logged into Sky and we did our dailies in the Daylight Prairie. After we did our dailies, someone asked me to stream horror videos and I played one from WOWMAN as the night went on.

Song of the day: Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

Journal entry for Friday, August 30th, 2024

Fri, 30 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

My day started with me talking to someone on Discord about some minor things. Nothing was noteworthy about it and we just chatted, but didn't have VHH. At around 1:53 a.m., I tried to sleep. My morning started with pain as I was still reeling from the pain of having gout, even though I took 2 tablets of medicine yesterday already. I rested for a bit more because the pain was so much, and I also played with Milktea for a while in the morning as well because he was very playful for some reason. After that, someone eventually greeted me with "awakeeeee" in the morning. It was her last day in the company and our last day as coworkers. It was bittersweet because I'll miss them dearly. They wanted to show me their new cape in Sky and we talked for a bit. After a while, I started work and focused for a while. Someone and I still kept talking in the background, and I even had Cookie come and talk to me about audio stuff again and tell me how he's doing now. I also did my usual round of morning tasks and had a meeting for a bit, which all turned out well. Around lunchtime, someone invited me to VHH, which was unexpected. We talked for a bit before someone had to have lunch and I just did more work on my PC. After she came back, I took a lunch break and played Sky with them. I tried on a height spell that just made my height way shorter and I didn't really go back to my original height after that. We talked to a Japanese person for a bit while I did my usual of speaking Spanish, which annoyed her a bit but it was still funny to me. We completed our dailies after that and we tried out the surfboard. I told her to try it out in the Sanctuary Islands and we tried surfing there. Surprisingly, there were other people surfing, too. After that, I timed back for work and went to work on my afternoon tasks. By 3 p.m., I had gone through my usual tasks. Also, someone had finished sending all of their goodbye messages and I told them that I hadn't gotten my goodbye message as well. She seemed shocked to hear it but eventually gave me a short goodbye message on Glip. After work, we were both playing Sky. Since it was their last day, I decided to gift them the parasol from the current Days of Sunlight event. They really wanted the parasol and it's the least I could give as thanks. After trying out the parasol in the Hidden Forest, we collected some flames in the area while also being amazed at how well the parasol works. Eventually, someone had to go to sleep and we both left VHH after that. For the evening, I got non-fat milk and a bunch of stuff to help me with my gout for tomorrow. Since we would be going out and walking around, I decided to essentially rush my healing process. I ate dinner with my sister, although we just ate the food that I hadn't eaten all day and we didn't really order out like we had planned. I also helped my sister buy Hogwarts Legacy and she played it for the evening, and she also helped me by carrying to groceries for me. She mostly played with Milktea for the evening and I was trying to get by with managing my health. My sister also liked the Silent Sanctuary song that I was playing, which was nice. After that, the rest of my evening was nothing noteworthy.

Song of the day: Masanay Ka Muna by Silent Sanctuary

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Buksan lang ang pinto
Mahirap ang mawalay sa minamahal, mga puso'y isusugal
Naiwang pangako
Bukas marahil ay hindi mo na alam, bahala na ang Maykapal
Masanay ka muna

Bakit ka magdududa? Two-years-time lang siya, hija
Pagkakataong subukan kung kayo ngang dalawa

Journal entry for Thursday, August 29th, 2024

Thu, 29 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My friends messaged me as the day started. We talked for a bit and they told me they were mostly busy with other stuff. I stayed up for a while before going to sleep as they didn't reply anymore. In the morning, my foot was still hurting but I just decided to take medicine regularly for it since I had it on hand. I timed in for work and tried to power through today's tasks. Everything was okay and pretty chill, nothing I couldn't handle. My friends and I talked for a bit more after that and someone asked me what time I'll have lunch. I asked them what they would be doing for lunch and they said "nothing," so I just suggested that I'll just stream some horror videos for us to watch. I streamed a video from blameitonjorge and a video essay about the manga Blood on the Tracks, which piqued my interest a bit since it's been around 6 years since I stopped my manga reading phase. After lunch, I went back to work and had meetings in the afternoon. I suddenly had a meeting and that took a longggg time, it ate up the bulk of my afternoon. After all that, I timed out for work. My evening wasn't all that eventful, I just ordered Chowking since I hadn't eaten all day and I felt really full after eating. My sister eventually came home late, but she brought me dinner and breakfast for tomorrow, which I just placed in the ref for me to eat tomorrow because I was already full. My night continued on with nothing else noteworthy going on.

Song of the day: Umaaraw, Umuulan by Rivermaya

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Dahil wala ring mangyayari
Tayo'y walang mapapala
'Wag mong pigilan ang pagbuhos ng ulan

May panahon para maging hari
May panahon para madapa
Dahil ang buhay natin ay sadyang ganyan

Umaaraw umuulan

Journal entry for Wednesday, August 28th, 2024

Wed, 28 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today started out with me staying up a bit to talk to my friends for a bit. I'm not really accompanying them tonight and I'm not in a call with them, but I was sporadically chatting with them on Discord for a bit. After that, I continued to just browse and do my own thing. By 2 a.m., I tried to sleep but couldn't until it quickly turned to 3:50 a.m. I knew the effect on my sleep cycle was bad, but I didn't expect it to be this horrible. I was able to sleep this time, though. I finally went back to work after a long weekend + 1 vacation leave and thankfully everything's doing okay. I had to fix a minor problem at work, but it was fairly easy to fix. Work was quite busy in the morning, though, with me having a lot to do. Someone also messaged me at this time and they had a lot to do on their end as well. Since my sister was working from home today, we both had our breakfast covered. I got us Jollibee and that started our morning. I just did tasks until I had lunch at around 1:00 p.m. For lunch, my friends and I played Sky and they helped me complete my dailies in the Hidden Forest. We played in Sky for a bit, collected flames from granny, and explored that new event place for a while. Then I had to stream scary videos for the remainder of our lunch time. I had a few meetings in the afternoon as well. After work, I just did my own things for the evening. My sister also visited me in my room today and practiced singing "august" with me. We also sang a few songs together before we had dinner. I was finally able to fix my Genshin install in the evening and even managed to play and claim so many of the Natlan rewards. Loy also called me this evening, surprisingly, and we talked for a bit about his life and his concerns, mostly. He showed me his PSP collection and all the handhelds he's been collecting. It was mostly me still asking him about things going on in his life and being an ear, which was kind of disappointing because I think I've really lost all of the people who can hear me out and my life problems. But whatever, the call wraps up at around 10 p.m. After that, I had a huge blunder with building Yelan because I threw out one of her main artifacts, and I used up all of my resin tonight. In the end, I was still able to build Yelan with a complete set, although not as complete as I'd like. But I think she's "battle ready" right now anyway and next to upgrade on her team is Razor.

Song of the day: august by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
But I can see us lost in the memory
August slipped away into a moment in time
'Cause it was never mine
And I can see us twisted in bedsheets
August sipped away like a bottle of wine
'Cause you were never mine

Journal entry for Tuesday, August 27th, 2024

Tue, 27 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was my last day of rest from a well-deserved long weekend. I stayed up until 2 working on something. Unfortunately, that work didn't pan out much and I just slept. I woke up at around 11:50 a.m. or so in the morning. When I properly woke up, it was around noon and I haven't had breakfast yet. I set on to do my usual stuff and prepare my lunch. After microwaving my breakfast, I realized that it had spoiled and I just ordered McDonald's for myself. After that, I got into a call with my friends and I streamed some scary videos on YouTube. We also played Sky for a bit and they showed me the nest that they just decorated and put a new piano in. I then showed them the webtoon of the Bongcheon-Dong Ghost and they got jumpscared by it, funny enough. They were just eating food and watching scary videos with me in the call. I kept playing videos and they had mostly passed out at this time. I kept playing some videos and I even streamed the video they suggested, while some of them mostly slept or said nothing. At around 5 p.m. or so, we all had to leave the call so we can do other things. In the evening, nothing much happened aside from me trying to keep on learning that Terraform course I had been watching. Nothing much happened after that.

Song of the day: American Pie by Don McLean

Journal entry for Monday, August 26th, 2024

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I woke up today feeling a weird kind of pressure to be really productive because my long weekend is almost over. Even though I still have my day off tomorrow to look forward to, I still feel the need to make the most out of today. My morning wasn't anything noteworthy, I just relaxed and chilled because I remembered I might steer myself into burnout if I push myself further, so I decided that chill moments like these are needed. It rained quite a bit in the morning, and the weather was very unpredictable. But I still had my lunch and my sister bought the usual *carinderia* food. Thankfully, she got my favorite dish at the moment, *menudo*, and I enjoyed eating it in my room. I completed a few mood calendar entries and completed the basic entries so far, so I decided to go out and *finally* eat ramen at Ramen Nagi. I've been putting that off for so long, and I'm glad that I was actually able to follow through it today. I arrived at Ramen Nagi inside One Bonifacio High Street, just the same as my last Ramen Nagi visit. I ordered the "Red King (赤王)" and went all out on the customization. I thought I had set it at a nice spicy level, which was at 4. I also ordered a few extras for it like a tamago egg, extra seaweed, extra char siu pork, and extra noodles. When my waiter showed me that the base spiciness of the Red King was already at 5, with the level I chose being added, totaling to the 9th level of spiciness, I was shocked. I didn't know that it would be that level of spicy but whatever, I decided to just brave through it. My friends also messaged me at this time and we talked about how their trip went and how they got into a car accident. After a while, my food arrived and it wasn't that spicy. Honestly, I've eaten spicier noodles. It was certainly not to the level of Buldak and I got myself all worked up for nothing. I savored the food and it really hit the spot. I was also talking to my friends while eating my food, so it wasn't all that boring. Eventually, I finished my food and went on to use Reddit for a bit before going home. Initially, the plan was to go to my hangout place at Starbucks on 32nd Street, but I just didn't feel it. I could sense that it would be crowded tonight, so I just passed on it. I brought the MacBook along so I could continue working on my mood calendar and do some work, but I didn't really bring it out of my bag. I just booked a ride home and went home. When I got home, I talked to my friends for a bit but then just continued updating my mood calendar and finally publishing the remaining entries for last week. I also did some quick work on my blog's theme by fixing a bug that I found.

Song of the day: Last Christmas by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
A crowded room and friends with tired eyes
I am hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A girl on a cover but you tore her apart
Maybe this year
Maybe this year I will give it to someone special

Because last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I will give it to someone special
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I will give it to someone special

Journal entry for Sunday, August 25th, 2024

Sun, 25 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I didn't do much today, I mostly just spent the majority of the day by myself. In the morning, my friends sporadically messaged me throughout the day. I didn't really have much fun, it was mostly me talking to myself and playing games here and there. In the evening, I watched pranks from Vlog Creations/RossCreations. I also tried to complete the past week on my mood calendar. I wish I had done something more productive but I guess days like these are fine.

Song of the day: Mary On A Cross by Ghost

Lyrics that resonated with me:
You go down just like Holy Mary, Mary on a, Mary on a cross
Not just another bloody Mary, Mary on a, Mary on a cross

Journal entry for Saturday, August 24th, 2024

Sat, 24 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today and I mostly spent the entire day by myself. The only thing I had going on today was to play Sons of the Forest with Exavier in the afternoon. I mostly spent my time doing random things until then. By the time Exavier invited me to play SotF, I was able to start my game and we got into a Discord call. We just spent time, as usual, talking about each other's life updates because it has been a while. Nothing much happened inside the game because I mostly went in to retrieve the pistol and shotgun I gave Virginia and we mostly explored places on the island. We talked about a lot of things in life. I also ate the Potato Corner that my sister gave me and the ice cream she bought. Eventually, things ended at around 7 p.m. because we had to eat. I just ate dinner and nothing much happened after that.

Song of the day: Spoliarium by Eraserheads

Journal entry for Friday, August 23rd, 2024

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I spent the entire morning accompanying my friends throughout the entire night. We were already in a call by this time because I had played Crimson Snow. We mostly watched a few videos from The Tape Library and my friends mostly slept during the early hours. In the background, I was playing SSX Tricky so this day really felt like one of those days from the past where I'd stay up, accompany my friends, and play SSX Tricky while horror videos play in the background. At 5 a.m., my friends asked me if I would stay until morning, which is at 8 a.m. or so, and it was only a few hours away compared to the number of hours I've already spent here, so I decided to stay for a bit longer. I also found a new story game to play in the background, which was fun. By 8 a.m., someone was napping every now and then but I woke them up and they left the call. I also finished the game I was playing in the morning. I hadn't slept yet, so I decided to do some chores and general housekeeping. Around 11 a.m., I slept and I got a really well-deserved rest because I woke up late in the evening at around 7 or so. The rest of my evening was nothing noteworthy aside from getting a Yanfei constellation when I wished for Yelan again in Genshin.

Song of the day: American Pie by Don McLean

Today Was... Interesting?

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I didn't accompany my friends today because I was still thinking that everything was over. I woke up to no new messages and only irrelevant notifications. I timed in for the last day of work for the week and got started with my daily tasks. Work was fairly easy, nothing big was happening today and it was just supposed to be smooth sailing. I also reserved our cake baking tickets for August 31. By lunchtime, my friends messaged me and we got to talking. We added each other back on Steam, which was weird considering that I don't remember unfriending them. Then we got into a Steam Family group. They then moved to messaging me on Discord after I sent them a screenshot of my videos from my Watch Later that we couldn't watch anymore. Then they asked me to watch that analog horror video from 4Plus. I agreed and we got into a call to watch that analog horror video. It was perfect timing because I had actually bought myself Wendy's because I was feeling sad and I needed a pick-me-up. We watched the analog horror video and things feel like they were back to normal, even though I know that it shouldn't be. They accompanied me for the remainder of my shift and we talked about a lot of things. We also did our daily quests together in Sky and collected some winged lights along the way. After that, we all left the call because we had to do other stuff. In the afternoon, I got messages from my sister saying that she had a big problem at work. She was staying at Greenbelt and, since I had nothing else to do, I wanted to personally go there and see her so I can check up on her. Going to Makati was a race of time for me because it was the evening of a long vacation so I expected traffic. The road the driver took was the wrong route and actually wasted time even though I directed him elsewhere. I was even dropped off at the wrong stop. But eventually, I got to meet my sister and thankfully she was doing better. She was still a bit sad, but she seems okay now that I was there. She even expected that I would suddenly show up, which seemed to surprise me because I don't think I would be the type of person to do that, but apparently I am. In actuality, I want people to show up for me when I'm sad, but since no one's there for me anymore, I might as well be that person for the people I know. I decided that we should have dinner then and there and my sister suggested that we have Pepper Lunch. I kind of knew that it was a bit expensive, but whatever. We got to eat and then she tells me all about what happened, and also tells me that she also got advice from mom and dad. All of us are saying the same thing, surprisingly, and I guess she eventually listened after I gave her advice about it. After eating, we walked around Greenbelt for a bit and I told them that we should go to Timezone since I know I still had some load left. We played Wangan Midnight for a bit and I tried to complete a few races in. Also, I got 200 trophies now and got a big trophy for it. We only played that before we had to leave because my sister had to buy medicine. Unfortunately, there were no Mercury Drug stores nearby and we just went to the Starbucks downstairs before we went home. I ordered for us and talked to my sister for a bit more before we had to leave because I already booked us a Grab ride home. We got picked up and were on the way home. While I was in the Grab ride, my friends messaged me and we got to talking. I essentially told them what had happened because they didn't know I was going out as well and told them the entire situation. They invited me to play Crimson Snow in the call and I agreed to play when I got home. Eventually, my sister and I arrived home and I played Crimson Snow until midnight. The game was really scary and I was so scared because of the crazy lady chasing me down. This went on for a bit until we completed the entire story of Crimson Snow as the day ended.

Song of the day: The One That Got Away by Katy Perry

The End?

Wed, 21 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Awful

In the morning, I woke up feeling super tired because I didn't get proper sleep. I checked my messages and I found a message from my friends about some random, useless thing. Not even a "good morning" or "thanks for helping me out last night" or anything. This set off my morning horribly but I just focused and timed in for work. I was mostly alone for the rest of the day. I feel like I needed someone to share my problems to or talk things about with, but I know my current set of friends can't do that. For once, I ran out of people to share my situation with. But whatever, I just continued work whilst being sad. In the evening, Rachel had problems she wanted to tell me and we were supposed to play together. But I think they wanted to play Valorant and not Stardew or Lethal Company. We didn't talk much because Rachel felt tired so she went to sleep and I just had to stew in my thoughts for the evening. Times like this are when I really wish I had people to be honest to or have a friend to talk things with.

Song of the day: Thank You by Dido

Journal entry for Tuesday, August 20th, 2024

Tue, 20 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up at around 7 a.m. and started talking to my friends. It was the morning so I got my usual stuff done like my morning routine and tasks. I timed in for work and work was fairly-okay, a bit busy today. My friends invited me to play Sky with them and complete the dailies which were in the Golden Wasteland. We didn't really get far because some of my friends felt sleepy and decided to just rest, all of the sudden. Work passed and it was a busy kind of day with a lot of things to sort out. Come lunchtime and my friends invited me to play Sky and actually complete the daily quests before the candle lights reset. We took a few pictures in the Daylight Prairie and that was that. My friends left Sky and I was supposed to find any horror games worth playing. In the evening, my friends and I were still looking for a game. We had a few suggestions but none of them panned out. But then someone in the group decided that I play Crimson Snow because it was like Hollow Cocoon in that someone chased the player. It took a while and I had to update Windows and buy, then download, the game before I actually played it. In the end, we got into a call and I got through the early parts of Crimson Snow. It was pretty scary and I couldn't complete it in one sitting, so we ended things at the room with the first snowglobe.

Song of the day: Thank You by Dido

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And then you call me and it's not so bad
It's not so bad

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life

Journal entry for Monday, August 19th, 2024

Mon, 19 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I was still in a call with my friends and playing Madison. I waited for a bit before I disconnected them and left the call to get some sleep. In the morning, things were okay. I got started on work and did my usual, morning stuff like tasks and my routine. Work was fairly-okay so far as I was just on monitoring the systems we have for today. I also talked with my friends and we kept talking until lunchtime. By lunch, I was invited to play Sky with my friends and we ran through Eden together. We completed it easily and we got a lot of ascendant candles in our run. Some of my friends had a perfect run, scoring 15 while I only got 13 candles. But once that was done, we hung around in the call until the late afternoon or so when my friends had to leave. I unfortunately had overtime work in the evening, but it wasn't that big of a stressor (if at all). But I still spent a good chunk of my time there. My friends wanted me to play Madison and after my OT ended and I ate dinner, we were good to play. Unfortunately, Madison wasn't that scary and it was more of a puzzle game which was really complicated. It was kind of like an escape room only I couldn't properly figure out the puzzles because my mouse's scroll wheel wasn't working properly. My friends were also frustrated because the game seemed boring and it wasn't as scary as they had hoped. We disconnected from the call around 10 p.m. or so but I didn't accompany them for the evening anymore because I was so tired and exhausted.

Song of the day: The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco

Journal entry for Sunday, August 18th, 2024

Sun, 18 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I felt a lot better today after what happened Saturday night. I just decided to take on the path I've chosen and decided to level up and build Yelan. I completed a lot of things in Genshin today, most of them being events and I gained a lot of primogems from them. I easily completed this "finchball" minigame in under 30 minutes and felt pretty good. I also calculated how much damage my wallet took from spending on Yelan and it was pretty bad. My day continued as usual, with nothing else noteworthy going on. In the evening, my friends messaged me that we should do the dailies in Sky and I completed it with them. Then they asked me to do something and it was to play a horror game. I was supposed to do something else for the evening but I just decided to put it off. I downloaded and played Madison for a bit but I didn't progress far as my friends had already slept in the call by then.

Song of the day: Angelina by Lou Bega

Lyrics that resonated with me:
We can chacha on the floor
We can chacha on the couch
Baby, we can chacha all around my house
We can chacha in the night
Chacha till two
And if you chacha me
I have to chacha you

Oh Angelina, Angelina, Angelina
Oh my sweet signorina, signorina, Angelina
I-I-I bet, that we sweat
Angelina, Angelina, be my signorina!

Spiraled into the Abyss

Sat, 17 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was mostly me playing Genshin all day. It would start out okay, but things just got really bad at the end. I completed most of Nilou and Nahida's story quests and eventually got into AR 50. I continued playing for a bit and took breaks in between. Since I had some pending server migration stuff, I decided that now was a good time to do some work because I wouldn't bother some devs with my downtime. Eventually, things were looking great until I decided to pull for Yelan. I kept thinking that I was so close to winning her but kept getting the short end of the stick. It eventually spiraled into the evening with me continuing to buy more and more primogems for pulls, welkin, the banner pass, and all that wishing. When I reached the end, my total was around 4,235 Pesos. I nearly felt defeated when I noticed how much money I had at the start of the day versus how much was left at the end. I felt like puking and I got that same nauseous feeling I get when I overspend. I got Yelan at the end, but I just felt sick to my stomach. I eventually capped it off when I got her and just tried my best to build a team. Surprisingly, I got Mona twice today even though I've never had her before. I got a good team at the end, but it still didn't wash off any sick feelings I had.

Song of the day: Regent's Park by Bruno Major

Lyrics that resonated with me:
But now we're here in Regent's Park
Amongst the flowers and I wish it would rain

Journal entry for Friday, August 16th, 2024

Fri, 16 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Early Friday was just me recuperating my sleep for the past few days. I slept for around 13 hours or so which honestly surprised me. But my morning started with me talking to my friends for a bit and getting my breakfast ready. Around lunchtime, my friends wanted me to stream some horror videos so I got into a call and played a few analog horror videos and stuff. By the end of my shift, they wanted some affogato from Burger King so I treated them to it, but the rest of their order covered by them. They also told me to get some food for myself. I ordered and waited for them, but by the time they got their food, they eventually had to leave as soon as they got their food, which was the weirdest thing to me. I had assumed that we would eat the food and watch some scary videos like we always do. I guess the past few weeks really have had a lasting effect on us. It made me wonder but whatever, I just continued on. In the evening, I talked to other friends and played some Genshin. I eventually slept after that with nothing much else going on in the evening aside from me spending 900 or so on Genshin for some pulls for Yelan.

Song of the day: The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script

Journal entry for Thursday, August 15th, 2024

Thu, 15 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

For tonight, I accompanied my friends. I mostly talked to them while on my PC but then moved to my phone while on the bed, that's where I passed out. I slept for a bit but then eventually woke up to accompany them. They slept while I was talking to them but they eventually gave out the stuff they wanted to order because I somehow owed them free food. They didn't order much and I ordered as well. We both got our food and I streamed in the call for a bit. I eventually had to leave so I could try to get some sleep. In the morning, I timed in for work and did my usual stuff. I had a few tasks today but it was fairly easy to get through. In the background, I was talking to my friends about Sky and they told me a few things like how they saw my comment on Reddit and I eventually told them about how much I regret missing the Cinnamoroll event. Then we talked about other things and they mostly sent videos from Modern Malinois because they were so interested in their trained dogs. My afternoon was a usual, boring one. I still kept talking to my friends in the background. After timing out, I could barely hold it together so I slept early and didn't notice until I slept through the entire night.

Journal entry for Wednesday, August 14th, 2024

Wed, 14 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was surprisingly pretty bad, honestly. I woke up at around 1 a.m. and messaged my friends, and we talked for a bit before I ultimately passed out and woke up at 7 a.m. My morning started really early, which was 7 a.m. I did my morning stuff early and messaged my friends. We played Sky for a bit and they showed me how to calculate my height in Sky. We had fun in Sky for a bit, we mostly did our dailies and got candles. We ended our Sky gameplay after we both got separated trying to go to grandma's event for some free candles. We didn't have a ca;; so we didn't do anything much else after that aside from just talk through chat. My day and morning continued as normal, I was just doing my usual round of tasks at work and everything was chill for the day. During lunch and halfway through the day, I finished my work tasks and timed out for lunch. I used that time to commute from my house to Starbucks on 32nd Street, my usual hangout. It was just me and the trip was fairly quick, even though it was kind of hot that day. I still had the same problem of not finding a comfortable seat, but eventually, I had a good couch seat freed up hours afterward. After work, I got into a call with my friends after I tried to persuade them to try it out despite there being people around. They played Kiosk for a bit and then we left the call because it was too noisy. We just talked until they didn't reply anymore. I went home in the evening at around the same time. I tried my best to feel okay, but something was just off today. It's like something was missing. I know what it was but it just sucks to not have it anymore. I just got home and continued to stay up for a bit.

Song of the day: How To Save A Life by The Fray

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Journal entry for Tuesday, August 13th, 2024

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I accompanied my friends tonight and we mostly watched horror videos and played Sky in the background. My morning and afternoon weren't all that eventful, I was mostly doing work tasks while talking to my friends in the background. For lunch, I went outside to buy stuff for my "welcome back" gift for someone. I eventually had it delivered and she liked it! I thought that the Cinnamoroll soap dispenser was the perfect gift for them and I'm glad they liked it. After that, I was back to the usual work tasks. After work, my friends and I got into a call and they played this short horror game called Kiosk. It was kinda frightening, and they stopped sometime after that. I was also deploying my sister's website during this time, while also redeploying my own bunch of websites. After all of that was done, I continued my playthrough of Mucorales and streamed it in the call. It was fairly creepy but my friends and I had some fun. We eventually disconnected from the call, and I did a few things afterward before sleeping the entire night off.

Song of the day: Sugar Sugar by The Archies

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Ah sugar, ah honey honey
You are my candy girl
And you've got me wanting you

Journal entry for Monday, August 12th, 2024

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today, just work. I didn't really get into a call with my friends and I was just by myself the whole day.

Journal entry for Sunday, August 11th, 2024

Sun, 11 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I mostly stayed at home and played Genshin all day. I tried to help some people out in co-op because I was out of resin and I competed a lot of story quests. I completed the entirety of Chapter 3 today and got to the next part of the story which takes place in Fontaine.

Journal entry for Saturday, August 10th, 2024

Sat, 10 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I had to steer myself into being productive today so I cleaned up a big part of the house and did some chores, as well as cleaning a part of my room and keeping it tidy. I also cleaned a part of my sister's room. After cleaning up, I went to return the broken RAM I bought almost a year ago. Thankfully, it was still under warranty. While getting there, I talked to a few friends and also made fun of Jil and how she's talking to a new guy now. When I got to the place, the location was near Dumlao Gym and that restaurant where my company ate in last year. It was surprising to be so close to there. I went and returned my RAM, but unfortunately, it would take weeks for them to replace it. I felt really bummed, but whatever. I went to a nearby Starbucks, which surprised me because I didn't think there was one in the area. I bought a domain for my sister and took take of some things on my server. I eventually gave up and even had an episode where I was trying to wait for a guy to leave because I hated him and he took my seat earlier. But I eventually went home and even got rained on, thankfully the MacBook was alright and I just slept afterward.

Song of the day: Lemon Tree by Fools Garden

Journal entry for Friday, August 9th, 2024

Fri, 09 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Eventually, I was done configuring Loy's PC for Windows 11 and everything seemed to work well, so I made the choice to go home even though he wanted to leave at 5 a.m. It was already 3 a.m. and I pleaded with him because I had work in the morning, eventually, his mom saw us and she tagged along on the road home because she was concerned, but things were okay and I eventually got home. I talked to my friends for a bit before sleeping. In the morning, nothing much happened aside from me helping my friends do their dailies in Sky. I did my usual stuff at work. My day just continued and that was it.

Journal entry for Thursday, August 8th, 2024

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I was having a boring day until my old best friend Loy invited me to go out with them after work because he needed to interview me for one of his research projects. My day went on with nothing noteworthy, but I eventually timed out of work and Loy went to my place to pick me up. He told me that I still had the same awkward walk, which surprised me because I didn't think that I walked in a particular way, but whatever I just disregarded his comment. While on the car ride to Market Market, he told me about how he's currently doing and that he doesn't remember the last time we met, which was just December last year or something. He doesn't remember showing me his Steam Deck, which I kind of found odd. But he eventually gets me up to speed about how he's doing. It kind of irritated me that he's in a new chapter of his life and this new chapter brings some sort of exclusivity, which he uses to make himself feel better because "he's not like the rest of you." It happened in college when he got into a big 4 university because he was rich, and in flight school because he was a pilot. Now, he's training cadets and is an instructor of sorts in the military and he views civilians as lowly and separate from him. This trait of him really irked me and I found it funny how he thinks civilians mostly whined about normal, day-to-day stuff even though he spent the majority of the time whining to me about his situation. I barely even told him how horribly I was doing which alienated me from him. It made me realize that this guy was not the same fun-loving dude I used to hang around often with and relate to life problems with. We got the SSD that he needed for his PC and we went to his place so I could install the SSD. I eventually met his dad and mom again and we caught up with each other. Things went smoothly and he eventually got to interview me and I installed the SSD on his PC, even though it was hard because Windows wasn't playing well. And my night continued at his place as I was still fixing his PC for Windows 11.

Journal entry for Wednesday, August 7th, 2024

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

My day went on as usual with nothing interesting happening.

Song of the day: Sunshine, Lollipops And Rainbows by Lesley Gore

Journal entry for Tuesday, August 6th, 2024

Tue, 06 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today. I didn't accompany my friends for a call today but I did their dailies in Sky. In the morning, they told me what happened last night and I couldn't believe they walked out in the dark yesterday. I was really concerned and empathized with them because I'd been through a similar situation years ago. Eventually, I had to get on my usual day and nothing much happened.

I Fucking Hate My Life

Mon, 05 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Awful

Things just got pushed to the absolute breaking point today. During the morning, I was busy as hell but had good breakfast. I microwaved the Pinoy curry I had yesterday and it was pretty good, but I was extremely busy from the get go. My whole day was just work, work, work, and trying to meet those deadlines while all of them are extremely urgent. Needless to say, I handled everything that I can and I actually succeeded through all of my tasks, but there's just something that feels lacking. To avoid worsening my burnout, I treated myself today because I had actually reached the targets I have. After work, I didn't really talk to anyone I just tried to lie down on my bed, relax, and try to get some sleep without air conditioning. By the end of the day, I just felt my feelings spiral downward. I had so many shit things happen to me recently. My fucking air conditioner broke down, I don't have any friends to confide in, I'm stressed from work, everyone around me in a happy/stable relationship while I'm not, I met another person online who wanted to string me along but not really do anything serious, I'm starting to lack funds because I've been giving too much while having none for myself, and I just get the feeling that I'm not doing enough even though I'm working myself to the point of total exhaustion. I fucking hate eating "shit soup" again and again, day in and day out. I keep getting bullshit thrown at me even though I'm trying my best. I'm not commended well for the fucking hard things I do and carry on my back alone and I'm fucking tired of seeing so many people happy and then I'll wonder when it's my fucking turn to be happy for a month or a **YEAR** straight. When the fuck do I actually be happy and have things go well? What broke my back was seeing some guy brag on Reddit about how lucky he was to date this girl that was so kind to him and I just fucking wanted to throw my phone. I kind of understand now why I want to ask myself if I'll continue to live past the age of 32 because 8 more years of this is just fucking pointless.

Song of the day: Midas Touch by KISS OF LIFE

Lyrics that resonated with me:
When I touch ya, kiss ya
You're gon' realize
(Baby, don't you think too much?)
Boy, if I touch ya, kiss ya, watch out
순간 변해버린 눈빛
You see, I got that Midas touch

Journal entry for Sunday, August 4th, 2024

Sun, 04 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I was really productive in the morning today. I did a lot of tasks I had been planning to get to, after doing all that, I treated myself to some good food. I rested until the morning came. It wasn't really eventful aside from my sister and I deciding to order take-out for breakfast and she had to give Milktea a bath. After that, I just did random things until it was noon. I slept from noon until 5 p.m. and I woke up really groggy and didn't feel right. But I got up, had some dinner, and just did my usual things for the evening. For the evening, I decided to fix some bugs on my blog's theme and I updated the latest post to include what I feel about this chapter of my life. But after that, I just relaxed and nothing much went on for the evening.

Song of the day: Ah-Yah-Yah (사랑은 아야야) by 2NE1

Journal entry for Saturday, August 3rd, 2024

Sat, 03 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I stayed up from midnight until 11 a.m. I don't really remember doing much during that time aside from watching some videos from Comics Explained and finishing the rest of the Doritos and salsa I had lying around. I slept from 11 a.m. and woke up at 11 p.m. which just kind of wasted the day for me because nothing much happened. I woke up to a few messages from friends and I replied to them, but that was it and none replied back so I just stayed up until the next day.

Journal entry for Friday, August 2nd, 2024

Fri, 02 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I was just mostly alone today and I spent the entire day waiting for my sister's guitar to arrive. When it finally came and she saw it, she couldn't believe it at all. She was so happy getting it and I'm glad to have given her the exact birthday gift that she wanted. The high E string broke after she tuned it and strummed the guitar, and she went on trying to play it with a broken string. Since I had nothing to do for the evening and I wanted to go outside as well, I used the string breaking as an excuse to go out. So I decided to go to Market! Market! so I can buy her that string. I asked my sister to play "Speak Now" because it was stuck in my head and she played a bit of it on the guitar before I left. I booked a motorcycle ride there and I was on the way. The lightning was really bad and eventually a **huge** downpour came. It rained on me while I was on the road and the driver pulled over to grab a coat. I, being the absolute badass that I am, just decided to wing it because I thought it would be fine to get wet in the rain. Besides, I didn't want a smelly raincoat on me anyway (not again). It was a big mistake because the rain was really pouring and it didn't take a minute for my clothes to be fully soaked especially my shoes. I didn't mind the 3 gadgets (power bank, pocket Wi-Fi, phone) I was carrying in my pockets getting wet because I somehow didn't care. The remaining trip to Market! Market! wasn't long but it rained really hard and I just asked to be dropped off at some nearby entrance. When I got off, I was drenched in rainwater. I was just surprised, but I really didn't give a shit that I looked like I was rained on badly. I was wearing my black standard outfit and it really handled the rain well because I didn't look like I was rained on much. So I went inside the mall and I wasn't looked at or anything, despite still being soaked from the rain. I went to the guitar and music shop and only then it had become apparent that I had been rained on because another guy in the shop noted how soaked I looked. But I was able to buy the strings with no problem. I went to Timezone for a bit to play games and wait out the rain. I had beaten a few guests while playing Wangan Midnight and I showed a friend that I was near a bowling alley. They told me their dream earlier in the day where we went to a bowling alley and I remarked how funny it was to end up in a bowling alley later in the day. But then I finished playing and tried to book a ride home. Getting a ride took a while so I just waited at Seattle's Best Coffee and ordered a burnt cheesecake and some coffee to pass the time. Eventually, I arrived home and gave my sister the strings. I gave her a helping hand in setting the string and all was good. She went on to play the guitar for a bit more and enjoyed it.

Song of the day: Speak Now by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church, at the back door
Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said, "Speak now"

Journal entry for Thursday, August 1st, 2024

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I stayed up today mostly accompanying my friends. We mostly talked in chat and I just replied when I could. That happened in the background and I was fixing the theme for my blog in the foreground. I had a few fixes lined up and eventually deployed my fixes by 3 a.m. or so. I played Sky for a bit and did the dailies for my friend's account and mine. I sent them a message about completing the daily tasks and tried to sleep, but I kept working on my blog's theme and they didn't reply to me until the morning. In the morning, I was swamped with work but I was able to handle it all despite being on so little sleep. I got through the morning just fine. In the afternoon, I was preparing my presentation for my meeting a bit. I was actually shocked that I was preparing my presentation 1 hour before it started, but whatever. It was eventually my presentation and it was my time to present. For some reason, I was so nervous to present my websites and stuff. I pride myself on being fearless and rarely getting embarrassed. I'm never nervous with people and I sang on a stage in front of these coworkers before, so I don't know why I was so nervous doing a presentation from home about some topic I already have a good grasp of, and with our cameras off. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. I was still able to present and I didn't really stutter and I believe I did really well. I can see that some of my fellow devs were impressed by the sheer number of websites I have deployed. They were so impressed, that they even asked me to give a DevOps presentation next time so I can show them a thing or two about Linux. After that, my shift ended and I didn't really do anything noteworthy for most of the evening. My friends eventually replied in the late evening, around 11 p.m. and we talked for a bit before they decided to sleep since their Internet connection was bad.

Song of the day: 100 Years by Five For Fighting

Journal entry for Wednesday, July 31st, 2024

Wed, 31 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I accompanied my friends today but I just accompanied them through chat. We just talked about random topics and I helped them complete the dailies in Sky. After that, I wished them well and I went to do other things. This morning, I just did my usual tasks. The main thing I had for today was waiting for Milktea's cat tower to arrive. I just did my usual things at work and talked to a few friends on the side, but the day was mostly nothing noteworthy. In the afternoon, the cat tower came and I tried my best to assemble it. It was such a headache and, by the end, it wasn't even stable enough. The packaging was also missing 4 screws for the hanging cat bed, which I had to find outside. After a painful time trying to assemble it and it still wasn't perfect, I was so exhausted by the end. I even had to leave my house for a long time, just wandering in the night trying to find a hardware store that was open at 9 p.m. Eventually, I got to an open place and it seemed to sell various hardware. I bought 8 screws for good measure and had a hard fucking time screwing them into the cat bed frame. By the end of the day, the cat tower still wasn't stable and it felt like it would tip over, but I just didn't want to bother with it and stress myself further.

Song of the day: The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script

Get me out of this cavern or I'll cave in

Tue, 30 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Thankfully, I woke up not that late into the night and it was just around 12:30 a.m. My friends and I talked for a bit before they invited me to play Sky again, and I'm glad to be back after having 2 whole days of not playing it. I tried the new event titled Tournament of Triumph and got a random team assigned to me. Surprisingly, I was assigned the green team of Team Wasteland, and my friends revealed that they got Team Prairie. It was funny to me because our colors are our Harry Potter houses, but swapped. I'm a Hufflepuff so my color is supposed to be yellow, and they're Slytherin so they should get the color green. It was funny, but then we continued to play Sky for a bit. I just streamed scary videos from ScareTheater and 4Plus while they did their work, and I also played SSX Tricky in the background. Eventually, we disconnected from the call and I was just alone. For some reason, I *still* couldn't sleep properly. I had this burning itch to do something. Eventually, I got the MacBook and completed [my latest blog post](https://blog.dartegnian.com/lost-in-transition/). I also kept working on my blog's theme after that. I wrote a really nice fix for that theme toggler button. I still couldn't sleep, so I made do with whatever time I had and also ordered breakfast. I had a fight with my sister in the morning because I couldn't get her to buy Royal Canin while in Makati but she eventually apologized. I was still cheesed off by it. Morning came and I timed in for work as usual. I had a few things on my plate for the morning, but I easily handled my tasks. My friends also kept talking to me on the sidelines, and eventually, Nanao came back to talk to me and even asked if I had eaten breakfast. Then they told me about this ghost story/creepy house encounter but eventually I had a meeting and that I needed to focus on work. I didn't talk much to them afterwards but they wished me well on my tasks, which I found sweet. Work passed and eventually, I timed out. I felt a lot of unrest in the evening, despite having dinner and some rest. I talked to my friends for a bit but then they stopped responding to me. I thought about going outside in BGC to hang around at Starbucks on 32nd Street, but I decided against it because my budget is really tight for the upcoming month. I had just bought my sister an out-of-budget guitar for her birthday and I spent almost 3,000 Pesos buying cat food and supplies for Milktea. I felt strapped and I couldn't enjoy my salary that much. It felt like I was strangled and I was put under a lot of pressure to excel and do more. I didn't feel okay at all the whole night and I felt like I was close to snapping or having a mental breakdown. Fortunately, I just washed dishes in the evening and organized my laundry to calm myself down. I know going to Starbucks on 32nd Street was a way for me to calm my nerves and to be my safe space for when I have mental breakdowns, but unfortunately, I'm not able to tonight. I feel like I'm stretching myself thin for a lot of people and I don't have any left for myself, and I barely feel like anyone is giving some safe space or comfort to me in this period. I just felt really stressed, but I just passed the time in the evening by programming and improving my website.

Song of the day: Cave In by Owl City

Lyrics that resonated with me:
'Cause if my thoughts collapse
Or my framework snaps
It'll make a mess like you wouldn't believe

Journal entry for Monday, July 29th, 2024

Mon, 29 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I did stay up for the entire night. I was totally awake since I last woke up yesterday at 7:00 p.m. In the morning, I had an intense debate on whether or not I should get take-out again today. Unfortunately, I just decided to get take-out. Since I was awake at a very early time, I managed to accompany my sister as she was leaving at around 6 a.m. Then it began to rain really hard all of a sudden. Since she didn't have that much cash on hand to book a ride to her office, I gave her some cash I had lying around in my drawers. Then she left for work and I timed in for mine after eating breakfast. My morning started as usual. My friends replied to me about my response to her thinking that I deliberately ignored her. She couldn't believe it but I eventually cleared up that I've had a bad sleep schedule for the past few days, which started on Friday because I was mostly sick that day. We talked for a while about Susan and the things they had to do at work, even though they were on leave for the day. We talk back and forth for a bit. In the morning, I was mostly swamped with work and had so much to do. Then, out of nowhere, I get a message from a person asking me about relationship advice. They introduce themselves as Nanao and I eventually learn more about them. I didn't believe that they were Japanese at first, but eventually they proved themselves. I spent the majority of my day talking to them in the background while I was doing my work tasks. After work, I had planned to eat ramen outside, but apparently salary hadn't come yet so I just stayed at home. I slept for a bit in the evening but mostly got up and talked to Nanao. This went on until it was 11 p.m. and they eventually stopped replying. I passed out for a bit because I was still so tired and that ended my day.

Song of the day: Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye, Kimbra

50% Sleep

Sun, 28 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

### I can't believe I spent half of my day sleeping. My Saturday session of staying up kept going until 7 a.m. the next day. I don't recall doing anything noteworthy, just talking to people online but none of them are anything noteworthy. I guess I kind of wasted my time. I also got take-out again after having a hard internal debate about it then I gave the rest of it to my sister, which still had 1 whole cup of rice, 1 untouched chicken part, and a lot of gravy. I talked to her for a bit while she was eating and she thanked me for it, then I decided to sleep. I had the longest dream I've ever had. It felt like I was in a haunted house, exploring it with my classmates/people I know. I was the cameraman and had my personal Internet hotspot, my old phone, a Microsoft Lumia 950 XL. Then I went home with people and they kept teasing me about when I'll get a girlfriend and stuff like that. It was pretty weird. Then I felt something stuck inside the right of my ear and I kept scratching at it until I pulled out a few bills and that somehow broke me out of my dream because my ear felt itchy in real life. Then I woke up to a lot of messages from my friends, and some were just deleted. I checked the time and it was 7-fucking-p.m. in the evening. I really couldn't believe it. I slept 12 hours and basically wasted 1 whole weekend to sleep, cumulatively. I replied to a few people who had messaged me, ate dinner, and tried to make the most of my evening. For the evening, I saw a few projects that forked [my Ghost theme](https://github.com/Dartegnian/Casper-M3) and I saw that one of them had implemented a dark theme incorrectly. Since I wanted to one-up them, I wrote a dark theme toggler in one evening and it took a while for me to code, but it was mostly done by 11:00 p.m. I also had time to complete my dailies in Genshin and ascended my Fischl. What surprised me was that I finished things very quickly. What took **years** for me to implement and think of just took me only a night without planning and on a whim. I'm really wondering what more I'm capable of if I weren't so lazy. But then again, I tried pushing myself to the limits recently and I burned myself out. So I guess I should just adjust the pace I'm currently on.

Song of the day: As If It's Your Last by BLACKPINK

Journal entry for Saturday, July 27th, 2024

Sat, 27 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was just a usual Saturday for me. I stayed up until 4 a.m. for some reason, despite not talking to my friends, and I kept at it until it became 5 a.m. and then I slept shortly after eating a very early breakfast and getting take-out. I woke up at around 3:40 p.m. and I just felt hammered. When I checked my messages, I saw that my friends messaged me. I spent the entire afternoon doing other things, mostly trying to level up Nilou in Genshin and eventually getting enough stuff for her to level up. I also sang along to some songs from the 2000s that I liked and made a playlist about it. In the evening, my friends reached out to me and they messaged me. We talked for a while then they said they needed help in Sky and I said I was down for it. Then they never messaged me after that. Whatever, I just spent my night doing other things and I stayed up all night.

Song of the day: I'll Be by Edwin McCain

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
And I'll be your cryin' shoulder

I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Journal entry for Friday, July 26th, 2024

Fri, 26 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was talking to my friends at the start of the day and we cleared up a funny confusion between us wherein I thought we would play earlier in the evening, so I didn't go see a movie. Then my friends said that "later tonight" meant around midnight. I found the situation more funny than annoying, even though I missed out on an opportunity to watch a movie last night. I told them I was considering taking a leave because I felt sick. Today was surprising because I had actually slept 12 hours today. I guess I really didn't feel well because I just kept waking up and sleeping. In the evening, I played Sky with my friends for a bit and we collected some of the candles, finished the daily task where you had to hug a friend (because I was the only friend they can hug in the game), and we collected a few more candles. Then they left shortly after because they were sleepy and I ended my day after that.

Song of the day: The Way I Loved You (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And it's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name

Journal entry for Thursday, July 25th, 2024

Thu, 25 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

In the morning, everything was okay and I did a little catching up doing daily tasks. I just returned to my daily tasks and did my work in silence. For the evening, nothing much happened. I was just by myself doing random things. Nothing noteworthy really happened and I took a nap later in the evening.

Song of the day: Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after

A Rainy Monsoon Day

Wed, 24 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

So, I started the day just continuing the Genshin quest from yesterday and I was going through the Sumeru act 2 quests. After that, at around 3 a.m. or so, I finished the story arc and got did the usual daily tasks and things for Sky. I also used my friend's account and I got through the dailies and the other things. After that, I slept. My day started with me fixing some major problem at work and I worked hard to troubleshoot it and find the reason. I eventually found out that the issue happened through no fault of my own and I just easily fixed it. I breathed a sigh of relief and just focused on getting through my daily tasks at work. I was shocked that my sister worked from home today and apparently their office allowed them to do a WFH setup for today because of the extreme weather. For breakfast, she suggested that we order food from McDonald's and we agreed to split the bill, then our food arrived quickly and thankfully the store wasn't that far from our house. Things were really rainy today and the rain kept pouring in. Thankfully, I was still able to keep afloat over my tasks and I handled them productively today as well. The main highlight of today was the large rainfall. Milktea was mostly in my sister's room the whole day and taking a bath with just water from the tap was a really cold experience. I did notice my RAM today being stable, despite the many applications and items I had currently running. I was mostly on 27-28GB usage as my 32GB RAM was trying to keep up, and the overvolting helped quite a bit. Regardless, the majority of my day was just me doing my work tasks, playing music on the speaker and singing along, and talking to my sister every now and then. I also talked to friends on the side, too. For lunch, I played Sky with my friends for a few minutes and we did a candle run in the Vault of Knowledge. After that, work progressed through the day normally and things were pretty chill. For dinner, my sister and I ordered the roast beef from Andok's and I spent my free time just relaxing so I can avoid burning myself out. I napped for a bit, then woke up to wash the dishes and write my entries.

Song of the day: Just Can't Get Enough by Depeche Mode

Raining In Manila

Tue, 23 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I finally caught up with my mood calendar entries today and I was so productive the whole day. Eventually my morning began as usual. I did my morning tasks, did my morning routine, watched the daily Philip DeFranco show to catch up with the news, and it was mostly easy-going for me. My friends talked to me in the morning but we didn't really get into a call. Throughout the day, I was just focused on working and completing my tasks. It started to really rain hard today and Lola Amour's song "Raining In Manila" kept replaying in my head. The air was cold as well, I didn't even need to turn the AC on today. Once my lunch started, I focused solely on completing the mood calendar entries I had in my backlog and publishing all of them. In my free time, I was finally able to get them deployed and 29-day streak of not updating my mood calendar. It was really hard to backtrack through the many days, and I honestly thought most of those days were lost to time, but thankfully I wwas able to recover and publish what I could. I even had enough free time to go and update my other websites as well, including [issuing a fix to an open source project that I use](https://github.com/wg-easy/wg-easy/pull/1208). It was even merged quickly! I felt like I was super productive today and was on a hot streak. The afternoon kept the same pace with me doing a lot when I got back to work and I accomplished all of my tasks for today. When I timed out, I polished my other websites and issued fixes for them as well. Things were looking pretty good. My friends would be out today because they had to leave at 4 p.m. and they didn't really reply much at the end of the day. To relax myself, I played Genshin for a bit and got through acts 1 and 2 of the Sumeru quests. I also got dinner for myself as a way of celebrating and it was really good bulalo and lugaw, both were perfect for the extremely rainy weather. Also, since I was frustrated with my RAM situation, I decided to increase the voltage for it. My sister also came home earlier than expected today, which was a surprise. But I mostly just spend the majority of the evening to myself.

Song of the day: Raining In Manila by Lola Amour

Lyrics that resonated with me:
It's been raining in Manila, hindi ka ba nilalamig?
And it’s been raining in Manila, hindi ka ba nilalamig?
But, if it's raining in Manila, hindi kita maririnig (Nakahiga, mag-isang nanginginig)
So, I'll be waiting in Manila kahit ’di ka na babalik

Journal entry for Monday, July 22nd, 2024

Mon, 22 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

My morning was no different from the rest. It's as busy as things were and I was handling a major task at work. I was mostly doing work and was busy handling issues that popped up. After work, I was just playing Genshin to de-stress but then I found myself in more stress trying to build the perfect team and realizing that the team I've been trying to build these past few days were just all for nothing. It left me very dismayed because I still had a lot of stuff to catch up on and I just stopped playing to eat dinner. In the evening, I talked to my friends for a bit then wasted a lot of time doing random things. I got really frustrated and did the dishes very late into the night, and I also did some general cleaning up. After all that, I was able to relax and finish up my mood entries.

Song of the day: One Last Time by Girls' Generation

Lyrics that resonated with me:
(So give me one) One last time
(So give me one) One last time
(Give me one) One last time
One last time

Journal entry for Sunday, July 21st, 2024

Sun, 21 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up at around noon again and tried to log onto Sky. I also used a friend's account and saw that most of the candles were already collected and they did a candle run without me. I just collected candles in the trials and completed all and got 4 of the winged lights from there. I spent most of the early afternoon just doing a candle run and a winged light run for my friend's account. After that, I continued to play Genshin to build up my characters and I was talking to Jil in the background. We mostly talked about various topics and I showed her the movie I've been gatekeeping from her. I then asked her if we could watch About Time (2013) later today and she agreed. I eventually had to go back to my own thing, play Genshin, and talk to other friends until then. We eventually got into a call at around 10:25 p.m. and tried to get through her mic issues. As the movie was playing, I had some technical difficulties of my own. My PC even crashed halfway into the film for some reason. But Jil thankfully enjoyed the majority of the film. I'm glad she found the movie nice. Then we talked a bit more after that until it was time for me to sleep.

Song of the day: One Call Away by Charlie Puth

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I'm only one call away
I'll be there to save the day
Superman got nothing on me
I'm only one call away

Journal entry for Saturday, July 20th, 2024

Sat, 20 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I mostly relaxed today and woke up at around noon or so. I just had the afternoon all to myself and didn't talk to a lot of people. I opened Genshin Impact as my game for today and I saw Meryll still online. I asked her if she could help me with this domain, Childe, and the electro cube because I'm trying to build up Barbara and Fischl, then we went to Fontaine which I just discovered. I took a few photos with her and it was fun exploring around Fontaine. Then she recommended that I just use Bennett as my healer, and I just followed her advice and kept grinding for his artifacts all afternoon. When evening rolled around, my sister reminded me that we had to get a massage today so I had to leave with her to Market! Market! We went to the Thai spa there on the 3rd floor or so and got our massages. It was pretty good and it kinda hurt because I preferred the "hard" massage option. But after that, my sister and I tried to go to Nanyang in Bonifacio High Street. Unfortunately, it was closing when we got there, so we went to Marugame Udon nearby. I debated whether or not to go to Gino's for dinner, but I didn't want my dinner to just be pizza. So my sister and I got our orders and then she told me about work, and how to test for the performance of a website. She tells me one of her website's been performing horribly and I give her advice on what she could do, and what she can only do as a person in marketing. This talk goes on for a bit and I kind of stopped eating the Japanese curry I ordered halfway. I kept talking to her about it until the restaurant was preparing to leave and we were one of the last 3 tables to leave. Eventually, we had to leave and we stopped by the Korean convenience store nearby because my sister wanted to buy some *kimchi*. She didn't find the same *kimchi* I gave her years ago, as it was from ASSI Fresh Plaza, and we just bought ice cream for the both of us, a box of Pepero for me, and soy milk for my sister. When we sat down at the grassy steps in BGC High Street, we still kept talking about her work issue. My friends decided to message me at this time and I eventually asked my sister if we should go home. We booked a ride home and the car was still playing K-Pop, but we eventually arrived home and ended our trip outside. In the late evening, at around 11:40 p.m., my friends asked if we could play Sky together and I agreed. We just played Sky collecting some candles and eventually, they had to leave. I kept playing Sky for a bit when Nicole showed up and we befriended a new person in Sky. That ended our day and I can say that I really had fun today.

Song of the day: California Gurls by Katy Perry

Journal entry for Friday, July 19th, 2024

Fri, 19 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My day started out with me waiting for my friends. We were supposed to play Sky tonight and complete Eden and eventually my friends messaged me on 12:21 a.m., they said that they will be doing other things first for a bit and then they're free. We logged into Sky and then my friends switched to a chibi size again so that they can have a smaller hitbox and thus get through Eden easily. We both went to Eden and they admitted that they haven't done an Eden run in a long time. They even said that I was good at getting through Eden which was funny to hear. We got through the first stage of Eden and I easily flew towards the mountain top and cleared the first stage. Even I was shocked because it was the fastest time I've seen anyone fly through the first stage yet. Then we flew through the second stage and I actually got hit by a krill because I somehow flew into their line of sight. It was only me who got krilled and it didn't really matter much. Finally, on the last stage, my friends and I mostly breezed through it and I guided them on which pattern to take. We even saw a couple that I thought was cheating, but apparently they weren't. I died first on the last stage and my friends went their farthest, reaching to the end of the third stage by using the salute emote trick I taught them. We then completed our Eden run and got to use the shortcut in order for our characters to be reborn, saving us quite a bit of time. Then we were reborn and we collected a few candles and winged lights. It was already 2 a.m. so we had to disconnect from the call and I went to sleep. When I woke up, I timed in and my friends messaged me that I was early. I was shocked that they messaged me this early but then I stopped responded and went back to work. I checked my work messages and replied to people, then did my tasks and had a big accomplishment at the end of the day. After work, I needed some alone time and relaxed by playing Genshin for a bit. I ate dinner and talked to my sister for a bit, then completed some parts of my mood calendar. I did random things and that ended the day.

Song of the day: The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco

Journal entry for Thursday, July 18th, 2024

Thu, 18 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, I timed in and did my usual work stuff. Then after work, I asked my friends if we could visit the concert hall in the Aviary Village to check out the items in the shop. I was tempted to buy some of the stuff in the shop and I eventually gave up and bought a few things. I bought a lot of seasonal candles for myself and even the season pass bundle. I gave my friends the season passes I got and kept buying things in the Sky shop for myself. They said that "it was like Nahida all over again" and kept laughing during the call. I just laughed and agreed. For the evening, we just played Sky and completed all of the trials once again so we can get all of the winged lights. It took us a while, with me carrying them for the last part of the air trial and then carrying them throughout the entirety of the fire trial. When we were done, we mostly did a candle run and even collected a few winged lights they hadn't collected before. They changed their avatar to look like a male who's taller than me and kept referring to themselves as my *kuyas*. Eventually, we had to leave the call. We kept talking about other things on Discord and they showed me a few Reddit posts, and I made a few funny quips to them. We said that we'd play Sky later and then stopped talking afterward.

Song of the day: Ocean Man by Ween

The Most Meaningful Struggle

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today was going to be a usual day of me spending my day alone. I woke up to no messages, got my day started, and went through the usual things like my morning tasks and morning routine. I had some stuff to do at work and had to complete a few tasks. I took my break and just did the usual things. At the end of my shift, my friends suddenly messaged me and they noticed that I had lit their candle last night and sent them hearts in Sky. I told them that it was my last day playing Sky yesterday and I had just come to drop off all of my candles and reset my wing level. I wished them luck in still playing the game and, after a while, they messaged me on Discord. We got into our server and into a call, and had fun in Sky collecting a few things. We then explored the rest of the SkyFest area altogether and we had so fun doing the meditation and exploring some of the areas a bit. Then we explored some of the areas and I told them some of the songs from Steven Universe reminds me of them. We kept talking until 6:50 p.m. and then my friends fell off after that. I had a lot of free time by then but didn't really do anything productive during it. I was supposed to get back the time in my mood calendar but didn't really continue much with it aside from a few fixes. But not much happened and I was doing random things until midnight.

Song of the day: Mississippi Queen by Mountain

Last Day in Sky

Tue, 16 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

I met someone new today and I suddenly invited them to watch 500 Days of Summer with me. I was surprised that they knew some of the songs in the movie. They were also really fun to talk to. To her, it wasn't that sad and she said that it ended on a happy ending, so it wasn't really a sad movie for her. We talked for a fair bit after that. We eventually left the call and I talked to her online for a bit before going to sleep. Work continued as usual with nothing really noteworthy going on aside from the girl's messages showing up on the screen while I was screen sharing. But after that, I just did my work. In the evening, I decided to just not play Sky and kind of do a reset for my account. I was going to give away all of my candles and lose all of my winged lights. I did this over dinner and mostly left my sky kid to lose all of their winged lights. I was also really sad when I looked at screenshots of me playing Sky with my friends. But, in the end, I mostly cried while looking at old screenshots of me having fun with them in Sky. I cleared out my account and deleted it on my PC and phone.

Song of the day: Ang Wakas (feat. Trisha Macapagal) by Arthur Miguel, Trisha Macapagal

Journal entry for Monday, July 15th, 2024

Mon, 15 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Everything Refuses to Move by Hannah + Gabi

Lyrics that resonated with me:
it's been 2 years and i've had no other plans
so it's time to rethink what i'm doing all these days.

On the Coattails of a Special Day

Sun, 14 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My day started with Rene, Sammy, and I still out driving on the road. They were feeling sleepy and I kind of pranked them by playing my "Antok FM". Since all of the Starbucks stores we went to in Tagaytay were filled with people who wanted to act cool, we just decided to get Starbucks at a stop along SLEX. We went through the drive-thru and ordered from there. I was actually surprised that Rene and I both got the same drink, a white chocolate mocha. I originally ordered mine to be cold, but since Rene's drink was hot and I had just come from a cold place, I changed mine and we both got the exact same drink. After ordering our coffee, we parked nearby and that's where the guys sat me down and talked to me. They told me about their relationships and I vented to them about some things. They essentially told me to find a girl who'll put in as much effort as I do, and that the ones that I've had—where the girl just takes advantage of me—wasn't really a relationship worth fighting for. I felt sad because they were right. Rene showed proof that his girlfriend would go to lengths for him, and that just made me even sadder because I never really had a girl I liked to put in effort for me ever. I just imagined that the next relationship I would get would be a proper one. They also talked me into joining the military/special forces with them but I just held out on it. In the end, they gave solid advice and it just boosted my mood because I was still feeling horrible from the past few days. We stayed there for hours until finally leaving at around 3 a.m. or so. I told them that I was used to this schedule because my last situationship made me stay up until 4 a.m. and they said that I should try sleeping way earlier these days. I agreed and we kept driving back to Manila. Sammy pulled up a few videos of Girls' Generation because he said I reminded him of them. I was a bit shocked because I wasn't that forthcoming about my liking towards them in college, but apparently, he knew that part and played "Gee" on Rene's phone. Sammy then played "Way To Go" to my surprise, and he said that it sounded like it was an anime song. He played other K-Pop songs after that and Rene was jamming along. Eventually, we arrived at my house and they dropped me off. I saw my cousin Aj still outside so I gave him the chocolate rock candies that I didn't like and the remains of 1 bucket of mushroom fries. He said it tasted good and I went inside the house. I slept like a log after that and spent the day mostly alone. I showed my sister all the *pasalubong* I had brought in from Tagaytay and gave her some of the mushroom fries that I reheated in the microwave. Then I gave her a slice of buko pie. In the afternoon, I found a new version of a song I used to like in 2022 and it was really beautiful. It's the perfect song for me right now because it brings elements of other songs in that album and I think it perfectly recontextualizes the past 2 years. I cried for a bit while listening to the song. I spent the afternoon and evening mostly alone. I did random things before just going to sleep.

Song of the day: Ang Wakas (feat. Trisha Macapagal) - Revisualized by Arthur Miguel

A Spontaneous Trip to Tagaytay

Sat, 13 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I had nothing to do when I woke up. It was just a usual, sad Saturday for me and I thought I would just spend it alone. For the bulk of it, I mostly did. I was so stressed recently and I needed a mental break so I played a game and spent hours and hours playing it. While I was playing, I couldn't stop hearing Linkin Park's songs in my head. I eventually caved in and played the entirety of the Hybrid Theory album. It felt like I was back in 2021 and I spent the morning until the late afternoon playing the game. In the evening, Rene suddenly called out of nowhere. He said that we should get coffee and he and Sammy are coming to pick me up soon for coffee. I was still a wreck so I took a while to get ready, but I got out and noticed they they pulled up in a pickup. I was shocked beyond belief because I didn't expect my friends to come pick me up in a car, and especially not in a large, red pickup truck. I suggested that we should get coffee at Starbucks in BGC, around 32nd Street but they had other plans. Rene and Sammy wanted to go to Tagaytay. My eyes immediately lit up. I had dreamed of this moment for such a long time: going away with friends in an out-of-town trip to Tagaytay for a while. I had planned this with Jaze before but it never went through, and I'm glad I still had friends to bring me out of my rut and take me on a night out of town. I thankfully brought my pocket Wi-Fi and we set on a trip to Tagaytay and it was so fun. We went through SLEX talking about the tech/IT sector, how they've been, how life has been for us after graduation (for them, I didn't graduate), and they also teased me to one of our batchmates. I told them I wasn't interested, but they kept teasing me towards them throughout the entire trip. Our original destination was Starbucks Reserve™ Hiraya but then I told them that I wanted to eat at Mushroomburger. They thought that it was just a menu item and we'd stop by one, but I insisted and that I just set the GPS directions on Rene's phone after he and Sammy agreed. After a while driving through Cavite's roads, we eventually got to Tagaytay. We passed by Tsokolateria which Sammy said had good chocolate and even described the consistency of it, and how it was unlike any other. I was so curious and said that we should check it out later on in the trip. Then we arrived at Mushroomburger. Sammy and Rene couldn't believe that we were actually supposed to go to a restaurant *named* Mushroomburger, they just thought that we were going to get a dish called "mushroom burger" and I laughed at them. We got out of the car and eventually went inside. Unfortunately, they didn't accept Gcash as payments so we had to go to the Shell gas station down the road. When I went in and asked where an ATM was, the store clerk told me to go down to the Petron gas station further down the road. I agreed and we 3 eventually got there. I withdrew some cash and bought the same *pasalubong* snacks I got the last time my family went to Tagaytay. I got 2 strawberry-filled marshmallows and 1 matcha-filled one, I also got water, and the standard chocolate Magnum. Then we arrived back at Mushroomburger. I asked them what their orders were and, since I had money this time in Tagaytay, I went and ordered 2 bowls of their mushroom fries. Sammy ordered chicken with spaghetti, and Rene asked the cashier what their best-seller was and ordered that. I paid for all of the orders, but it was fine with me since this was a very rare thing, and I just got my salary yesterday. While waiting, Rene asked if I had a pet cat and I said yes, and then he told me that it was obvious, then he looked at my shirt. We found a table and sat down, then got our orders. I loved the mushroom fries. They were absolutely worth the almost 2-year gap since I've last had them. I remember how small the portion I got because I had to use some of my mom's money but now that I got 2 full bowls, I just shared it with Rene and Sammy. We talked about other things while eating, and then Rene pointed out that Sammy's shirt had Twice on it. I also messaged my sister that I was in Tagaytay and she could not believe it. I asked her if she wanted anything from here and I got her a few things. I also ordered another 2 bowls of that same mushroom fries that we just had before leaving. We eventually finished eating as the store was closing and we drove to Starbucks Hiraya. I told Rene that his car still had that new car smell and that the mushroom fries smelled good inside the car. When we drove to Starbucks, we noticed that there was a reaaaaalllyyy long line of cars just going to it and that the parking lot was full of cars. I said that there were so many people from Metro Manila coming to Tagaytay for a quick coffee stop to "act cool" and made fun of them, even though we were literally doing the same thing. We drove to another Starbucks up the road, but that was also full and I made the same remark. We also passed by Tsokolateria which was already closed, unfortunately. They said that we were going to try and visit this Starbucks place they saw on TikTok and Rene kept searching for it. Then Rene found the location and we drove to Starbucks Tagaytay Nasugbu Road. While driving there, a song titled "The Show Goes On" was playing and it perfectly encapsulated the night. Driving to the next Starbucks took a while and we passed by a part of Tagaytay that had so much fog. It was like we were in Silent Hill. We had a hard time finding parking because it was full of people and, when we parked and got out, the air was a bit chilly. I wasn't bothered much by the cold because I wore my usual long-sleeved shirt/my standard 2024 outfit. We got in line and the line was long as hell. We waited a bit before giving up and just went to get *pasalubong*. Sammy recommended a place called Jaytee's Filipino Cuisine where we can get *pasalubong* and we set our destination to that. Rene also said that he knows the place because he's already eaten there before. It didn't take us long before we actually got there and we got a few snacks. We also had a taste test of the buko pie they were selling and I ordered a few things like spicy butcheron, yema, pastillas, and chocolate rock candy for some reason. I also got that buko pie that we tasted. We took a photo and left Tagaytay to have our Starbucks drinks elsewhere.

Song of the day: The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco

Journal entry for Friday, July 12th, 2024

Fri, 12 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

I guess I'll just be lonely for now. I can't believe that this is how it ends, but I'm glad to end it at this stage. I was mostly alone, but also anxious because I wasn't sure. I spent the day mostly alone, maybe messaging a few other friends here and there but nothing really noteworthy. I ended the day just the same and mostly felt like a sad sack of shit the whole day.

Song of the day: Forgotten by Linkin Park

The Breaking Point

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Awful

I felt hurt, I felt betrayed. I just decided to sleep and close this chapter of my life.

Journal entry for Wednesday, July 10th, 2024

Wed, 10 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a pretty fun and usual day. I woke up and timed in as usual, I went straight for work. I noticed that one of the devs for a bot I use on Discord replied to me and they said that they accommodated my change. I messaged my friends that this happened and we were both glad. I showed my friends this video on IG of a girl crying and singing to Nasty by Tinashe. We also played Sky around lunch and stood by the geyser collecting flames with a few people. We kept playing Sky throughout lunch and we visited a few places in the Valley of Triumph to do our daily quests and to collect a few winged lights we passed by. My friends eventually left the call for a meeting and I had a team leads meeting after that, at the end of my shift. My friends messaged me again after work. We talked again and we were supposed to do a candle run in Sky but then they showed me a movie review of Sukob (2006) from Horror Mine. I remember that we watched this in 2022 during their online graduation and watching the review brought back so many memories. We found out that there was a second Feng Shui (2014) movie and we watched that one after watching the video from Horror Mine. It was fairly okay and it wasn't downright scary. We were all surprised by the intro and we all had the feeling that it was a fake-out, but it turned out to be real. We eventually finished the movie and talked for a bit more before both disconnected from the call. I was tired so I slept early today.

Song of the day: Nasty by Tinashe

Journal entry for Tuesday, July 9th, 2024

Tue, 09 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Derezzed by Daft Punk

Journal entry for Monday, July 8th, 2024

Mon, 08 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

By 8 a.m., my usual work had begun. I just did the usual tasks and morning routine. In the evening, my friends suggested that we play Genshin again and we were both downloading it in the background. We got into a call and played Red Dead Redemption 2. We tried to play the online version but they said they weren't feeling it and I could notice them not being eager to play. So they suggested that I just streamed Until Then and then they eventually fell asleep while watching the game. We disconnected from the call and I just ended the day after that.

Song of the day: Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar

Journal entry for Sunday, July 7th, 2024

Sun, 07 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I stayed up really, really late today so I could work on something and do something productive, but that didn't work out. I just ended up staying until 6 a.m. or so and then waking up after a while. I didn't get my full 8 hours of sleep and woke up at around 11 a.m. I've had this feeling that I have too much on my plate recently and I just had to prioritize the one that was the most urgent to me. I used the account of my friends in Sky and got the wings they lost yesterday. They lost 7 wings and I spent 2 hours just grinding to get those wings and even getting the ones we missed. It was a harsh 2 hours, but I eventually finished at 1 p.m. I immediately got ready and left the house bringing the MacBook with me so I could do some work that I didn't do earlier. When I arrived at the at a Starbucks, I ordered a white chocolate coffee. I couldn't really eat much since I was going to eat a lot of samgyupsal later and just passed the time in the Starbucks by playing Sky with my friends and talk to someone. Eventually, it was already 4 p.m. and we both had to prepare and do our stuff for later. So I went home and loaded my Kindle with all the ebooks they wanted to read while they were borrowing my Kindle for their trip. Then I called the other Sumo Niku restaurants nearby to see if their menu was complete. To my surprise, SM Bicutan's branch didn't have some of the food on the menu and SM BF had a full menu once again. So I told someone that we'd be going there. I prepared and left for SM BF and I eventually got there earlier than someone. I waited for a bit and then someone eventually arrived and I greeted them. They were wearing their brown jacket and I've seen them wear this jacket before. We arrived at Sumo Niku and we both sat down, we ordered shortly after. I then lent them the Kindle and showed them a copy of the Ring book I installed they browsed through the book. At first, they were impressed by how cool the Kindle looked. They quickly picked Jennette McCurdy's book "I'm Glad My Mom Died" and they were interested in it. We also cooked some of the served beef and chatted about various things. We talked about work, some of the past, and a bunch of other topics. It was like VHH and things were very fun between us. I didn't notice this, but I kept ordering side dishes again and again, and I thought that the waiters were just noticing my orders. They all eventually came back to me **WITH ALL OF MY ORDERED SIDE DISHES** and it was insane. I had so much on my plate, like more than 5 cheese dips, 3 miso soups, 2 kimchi dishes, 3 small bowls of corn, and it was so much to eat. I honestly would've been done eating at this point, but I just had to soldier on and keep eating. I even got extra meat for myself and I expected to get thin cuts of beef, but nope it was all thick cuts. I had to painstakingly eat the remaining side dishes—which was still a lot, at least 4 cups of cheese dips remained—and it turned hell. At that time, I couldn't taste any of the beef and someone eventually asked me to stop eating because they saw that I was struggling to eat anything. After I paid the bill, someone and I walked around the mall for a bit. They showed me this pet food store nearby and we shopped there for a bit. We bought gummies from there and I thought they were expensive, but it turns out they were only around 54 Pesos. We ate the gummies and walked to the entrance of the mall and we even separated because I pointed out the rainbow-lit stairs at the mall and they went to it. Someone then had someone from their family come pick them up and they went home. I booked my ride after that and went home as well. In the late evening, someone and I still had time to be in VHH and we were in a call around 9:27 p.m. We played Sky for a bit where we unlocked the dancing animation in our friendship tree. We completed Eden today, just as we had planned, and we collected a few winged lights from the Isle of Dawn and Daylight Prairie. We kept playing until around 11:23 p.m. and then someone had to go and sleep.

Song of the day: Marvin Gaye (feat. Meghan Trainor) by Charlie Puth

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on

Journal entry for Saturday, July 6th, 2024

Sat, 06 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I didn't really do anything noteworthy today. I wanted to catch up on all of my pending tasks and the mountain of backlog I have to finish. But for some reason, I just didn't feel like it. I'm not sure if I'm burned out, but I just spent the entire day on YouTube/IG Reels. I played Sky with my friends in the afternoon for a bit and we lost a lot of wings in the Golden Wasteland. We had a lot of problems with flying around and, by the end, we got hit with a krill that destroyed both of our winged lights. My friends had to leave afterward and I was tasked with recovering the winged lights. In the evening, I just remember playing a quick game of Overwatch. I didn't really do anything aside from watching the hours tick by even though I had a big weight on my shoulders. I even ordered coffee so I could stay up and burn the midnight oil, but that went nowhere and I just struggled with the feelings of wasting a perfectly good Saturday or just thinking I got some well-needed relaxation.

Gaming Right Next to You

Fri, 05 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I did my work for the morning and afternoon. After work, I got into a call with my friends and we just played Sky. We mostly did the trials in the Cave of Prophecies and they were hard. We first did the trial of water, then the fairly easy earth trial. My friends got stuck on a part where pieces of land were rotating in the air and I helped them through it since I was used to this. Then we faced off against the trial of air and that had a lot of challenges. For the most part, my friends were getting ahead of me. It was the case until the last part where we were both frustrated that we had to fly and maneuver to this place. In the background, my friends were playing songs from NewJeans and we were both talking about how inappropriate their song Cookie was. They had given up and I was doing the remaining air trials and I eventually made it. We collected the winged light at the end and went to the last trial: the fire trial. By the time we were doing the fire trial, the song "Next To You" by Chris Brown and Justin Bieber kept playing in my head. I even played it on speaker and someone sang along to it since the fire trial was mostly easy. We eventually completed it and got a lot of winged lights for Sunday. By that time, work was done and we were just playing Sky. We had new daily quests to do and they were in the Golden Wasteland. We around a bit and completed one of the daily tasks. My friends had to go to the bathroom and I did as well. I left our characters inside a building because it seemed safe and I've never seen krill go inside it. But when I came back, my PC had crashed and it took a long time for it to boot. When I got back, my friends were mad at me because they had lost 4 of their winged light and their character's light had been snuffed. They got annoyed and frustrated at me and I offered to just get it for them. They enrolled one of my Facebook accounts as their login. I also checked my PC for problems and found out that it was a RAM issue but still talked to my friends through chat. They quickly calmed down and by 6:48 p.m. we played a quick game together and got into a call. After that, I completed their map a bit and recouped the winged lights, and I even got more than what they initially had by 7:50. By 8 p.m., Exavier had already invited me to play Sons of the Forest with him. Exavier and I explored through the various areas in the map and he eventually got used to using the chainsaw as their weapon. We easily wiped out 2 big cannibal camps near a waterfall. We cleared the area and suddenly had the idea to build a few structures there. At first, it was a simple hunting shed, then it was a small wood cabin, but by the end, we had built treehouses for each of us and collected a lot of wood for it. We even befriended Virginia and he saw how she can be a useful character. We kept playing and playing until it stretched to the next day. We were both shocked that it had already been 1:40 a.m. and we decided to call it a night and both left the server. I called it a day and it was a lot of fun playing games with my friends.

Song of the day: Next To You (feat. Justin Bieber) by Chris Brown

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And baby, everything that I have is yours
You will never go cold or hungry
I'll be there when you're insecure
Let you know that you're always lovely, girl
'Cause you are the only thing that I got right now

One day when the sky is falling
I'll be standing right next to you, right next to you
Nothing will ever come between us
'Cause I'll be standing right next to you, right next to you

Journal entry for Thursday, July 4th, 2024

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, I timed in as usual and got started on my usual morning things. I just did my tasks and had my meetings. For the evening, I did nothing but play Sky with my friends the entire time. My friends mostly toured me around the Valley of Triumph and we collected all of the winged lights there. Eventually, Eric and Nicole joined us for the evening and we collected shards. We eventually finished playing at around 8 p.m. or so and then talked for a bit before my friends stopped responding to my messages at 8:38 p.m. and probably slept.

Song of the day: Why Am I the One by fun.

Delete Message?

Wed, 03 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I was suffering from general sickness and nose bleeding.

Song of the day: BAHAMA by aespa

Journal entry for Tuesday, July 2nd, 2024

Tue, 02 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, I had early morning production deployment and I had to prioritize work. By the end of my shift, I got into a call with my friends and we logged into Sky. They showed me her manta plushie and it was a cute one of a manta ray and it looked pretty cute. We played Sky for a bit, just collecting winged lights for our accounts and it was pretty fun. In the evening, my friends invited me to play Sky again. We did a quick Eden run through Eden and it was pretty stressful for us, but we eventually managed through it. After completing Eden, I was so sleepy at this time and decided to nap for a few minutes.

Song of the day: Girl In The Mirror - I by Sophia Grace, Silentó

Rekindled Reading

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, my usual work shift started and I suddenly felt like looking for Kindles so I could read ebooks again. I did my usual morning work tasks and got on with my morning routine. Work passed by and things were usual and nothing noteworthy. In the background, I was trying to find a seller for a Kindle. I found one on Carousell and it seemed like a good deal, so I made a plan with them to meet them later tonight at UP Town Center in Quezon City. I was just stressing out about how I would get there and then back quickly because my friends and I had to do Eden in Sky. At around 6 p.m., I had to leave just so I could meet the seller at around 7 or so and I'm glad I was riding a motorcycle and they didn't waste any time. I quickly arrived at UPTC (despite it taking an hour) and it was your usual G.I.G.O. operation: get in and get out. I felt the pain of losing a lot of money and digging into my savings, but whatever. I even had to buy coffee because the lady didn't have a change for my bill. But after all that was said and done, I quickly booked a ride home and it was a literal race against time to get home and catch up with my friends. At that point, they had already left the call and joined Nicole's server. I arrived just in the nick of time and we all went through Eden together: Nicole, Eric, my other friends, and I. Nicole died first in the last part of Eden, then me, then my other friends, and Eric was the last to die. We all got our wing levels reset. After that, my friends and I talking through chat and I showed them my Kindle and how it worked. Then we kept talking until it was already the next day.

Song of the day: Barbie Girl by Aqua

Theme Park Shenanigans 3

Sun, 30 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today was the day I was gonna go to Enchanted Kingdom! I was so surprised because I totally forgot, but I'm glad I'm actually going to go today. The commute will be rough, or at least that's what I originally thought. Realistically, my day started with me sleeping for more than 10 hours because I've been so sleep-deprived for the past few days. I woke up early, though, at around 8 a.m., and got ready. I was still interested in Dead By Daylight content so I watched a lot of that. In the morning, my sister and I ordered take-out from McDonald's while I watched a few DBD videos in the background. I thought that it would take a while, maybe an hour or so, but it surprisingly arrived in less than 20 minutes, to the shock of both of us. After that, I had breakfast while watching more Dead By Daylight content. It actually took a while because our plan for today was this: - 8:00-9:00 Prep time - 9:00-10:00 Commute to One Ayala - 10:00-11:00 Bus ride to Laguna - 11:00-11:20 Commute and arrival at Enchanted Kingdom - 11:20-6:00 Time at Enchanted Kingdom - 6:00-8:00 Commute from EK to our house Well, that didn't really pan out, because it was around 9:20 and I was only just taking a bath and getting dressed. Thankfully, we were able to book a car quickly and it didn't really take long for them to arrive either. They actually arrived very early and I was still getting dressed by the time it arrived. But I quickly got everything I needed and went on my way. The driver took a surprisingly weird route to BGC and then Ayala as opposed to taking the SLEX to arrive at Ayala. I reckon that our route was the best route to Makati and I was just surprised by the route since I've never taken this route before while commuting. I was just playing music in the background and listening to Le Sserrafim's "Flash Forward" but we eventually arrived in One Ayala before the ETA. It was around 11:07 at this time, and we were still unsure of how the bus commute would turn out. My sister and I have been on buses to Laguna/Tagaytay before and it took **hours**. But I was glad that didn't turn out to be the case. We got on a bus to Balibago in Laguna, and the bus took the Skyway. I was so surprised because this seemed like a quick and easy ride. We were also surprised that the bus conductor used an e-payment terminal to take money, which seemed so unlikely because this was the first time I'd seen NFC payments on a bus before. But thankfully we were able to pay for our ride with cash and it cost us around 102 each, or something. It was kind of cheap, to be fair, for a ride to Laguna using the skyway. We just breezed through the roads going to Laguna and I played a podcast episode of This American Life. We eventually got to Laguna and we had to withdraw some money. I bought that big 64oz Aquaflask bottle I've been wanting to have. We then booked a tricycle going to Enchanted Kingdom and easily got inside because we already had our (free) tickets ordered online—a self-chosen gift from my company for spending 5 years with them. My sister was really excited when she got in and wanted to take a lot of pictures. She was so excited because it has been around 2 decades since she last visited Enchanted Kingdom. She was so happy and we took a few photos. Then we walked past some parts of the park and went on to ride the Jungle Log Jam. It had no lines and no people there, thankfully, and we easily got a ride. When the ride reached its peak, I noticed that the subdivision around EK was more developed than when I last visited in 2020. We were then dropped from a height by the ride and we had fun on the ride. I then took a pic of my sister and told her that it was the same spot where Angela and I took a photo 4 years ago. After that, we went to the Space Shuttle which scared me because it's been a long time since I've last been on it, but it scared my sister more. She was really eager before this but afterward, she seemed a bit shaken. We both said that we were getting older and we could feel our ages, even though we were both only in our 20s. We then continued to ride a few more rides after that, both of us enjoying the day. In the end, we ended up going on the rides in this order: - Log Jam - Space Shuttle - Ferris Wheel - Anchor's Away - Rialto - Rio Grande Rapids - Disco Magic We actually ended early at around 3:40 p.m. or so, and we had eaten some churros before getting on a bus back to Metro Manila. The ride was fairly quick, the bus we got on took the SLEX and after an hour and a half or so we were back at One Ayala. Since we were both really hungry and we didn't eat a lot the whole day, we decided to have dinner at Glorietta and ordered food from the Homer Easy Middle Eastern restaurant at the food court. We booked a ride home after that and we easily got home, I even had some spare time to play Sky with my friends and we collected a few candles from the grandma event and we went through Eden altogether.

Song of the day: Stella Stai by Umberto Tozzi

Journal entry for Saturday, June 29th, 2024

Sat, 29 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was still in a call with my friends and we had just finished doing a quick candle run with Nicole. Eventually, Nicole had to sleep and we kept playing Sky for a bit more. At around 1 a.m., my friends streamed a new game titled Until Then. She kept playing and we thought it was a cute story. We took note of the hidden easter eggs and real-life references the game made. We kept spotting parodies of real-world ads as well. Eventually, we got to a point where the protagonist had a shocking discovery that I honestly could relate to so well. It was a really shocking twist and it tugged on my heartstrings quite a bit. We eventually got to the end of the demo and I decided to buy Until Then and played it. My friends eventually dozed off and I disconnected them from the call. I slept and my Saturday morning was nothing unusual. Then, while I was taking a shower, I got called to work to immediately fix an issue. I was still wearing just a towel but whatever, I still worked on it and it was a pretty easy fix. The people on the call, including the CTO, were all stumped and I came in clutch to fix the problem. It actually felt really good because I used my RHEL/yum/dnf skills to fix the problem. After that, my usual Saturday went on. In the evening, Rachel invited me to play games with her and we played a few rounds of Phasmophobia. Unfortunately, she wasn't all that enthusiastic about it and it wasn't scary to me anymore. We then moved on to Dead By Daylight and we played 1 round together. It was sad that her Internet connection dropped out mid-game and she didn't reconnect back into the game. Our gaming session ended there and my sister gave me Popeyes, which was a welcomed surprise. I remembered how fun Dead By Daylight was and I realized that it was one of my comfort games during the 2021 season of the pandemic. I kept watching DBD videos throughout the entire night.

Journal entry for Friday, June 28th, 2024

Fri, 28 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Come morning, I timed in as usual and did my morning round of tasks, duties, and other things on my plate. In the background, I was looking for people selling their Kindles and found one of a Kindle PaperWhite Signature Edition. I messaged the seller and they said they were free to meet. They didn't want to meet me because they were supposedly staying at St. Lukes, and then it became a kerfuffle of having their husband ship it to me and ask me to contact them via Viber. It was funny because he wanted me to pay for it first before having to ship it which was obviously a scam (a scam I personally fell for in 2022, no less) and they immediately blocked me everywhere. After that tomfoolery, I had meetings to attend to. At the end of the day, my friends invited me to play Sky and do the Days of Color rainbow race. We got to meet Nicole and even have her join us in the race as well, to which she just ended up blowing us out of the race with her incredible speed. We were both perplexed at how fast she was compared to us, but thankfully I was able to snag a win for myself. Then we joined Nicole for a short candle run and visited the grandma event in the Hidden Forest. We stayed with Nicole until midnight the following day.

Song of the day: Fake Happy by Paramore

Journal entry for Thursday, June 27th, 2024

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the morning, I had a lot of tickets to get to and things to fix. I had a long meeting to attend at 2:00 p.m. During my meeting, they kept asking me about the venue for Sportstival and it was really distracting. The meeting stretched until 4:00 p.m. At around 5:27 p.m. or so, I cut the meeting off and asked to continue tomorrow. Then it hit me. Apparently, I was running the wrong SQL command, and that blocked the whole thing for hours on end. After that, I had a conversation with my friends and they reminded me that we would be playing Phasmophobia with Luan later. I said I was still down to play then they invited me to a call so I could watch them play Cooking Simulator. I watched them do a couple of dishes and also guided them in calculating the measurements needed for the ingredients as well as the exact breakdown of ingredients for some of the dishes. After that, we did an Eden run and reached the end by 7:00 p.m. Thankfully, we were quickly done with Eden and then we got into a game of Phasmophobia at around 7:14 p.m. We played a few rounds of Phasmophobia for about an hour and a half. I even recorded tonight's session again because I wanted to. At 8:46, we winded down and left the game. My friends and I were still in a call, though, and we kept talking about random things until 10 p.m. when we both left the call. I watched a couple of YouTube videos before passing out because I was so sleepy.

Song of the day: Grudges by Paramore

Journal entry for Wednesday, June 26th, 2024

Wed, 26 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

For the morning, I timed in early for work passed the time. I did a bunch of my morning tasks and my plate was full. In the background, I watched the new video from Philip DeFranco about updates on the Dr. Disrespect situation and how it got worse. Around lunchtime, at 12:24 p.m., we were already playing Sky and collecting winged lights. We went through the Vault of Knowledge as well. We stopped playing Sky at the end of lunch and got back to work. At 2:00 p.m., the rest of my usual afternoon tasks were ongoing. In the evening, my friends invited me for a game of Phasmophobia with Luan. I was downloading it and did some other things, and kept talking to my friends while the download was going on. At 7:29 p.m., I invited my friends and we got in a call. We got into Phasmophobia and eventually Luan got in, and we 3 were a complete team once again. We tried the new map, Point Hope, so we can check it out. We were so confused by the layout but it was pretty easy getting back into Phasmophobia after months of not playing it with Luan. I even started OBS to record our playthrough for future viewing purposes. We also played a couple of classic maps we used to play and got the correct ghosts for most of the rounds. I also noticed my friends sing the lyrics to "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" and it absolutely shocked me how they already knew the song. I got killed a few times but it was okay. In the end, my friends got to Prestige 2 in Phasmophobia and got a new badge. At the end of the day, my friends and I took a rest for a bit and left the call but we would still play Sky later for the grandma event. We had a bit of a hard time after that and eventually, we got into a call once again as the new day started.

Song of the day: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Remastered 2009 by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah

Journal entry for Tuesday, June 25th, 2024

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

By morning, I woke up as usual but I had already asked to be excused for the day because. I woke up at around 11 a.m. and replied to a coworker's message. I slept the day off after that.

Song of the day: In Too Deep by Sum 41

The "Road-Around"

Mon, 24 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

In the morning, I ordered breakfast for myself first, then I was busy right off the bat. I apparently had a lot of things to take care of and the morning was just me being swamped with work. Things were fairly chill with my tasks in the afternoon. I got called out for taking poor notes by a coworker, but after that, my shift ended. I had plans to meet up with someone at SM Bicutan so we could have dinner together and eat at Sumo Niku like we always used to. I left first because I was a bit far away from them, but I eventually arrived around the scheduled meetup time which was 6 p.m. I mostly walked around the mall and then tried to get a table for two. The staff informed me that there was no beef being served today and a few items on the menu were missing. I quickly told this to someone. Also, I saw another person who looked like them but I was shocked when it turned out that the person *actually wasn't them*. But we eventually met up and they looked a bit tired. We had a plan to just go to another Sumo Niku place they knew in Paranaque, which was supposedly in SM Sucat. The trip there looked like it would take a lot of time (spoiler: it did), but I still booked a ride regardless. I quickly got one and we just talked for a bit while we waited for the driver to arrive. We talked about their upcoming job application and they finally told me the secret they were holding off on telling me, which surprised me, but it wasn't out of what I had speculated. We then just talked about other things like we always do. Soon, the driver arrived in a black sedan and we both sat at the back. I was told to contact the place in advance to see if they had beef, but I couldn't find any Sumo Nikus in SM Sucat. I asked them if they were sure that they went to SM Sucat and they gave me the usual "bahala ka nga" and things in the car quickly fell silent. It got awkward between us but then they also started checking out if there actually was a Sumo Niku at SM Sucat, and after telling their mother, they quickly realized that it was in SM City BF Parañaque, **and we were going to the wrong mall, which was also far away**. I couldn't protest much since we had already made the turn to SM Sucat by then, but we just quickly formed a plan to hitch a ride to SM BF once we got off. We just chilled in the car while we were on our way, and actually, it was a pretty long drive. We just talked about a bunch of topics like how one of our coworkers is in a "mutual understanding" relationship with another, Meryll's departure, and other stuff. We were so bored while waiting in the car, someone rested for a bit and so did I. Then we talked about Sky and then they played the game. I opened the game but I couldn't log into my account, so I quickly stopped playing. Eventually, we got to SM Sucat and we immediately booked another ride to SM City BF Parañaque. It was funny because we just got out of the driver's car when we booked him again. We got into the car and the driver didn't even realize that we had booked him again for another ride. It was pretty funny and unexpected, and she joked that I now have something to put in my mood calendar for today. The car then continued the trip to SM BF. We took a then-unfamiliar path to SM BF, it was different from the road we took during our Starbucks hangout in SM Sucat. But we eventually reached a stretch of road that we did take and that we were familiar with. We eventually arrived at SM BF a little later than usual, at 8 p.m. When we found Sumo Niku, they told us that they only accepted orders until 8:30 so we only had 30 minutes left to eat if we ever decided to dine here. We just called it off and someone went home. I was so sad from this whole thing just going wrong that I just wanted to treat myself to something good so I could at least feel better. I got steak and some beef quesadilla at the Outback Steakhouse. I was just eating in silence and then I heard "All Too Well" playing in the background, which perfectly matched my mood. By the time I finished my food, the mall was already closing so I just went home and thankfully found a ride really quickly. The rider offered me a raincoat to wear, but I just wanted to be rained upon since I was still not feeling okay. I slept and ended the day there.

Song of the day: Gimme Hope Jo'Anna by Eddy Grant

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Gimme hope, Jo'anna
Hope, Jo'anna
Gimme hope, Jo'anna
'Fore the morning come
Gimme hope, Jo'anna
Hope, Jo'anna
Hope before the morning come

A Trip Down Memory Lane and Pares Retiro

Sun, 23 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I couldn't sleep tonight. For whatever reason, I couldn't properly sleep so, at 3 a.m., my brain decided to go to Pares Retiro. I had planned this for myself for quite a while now, but because of the weather and other factors, it didn't really push through. That was the case until today when I just decided to go wearing some "night" clothes that I picked from my drawers. I decided that it would be a quick operation: get in, eat *pares*, and get out. I booked a ride and the Angkas ride quickly arrived, he got so early that he was a bit annoyed because I was still preparing. When I saw him, he was wearing a Joyride outfit, so that struck me as weird. Also, he drove quickly like a madman on a motorcycle. He rarely stopped or slowed down. He ran through the streets of Manila and even ran through a red light! Which just shocked me because of how careless he was. I literally thought I was going to die then and there, and all these gory scenes just played in my head of me dying or getting into a motorcycle accident. But thankfully, those didn't happen. We didn't take the route me and Jaze used to take, though, but we got there. The only problem was that the location was **wrong**. And the rider didn't even look like his picture, what the hell was up with that? I was dropped off near the University of Santo Tomas. I had actually pinned at a Pares Retiro Express food truck, which was obviously closed. It was so weird that I was just dropped off at a random area, but whatever. I just decided to book another ride to Pares Retiro. I looked up at the sky and I could see that the night was fading. By the time my new ride arrived, the dawn was starting to break and it was around 5:00 a.m. at the time, a far cry from the quick night ride I had planned. During the ride, I was at Quezon City and passed by Pegasus, which made me remember the time I went there. I wondered if I went there in 2022 or last year, but that brought back memories. Then I got dropped off at Pares Retiro, *the restaurant*, which was **NOT** the place I was supposed to be at. I just gave up and went in, deciding to just order something and go home, calling it a defeat. The white guy who was ordering in front of me took a while, but thankfully his long order gave me time to change my mind and I just waited outside to book a ride to the real place. I searched for the original place on Google and searched for the destination via a landmark. I pinned "The Original Pares Mami House (Since 1989)" as my destination and waited for a ride. It took me really, really long to find a ride. It was already dawn by then and I saw a lot of people coming and going, most of them dressed in something revealing, which made me wonder where they came from. After waiting a while, I got a ride and it took me to the next location. Only this time, I was at the wrong location **AGAIN**. I was so annoyed at Jaze, even though we hadn't talked in years. I could not believe that I had gone to the wrong location for the third time. I literally could not believe it and thought that time or the universe was playing a cruel joke on me. I found it funny and annoying that Jaze referred to it as "Pares Retiro" despite there being a thousand variants of the same restaurant. Regardless, I saw that the real location was only a few minutes walk from here. This time, I actually checked the directions on Google Maps for "The Original Pares Mami House Retiro" instead of searching for the name or using my memory to pin for the location. I was annoyed that I was going to have to walk 10-13 minutes to get there, but whatever. The *pares* should live up to the hype for making me walk and commute this far to get it. Walking to the restaurant was a breeze and I eventually saw the same street from years ago. A flood of nostalgia came in and I was just washed away when I saw how everything was 2 years later. Here I am now, 2 years later, and here I was before, at this fateful place on N.S. Amoranto Sr. Street. 2 years ago, 2 fucking years ago I was here when I had everything. Literally everything I had ever wanted. My mind went back to the evening between January 30-31, when I was at my life's peak. I had everything I ever wanted: a budding romance with a girl who I thought was perfect, my friends who had been there for me for years—friends who I thought would never leave me, and a bright hope for the future. I just got a love letter from someone. I went out for a night trip with my friends Jaze and Batao to Pares Retiro and we stayed out for long, even though I was supposed to go home early. I still remember the atmosphere of that night, the clothes I was wearing, and the garage I stayed at for a bit. I deeply remember how everything played out. I had everything, 2 years ago. Who knew that evening would herald the downfall of my life and cause it to stray so horribly? I lost the girl who was in love with me and I lost my friends. Coming back here now means reliving all of that pain and joy I felt and my mind switched back to "2022 mode" wherein I relived all of the moments and memories that shaped how early 2022 went. The plastic screens from when COVID was a thing were all gone now. I sat at a random seat that was away from anyone and I ordered beef *pares* and a plate of *siomai* which Jaze used to love. I had tasted the *pares* there and it was really, really good. It didn't invoke any memory in me, which I noticed because my sense of taste is very dull. But it was still very good, especially the *siomai*. I know I'm not supposed to eat beef on account of my gout, but whatever, I decided to finish my meal anyway. When I finished my meal, I decided to order 2 more meals for take-out. I was deciding on whether or not I should go straight home, or complete the next stop of that fateful night from 2 years ago: Assi Fresh Plaza in McKinley Hills. I decided to go through with it and found a ride. On the way there, I passed by so many landmarks. I passed by some of the roads the girl and I went through when we had to make perfumes last year, and I passed by the ramen place we ate at, I also passed by SM City Sta. Mesa which was the topic of so many trips with the girl. Then I was on the same road I took when I used to take those Buddhist meditation classes recently. I had so many memories just come flooding in my head. I quickly arrived at Assi Fresh Plaza and bought a few things at the 7-Eleven there, especially the Big Gulp that Jaze used to order and I filled it with Mountain Dew like before. This place didn't evoke that deep of a feeling because I often visit this place when I'm sad or miss Jaze and my friends. There were other people there and joggers sat in the same seat I sat in 2 years ago, so I sat at the seat to the right of that. And there were a lot of people, so I couldn't talk to myself but I just silently reflected on the whole experience. Holding on to those memories from 2 years ago cuts me deep. It's so deep, it had cut me and left a part of me that's still stuck in that night. That night in 2022 changed the course of my life and I wonder what would happen if it all went right. But then I thought that everything that happened was supposed to happen. I was meant to go there for the last time with Batao and Jaze back then. That night heralded the end of my 2021 fun times with my friends and marked the start of an anxious 2 years. It was my turning point and my canon event. It sucks, but the 2 years haven't been kind. Although I decided to choose the girl over my friends, I kind of regretted it. Even though I know I would deeply regret it if I chose my friends over the girl anyway. I'm left with regret no matter what decision I would choose and it only solidified the idea that it was all meant to happen and the girl wasn't the one. Then I remembered this quote from that movie analysis about Past Lives: > There are things in life that we just can't control and Past Lives represents coming to terms with those events that we hold no authority over. Nora and Hae Sung both hold different character themes that tie into the overarching message of the plot: letting go. As much as something may hurt now, holding onto such things will only cloud your vision of what's ahead of you and prevent you from living happily in the future. Although part of me feels trapped in that same night 2 years ago, I should let that part of me go and move on. Maybe in the future, I'll meet someone new and experience a chain of events where everything just goes right. I have to be kind to myself and stop beating myself up over things that scarred me 2 years ago. I've been miserable for the past 2 years because I've been trying to bring everything back to that one night. I should just accept that everything's over and move on. When I got home, it was around 9 a.m. by then. I slept from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. in the evening, and only had the energy to get up at around 7 or so when I decided to cook the *pares* I ordered for take-out. It took a while to microwave, but my sister arrived during that time and she told me all about her trip to Elyu and how nice it was. I told her about the day I had and a short summary of what happened earlier, and she empathized with me. I gave her the plate that I was microwaving and microwaved the remaining take-out for myself. I expected her to eat 1 dish anyway and I wanted her to taste the food from the *pares* house anyway. She enjoyed it and we talked about the new food I just bought for Milktea and other things. We eventually had to go back and I got a message on Discord asking me if I completed Eden yet. I replied no and then we got into VHH. From there, I spent time playing Sky with someone. I asked them about how their weekend went. After talking, they invited me to complete Eden tonight. We already had that technique to fly easily so we just did that and thankfully the first stage was a breeze. I accidentally pulled off Nicole's shortcut to the top of the level and it was insane, we were both shocked. By the second stage, we got hit by the krill for some part but we mostly recovered our wings after that. By the third stage, someone disconnected because they lost power. They quickly came back while I carried on and continued the rebirth of my character. We were both done and we just explored. After that, we mostly explored the Isle of Dawn and collected a few spirits from there. We mostly moved around but we had fun and called it a night. I mostly wrote about today's experiences and ended the day there.

Song of the day: Pasensya Ka Na by Silent Sanctuary

Journal entry for Saturday, June 22nd, 2024

Sat, 22 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was still pissed off from the evening last night. I continued on that note while we tried to watch a few horror videos. I messaged a few friends on Slowly as a way to push my mind away from thinking about what happened. Despite us getting coffee, most of them still slept early and I didn't wake them up anymore. I waited for an hour and a half but then disconnected them from the call. I was still wired from the coffee and did random things until the morning. I mostly slept Saturday off because I was *so tired* from the past few days. I woke up to a message from a friend about an IG video they wanted to share and a few other messages from my friends. Oddly enough, I didn't get a lot of letters from Slowly today. By the afternoon, I was just alone watching that new episode of The Boys. While watching, I contemplated whether or not I should buy that expensive dry cat food and wet food for Milktea. I thought about it for a while but ultimately decided to buy it. I also got food for myself. Around the evening, I invited Exavier for a game of Sons of the Forest and we played on our save file. We talked about work, certifications, life at KVH, and how I felt about my current job. I told him that I would resign soon and that my only thing to do was to just gain experience and certifications before leaving for another job. We explored a lot of sections in the game. It was surprising to me because we just kept going and exploring other areas in the game. It was pretty fun, though, we had gone through a lot of cannibal camps in the game and completed a major part of the story. It quickly turned to be around midnight and we ended the game there by landing on the top of our next area to explore.

Song of the day: Moment Of Truth by FM Static

Journal entry for Friday, June 21st, 2024

Fri, 21 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I overslept for some reason. I hadn't woken up but noticed that my friends messaged me and deleted what they sent. They told me it was a simple "helo" and I checked my logs to confirm that was true. But by 2:50 a.m. we were in a call talking about various things. I gave them the money I owed from our Audible subscription thing that ran for months but I didn't pay for and it was a pretty big amount. I told my friends about my experience before attending a Reddit meetup. I remembered that it took place after my rock climbing trip with my friends in KVH and I attended the meetup despite not knowing anyone there. I told them that I was an INFP during that time and they couldn't believe that an introvert would attend a random, open-invitation party where they knew no one. I laughed and then told them that I met a few people there, told them I mod a subreddit, did beer pong, and befriended a cool guy there but we didn't talk much after that. We then talked about other things. Then the funniest thing happened in Sky. A friend was just in between two players and they snatched the toy a stranger was going to give their friend. Somehow, they got the plushie and the guy worried about not getting the toy back. My friend didn't know how to return it so they were just emoting, doing random dances, and other stuff. I logged into Sky and teleporter to her and saw the whole thing go down. It was pretty funny and after that we explored the area a bit, collected a child of light, then we did other things and I told them the Reddit story. Then they some Jollibee while I ordered breakfast food from McDonald's. We just watched videos from SNARLED while eating.I tried to get some rest because I was feeling pretty tired already. We left the call after that. Work today was actually fairly chill. It passed by quickly and not much happened, I had to contact a few places to host the Sportstival at and that was that. I was mostly alone today and I replied to a few friends online. I mostly was just chilling by myself. Nothing happened and I timed out for work. In the evening, I kept talking to my friends. I pulled up a video and decided to stream something *I* want to watch. They joined the stream as well and we watched an episode of the Horror Mine and our day continued from there.

Song of the day: Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Heartbreak is one thing, my ego's another
I beg you, don't embarrass me, motherfucker, oh

Journal entry for Thursday, June 20th, 2024

Thu, 20 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I started the day by watching videos from ReligionForBreakfast about the Hajj and the Kaaba in Islam. I watched other videos after that and was waiting to invite my friends for a call. Once we got in a call, it was just the usual me playing a few videos from SNARLED and stuff. Nothing noteworthy happened, but we watched aespa's music video for the song "Live My Life" and it was cool, even though they had already watched it beforehand without me. We left the call after that and I eventually slept. I timed in early for work. I did my work tasks in the background and it was essentially smooth sailing being in my meeting despite my bad cough. Thankfully, I had enough spare time and I still felt okay enough to do some light exercise. During my exercise, I stumbled upon an old favorite song by Owl City, it was really nice to listen to and it gave me the kick I needed to really motivate me further. Eventually, the end of my shift came. I talked to a few friends on Slowly and replied to their letters. Then my friends told me that I should find places to trade hearts in Sky and I joined this Discord server. Eventually, I invited my friends for a call and we played Sky again. We mostly explored around. At first, we tried our best to unlock the spirit of the Thoughtful Director so that someone can try to buy from them. We unlocked the director's spirit. After that, we went to the Hidden Forest for the grandma event at around 7:35 p.m. and explored more. We then had to go to the Sanctuary Islands so I could show them the turtle which was the next event in the event clock. We had to collect a few children of light so we could upgrade our wings, and we eventually found the turtle after a while. We rode on its back and a few other players joined us. Then our characters almost drowned after it dove down to the bottom of the ocean. We explored the islands for a bit more until we had to unlock this spirit for a new emote, which frustrated us all because we had to carry the spirit's light to the top of the mountain. Thankfully, we did well on our first try (despite many setbacks) and we unlocked a new pouting emote. Since we had nothing else to do, I decided to upgrade our friendship trees further and we unlocked a few emotes for each other. Finally, we reached the emote wherein one person would sit on top of the other's shoulders. This greatly helped in our expedition because we would never run out of flight and we essentially "gamed" our way into traversing Sky much more easily. This is what Nicole does with her alt account and we managed to successfully unlock it ourselves. We eventually explored the Golden Wasteland because we were too scared of it before, but now it was super easy to traverse despite the krill wandering around. It was really fun and we got to the end of the map. Some of my friends left after that and eventually, I disconnected from the call as well. We kept chatting for a while but someone had to sleep and I napped, which ended the day.

Song of the day: When Can I See You Again? by Owl City

Lyrics that resonated with me:
It's been fun but now I've got to go
Life is way too short to take it slow
But before I go and hit the road
I got to know, 'til then, when can we do this again?

Journal entry for Wednesday, June 19th, 2024

Wed, 19 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I felt reaaaalllyyy sick today, I woke up feeling horrible. In the morning, I didn't feel okay upon waking up and I had trouble getting out of bed. I was sick, like *really* sick. I contemplated between taking a sick leave today or just winging it. Since I had a light workload today, I decided to wing it and started my morning routine. It actually took me a while to complete my morning routine because I started very late and I was sick. I got take-out food that I wanted to order last night. I didn't finish much of the 2nd dish, though. I also asked my uncle if he could get me medicine and I took out 1,000 from my emergency stash because I didn't have any cash on hand. While I was eating, I got into a call with my friends and they suggested that we watch My Girl (1991). It was good, albeit a little slow at the start. I think some of us slept for some part of it, but by the end we were intently watching the film. After lunch, my shift continued as usual and I played Sky with my friends when I timed out for work. We were supposed to play Monopoly with my other friends but one wasn't able to attend so we didn't play at all. I just stayed in a call with my friends playing horror videos while we did various stuff. In the background, I met someone in Sky and they mostly talked using Cyrillic so I thought they were Russian. It was cool, I played with them while my friends and I watched a video about Axie Infinity. After that, we kept playing horror videos and by the end, we all left the call do to other things and I mostly slept because I was so tired. It was still a good day for me despite me feeling under the weather. I got to eat good food, I got medicine, I had my friends by my side throughout most of the day, and I even made a new friend who wrote in Cyrillic.

Journal entry for Tuesday, June 18th, 2024

Tue, 18 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a pretty chill day, it started with me being in a all with my friends. We were mostly sleepy. So I had the idea that we get coffee and they got Dunkin' while I just got a double fish sandwich from McDonald's. I played a few horror videos in the background, we finished the Wii Fit Balance Board horror game video from yesterday, and we watched a video from SNARLED. It quickly became 2 a.m. after that so I just had to disconnect from the call and sleep. In the morning, I timed in for work and did the usual. However, the things I added to my morning routine were some warm-up exercises and a few minutes of walking just so I could exercise in my daily routine. I'm still getting used to changing things for the better, but I'm at least improving. After finishing it, I took a bath and went back to work. Today was a pretty chill workday. I sent a friend a picture of a cute illustration of a cute drawing in bed that had the caption "Me in my silly little bed, avoiding my silly little tasks" and she said that it was them and used it as a profile picture, which I found adorable. I got into a call with my friends and we watched a few more videos before moving off of Monstrum and playing videos from SNARLED. During lunch, I sent letters on Slowly, and I essentially just tried to find new people. I timed in again and I did my tasks. After that, it was my OSH meeting and I suggested a few places that seemed good on paper. I didn't prepare anything but was assigned to help with the venue and contacting them. The meeting was cut short since we were all unprepared and we did other tasks and then timed out. After work, someone in the call suggested that we watch Inside Out (2015) because they loved the movie. I played it in the call and initially, I gave out a few spoilers, especially one about "Family Island" and they threatened to watch it without me. I said that I'd stop spoiling it and just went on watching it. We finished the movie and it was still very cute and touching despite us knowing the entire plot already. We left the call after watching the movie to do our own thing. In the evening, I made dinner for myself by cooking 3 eggs and that corned beef I had lying around. It was pretty good and I made 2 good sunny side-ups out of the 3 eggs I had. I ate dinner and my friends eventually invited me to play Sky: Children of the Light after. It was good timing because I had just finished my dinner. We played and they said that we should do the "rebirth" thing in the Eye of Eden stage. It was difficult when I went through it last week, and we suffered losses despite my being guided by an experienced player. It was daunting, but I just watched a YouTube video and went on with it. We thankfully progressed easily for the 1st and 2nd stages. I died early in the 3rd stage because I didn't have many wings on me, and they all eventually died with most of them getting 6 ascended candles. But we were able to get through it and we had our characters be reborn. We tried to collect a few more children of light after that and we were supposed to collect that chibi mask, but we ended the game early and left the call. I didn't do much in the late evening because I was pretty sick and I felt a slight fever. I mostly just napped/slept from 9:40-11:20 p.m.

Progress Requires a Consistent, Sustained Struggle

Mon, 17 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

My day continued with me joining my friends for a call in the morning. I eventually confronted them. This came as a complete surprise and I just felt like I was stabbed. I just felt betrayed again. Our call still continued despite me just wanting to leave and block them all. We watched a few things, like that video from 4 Plus about The Oldest View and they were pretty scared. In the background, I was just processing my feelings of pure rage and dealing with them. I feel so betrayed, but there's nothing I can do. I eventually had the idea that I should continue seeing other people to make friends with. I set my focus on that and just said "fuck you" from the burnout I'm currently feeling. Our call continued until the early morning. We watched K-Pop videos of earlier groups like AOA, f(x), MAMAMOO, and Stellar. I was shocked that they knew Stellar despite them being an unknown group and we watched their MV for VIBRATO. It was tacky and unsexy, then we watched this horror game about a Wii balancing game. But then my Internet cuts out and I get frustrated further. I asked my sister to cook the remaining piece of cheese Buldak that we had and ate that as my breakfast. My sister had to leave the house for the day and I just slept after that. When I woke up, my foot was aching again. I got really frustrated at the onslaught of bullshit being thrown my way. I had never fucking had it easy for, like, a month ever since 2022 and I'm fucking tired of it. But whatever, I continued on and eventually decided to continue my exercise routine again. I remember back to early June last year when I wanted to change my life, and a year has passed with things staying the same (if not, worse) than before. Fuck it, I continued to work out and dispelled my anger through that. I watched some live performances of K-Pop songs to keep me hyped. At the end of the workout, I got really hyped when I played Seventeen's "Fuck My Life" because it still resonates with me. After that, I took a short break to work out to Katy Perry's "Part of Me" and it felt really relatable. I just got angrier. I took a bath to cool off and continued with my evening. I had a thought while taking the shower that I should not halt/hinder my progress. I need to keep moving and keep pushing myself to greater lengths. And then, I just remembered that quote I found 2 years ago: > Progress requires a consistent, sustained struggle. A willingness to disrupt everyday life. I watched [the Last Week Tonight episode](https://youtu.be/MalsOLSFvX0?si=60JIpcSgYyw40NzX&t=1021) that had that quote and skipped to the segment where it talked about continuous progress. I found the deeper meaning of how much committed action can actually achieve. That one should play the long game and never accept a situation as final. Upon expounding it, I eventually stumbled upon these words: > Progress is not a passive journey; it demands relentless effort and the courage to challenge the status quo. Every significant change comes from the determination to persevere, even when it's inconvenient. Embrace the disruptions as part of the process. True progress requires us to be steadfast in our fight, constantly pushing forward, and being unafraid to shake things up. Remember, it's through our sustained efforts and willingness to disrupt the ordinary that we pave the way for extraordinary advancements. Keep pushing, stay committed, and lead with unwavering resolve. Something inside me flared up and I just felt more dedicated to continuing bettering the life that I have now. I really, **REALLY** need to pick up the trash and improve myself further. Way, way further than where I am now. I hope to just work hard, be genuinely kind, and be open to future possibilities that can lead me to the life I want to live. I did random things in the evening and I should really stop doing that, I should fill my evenings with purpose. After that, I went and continued to update my mood calendar for the past few days.

Song of the day: Part of Me by Katy Perry

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Days like this, I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade

You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down

Ticket for One, Two, and for Another One

Sun, 16 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I felt disturbed today for no reason. I couldn't sleep. I didn't know what was going on, but I just felt my anxiety shot up in the morning. But whatever, I just went and tried to listen to the Beatles to calm down and feel happy. I ordered takeout in the morning and eventually slept at 5:50 a.m. Today looked to be a good day on paper: I was to visit TOYCON with Loy and then watch a movie later with my sister, with both events taking place at SM MoA. Only, life didn't turn out like that. I woke up late in the afternoon, but I had no notifications from Loy. He should message me about him preparing to go or leaving for the convention already. But it had already been 2 p.m. and I still had no word from him. I had a weird feeling that I'd see Stella at Toycon. So I left and just went there without Loy. When I got there, he eventually messaged me and told me that he couldn't attend because he woke up late. I paid for my ticket but the cashier forgot to return my 500 Pesos, which I came back to get. I told Loy that he could still come to the event, but then he gave me this weird reason that he would come if he was single, but now that he has a girlfriend, he can't do that anymore. It struck me as odd because he's not married to anyone, and it was a dubious reason to begin with considering their relationship. But whatever, I didn't put up with it further and just continued my time there. I tried to look for Stella's booth but hers wasn't there. I stayed for a while, debating whether or not I should buy something. But instead, the only thing I bought at the convention was my food. While buying, I accidentally tipped my iced lemonade too far to the left and spilled some of it on a kid. I said sorry but they quickly left after that. Some janitor came to clean up the mess and I got my food. I ate for a bit, watched the cosplayers on stage, and took pics of a cosplayer who was going as Mugman from Cuphead. Since I was alone and bored, I decided to ask Stella directly where her booth was. It turns out, she was at Komiket Pride and it was in Ortigas. I debated whether or not I would commute to Ayala Malls The 30th, but since I was bored, I ultimately decided to just go through with it. I already knew that Stella wouldn't be at the booth so I just decided to buy some of her merch there. I eventually got there and told my sister that I would be late for our 6 p.m. meeting since it was already 5:40 p.m. and I just arrived. I got up to the 3rd floor to find Stella's booth and eventually found it. Someone else was managing her booth so I just talked to them quickly about how I commuted from MoA to here, bought the stickers, and left. I bought 80 Pesos worth of stickers and spent more than 500 Pesos on my commute. Regardless, I completed my trip and went back to SM MoA to meet with my sister. I had a hard time finding her, but eventually everything was fine and I got a lot of drinks from the Earl of Sandwich shop. I got this weird cherry-flavored Dr. Pepper and strawberry-flavored Arnold Palmer Half & Half Iced Tea Lemonade. The Dr. Pepper was bad, but the other drink was okay. I usually get Arizona Iced Tea from this store so it was nice to try something new. After that, my sister and I played at Timezone and we had a lot of fun. I got the jackpot at that ball drop game and showed off. I played Wangan Midnight for a while and even completed the bingo card for today. It quickly turned late 8 p.m. and we left for S Maison. We ordered a few things, waited a while, and got weirded out that the theater took too long to start letting moviegoers in, but it was all okay. The film started and I found my sister crying at certain points. On second viewing, I noticed a lot of parallels between the movie and my family's story. I cried at some parts, still, and was crying by the end of it. I noticed my sister cry a lot at the end and I was glad I got to tag her along. We tried booking for a ride home after that and I was talking to my friends in the background. We eventually went home.

Song of the day: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Remastered 2009 by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah (La-la-la-la-la)
La-la, how their life goes on

Journal entry for Saturday, June 15th, 2024

Sat, 15 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Saturday continued with me still in a call with my friends from last night. I was supposed to be with them throughout their whole shift because I had a free day today. We mostly watched horror videos from Sapphire and SNARLED, then we watched other analog horror videos. We mostly slept on and off throughout the whole thing. Nothing much happened until dawn. We continued to talk about other things and I revealed something I kept from the past that somehow scared them. We talked about other things after that. After that, we disconnected and did other things. I got some rest and woke up really late for meditation class again. I was really sad that I didn't attend today and just considered continuing it for next year. I continued with my afternoon just doing random things. By the evening, Exavier and I played Sons of the Forest. We explored a few areas and they agreed that it was a pretty chill game. When we got into the caves, though, we mostly had a hard time. We were killed several times by mutants and we had trouble fighting them off. Thankfully, we didn't lose our items or anything. We got stuck at the cave where people got the ancient armor and had a very difficult time getting out. It was chill at the start, but I just wanted to escape by then because the darkness was disorientating. We eventually escaped and pledged to get a lot of equipment before we traverse the next cave for the next week. We left it at that and I continued doing random things for the evening. Today was fun, but I looked forward to playing with someone else. We had made a plan for it and I thought it would be a highlight of my weekend, but it didn't really pull through and I was just left disappointed. My day was fun regardless, but it felt awfully lonely and lacking in the in-between moments. I felt a little disturbed for some reason so I didn't sleep this evening.

Song of the day: Leron (feat. Trisha Macapagal) by Arthur Miguel, Trisha Macapagal

Journal entry for Friday, June 14th, 2024

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a usual Friday in my life. I looked forward to the long weekend and I got a good enough night's rest. But in the morning, I talked to my friends and it was okay between us. I finished my morning tasks and got on with my morning routine. Work was pretty chill today, only attending meetings and finishing minor things. I got into a chill call, we talked about various things and played Sky again. In the afternoon, we all logged onto Sky and bought capes. I got an ocean sky one. We explored the village at the start of the game. After playing, we just hung around in the call and my friends suggested a video from Michelle McDaniel for us to watch about Tammy and her boyfriend. We left the call after that and I just did my own thing until the late evening. I messaged Tiffany and we talked about her recent trip to Europe and how Venice was, she showed me the food she ate there and how good the food was. She says that it was so unbelievable and I'm pretty sure it was judging by the pictures. I was incredibly jealous because she took good pictures and I'm sure it was such a good experience. I've been curious about exploring Europe but never had the funds to do so. I mainly asked her about how much it would cost and what other things she noticed. I was really interested in the places she visited and the stories she had to tell. Eventually, I got into a call with my friends and logged onto Sky because we had to go to that grandma event that gives out flames for a candle. We went there yesterday and my friends wanted to visit it again. We finished the event and just continued to play Sky. We continued to stay in in the call through the evening.

Song of the day: I'm the One by DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, Lil Wayne

Back by Popular Demand

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today was shaped to be like the ones that came before: I'd be sad, lonely, and crying. I couldn't sleep the night and this night actually was a very dangerous night to stay awake on because I've been sleep-deprived for a few days now. My sleep schedule is out of whack and I just wasted my time in the early morning. Still, I had work to do and I timed in early since I was already awake. I did my morning tasks and my morning quickly passed. Then my friends messaged me about some other thing and the conversation ended there. I then had a thought of asking them what was happening, like what was going on. I had this whole internal debate going on and I just wondered if I should make this next decision. I fought against it, then ultimately decided that I couldn't handle the deafening quiet and reached out. I asked them "What's happening" and they immediately replied. We got back into talking, although it was awkward at first. It was weird seeing them in my chatbox again so soon. And not long after that, we got into a call again. I was still not over the events that transpired so I told them about it. I never got my apology and we all disconnected from the call. We argued about it continuously and kept at it until we just got tired. We talked about other topics after that. After my shift, I essentially just had free time. I wanted to sleep but I felt weird because I wasn't sure where they and I belonged. I wondered what they would be doing for the evening and they said nothing, just playing a mobile game. I wanted to sleep, so I said to them, "See you around." And then they called me out and said that was what I was playing. I had a feeling they were hiding something from me, but I relented and asked them if they were free to play a game. I eventually got them to join a call with me. I feel a little betrayed because what they said was a lie and I eventually found out. But whatever, I continued and offered them a few games to play with like TEKKEN, and Stardew. But then I told them about Nicole and showed them Sky: Children of the Light. They went back into the game and they all added me as a friend there, then we moved to Nicole's server to hang out and stuff. We continued to play on her server, just collecting missing children for upgrading our wings and other things. By the end, they all had to leave and called it a night. I remained in Nicole's server for a while and we finished Eden, then I was able to ascend fairly quickly. I "finished the game" upon doing that and had my character be reborn. I thanked Nicole for helping me out after that and I went to sleep to recover.

Song of the day: Ang Wakas (feat. Trisha Macapagal) by Arthur Miguel, Trisha Macapagal

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Masisisi mo ba kung ayaw na talaga?
Kung ang pag-ibig mo, tuluyang maglaho
Oh, ba't nagbago bigla? Mga titig ay nag-iba
Ika'y lumalayo, tadhana ba ito?

Dead Air

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

I continued my day by playing Valorant with Rachel. We were supposed to play 1 match and I was doing poorly since it's been a while, but they're picking up the slack by being the top frag. While playing, I suddenly remembered the lyrics to "We Can't Be Friends" and sang it while we were playing. Rachel eventually plays it through the music bot and we sing it together. I was trying to be a tryhard in singing and I raised my pitch to intentionally sound bad. Then we played a few sad songs because she knew what I was going through. It was a hard game, but we eventually won in the end, thankfully. We both left the call after that and I was just sitting, I was unsure what to feel. I saw Nicole online and alone in a voice channel so I joined her. I eventually got interested in the game she was playing titled "Sky: Children of the Light" and got into it. I played a bit with Nicole guiding me and helping me as I go along. I eventually progressed far enough to call it a night and got off the call at around 3:30 a.m. I couldn't really sleep after that, though. I just felt too bothered/disturbed to sleep. So I was just awake until 5 a.m. or so when I finally passed out. I kept having these bad dreams until I eventually kept having no more dreams and just slept. I slept until 3 in the afternoon. I woke up and had set the new microwave in its new place. Then my sister had to leave the house and I was just alone for a bit. Since I had nothing to do, I tried to see if a movie would cheer me up and I tried to book a seat for Inside Out 2. I got a ticket for tonight at 8:40 p.m. at Venice Grand Canal and just passed my time playing Overwatch until I won. Come evening, I prepared all of my stuff and left the house. Eventually, I got to the mall and I watched the movie. For some reason, coming to Venice just felt right. So maybe that's why I kept checking my phone. Only this time, that notif never came. I still watched the movie and I enjoyed it, I loved how the feelings controlled Riley and how she was shaped by the events that took place in the film. The film ended and I felt a bit happy by the end, but then I had to go home now. I decided to walk around Upper McKinley Hill for a bit. My God, walking around here brings back so many memories—both good and bad. I remember I went here with Jaze 2 years ago. I somehow asked him to go out with me all of a sudden and I confided in them, I was anxious because a person I liked had a secret and I didn't know what to do. I knew I just needed a friend nearby and we got Zark's. But that stall is gone now. I also remember the many times Jaze and I just walked up and down here, exploring the places and talking late at night. I started to feel really lonely because Jaze wasn't my friend anymore. All that was left was just me, alone, and dead air. I went to the 7-Eleven we used to chill and hang out on. I got 2 boxes of Pocky and Pocari Sweat. I sat in the same seat I was in 2 years ago. It was a night just like this one, but back then I was supposed to go home early from a cute, romantic evening and I instead hung out with my friends until super late in the evening. That was the night when things came crashing down. My life was at an unnatural high, and I literally had everything: a budding romance, a super-strong bond with my friends, and all of the tech I ever wanted. I had all that and now I lost the 2 most important things. I looked forward to the future and here I am now, in the future, alone and just tired of the unimaginable hardships I've faced in the past 2 years. Eventually, I had to get a ride home and call it a night.

Song of the day: we can't be friends (wait for your love) by Ariana Grande

Lyrics that resonated with me:
We can't be friends
But I'd like to just pretend
You cling to your papers and pens
Wait until you like me again

Wait for your love
Lo-love, I'll wait for your love

Journal entry for Tuesday, June 11th, 2024

Tue, 11 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I couldn't sleep properly today. I tried to sleep early, sure, but I woke up at around 1:40 a.m. or so and stayed up from there. I didn't want to sink into my thoughts so I just played Overwatch 2 to pass the time. I played and played until it quickly became 4 a.m. and I was still running through matches. In my last match, I had the same team as I had in the game before (except for 1 person). It was us 4 again and we really coordinated, used team chat, and organized ourselves. We also found out that our enemies had the same tank and support as the enemy team from the last match. We have our all and they put up a good fight. We actually won that match and I felt extremely hyped, like I was *so* elated. I cashed in on a win and I stopped playing Overwatch after that and tried to sleep. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep well and I woke up groggy. I timed in for work and began my usual, boring day. Morning tasks were done with nothing much happening. During lunchtime, I played Overwatch again and had a really good game where I even got POTG. It was funny because I had the perfect setup to destroy 3 members of the enemy team and it worked flawlessly. I stopped playing with some spare time remaining during my break. Then, out of the blue, an old friend messages me on Discord and asks how I'm doing, and all that. We had a fun conversation, mostly catching up since we haven't talked since January (and we haven't talked on Discord for years), and that was that. My afternoon tasks were nothing noteworthy and my shift quickly ended. After timing out of work, I just played Overwatch and ended with a good win again. I just spent the rest of the evening doing random things, napping, and other things. Eventually, Rachel invited me to play games and we played a bit of Stardew. I actually had to gift her the game because she couldn't library share with her brother. And we played a bit on a new save. Since the game was chill, I actually vented to her about how I was doing and the horrible situation I was in. It was the first time I'd opened up to a friend about my current struggle. It was painful telling them and the pain doubled when I remembered something that someone did, but since they already knew me, they just understood what I was going through. She then told me about her life and romantic experiences and we just talked while playing. I eventually decided to remake a new Riot account and only add her so we could play Valorant again. I finished installing Valorant and the night continued from there.

Song of the day: 2 days into college by Aimee Carty

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And everybody's telling me that I'm doin' so well
I try to trust them, honestly, I find it hard to tell
If I need work, or I need rest
I try my best to try my best
I tell myself, I say out loud
"It's fine, I'll figure it all out"
I tend to forget, I'm still only quite young
In a way this life of mine has only just begun

A Sad Ending

Mon, 10 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I slept "early" today. In the morning, I made myself breakfast by cooking the 1 pack of Buldak ramen I had stowed away along with 2 sunny-side-up eggs. Or, at least they were supposed to be if I didn't break the yolk. But I still ate my breakfast and suddenly came up with the idea to just eat hakaw and congee later in the evening as a "mood booster" thing. Since I was gone for the past 2 days again, I had a lot of catching up to do and a lot of tickets to handle. Thankfully, it wasn't much and I was able to catch up fairly quickly in terms of things. I just had work and work in the morning to deal with, same around noontime. My day was mostly boring just being by myself, and it felt lonely. But it's okay, I still trudged on because it was the only thing I could do. I didn't have lunch per se. My mood became lighter in the afternoon and I was able to finish up my tasks for the day. I had an early out from work and prepared to go outside. And I eventually timed out and headed to BGC. I didn't have anything planned aside from watching How To Make Millions Before Grandma Dies (2024) because I saw a friend watch it and they posted it on their Instagram. I wanted to see if it was good so I quickly got there and thankfully found a free seat for the time slot I wanted, and it didn't have any free seats for the time slot later in the evening. I was pretty lucky in finding a seat, but I had problems paying with both of my cards and the popcorn didn't have any available flavors (but I still got a bucket of it). There was a row of girls that sat to the left of me and the seat to my right was unoccupied for most of the movie, despite it being a paid Director's Club seat. The film started and it was really good. I don't want to comment much about the story for fear of spoiling it, but it just moved me. I remembered my grandmother through the film and how we used to take care of her. I could hear the girl next to me start crying and, eventually, I was having tears. By the end of the movie, something was revealed that just made me cry outright. I was crying and I was honestly shocked that I was. Movies are my favorite thing to watch and, while I've seen a lot of them, very few have made me cry. Past Lives (2023) made me *so* sad, but it never made me cry this much. I guess I cried a lot because I miss my grandmother and I had some regrets about her dying 2 years ago. I was just a crying mess at the end and I instantly thought of inviting my sister to watch this with me next time. I was crying really bad but eventually, I calmed down. I had to walk a bit to get to Uptown BGC and visited the same Tim Ho Wan restaurant I did before for some hakaw and congee. I also got Hong Kong noodle soup as another side. I just browsed Reddit and invited my sister while eating, but my situation didn't feel that lonely after watching the film. After eating, I was supposed to visit Starbucks on 32nd Street to grab a coffee and hang out with the laptop, but I decided against it since the weather looked bad. I just went home. When I got home, I just played Overwatch for a few rounds, got POTG twice, and ended on a POTG win that proved to be a good match. I ended the day there and today was unique in that I cried a lot, but I wasn't sad at all. I wonder how my sister will react to this when she watches it with me on Sunday.

Song of the day: In My Life by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

Journal entry for Sunday, June 9th, 2024

Sun, 09 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I ate really late at night and just stayed up doing random things that didn't amount to anything. I made the horrible choice of, once again, buying something spicy and eating it at night before sleeping. I couldn't sleep properly because I would feel something really acidic in my stomach. I didn't even finish 1 dish that I ordered, which seemed like an absolute waste. I had to stay up at around 5 a.m. because I still wasn't feeling well and, after that, I had some weird "waking up" moments before finally passing out and waking up at around 2-3 p.m. with a horrible feeling. I felt like absolute shit and my room was out of order, it was like a storm had passed by here or I was severely depressed. While watching videos and eating during the afternoon, I started to clean up a few things. Then it became this whole cleaning episode where I had to clean all of the stuff on my floor, throw the trash, and essentially clean up my room. At the end of the day, I was able to fully clean it and I had enough motivation in the afternoon to start working out again. I played a few songs in the living room and I just tried to get some work done. It wasn't long, but it was a good start and I felt a little better for myself. I also did some digital maintenance by backing up my data again after skipping the whole of April. Upon checking, I noticed that 2 images on my hard drive were corrupted and I was able to restore them thanks to my cloud backups. By the evening, I was supposed to eat dinner but apparently my food for dinner had spoiled. I was left with no choice but to order out and I got noodle soups from Chowking to feel better. I finished the video I was watching that debunked pseudoscience people and started playing some Overwatch 2 matches to de-stress. I continued to finish a few games because that seriously soured my mood and I actually did really well in my subsequent matches, and I had a lot of fun. By the end, I got a game on a win and a POTG, and I cashed in my wins after that and went to bed.

Song of the day: Catallena by Universe Ticket

Journal entry for Saturday, June 8th, 2024

Sat, 08 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today and I essentially slept through half of the day. I didn't attend my zen meditations class because I didn't feel well enough and plus I woke up really late. In the afternoon, I went out with my full Squid Game outfit and went to Timezone. I blew most of my money on that Willy Wonka game and I played Wangan Midnight for a bit to collect the bingo card for the day. I didn't really feel well because I wasted the majority of my money on that stupid Willy Wonka game and my Wangan Midnight session was alright. I then finished my gaming session and walked outside. I did try to walk outside for a bit, but I just felt uncomfortable. I don't know why, but I just felt off. I guess it's because I didn't feel "thin"/fit enough to wear what I'm wearing. I wanted to see if I could watch a movie, but I just went home and did other things for the evening. By the late evening, my room was a total mess and I just felt really bad from it. I didn't feel happy and I just tried to eat in the late evening to at least feel okay. I also got my new water bottle today and it was 2.2 liters, so that was nice. The only thing that disappointed me was that it wasn't a thermos and din't really keep in the coldness of the water, but whatever. It was fine, although I kinda regret not getting an Aquaflask for around the same price.

Song of the day: Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Thought of callin' ya, but you won't pick up
'Nother fortnight lost in America
Move to Florida, buy the car you want
But it won't start up 'til you touch, touch, touch me

And It Came Back

Fri, 07 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

By morning, I was surprised and annoyed that I still didn't have a working Internet connection. I knew the only thing I had to do was call the day off for work and just go out to de-stress and try to have good network speeds. I talked to my friends and went on my way to BGC. My first stop was Market! Market! because I had to repair the sunk button on my OnePlus. It was actually a pretty quick repair and it was actually pretty cheap, too. I found the situation funny because I had stalled this thing for week and it only was this quick. After getting it repaired, I went to go and eat at the nearby food court to save some money. On my way there, while on the escalator, some guy went up next to me and tried to fix his shoe, which was in the general direction I was looking at. He asked me if I'm applying/looking for a job, and thank God I instantly remembered that I had my earbuds on so I didn't have to feel obliged to respond to him. I could just ignore him entirely and mind my own business, and I did, the dude then went into the BPO office next to the escalator and I went to the food court. I ordered this fried chicken covered in barbecue coating along with egg and soup. I ate brunch and actually was scared the entire time because I thought my bag would be stolen because this food court is notorious for having thieves steal bags and other electronics here. But I finished my food regardless and watched the latest Philip Defranco episode as well. After eating, I immediately went to BGC High Street so I can stay at a coffee shop. So I arrived at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf because I don't think the Starbucks there is as comfortable as CBTL. I ordered a few items like a blueberry danish and a large caramel macchiato, then I had to set up my stuff and got into a call with my friends. I streamed a few scary videos and they watched. I was only supposed to stay here until 3 p.m. because I didn't feel like overstaying. Eventually, 2 p.m. came and we stayed in a call for an hour more just talking about random things. It quickly became 3 p.m. and I was supposed to head home. As I was packing my stuff, I noticed that a message from my other phone had been sent to my friends, and that phone was left behind at home. That message had been left in a queue because I had no Internet and it being sent now meant that my Internet connection was restored. I immediately went home and got into a call again with my friends. They logged in my account for Red Dead Redemption 2, and then we played Cuphead afterward. Thankfully, today was the day that we would defeat Beppi The Clown. I was the last one surviving and I managed to clutch it out at the end. After that, we tried a few stages but couldn't finish other bosses. In the late evening, I played Sons of the Forest with them. After we were done playing, I played some videos about Left 4 Dead 2 and creepy easter eggs for us to watch. We disconnected around 11 p.m. and went on to do other things.

Song of the day: If You Ever Come Back by The Script

Unlucky Signal Syndrome

Thu, 06 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I somehow woke up very early in the morning and messaged my friends. I also had that horrible feeling of gout in my foot again so I asked my sister to buy medicine for me and I bought 4 cartons of skimmed milk to treat it. Some time later, they replied back to me and we got into a conversation. Since we were just chatting, I tried to tether my phone's mobile data connection to my PC so we could have a call. I tried on Linux, but it didn't work, so I moved to Windows which also didn't work. I ran a few commands on Linux to disable the non-working Ethernet connection from the router and enabled my phone's connection and it worked. I was able to have Internet albeit at a very unstable and slow speed. I got into a call and I continued my Family Guy episode in the background. We talked about a few things and we just stayed in the call just talking. Eventually, I felt sleepy so I just decided to sleep and we all disconnected from the call. By morning, I was a bit excited since our network provider would say that our connection would come back at 8 a.m., but apparently, it had been 8 and there was still no Internet. Since I still had no Internet and I didn't think my mobile data connection would hold up, I just called in for a leave at work. I had my breakfast and, funny enough, my order was incorrect and I was given an incorrect order for free (which was just 1 large chocolate coffee and 2 hash browns), and I still got my order in the end. Since I was so frustrated with my Internet situation, I decided to just buy one of those 5G pocket modem things where you just stick your SIM card in. We had that before and I thought that having one would work. I decided to buy the Samsung SCR01 and the only one available was a used one that had been dropped before, and it was sold for 7,000 Pesos. I fucking hated that I'd be getting a second-hand item for the price of a brand-new one, but whatever. I had no other options. While preparing to leave, I just sang along to some songs I had downloaded and also watched videos I had saved on my hard drive. I eventually left to meet with the guy and the scuffs looked bad as they were, but they gave me a free case which I had put on. I wasn't able to test the thing because there was apparently a signal jammer and even my phone couldn't get any signal. So I just bought it in good faith that it works and didn't negotiate with the seller. I walked until I got to a mall, and the walk was grueling since my foot was 100% okay and it was hot as hell. I got to the mall and went home, and on the way, I could just feel the sweltering heat and the amount of heat that rose from the asphalt. It was horrible. I got home and I was still disappointed that we *still* had no Internet connection. I went out again to buy a new SIM card for the pocket modem and activated it. Despite using a dedicated modem for my Internet connection, it was still so horrible. I never even got an ounce of rest in between all my tasks. I then tried to move around the house, trying to get the best signal while also trying to get it to charge. The whole process just sucked because it would show a 5G signal, then drop to 4G, or that it wouldn't connect to the Internet. I swapped SIM cards, changed locations, and still couldn't get a stable connection. In my free time in the evening, I bought some stuff that I had in my cart that was for sale. I felt unlucky all day because I wasn't able to buy anything hugely discounted, I had unlucky signal positioning, and I also was unlucky enough to only have the dented-up pocket modem, and a bunch of other things after that. I just used the time to clean my room and organize things a bit to feel better and remind myself that I'm doing all these things for my future self.

Song of the day: Lucky Girl Syndrome by ILLIT

Journal entry for Wednesday, June 5th, 2024

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up early at around late 7 a.m. and timed in. I was just going to start a usual workday with nothing noteworthy going on. My morning tasks continued just fine. I got suddenly pulled into a meeting in the early morning but I handled it well. Around lunchtime, I just continued to watch random things on YouTube and even played Family Guy and The Simpsons crossover episode since it looked fun. Work continued as normal in the afternoon and I timed out. Eventually, I was asked by my friends to continue that horror game The Bridge Curse Road to Salvation. It was so scary and I had trouble running away from the ghost, but eventually made it. Until it progressed to the next stage where one of my friends turned into a zombie and they proved hard to beat. Eventually, my friends gave up on watching because they couldn't understand the Mandarin being spoken in the game, and that it was grating to their ears. We all just decided to just watch an explanation video of it and left the call to do other things. In the evening, our Internet connection had cut out and it was our provider's fault. I essentially was just super bored after that, but I still kept talking to my friends. I started to pass in and out because I was just tired and I had no Internet connection anyway.

Song of the day: Long Chat (#♥) by aespa

We Are So Back

Tue, 04 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I didn't really get any proper sleep throughout the night. I kept waking up in weird intervals and kept visiting the bathroom. I didn't really feel great, I was even awake at the same time as my sister was leaving. I think I slept around 6 or 7 a.m. and I woke up feeling so groggy, but regardless I got the day started. I had morning tasks to accomplish and I had to catch up with the remaining work I've left behind for the past 2 workdays. I quickly finished my morning tickets, finished my morning routine. During my lunch time, I just laid back and tried to rest because I was happy that I got back my Nike shoes that I left behind during teambuilding. In the afternoon, I had a few meetings and minor tasks, but eventually things were okay. Around 6 p.m., I was in a call with friends and we were going to play Cuphead. I told them that I could stream the game so that they could play on their MacBook and it worked. We played for a bit before we left the call again. We didn't really accomplish much in our Cuphead playthrough. I was mostly alone in the evening and I still had 14 days' worth of journal entries to review and publish. I worked hard in completing them and eventually finished proofreading them at around 9 p.m. I breathed a big sigh of relief because I was finally caught up on my mood calendar again. I was supposed to treat myself when my friends messaged me asking if I was awake. I agreed to play Cuphead with them and, while we didn't finish any boss stages, we got to a new boss form for Beppi The Clown. Still, we hadn't seen their final form and we left the call not long after that. I got to finish a few other things in the evening. I also got to fully clean up the fresh batch of clothes I had outside and fold them into my dresser. I treated myself to some Pizza Hut as a really late snack and I breathed a sigh of relief for doing so much work today and being able to keep up with all of my things.

Song of the day: American Pie by Don McLean

Journal entry for Monday, June 3rd, 2024

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was on leave from work today so I had a pretty chill day ahead. I slept for the entirety of the morning, noon, and afternoon. I woke up for a few moments in between, but I mostly don't remember what happened during the day. I woke up at around 5 p.m. after getting that much sleep and started my routine. I got fully ready and eventually woke up. After my friends came back, we played Cuphead for the entire evening. We *finally* finished the Run 'n Gun stage we left behind, and by *we*, I meant my friend did. I died early on in the stage and she completed the remaining stage. We bought a few new weapons and eventually finished the stage that had Djimmi The Great. After that, we moved on to the next Run 'n Gun stage on the second island, and we both had a hard time finishing it. My friends initially made good progress but died by the near end. After a few playthroughs after that, I equipped the homing missile and eventually won the stage after taking a while to complete it. We eventually bought more stuff and started fighting Beppi The Clown. We couldn't finish their stage so we just ended the night there.

Song of the day: Lucky Girl Syndrome by ILLIT

Journal entry for Sunday, June 2nd, 2024

Sun, 02 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing much happened on Sunday, but I could walk on my own two feet again today. But not much aside from that, initially. I recall playing Overwatch 2 in the early morning and then sleeping. In the afternoon, nothing much happened aside from playing Apex Legends on Linux. I played a few rounds, and the main map of the afternoon was World's Edge. Playing that map made me a bit sad because I remember playing this game, on this map, with friends like Jaze, Batao, and Loy a few years ago. It made me a bit sad, but it was okay. I didn't win a battle royale match and just ended the game after losing around late game. I ate dinner after that. In the evening, I played played Cuphead with my friends. We finished the stage that had Baroness Von Bon Bon, and we tried to finish the remaining Run 'n Gun level we had missed, but we couldn't finish it so we just took a rest from the game.

Song of the day: Houdini by Eminem

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Abra-abracadabra
(and for my last trick) I'm bout to reach in my bag, bruh
Abra-abracadabra
(and for my last trick) (poof) Just like that and I'm back, bro

KABOO-Wait, What?

Sat, 01 Jun 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was supposed to be my first day without my friends. I fully expected that today would be the day that I'd be without them. Our day started with us continuing to play Overcooked 2 from last night. Eventually, we all had to disconnect and leave Nicole's server for the evening, then we went back to our call. For the early morning, I would be alongside them and we'd watch horror videos from SNARLED, and only videos from Sapphire Sandalo's playlist. We also watched the MACARBE video from Horror Mine. I tried waking them up now and then, I generally just watched over them. Nothing happened much during this time. They eventually had other stuff to do at 8 a.m. and we were supposed to leave each other's side. But something unexpected happened. We had a small discussion about what would happen. What ended up happening was that nothing would change. I agreed and we continued to play Tekken 7 and then left the call. I slept for a really long time after that whole morning kerfuffle. I woke up at around 7 p.m. or so, and with a big headache. But thankfully my foot was feeling way better. I was supposed to play Sons of the Forest with Exavier this evening, and then I was to play with Rachel after that. I eventually asked Exavier to call me on Discord while we were talking and I gave him a few pointers and tips about the game. We had fun and Exavier eventually learned the basics of the game. They picked up quickly and I was playing while eating the Mang Inasal take-out I ordered for my sister and I. We got the rebreather and explored some parts of the land until Exavier ran into Internet problems and disconnected from the game. We eventually said that we'd play some other time again and I went on to have a short break before I would play a game with Rachel. I asked Rachel what game we'd play and she said Lethal Company. So we had a few rounds of that and she mostly just talked to me and about our friendship. I also told her about that weird predicament I got into and she initially made fun of me for being so stupid, but eventually understood me because that's how I was. She was drinking soju during our playthrough and mostly talked in English, and that's what surprised me because I only felt comfortable talking in English with my friends. I wasn't able to fully converse with her in English, but I did have a few good lines. She told me that there were a lot of things fucked up with me, and she said that it was the case for her, and that's why we are good friends. I found it cute even though I was surprised by the statement. I also drank some of that Jack Daniels x Coke can and couldn't finish it because it tasted a bit disgusting. We had a good run and things were generally light and funny. Eventually, she had problems with her Internet connection and disconnected from the game. I called the day off with that and did a few random things before going to sleep.

Song of the day: Houdini by Eminem

Season 28 Series Finale

Fri, 31 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

So, today's the day. Friday finally arrived and it was supposed to be my last day with my friends (or at least it was, initially). By the time morning rolled around, I woke up at 8:20 a.m. or so and thought that I could try to work today. But I honestly didn't feel any good by then so I passed out. I was feeling tired and super exhausted like I just wanted to catch up on some sleep. I only woke up to reply to a few things, like work requests and asked to be excused from work. And then I slept again. When I woke up at around 12, I had so many calls, texts, and messages from my friends. They thought that I had blocked them and purposely ignored them. I honestly found it pretty funny because their overthinking led them to that, when in reality I was just so exhausted to an unnatural level. I messaged them on Discord about it, and I cleared things up. I said sorry for making them frustrated. I eventually I got my late morning routine done. Things continued as usual until it was around late afternoon and I was feeling better, then my friends and I decided to play Overcooked 2. We played the Surf 'n' Turf DLC and we actually finished it! After finishing the DLC, we tried a few seasonal stages but we eventually moved on to other games. Still in the later afternoon, we both decided to get take-out and we both ordered McDonald's. I got my order fucked up because they didn't have any fish fillet, and instead they gave me a "double Big Mac" which was just a Big Mac with 4 freaking patties. I got that along with nuggets and the cereal coffee they were serving. I tried to eat while playing Nocturnals which was the game they recommended I download. They watched me stream it and I died in a gruesome way in the fight playthrough. In the next run, I didn't fare much better and still got the same ending where I died. The demo of the game ended there so we decided to check YouTube and I saw that there was a music show going on with aespa performing. We watched a few acts like one from ATEEZ, then a few other singers, then NewJeans came to perform How Sweet, then aespa performed Armageddon. It was the award ceremony at the end and NewJeans won, which really soured our mood because we all thought aespa would totally win. I just said that it was "payola" and we watched something else from SNARLED instead. After watching, we then decided to watch Get Out (2017). I totally forgot about the movie but I watched it alone a few years ago. When I saw the intro scene and a few minutes of the movie playing, I instantly remembered what it was all about. Someone noticed a few giveaways in the movie and she found out the plot extremely early on, which impressed me. I told them that I didn't get the plot at first but they just made fun of me for being an idiot. The movie ended and we got to play Tekken 7 after I downloaded it. I thought it was going to be good but I kept losing and losing, even though I was using my main girl, Alisa, as my character. We played 1 round of Tekken Bowl where I made a comeback and won, and then we ended our Tekken session there. By the late evening, 1 friend downloaded Cuphead and 2 of us played the game. Nicole messaged me a few minutes later on Steam and she said that it was her favorite game. I told her that I was playing with someone and then I told someone that Nicole wanted to watch us play. We then moved to Nicole's server to play Cuphead and we played for a few more rounds, then Beni joined the call and we eventually decided to play Overcooked as a 4-man stack. It was really nice, we easily got 3 stars on most of the levels we played. I even made a joke about how easy it was having a dedicated firefighter to battle the flames because someone and I would be so frustrated by the fire whenever we two would just play. We all played until 12:50 of the next day and that's how my day ended.

Song of the day: Armageddon by aespa

Journal entry for Thursday, May 30th, 2024

Thu, 30 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Yeesh, I feel like I over-ate today and I don't know why it got this bad. The day started when I accompanied my friends in the early morning. They had poor Internet connection and I made fun of them for it. I still asked them if they could go into a call and they said that they'd try. They did connect to a call and I could hear them fine. I then asked if we could watch a YT video and they agreed, and they could watch the video perfectly fine. I said that we had some videos left from WOWMAN and we watched those. They slept during the video and I was a bit interested in watching it, it was a video about Kane Pixels' The Backrooms. When they woke up, I asked them if they wanted to continue the video, but they said that they weren't interested in The Backrooms, much to my dismay. So we moved to watching more of Sapphire's videos on SNARLED. We had a straight marathon of just watching videos from her. Eventually, we watched 1 more video from Sapphire before we left the call. I had a really long rest, I then timed in and got on top of the morning messages I had and my morning tasks as well. I had a lot to do in the morning. I even was late to my morning routine, and I had a lot of stuff to do on top of that. Still, I talked to my friends, and they sent me a video of Anna Akana. We then watched the last episode of the 3 Body Problem and we kind of felt sad/dismayed that the next season will be years away from now. Even someone said that it sucks that we got into a show this year, we should have gotten into this when it was the 2nd season of it. I recommended the books to us, but no one was interested. We watched a video from SNARLED and it quickly became 2:00 p.m., and I had some afternoon meetings. I had a lot of afternoon meetings today, which honestly surprised me. They all lined up together, and I honestly felt overwhelmed because one meeting overextended. But, after clearing it up, everything was pretty okay. It was kind of weird that I had another meeting at the end, making it 3 consecutive meetings, but that was the case for today. I was super busy during that time and I had to step up in terms of DevOps to meet my daily challenges. Around the afternoon, I eventually played Overcooked 2 with my friends. We went through several rounds of Overcooked 2's DLC: Surf 'n' Turf. When we started playing, someone sang the lyric, "It started with a whisper" from Everybody Talks and it shocked me because that was the same song that's stuck in my head! I asked them where they heard that line and they said that they heard it from me, which just shocked me because I don't recall singing it that loudly. Anyway, my first few rounds were a fail because my brain was still somehow attached to work, we had to redo the first stage 3 times until I got the rhythm of the game again and we got the perfect 3 stars. We finished a few more rounds after that, including a 3-starred Kevin stage. We eventually got frustrated and stopped playing Overcooked. They then asked me to stream something and we came across this movie titled Tarot (2024). We watched the trailer, which was pretty okay to me, and then we watched it online. We got through 2/3 of the movie, and we paused a lot at the end of our watching to check out aespa. It just happened that aespa had their first live performance of Armageddon today and we were waiting for their official live performance on MNET's YouTube channel, then we waited for the live encore performance on Twitter. The encore performance we saw was only 1 minute in length, but we were so impressed by it. After watching, we eventually had to leave the call to eat dinner and other things. I asked my sister what kind of dinner she wanted, and told me to get something that had vegetables in it. We settled on *sinigang na bangus* from Giligans and it was the most disappointing thing we've seen. There was barely any fish in the soup, which disappointed us a lot. Thankfully, I got an extra sisig wrap which was just a burrito that had sisig, and I ate it for dinner. In the background, I was talking to Ane about a girl she was trying to push toward me. I told Ane that I *have* talked to a lot of girls, probably even thousands by now. I said that I do put myself out there, but it's just that the people I meet aren't really "my type," honestly. There's only 1 person I felt extremely comfortable to converse in English with, the same person that fully understands my humor, the person that I just "get with" for some reason. And that I'm **never** willing to settle for less. She encouraged me to still try, even if the girl isn't that fluent in English or isn't that interested in my works. I then showed Ane my journal entries about her and Nate and she thought it was adorable. As I was eating my dinner, I got a call on Discord from from my friends. They said that we should finish watching Tarot (2024) and we got into a call. We start playing the movie and they say that the plot is lacking for them. I agree because the characters didn't really seem fleshed-out that much and it was predictable for me, and it wasn't that scary. But we also ordered food tonight, we both got burgers from Burger Beast, and we even ordered from the same physical store that resides between us. Of course, their order got to them first and I eventually had to get help with mine because I still couldn't walk. The film eventually ended and it still felt lacking. We didn't talk much about it after that and instead watched videos from SNARLED. We watched a few more videos until around 10:30, we disconnected from the call.

Song of the day: Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

Lyrics that resonated with me:
It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I can hear the chit-chat
Take me to your love shack
Mama's always gotta backtrack
When everybody talks back

The 3 Body Marathon

Wed, 29 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a usual day for me, I was with my friends. I talked to them via chat for a while until I invited them to a call because I was watching this video about TicsandRoses. They all joined in quickly and they seemed interested because they hated her, and the video exposed new things that even we didn't know about. We watched other horror videos after that like some stuff from Snarled/Sapphire and then WOWMAN. They also called me out because they found my comment on Reddit, which didn't surprise me. After all, I comment on a lot of subreddits these days (and I've been getting the "I saw your comment on Reddit" a lot recently). Still, it was nice that they remembered my account. Then I felt sleepy, then passed out because I was lying on my bed that time. When I checked my watch at around 3:30 a.m. or so, they still didn't respond. I fully passed out and, when I awoke by 5:50 a.m., I saw a few messages from them asking if I was still awake. I replied to them and explained what had happened. I went back to sleep after that. I woke up at around 8 a.m. and got started with my work tasks. And in the background, I was talking to my friends. They took a while to reply to me and eventually, they told me that they were watching the 3 Body Problem. I asked them why they were watching without me and I invited them to watch with me in a call. We watched the remaining episodes in a call and it was good. We kept up with the story, watching episode 2 until 7. In the evening, we were supposed to play games but they all had other things to do and we just chatted in Discord for a bit. By the end of the day, I just did some random things.

Song of the day: Why Am I the One by fun.

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Or go on, go on, go on
If you were thinking that the worst is yet to come
Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?
For once, for once, for once
I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong
Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?

"Payola"

Tue, 28 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today started on a really long sleep. We didn't have a call this early morning, so we just started the day off at 8 a.m. I asked if we could play Stardew Valley again since it had been months ever since, but they refused because they doesn't like slow-paced games anymore. It was kinda disappointing that we'd never play SV again, but I just shrugged it off. Since it was still morning, I got up and did the usual things I had to do like my morning routine and my morning tasks. We got into a call and they shared their screen and we watched random shorts on YouTube, what made me laugh were some videos from Natural Habitat Shorts, which we found hilarious. It wasn't long until lunchtime rolled around and I had to take an early lunch. We played Overcooked 2 during lunchtime and we finished a lot, like **a lot** of levels. We finished the levels that were on hot air balloons, some were underneath mines, we finished a few Kevin stages, and we went through several stages inside some wizard school, until finally getting to the same part we last had with our other friends: a pirate-themed stage that had a moving platform with ingredients on it. We got tired of playing so we quit the game. During this time, I got a renewed ticket for Enchanted Kingdom for June 16, and I hope it doesn't rain like hell that day. After lunch, we watched the 3 Body Problem and we stopped on episode 2. They also found a horror game that they would stream and it was titled Closing at 2. They played for a bit, and it was really weird and scary, but it was a very, very short bartending game. In the afternoon, we were still looking for some horror games to play until we found The Bridge Curse: Road to Salvation again. We have watched the story of this game before, but we never played it. I decided to buy it for their account and then I was supposed to play the first game, with them playing the second game. I rebooted to Windows to stream the game. It was pretty scary, not gonna lie. We streamed at night and my playthrough was pretty fun since we all made jokes about the stuff we were seeing. For some reason, I've been saying "payola" all day and I kept saying it as well in my playthrough. They found it both funny and annoying, but mostly annoying, and I said sorry that I kept saying it so much. We paused for a bit and they ate, while I did other things, and we got back to a call. I played the horror game for a bit more until I noticed that they weren't watching anymore. I stopped my playthrough. We all disconnected from the call and ended the night there.

Song of the day: The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl, can you tell her where I am?"
Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just a broken-hearted man
I know it makes no sense, what else can I do?
And how can I move on when I'm still in love with you?

The Beginning of Armageddon

Mon, 27 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

This is it, the beginning of the end. This is Monday, the start of my last week with my friends. I started today by accompanying them in the early morning in a call. We watched a few horror videos, but nothing too interesting/exciting. They mostly slept through most of it, though, and I was doing random things to fill the time. I didn't talk to them over the weekend, and it was kind of a shame. I kept mulling over the things I still had to say. My foot was still in bad shape, it was hurting all night long so I was just on my laptop trying to nurse it. I still congratulated them for having completed 1 year of nightly work and asked what they wanted to eat today as a celebration. I showed them Giselle's Wattpad and we both found it funny. Time quickly passed and it turned to 4 a.m., and they all just left the call without saying anything, which seemed kind of rude. When I woke up, I timed in and got to do my morning tasks. It was hard to get ready in the morning because of my still-aching foot, but I was able to manage. I hopped around and tried my best to still work through this. I also talked to my friends and they read some of Giselle's Wattpad stories. I found out that a coworker had found my Nike shoes and I was relieved when I saw that my shoes had been found. I talked to my friends for a bit more about NewJeans and K-Pop and then they told me that they wanted for the 1-year celebration thing. I got into a call with them and we continued watching the 3 Body Problem when I was eventually pulled into a meeting. I thought that the meeting would only be short, but then it extended more than 20 minutes and it had already passed the hour mark. I was so shocked. We played Overcooked 2 during our lunch break and we had a fun time playing a few rounds. We eventually got to a point where it became hard for us to keep up with the orders and we quit there. We passed the time in the afternoon by just doing random things. Eventually, the countdown to aespa's Armageddon album and MV release starts and we watch it together while I stream it in the call. The girls of aespa had this show where they appeared before the camera, played a few games, and talked about the upcoming release. We watched that for Drama and Better Things, and this one seemed like a cute one because they were all wearing pajamas at 5 p.m. (in Korea, 4 p.m. in the Philippines), which was funny. They had a few shenanigans on the livestream and eventually ended the livestream once it was almost close to 5 p.m. We were surprised that the livestream ended and it didn't show the MV. In previous premier shows before the MV release, they showed the MV within the live stream itself after the girls ended their section. But for this one, the live stream just ended early. When we checked the aespa and SMTOWN YouTube channels, the MV hadn't been released yet. We were frustrated that the MV wasn't released yet, so we waited and kept refreshing the sites until it finally showed up! We all watched the MV in the call and we were impressed by the visuals. We hung around for a few more minutes after that, but we eventually disconnected. After an hour or so, we all chatted again, talking about keyboards and they invited me to play Overcooked 2 with them. We played a few rounds, and then I got them that 1st anniversary thing I had planned. We watched WOWMAN and other horror videos by the end. We disconnected from the call after that and went to bed.

Song of the day: Armageddon by aespa

Journal entry for Sunday, May 26th, 2024

Sun, 26 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

I was mostly sick today and I couldn't move because of the pain my foot was feeling. This was a really, really bad feeling. I was mostly bedridden this day. I talked to my friends for a bit, and they said that we'd play later in the day or something, but we didn't really go through with it. I was still going to call them later in the day, though. In the evening, I was finally able to book an order from Chowking. I was eating while watching a YouTube video and the *siomai* tasted funny, it tasted like it was spoiled. Also, my sister's soup spilled all over the take-out bag. What's worse is that my noodles didn't have any beef on them whatsoever, despite ordering it. I requested a refund and begrudingly ate the food regardless. After that, I mostly just lied in bed, watching Anatoly's prank vids and other prank vids to cheer my mood up.

Song of the day: MONTAGEM - PR FUNK by S3BZS

A Shift in Tone

Sat, 25 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I woke up today with my right leg and right foot feeling like hell. I'm thankfully not hungover from last night and I woke up before my alarm at 6:30 a.m. But when I started walking outside, I couldn't fully move because my right foot hurt badly. I kind of was limping at first because there was serious pain. I walked a bit to the common area, then talked to some people about that snorkeling thing we were gonna do. Sometime later, I went back to our room to clean up and wear my swimming outfit. I wore mine and waited for a while before we began our snorkeling trip. While waiting, I "borrowed" some sunscreen from a coworker and then I saw a few people eat breakfast and it was already being served behind us. One of my coworkers advised us to not eat anything before a long swim, but I really just disregarded that and ate anyway. I got myself freshly-made scrambled egg with cheese and mushroom, along with a plate of garlic rice and some other thing. I ate breakfast on the table I sat on earlier and it was really good, it was probably the best scrambled egg I've had ever. The guy who was cooking delivered. Eventually, everyone who was going to go on the snorkeling/island hopping trip was eating. After I finished mine, I went back to my seat to chat with the others for a few more minutes. One coworker and I got into a discussion and we talked about how my watch wasn't really waterproof, that it can't handle seawater really well. I told them that it could, and said that it had been tracking my swims for the past day. I looked at my watch and it still looked well, even the crown/dial still turned, which was surprising given how salty the sea was and how much sand got into it. I played ILLIT's Magnetic as a short speaker test, and my coworker said that it played a distorted sound. I just defended the watch by saying that the speaker was so small on this thing. They asked me if I could play another song since they were sick of hearing Magnetic, and I played STUPID IN LOVE by Max Schneider and Huh Yunjin as we were walking towards the boat. Our group eventually got in the boat and we had 2 more girls join our expedition, with the total being 6 guys and 4 women. Someone did talk to me, as they noticed that the "island" (it was still connected to the coastline) that we passed by had a cave, referencing our playthrough in Sons of the Forest. I laughed and agreed, then we went to just look outside. By the time we got to the "island," someone noticed that there were structures to the right of us and joked that they were ruins. I genuinely laughed and found it cute of them to reference our playthroughs. We all eventually swam on the beach, which was pretty rocky. There were some corals near the shore, but they were all dead as they were white. We played for some time in the water, some swam around, and some had trouble swimming. Someone pulled a joke on me and that caused me to splash water onto them. They said, "You idiot!" after that and said that saltwater was not good for the glasses they were wearing. They went to shore to remove their glasses and went back to the sea. I swam awkwardly after that, but then I returned to them and asked if they could still see. For the "island hopping" thing, we just swam at a beach that was still connected to the same shoreline. It was nice, we just swam and did some shenanigans. The water tasted different, though. Like it was more bitter for some reason. I challenged another coworker to swim far away with me and we found a white thing floating underwater. My coworker wondered if it was either a piece of tissue or a real jellyfish. I swam down and looked underwater to see that it had white tentacles and exclaimed that *it was* a jellyfish. I swam back to the group and we all continued to play in the water. Some of my friends and I linked up to make a platform, one pretended to be Rose from Titanic and said, "Jack!" as they got on top of the human platform. It was funny, and eventually, we were called to go back on the boat to start our snorkeling trip. I also noticed someone sing STUPID IN LOVE. I helped her get back her glasses which she left behind on the beach by calling our photographer friend if there were still some items left behind on the beach. The boat started and continued to the next destination. We arrived at the open sea, at the area where we and a few other boats were doing a dive. We were given snorkeling goggles, some were given a normal pair of swimming goggles, and I had a faulty one that didn't fit me properly. I dove for a bit and some water got within my goggles. I was looking at someone while they were swimming and I eventually swapped goggles with them. They couldn't see through their normal pair of swimming goggles as it was tinted black. They kept swimming and so did I. I helped Nicole for a bit because she had a bit of trouble with her life vest and I grabbed onto her so that she didn't become fully untethered from her life vest. I kept by her side as she tried to get her life vest properly secured and she eventually noticed the part of the vest that dislocated. She eventually fixed it and was able to swim on her own again, and then I left to rejoin the group. We had this idea to form into a circle and link up our feet in the middle. At first, it didn't fully work because we were too far from the boat. One of our coworkers was there to take a picture and we swam closer to the boat for our 2nd attempt. We were able to successfully do it and we got that pic! We swam around for a bit more until we eventually were told to get back on the boat as our snorkeling trip was done. As we were seating ourselves, I sat back to my original seat and someone was alone at the back with no one sitting beside her. Since someone said that there was space still left at the back, I just decided to sit next to someone while we were on our way back to shore. I talked to her about a few things, like how aespa's Armageddon will be released this Sunday [NOTE: I was incorrect, it was released Monday] and I asked them to dance Better Things if they could since they were already singing and dancing to other aespa songs. We talked about a few other things, but it was me mostly initiating conversation between us. We eventually reached shore and I got off by leaving from the side of the boat instead of the front. Most of us just went back to our rooms to change up, wash, and do other things. Around this time, it was already raining, but it was only a drizzle. Not much happened after that. I took a bath, and talked to a few coworkers about work, portfolios, what their future career paths are like, and so on. It rained heavily after this. Then it was lunchtime and we had to eat. They served us lechon and it was a full piglet. Someone didn't want to eat the lechon because they heard the piglet being killed last night. I ate the other dishes being served there and went back to my table to talk to some coworkers about various things like ongoing projects, upcoming company events, and so on. But we finished our food and then we were supposed to pack up as we were supposed to head home now. I went back into the room to pack up, plus a few other shenanigans, but I eventually finished packing up everything and I was good to go. I brought my stuff and walked towards the van, and the pain from my foot was really getting painful. I was able to find a seat in the van and my space was pretty luxurious. We waited for the others to board and our trip back to Metro Manila started. By the time we were on the road, it was **raining heavily**, and it seemed like a typhoon had formed outside. This part of the trip surprised me because the tone of the day earlier was sunny, summer weather and now it just shifted to dark and monsoon-y. The weather also played a role into my emotions because I felt downcast by the start of the trip. I saw everyone else just power down for the remainder of the trip and so did I. I found this song from Silent Sanctuary and related to it. I even watched the MV for it and it was a bit corny, but okay. Who knew looking out the window and playing songs would get so emotional? During the trip, I slept for some parts. By the time we got near SLEX, someone asked to borrow my power bank and I went back to sleep and zoned out. Nothing else noteworthy happened and I got my power bank back by the time we got to Alabang. When we were around Starmall, I booked a ride and thankfully found one fairly quickly. The weather was absolutely horrible at this point and it was raining hard. We got back to Festival Mall and most of us got off there, with the others remaining going northwards. I was just waiting for my Angkas rider to arrive and chatted with Nicole for a bit. Eventually, my ride arrived and I had difficulty getting on the motorcycle on account of my foot. I managed, but since it was raining hard, I didn't enjoy the trip. Also, I had to carry my bag to my side, so it was mostly wet for the ride home (thankfully, it's waterproof). On the ride home, I was still playing songs which lightened my mood. I also wondered if I brought my Nike shoes with me. I kind of worried because I don't remember packing in the plastic bag which had the shoes. It made me sad that I was offered another pair of shoes during teambuilding (last year, I left behind my trusty Vans from 2021). Despite the horrible rain, I was able to get home safely. I asked for help from my family members to help me because my foot pain was getting pretty bad. I just lay down on the bed immediately and rested for a bit because I was so exhausted, and it was around 5 p.m. This was a complete tonal shift in my day because it seemed like the rainy season was here. It was the afternoon, but it was raining so hard that it might as well be night. By the evening, I tried to order Chowking for my sister and I, but the order kept getting canceled, so I just tried another food delivery app and another restaurant. We were able to have our dinner and I was able to eat, thankfully. Nothing else happened after that and I finally got my full rest, despite my foot hurting badly.

Song of the day: Meron Nang Iba (feat. Ashley Gosiengfiao) by Silent Sanctuary

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Darating din sa akin, malilimutan kita
Subukan mong pilitin, baka nga 'di tayong dal'wa
Nanlalamig na damdamin, kay tagal mo kasing nawala
Sa araw na umuwi ka, meron na akong iba
Meron na akong iba

Beach Episode 2024 🏖️

Fri, 24 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

And here it was, the day I've been most anxious about. Honestly, I have been anxious about this day for months now, **MONTHS**. I was anxious about today for several reasons. On the night where I was supposed to sleep, I stayed up. And since I had terrible anxiety (and itchy feet), I decided to go outside and wear that Squid Game outfit on full display. I went to Starbucks on 32nd Street, my favorite place in BGC, and I ordered a few things. I got the Salted Caramel Soymilk Iced Shaken Espresso along with that banana bread someone has been raving about. It was kinda awkward, to be honest, as I was wearing the full Squid Game tracksuit. But I didn't mind the looks that much. Someone on a bike did shout "red light!" while I was on the way here, but I just found that funny. I went upstairs to eat the stuff I ordered and I was quickly done. I headed outside and walked for quite a bit more. I got a few looks from people here and there, but nothing noteworthy happened. I did notice that my heel was bleeding from wearing these new Vans. I have no idea why, but my heels always hurt or bleed whenever I'm wearing a new pair of these Vans slip-ons. I joked to myself that they needed a "blood sacrifice" every time I got them. I just padded my socks a bit and continued walking. As I kept walking, I was trying to get to Army Navy to buy some food. I only ate bread and, yesterday I saw a post on Reddit about people's opinion on food from Army Navy. When I got there, I got myself a naked sisig burrito with an egg on the side and a liter of their iced tea. It was good, like really good. I liked the chips that came with them and I finished it all while watching some YT videos on my phone. After that, I walked around for a bit before deciding to just head home. I did some final packing before preparing to leave for my team building. I booked a ride to Festival Mall, Alabang, and started my journey. When I got there, I ended up on the wrong side of the mall and walked a fair bit to the front of the mall. I met up with a few coworkers while waiting there. I greeted new people that arrived and our group just waited for a bit and joked around. Someone asked what happened to my eye and I didn't notice that it was bloodshot. Like from The Grudge movie. I had stayed up for a long time without sleep but I didn't know that it'd affect my eyes. I was surprised, but I shrugged it off. The van was a bit late in its arrival and they told us that we would have to move some people from our van to another van. When the van finally arrived, we all went in and waited for one more person to join us. They soon got in and our trip to Batangas started. We had a few hiccups getting there, though. At the start of our journey, we kind of got lost and our driver asked for some directions. We were supposed to intercept/join the north van that's going to go south so we could offload some people from our van to theirs, but we had some positioning issues. We weren't sure where the other van was. But we eventually met up at a gas station/restaurant area along SLEX. It was pretty frightening. This was the same gas station/restaurant area Angela and I went to in our 2022 outing. I can still remember the place where we parked and arriving here brought some scary memories. But whatever, we continued and offloaded a few people to the other van (but I was still in the same van). Our hours-long trip continued and we were still on our way. I played an OPM playlist of famous pop songs and enjoyed the trip. I still couldn't sleep for whatever reason and just zoned out while listening to music and looking outside. When we passed by a store that sold *lambanog*, someone joked to me about it and referenced my blunder last Work Together. We then stopped to use the restroom for 2 gas stations and we eventually got to Soledad de Laiya. Trying to park there was the pain, though, because we were trying to get into the resort and find the other van there. It was supposed to be ahead of us, but we couldn't find them. We kept looking for the signs on the road and JP, my coworker to the left and the first coworker I saw, said that he saw a sign that pointed to the resort. But I joked with him and said that he was asleep when we were trying to find parking. Since I woke him up, I was able to make that joke. We eventually did find the resort and one of our coworkers from the prior van complained that they were paid 400 Pesos for paying the "environment fee" or something, even though they weren't supposed to. I quickly dropped my bag and switched out my shoes for my slippers once I found my seat. Eventually, everyone arrived and we got to talk with each other. It was announced that we were supposed to have lunch first, then the company-scheduled activities were to begin at around 3:00 p.m., and everything before that was free time. We just loitered around for a bit then one of our coworkers pulled out their Avalon board game for us to play. It has literally been years since I last played Avalon, so my skills were rusty. Plus, I've never tried it on the IRL board game itself, just online. But eventually, a few others and I joined in the game. Our first few rounds were kinda rusty, we had to get a feel of the mechanics at first and the game had many of them. But by the time the 3rd game had come around, we were already proficient at it. I don't remember how the first few games went, but I remember someone acting insanely suspicious and acting extra while playing the game. It was fun to watch and, eventually, there came a round where I was given the role of Merlin. Merlin is supposed to see the bad guys from the good guys, and they are supposed to help their team, the good guys, win the game. Unfortunately, when it was my time to see the evil players, I quickly forgot about them. I didn't see that someone was a good person on my team and judged them for being sus, and other stuff. It was kind of embarrassing because they were asking for Merlin to help them out, and while I knew my card's role, I forgot if they were on my side or not. We eventually lost that game and they got really mad at me. There was some post-game chatter about the round and we all ended the game there, and we were called to have lunch. I kept telling my teammates and others that I forgot the players and someone remarked how I've been playing the game for a long time now, but I still forgot. It really triggered my anxiety and I felt it flare up in that moment. I didn't finish my food, and I quickly headed to a shady spot underneath a tree on the beach. I didn't know what to do. I just sat there for a bit and thought to myself. I assumed an Indian sitting pose and straightened my back, and just looked out at the sea, waves, and everything around me. I was trying to calm myself while trying to fight an ongoing anxiety attack. I gave myself some advice and mentally talked to myself. Also, I didn't really meditate because it was too loud and noisy for me. I also heard a few people say that I was praying or something, but I wasn't sure if they were referring to me or someone else. So I just sat there, thinking to myself. I saw a rain cloud pouring a big amount of rain on the horizon and talked to myself about that rain cloud. A few of my coworkers and someone eventually came to the beach and saw me sitting on the sand. Someone and a few others asked if I was meditating. I initially said no, then said yes because it'd be weird if I told them the truth (that I just sat on the sad because of my anxiety). Then someone remarked how I was actually meditating, that my sitting position was straight, and they told others that I was attending this Buddhist meditation class. My coworkers were trying to fly a kite on the beach and I looked a bit at them, but continued to look at the beach. I initially didn't mind them until I broke my composure and talked to them for a bit. Den gave me the company shirt I was supposed to wear. Since we had a lot of time before it struck 3, I wore my black Under Armor swimming shirt and swam on the beach by myself. My coworkers seemed surprised that I went alone, but since one of them made a bet that they'd take a dip if I dipped in the sea first, I took them up and just swam. They joined me and the water was pretty fine. It was unbelievably salty, but it was good since I hadn't swam on a beach in a long time. I swam for a bit more, kept talking to myself about life advice, and just swam on my own for a bit. After getting tired of it, and since it was already 2:20 p.m. or so, I got ready for the company activities coming up. I got ready and wore the company event shirt. It wasn't long until the company event started and we all got seated for the event. I stood up and just leaned on a table for some reason, which made me stand out. It wasn't long until the host called me out and I was asked to explain what the company does. The answer I gave was actually pretty spot-on, honestly. It wasn't the exact answer, but I got the gist of it, which was surprising. Then we were asked to line up by departments, age groups, and so on. Then we were given a numerical group after the host counted. We were also joined by the bubbly CTO. We lined up by the group and first, we were given some warm-up exercises which made me sweat a lot. Even the host remarked on how much it was. We were then tasked to come up with a group name, a group cheer, and a design for the group flag (which we had to draw with crayons). Our CTO provided the group's name, Winners, and it was a tongue-in-cheek joke about how we would be called winners by default, regardless if we lost or won. Then one of our teammates, Troy, came up with a sketch of the flag and drew it out with crayon. I just stood there and watched them do it. By the time we were gonna come up for a group chant, some of our teammates suggested an Indian song-thing from TikTok, while our CTO suggested that we do a spin on "We Will Rock You" as our chant. We went with that, and since I didn't do much for the team, I was the one who was going to be at the center and I'll be the one dancing. We performed ours when it was our turn to present and we saw the others' performances. We eventually had our first game after that, it was a game where we had to form a circle and we were supposed to pick a representative from our group. We were tied up into a human knot by a representative from another group, and our chosen representative would untie us from the knot. Luckily, our chosen representative was quite smart and the person who tied us didn't go too hard on switching us up. So we were the first group to get untied! We saw the others get untied and the host prepared us to move to the beach to continue the other games. Our next set of games would be held at the beach and it had already started raining. The rain cloud I saw earlier had already made its way here, but thankfully it was only a drizzle of rain. We continued with our games. The next one up was a "hula hoop relay" and we had to line up, then we passed a hula hoop from the start of the line to the last person of the line, then back to the front again. It was fun, we scored 2nd place. We then went on to our next game which was "cross the bridge" or something like that. We had a person at the front of the line who would put pieces of paper on the sand and we would put our foot over them, and if we made a misstep we would have to start again from the beginning. We were on a good pace and were on our way to 1st place, but the person placing the paper (the person in front of me) took a misstep and it was seen by the co-host. So we had to go back to our starting point and re-do the entire game again. We finished dead last in that game, so that was super funny. After that, we had *merienda* in the form of some sandwiches and stuff. But then we went back to the beach to finish the remaining games. The last two games were the sack race and the human caterpillar. The sack race was fairly easy. I thought it would be people jumping up and down while inside a sack, but thankfully the hosts thought about it and instead made the sack wrap around 3 people inside the large sack. Kind of like how the sack is the wheel and there are people inside of it acting as the rim/inner part that turns the sack around. We only needed 6 people (our team had 9) and we finished it with relative ease. The last game involved us going to the beach and was called the "human caterpillar." The hosts pointed to the chairs that were in the sea/shoreline itself and I joked that we would do the same sack race but towards the sea. It was our last game so all of us participated and you were supposed to hold the feet of the person behind you and hold them by the ankles. I still had that pain in my heel from earlier. Remember? Earlier in the day, my Vans were scaping on my heel and making it bleed, and when the person in front of me held my foot, it hurt like hell. So I asked to be the person at the front and then the game started. It didn't take long before we had to stop our attempt because the person at the back had their leg pulled horribly and it gave them a cramp. Needless to say, we didn't finish our attempt. I still got up and swam to the sea to join the other people who crawled straight to the sea, and we had some fun playing in the water before we were called to shore. After all the games, the host gave us a talk about team building, delivering good results, being kind to one another, and so on. But it didn't stick to me because I was feeling something else. But we all did the team building activity which is to put our palms on a printed tarpaulin and write our dedication, or something. After that, our lead HR announced that all the company-sanctioned events were over and that it was our free time. We swam on the beach for a bit more. One of our coworkers taught us how to "float" on water by inhaling a deep breath and just lying down. Some of my coworkers found it cool that I had my glowing Ben 10 Galaxy Watch in the water and they joked that I would transform into an alien. But I just found it cool that my watch still worked in the sea and even recorded my swimming. I walked on a weird patch of the beach that had a lot of moss/algae, and boy was that a weird sensation. While swimming, I tried to swim in a specific direction and accidentally bumped into someone mid-swim, which caused my leg to cramp really hard. The pain just shot up my thigh and it hurt, but I still kept swimming. I also lifted another coworker on my shoulders and challenged people to a chicken fight, but none of them wanted to play that. We kept swimming until the beach area was closed off, funny enough, at around 7:00 p.m. Since it was dark, I picked up someone else's slippers and went back to pick up my pair after using my watch as a flashlight, which was pretty cool. The others weren't done swimming, so they used the public pool that the resort had. After having a quick rinse on a nearby showerhead, I dove into the public pool which some of my coworkers were in, and someone was also there. I swam a bit and then the guys were asked to remove their shirts. I didn't want to remove mine because I was conscious about my figure, so I kept it on. An HR associate looked at my shirt and gave me the OK since I was wearing a swim shirt. I still felt conscious because someone called me out for it, and it only got worse when a senior employee played a prank on me by hitching a ride on me from behind. I tried to lift them, but another senior employee shouted that we get a room. I saw my coworkers laugh so hard and they kept on laughing and laughing. I don't often feel shame, I usually never do, but this one was the most shameful moment I've had in any team building. I was immediately flustered and I didn't feel like talking to anyone after that. I just swam for a bit more and kept to myself. I tried diving alone as I watched my coworkers join a group of others and they just told stories and stuff. I just felt horrible, dove in the pool to hold my breath, and then got tired of swimming then went to my room. I just dried off and changed clothes. I felt pretty bad so I just tried to lie down for a bit when I saw that I had 2 messages from someone asking me where I was and then they sent a cute/funny video from IG. I eventually got dressed in my evening outfit and went outside to continue enjoying the day. Some people were playing Avalon again so I joined them. 10 people were playing it and it was fun once everyone got a sense of how the game went. Someone didn't participate, as they were more focused on solving a Rubik's cube, but they eventually joined in after 1 member swapped out with them. We then played a few rounds of Avalon, and it was funny because they were always on the evil team. I got Merlin a few times and I acted pretty obvious, so I was sussed out pretty quickly. I even made a mistake as Merlin because I included a bad guy in the pick which set us up to fail that round. We kept playing for a few rounds more, with things getting heated now and then. One funny remark that was made by the CTO to me was that I looked like a bad guy because the buttons on my shirt were set way low, which got a laugh out of me. Our gamemaster was also careful of the cards because the cards had been getting wet from the table, and the table was wet because we kept putting our ice-cold drinks on top. Eventually, we played the last game of Avalon and dispersed after that. For a while, I sat at a table along with a few other coworkers. Eventually, our coworker to the side of us started dealing cards. We played In-Between for a few rounds, and every time we lost, we had to take a shot of Emperador every time we lost. I lost a few times, I remember winning only 1 round and called it at that. I went back into my room where my other roommates were. I went outside to get water, then I loitered around the people who were drinking, and then I went back to my room. I decided to call the night off and go to sleep.

Song of the day: Cartoon Heroes by Aqua

Journal entry for Thursday, May 23rd, 2024

Thu, 23 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I started the day by just talking to my friends on Discord through chat. In the meantime, I replied to LK's message. We eventually got into a call and we watched a few scary videos from Sapphire Sandalo and Shrouded Hand. We also got food and I got lugaw. The lugaw was surprisingly nice and I enjoyed it. Our call in the morning continued after that and I eventually left to sleep. It was morning and my work started as usual with nothing noteworthy happening. I got into a call with my friends and we played Overcooked 2's DLC "Campfire Cookoff" during my lunch break. By the afternoon, I was pulled into a meeting. After my shift, I continued playing Overcooked 2 in the afternoon to play the DLC "Night of the Hangry Horde." We left the call after not being able to finish the final round. I slept in the evening and woke up to a feeling that my foot was sore. I then got invited to a Discord call to stream something scary and we moved servers, but I eventually left to go and pack my things. I ended the night there.

Song of the day: Kahit Pa by Hale

Journal entry for Wednesday, May 22nd, 2024

Wed, 22 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a usual, fun day for me. I started the day by just staying up and being in a call with my friends. We watched a video from The Tape Library about the haunting of the Moffitt family. I don't know why, but that video kind of spooked me. After that, we were just watching scary videos on YouTube. We watched some really disturbing things, and I don't usually get scared while watching, but something about tonight seemed off. I still asked if we would get take-out tonight and they got a small meal at McDonald's with coffee, while I got myself chao fan, chicken, and wonton mami from Chowking. I really regret ordering this much this late into the evening because I just knew that my stomach would be so upset after this. We just ate while watching a Rob Gavagan video about cults, then we watched a really disturbing video from Shrouded Hand about Oh In-hye. We were initially skeptical about the warning that watching the video would make us feel ill or nauseous, but when we actually watched the clip, it disturbed us all to high hell. We felt really uncomfortable and I was beyond scared after watching it, even though I was already familiar with Oh In-hye before her death and stuff. We just watched a video from TheOdd1sOut about animation before computers as a sort of "breather" and we were pretty interested in it. It got to a point where he talked about owning cel strips of famous animation works, and someone wondered what cel animation strip she wanted to get. I immediately answered Howl's Moving Castle because I know that's their favorite film ever, and they agreed hard. They really got into wanting to own a cel strip, and I found one of a guy online who owned one. Eventually, we ended our call after that. When I woke up, I felt really horrible. I didn't sleep properly because I was twisting and turning the whole night from my stomach pain. And I kept sneezing and burping to an ungodly amount. I had this unwritten rule to not eat heavy meals at night because it upsets my sleep so badly and I didn't really adhere to it. I woke up feeling like absolute shit and, thankfully, my morning workload was fairly-easy. After a while, a friend of mine invited me to play Overcooked! 2. I got into Nicole's server and played a few rounds of Overcooked. It was fun, like really fun. I kinda missed having an entire 4-stack of people play the game with me. We had fun, Nicole and Beni kept laughing and our stomachs really hurt by the time we ended the game. We all eventually ended on the stage 4-6 after it proved too difficult for us to continue. We said we'd play again tomorrow and left the call. In the background, I was still talking to my friends. And they told me to continue playing The Classrooms from yesterday. I eventually played the game, despite being the most creeped out and confused during the poolrooms stage. But I eventually got the hang of it (despite continuing after trying to search for a hint) and we finished the game. The poolrooms were the last stage in the development of the game so far and we ended the night there.

Song of the day: Kahit Pa by Hale

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Dahil kailangan ka, kailangang pa
Kita natin tayo'y iba
At kahit pa hindi mapipigil ang mundo
At sa umagang darating
Lahat ay aking kakayanin

Journal entry for Tuesday, May 21st, 2024

Tue, 21 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today had a big sense of normalcy as my usual WFH routine was re-established. I started my day by being in a call with my friends. We just watched videos from WOWMAN and Sapphire Sandalo. We actually watched all of the animation videos from Sapphire Sandalo on this call. Eventually, we got food. They got bacsilog and Milo, and then I just ate the remaining Doritos bag I had and dipped it in salsa. While eating, we watched videos from FunkyFrogBait. After that, we called it a night and left the call. My morning got started pretty late, but it was fine. I had trouble sleeping, though, and I was twisting and turning in my sleep. Not to mention that I was sneezing so badly today. Every sneeze felt so powerful, it was like I was allergic to something. I didn't really feel at my 100% this morning and, in hindsight, I should've just called it a day off. But I didn't. I still kept pushing through even though I didn't feel fully okay. Work continued as normal. Nothing noteworthy happened and the time during our shifts quickly passed. By the evening, I decided to play Sons of the Forest with my friends and we explored quite a few caves. We continued to explore the same large cave from yesterday and found ancient armor. We explored quite a bit until we got out of the cave and then stopped with our playthrough. I was asked to stream a game and I showed them this new horror game I found titled "The Classrooms" and I said that it was super scary. I played the game and it did live up to the hype of being scary. I went through several monsters in the school area, then moved to the lower floor that had a library, then the bathrooms, then the darkrooms, and eventually ended at the poolrooms which took me a while to figure out. We ended the night there and left the call while I just did random stuff in the background.

Song of the day: Lucky Girl Syndrome by ILLIT

Lyrics that resonated with me:
마주친 눈에
터진 웃음에
붙여봐 hashtag
#lucky_girl_syndrome oh

설렘이 설렘이 설렘이
계속 차오르는 걸
I believe I believe I believe
이뤄져 믿는 대로
Finally finally finally
넌 이유를 아니? (why?)
Together you and me

Yeah luck
Yeah I'm a lucky girl
Yeah you're a lucky girl
Yeah we're so lucky
Luck luck luck luck

Mentally, Somewhere Else

Mon, 20 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I accompanied my friends for a call and we were supposed to watch a lot of scary videos. But they mostly slept through most of our time in the call. I tried to play a few videos in the background, however, like some a video from 4Plus. But they couldn't watch through the bulk of it at first and kept sleeping. So my mind was just somewhere else, doing God knows what. We continued the video from 4Plus before we left the call and I got my sleep. I left at around 5 a.m. and felt really groggy after waking up. By morning, however, I had to prepare to leave for an in-person work session at an office in Makati. It was just me from my team going there, so I felt very alone and alienated. I had some troubles getting there, but was able to arrive just fine. I just had barebones tools in front of me: a terminal, sudoer access to a server, and a basic Windows install. I tried my best to continue my work under these weird conditions. I talked to my friends on the side. I got stuck on a weird bug. It was lunch time and I ordered food outside and ate a McDonald's, which surprised me because I hadn't eaten in a McDonald's in a long, long time. I just ate food while watching some videos about *hikkikomoris* and *NEETs*. I reflected to my time as a NEET and honestly felt proud that I was able to get out of my 4-month stint as one. I remember getting sucked into moderating subreddits, playing Doki Doki Literature Club, and Omori because those are the only games my old laptop can handle. Another instance of me being outside of my physical surroundings and thinking of me being somewhere else. When I came back to the office, I had thought of a troubleshooting method and it did work. But the problem was still there and I was powerless in doing anything about it. I fixed everything I can and I literally just stared at the screen. I was playing this playlist on Spotify titled ["SIARGAO VIBES 🏝"](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/40XtnXg247TxfXnorb4txI?si=eb431fd9073c4b07) and my mind was just escaping into this party by the beach. I don't know why, but it just felt right spacing out. I spaced out more while downloading for a really large file and extracting it, which took more than 1 hour and 30 minutes. In the meantime, my coworker to the left of me noticed the Omnitrix design on my watch and I showed them the Omnitrix app, and they laughed at how no one can bully me because I can transform into an alien. Eventually, I fixed everything by the end, though. I just hate tinkering in anything PHP. I overtimed by an hour, even though I thought that this would be an easy job. It was just that things were prepared horribly, I could have left home at 3 p.m., but whatever, I went home at around 7 p.m. after having difficulty in getting a ride home. I ate dinner after I got home and didn't really go into a call with my friends immediately. I waited for them to be done with their thing, and apparently they were watching this anime titled "My Love Story with Yamada-kun at Lv999" which is why they took a while in joining a call. Eventually, we both got into a call and we played Sons of the Forest for 1 hour before we ended the night and left the call. I just did random things and relaxed in my free time after that.

Song of the day: Perfect Strangers by Jonas Blue, JP Cooper

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Maybe we're perfect strangers
Maybe it's not forever
Maybe the night will change us
Maybe we'll stay together
Maybe we'll walk away
Maybe we'll realize
We're only human
Maybe we don't need no reason why
Come on, come on, come over

Journal entry for Sunday, May 19th, 2024

Sun, 19 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Yeesh, today was just horrible. It wasn't totally bad, but it was just a pure "yikes" from me. It started when I updated everything on my Windows drive very early on in the morning. When I opened the Riot Games launcher, I saw a few of my RC friends playing Valorant and I quickly rebooted to Windows (from Linux) to play the game. I joined them and we had a pretty good 3 games, at first. I was consistently the bottom frag because I was still new to Valorant. I've played Valorant over the years, but it has never been my thing. I don't use Windows as my PC's OS (I use Linux all day, everyday) and changing my entire workflow just so I can play 1 game was stupid. So I barely played Valorant, I was genuinely a noob at this game. This is where the annoying condescension starts. I repeatedly told my friends that I was a pure noob at Valorant and they seemed fine because it was unrated. But then when 1 guy from our group took up Phoenix, I had no other character to play. I just chose Viper for whatever reason and it was my first time using her. My teammates were kind of flaming me for not knowing how to use her kit and abilities, as if I actually knew how to play the game. We still won that round and won the next one after that. But by our 4th game, things got really hard. It was 2 a.m. and we were faced up against a team that did really did well. I was the bottom frag with 0 kills by the halfway mark and you can feel the silence in the call. They were getting really focused and annoyed at me for whiffing. It was annoying me as well because I was supposed to leave while we were up 3 from that good streak, but no, I couldn't stand my ground for whatever reason and just kept playing with 1 more game. We lost the last game pretty hard, and it caused my friends to play another game entirely. I uninstalled Valorant after that. I deleted my Riot Games account as well. I don't have a single gun skin in there anyway. Plus, the times I played it with anyone but Rachel, like with Nate and Ane, or the RC, my friends were **completely toxic**. Absolutely fucking toxic and just vile, even though I did pretty well. It was disgusting and I hate this game for that. I've been with toxic teammates before in online games, but never with my personal ones as bad as it did in Valorant. I'd rather be with toxic randoms in Overwatch 2 than with my own toxic friends in this stupid game. I just played Overwatch 2 after that, but even in there, I was unlucky. I just called it a night after a few games. After this, I'll make a solid vow to not play these sweaty competitive games with my friends ever again. And even if we're just playing some chill game like Stardew and they get tilted, I'll cut them off. When I woke up in the morning, I was in a good mood because I had a long night's rest. My morning and afternoons just passed by with nothing much happening aside from me playing a few rounds of Overwatch. By the evening, however, I just remembered that I had to buy things for this Friday's company team building. So I hastened to get out of my house. On my way to the mall, though, I was messaged by my friends that they had something to say. I immediately felt rushed to go home because we were supposed to play and it was the final leg of the weekend. I quickly got to the mall and bought the first thing on my list: Vans classic slip-ons from the Squid Game show. I, somehow, intentionally left mine after last year's team building and it's my turn this year to redeem them again. Plus, I missed having perfectly-white shoes. That went quickly and I was on track to getting home quickly. When I got my groceries and items, I had a really big issue at checkout. My payment method was somehow down and the stupid service doesn't work at all. I couldn't withdraw money from it, use it as payment, or anything. I had to go rush around the mall to several ATMs just for them to reject my card. I had absolutely no cash to pay for my groceries and I was so worried about leaving them behind, even though I haven't paid for it. When I exchanged my digital money for some physical bills, the cashiers were gone and my groceries had been returned. It was absolutely horrifying. I talked to my friends and they told me to just go home, but I wasn't having any of it. I quickly tried to get all of the items and pay via cash. When it was time to get home, I had to book a car instead of a motorcycle going home because it was the only vehicle I could get. It made for a more comfortable trip home, though, but it took a lot of time. By the time I was able to get home, it was around 10 p.m. and I was exhausted. I still invited my friends to play Sons of the Forest with me. We had a very awkward 1 hour of playing and we didn't really explore anything big in the game. She just went to sleep at around 11 and we called the day off. Honestly, I felt choked today. It was kind of insult to injury because I had the most stressful grocery trip of my life. Factoring in everything, like the RC getting mad at me, having the worst grocery experience, and a horrible thing at the end of the weekend, this day just sucked.

Song of the day: You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon

Journal entry for Saturday, May 18th, 2024

Sat, 18 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up reaaaaaallllyyy late today. I don't really remember what time I slept last night, but I was so tired from it all. I remember waking up at around late 10 a.m. and then sleeping again, only to wake up at 12:40 a.m. Shit, I was doomed because I knew I was kind of late for my Saturday meditations class. I tried my best to rush and prepare all of my clothes, stuff, outfits. All of my stuff wasn't in proper order, like my watch wasn't fully charged, my phone's battery was almost dead, and I had to prepare in 10 minutes or less. Plus I have to book a ride home, which was always a pain in the ass. When I did book a ride, I had the most unfortunate trip yet. I knew that we were supposed to go on a different path, and that the path that we went on actually **delayed** everything by 40 minutes! It was a horrible, horrible 40 minutes through the worst traffic, heat, twists and turns that Metro Manila could offer. I know I didn't take that long in getting to my meditation classes, and I was so baffled by today's trip because it had been so unlucky. I still tried to rush everything, but nothing happened. When I went into the meditation hall, the doors were closed so I just sad down on my chair in the 2nd floor to "try" to meditate. I wasn't feeling okay, and I was still slightly panicking, so that was a bust. I still attended lecture and went to inform my group's coordinator that I won't be able to make it next week for my summer outing. I went home as usual and just tried to make it up to myself in the afternoon and evening by playing games and relaxing.

Song of the day: With You by Oliver Tree

Work Together Perfectly!

Fri, 17 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

It was surprising that we went in for a call fairly early today at around 12:03 a.m. We talked about a few things, mainly K-Pop and I got to show them this very funny video of Tiffany saying that she lost her shit, and cried, and went straight back to work. They found it extremely funny and they seemed to find it very funny. I mostly stayed up with them, playing horror videos from Sapphire Sandalo and Rob Gavagan in the background. Since it had been a while, I also treated them for food tonight as well. I got them that banana bread they've been craving for, and I ordered a burger, fries, and nuggets from Burger King. We ate while watching scary videos from those 2 creators. Eventually, we moved on to talking about K-Pop again and we looked at the horrible Tell Me performance in Universe Ticket. We laughed at how cringe it was and how horrible Vanesya spilled her lines. Then we watched **ALL** of the group performances from Universe Ticket. It actually lasted a long time and we were just singing along to the songs, seeing the performance, while they were doing other things in the background. I was just eating in the background and I haven't finished most of my food when I notice that it was already 5 a.m., around 5:30 a.m. to be exact. Anyway, I made a plan with someone for us to go to the event today sharing the same Grab car so I had to wake up early. It made sense since it was a car going from the south to the north and the destination was around northwest from our areas. So I had to wake up very early to prepare and I only had an hour or so of sleep. I disconnected from the call sometime around 5:30 and tried my best to sleep. When I woke up, it was around 7 a.m. and I noticed that someone sent an aespa video for me to watch. I replied to it, took a bath, and got my prep done. I called someone and we both got our morning started. Our morning took a while to complete and for us to leave our respective houses. Thankfully, booking for a ride wasn't that difficult, even though we were late. She got in the car first and then it stopped over my place. While preparing, I used the wrong cologne for my outfit and, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to douse my correct cologne all over my shirt. This resulted in me having an extremely strong and chemically-smelling outfit that even I had a hard time breathing out of. When I met her in the car, the first thing I wanted to do was laugh and apologize over it. We got to talk for a bit, about various things like how the roads were like in my village, and so on. She also asked me if I had eaten breakfast yet and she showed me the banana bread from this morning. We eventually got comfortable and I opened up a lot more, and even apologized about the extreme perfume smell. Our banter and conversation quickly turned out to be like how we would talk normally and it was a good start to the morning. We got to the building at around 10 a.m., an hour late from the initial meetup time and I was doing the Catallena "hoi hoi hoi" dance while walking there, which she found weird but nothing unexpected. We met up with a coworker while signing in to the building and we got up and then split up to greet our coworkers. I caught up with my batch mates in the company, those who have been here for 5 years with me, and we joke about random things. I was getting started on work as well and accomplished a few tasks. Additionally, I helped some of the new recruits who took over my old tasks and solved one of their problems. It kind of surprised me because I seemed experienced in that moment, and I never expected myself to get to this part of my career where I would be the one giving advice as a competent person, instead of the one asking for advice/help. I got back to my workstation after chatting with a few people, and then looked over my tasks for the day. Once I was done, I was talking to a few of my friends about macOS, my websites, and helping Nicole reformat her MacBook. I noticed someone was talking amongst our coworkers behind me and I joined in on the conversation. Our group talked about various things like Xyrk's folding phone, the various places in Cavite and Divisoria, Francis making jokes about Justin, and I was even made fun of because we were talking about alcohol for next week's company outing and I asked Sir Ernest if he could bring *binatog* along. They all sat in silence and then wondered why I brought up *binatog* when I was supposed to say *lambanog*. I rarely ever felt embarrassment but this one was a rare exception. Still, I'm glad to have a fun conversation like that and we all eventually dispersed. After a while, all of us attending were called into a section of the place for some announcement and some games. Some new hires were introduced to the whole company. I sat next to Pat from the creatives team and she noticed that I had an Omnitrix design on my watch face, and she found it so cool. I eventually showed her the Omnitrix app on the watch and she was so amazed by it. we played a few rounds of a game what was like "Telephone" but with actions. In my group's turn, I was the one who was tasked to figure out and I got 0 out of 2 guesses right. Dang, but we had lunch thereafter and I ate alongside my friends. I wanted to get water because I was kind of choking on my food, I felt it really get stuck in my throat and I was just holding it. Someone accompanied me to get water and since she didn't have a mug, I cleaned one that was lying around and gave it to her. After a while, someone gave me her spare food and I ate it throughout the course of the day. Our meals were from Kenny Rogers Roasters so it was pretty delicious. Once lunch ended, we returned to our tasks and I helped Nicole with her EndeavourOS installation. I socialized for a bit more, helped the new guys with some of my old support tasks and whatnot. Then we get called as the day was ending for some company announcements and updates. It seemed all good and we were able to take a group photo by the end. As the event was ending, it rained a lot. Someone and I had originally planned to book a ride home, and we tagged in Nicole along with us since she was going south as well. We tried for hours to book, but didn't really get a ride home. While waiting, Nicole, someone, Francis, and I were just sitting and I exclaimed that this was just a horrible storm for traffic: Friday, raining heavily, rush hour, and I threw in a joke that it was Mercury's retrograde or something. The other people I sat with, plus Torre who later joined, talked about astrology and other stuff in the background while I was just surprised at what had happened because of some lame joke I thought of. Since we couldn't get a ride, we just went downstairs so someone can get a drink at a Lawson Convenience Store. We waited for a loonggg time, I gave someone and Nicole ice cream. But we were all tired and drained, so we just had to abandon the idea of booking a Grab car home and book on our own. Someone went home first. I just walked until SM Megamall for whatever reason and fortunately found a ride there. It had been raining really heavily, but I didn't care since I was on the way home. Thankfully, I was able to get home safe. I got home and messaged a few of my friends and watched funny videos to de-stress and relax. Max, Meryll, I, and a few others had plans to meet up very early tomorrow for our Binondo food trip adventure, but it was just cancelled because Max went home really late and we were all equally exhausted from today's event.

Song of the day: Catallena by Universe Ticket

Lyrics that resonated with me:
춤추는 작은 까탈레나
나도 모르게 빠져 들어가
도도한 콧대 까탈레나
Ju tti Meri O y e Hoi Hoi
홀려 들어가

...

랄라랄라 흔들흔들 손 흔들고
네 목소리가 쉴 때까지 소리 질러
Jutti Meri Oye Hoi Hoi
Paula Mera Oye Hoi Hoi
참 잘했어요 100점 만점 주고파

춤추는 작은 까탈레나
나도 모르게 빠져 들어가
도도한 콧대 까탈레나
Jutti Meri Oye Hoi Hoi
홀려 들어가

Yes
스르르르르륵 스르르르르륵
녹 녹 녹 녹아든다
녹 녹 녹 녹아든다
파르르르르륵 파르르르르륵
떨 떨 떨 떨려온다
따라 따라 따라 하고파

Makati, Then Delulu

Thu, 16 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

Today was surprisingly calm and chill. Things went really, really good. My day started with me just being alone, by myself and catching up on the journal entries I've missed for the past 7 days. It was really hard to reconstruct how the days went because there were parts that I had to really dig for just so I can write the entries for. But it all turned out okay as I was able to restore all of my entries. After that was done, I spent some time doing random stuff online before going to bed. When I woke up, I felt mostly okay and my morning was really calm and quiet. Nothing much happened aside from me doing some work tasks and then preparing to leave for Makati. In the afternoon, I had an IRL meeting with a client and I was supposed to go to their office. I don't usually go out, and it's been a while since my last Shake Shack adventure, but it was a welcomed change of pace because I didn't want to stay cooped up all day. I also made plans to see my sister after my shift ends so we can spend some sibling time and eat dinner together. So I had to prepare and then leave, but I had such horrible luck in trying to book a ride to Makati. I took so long to get a ride, it was ridiculous. I kept waiting for a ride for 50 minutes and it was horrible. I was so worried that I would be late, but surprisingly my thoughts didn't deviate or overthink from there. I was just worried that I'll be late. I did get a ride, however, and even though the rider made the wrong choices in the paths they took, I got there relatively quick because my other teammates timed in 9 minutes earlier than I did. Working there and the meeting went fairly quickly. It was simple to me, so I wasn't bothered. I then spent some time with a high-level manager after the meeting, talking about things at a Tim Hortons. We eventually left at around 5:30 and it was around that time when I got a message from someone, and that they have something to say. I told them that I'd be able for a talk later and focused on my own things. Then I met up with my sister and walked around together for a bit before buying dinner at Pepper Lunch. It was a rare thing that we were both in Makati, so we decided to just go home at the same time as well. I mostly talked to them about their work and their career, and generally gave them tips about working. Then I told her about how surreal life has been because we were eating at a restaurant that overlooked koi ponds we used to frequent as kids with our parents. We also saw mom in a video call and we went to attend a mass that was ongoing at the Greenbelt Chapel. We visited the koi pond for a bit before deciding to leave. We waited a while for a ride but it took a while and there were kind of a few dumb drivers that just wasted our time. But we were eventually able to book a ride home and get home safe.

Song of the day: THE SHADE by Rex Orange County

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I was closing all the blinds
Just so you could sleep the night through
I was staying by your side
Just so I knew you were okay
And I was opening the door
Just to see if you would walk through
I started painting all the walls
Just to see if you liked the shade

I would love just to be stuck to your side
Not with anybody else, anybody else
It's enough just to keep us occupied
Please don't go

Avoiding Awful Days

Wed, 15 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I'm seriously wondering how I've avoided awful days in my mood calendar, but today I knew my answer. These days, I'm more positive and I'm not fully swayed by my negative emotions. I try my best to really steer myself from being sad and those efforts came in clutch today and prevented yet another would-be horrible day. So my day continued from yesterday's horrible situation. I still didn't have electricity but I was able to talk to my friends. I felt relieved, sure, but was still largely uncomfortable because we had no electricity and no Internet, and what made the situation worse was that the summer heat could still be felt at night, and my Internet connection was so horrible. I still tried talking to my friends and streaming something for us to watch. I told them that aespa released a new song titled "Long Chat" and we found it so cute and adorable, but I didn't stream it on account of my poor Internet connection. Still, I was able to order McDonald's for myself and I treated them as well, I was supposed to buy coffee and a chicken sandwich but I couldn't even load the Grab app properly because my Internet connection was so shitty. So I just gave them the money for them to buy it and we had our coffees. We watched scary stories from Sapphire Sandalo and it was a marathon of them. I enjoyed my coffee a lot because it had a syrup that tasted like cereal. Even though the night was rough, I was constantly sweating because of how hot it was, and there were so many spooky things going on around me, I still somewhat enjoyed it. I was still in a call with my friends and talked to them about their life problems and how they needed a change of pace. I listened to their problems for a bit more and we eventually went back to watching more horror content from Sapphire Sandalo. It was way past 4 and around 5 a.m. when we decided to leave the call, they tried to get me to sleep. While this was going on, I just asked to take a leave from work because I really couldn't work with no sleep, no electricity, and no Internet. My MacBook's battery was also almost close to dying and my situation was starting to get dire. I tried to sleep for a few hours, but kept waking up every now and then because I was drenched in sweat and felt so horrible from the heat. It was unbearable and lying on my bed, trying to sleep was the worst part of this day so far. Eventually, I woke up and couldn't stand it anymore. It was around 10 a.m. and I was thinking of what to do now. Part of me wanted to go to an Internet cafe so I could at least have a working PC and then play Lethal Company with Luan and my friends later, but I decided against that because I was weary of how unhygenic those PCs are, plus also if there was spyware embedded in them. I then tried to think of any of my friend's places to hang out at and I thought of a few, but my closest friends were outside of Metro Manila, so I couldn't. I had my friends and I thought of them, so I decided to shoot my shot and try it out. After all, they had a friend stay over and come work with them last year, so I figured I would do the same. Eventually, an intense argument followed because they told me no and I called them out. It sucked a lot. I was here for them, helping them out, giving all I can until I ran dry, sacrificing my health and sleep by accompanying them at night for 1 year now, and spending more than 2 years with them. And yet I'm met with the same result, the same excuses. I'm not close enough to be with them and they're not comfortable enough with me. They proclaimed before that they "would help their friends no matter what" and I only asked for help because my situation was so dire. I had a rare in-office meeting for tomorrow that I need to prepare for and I didn't plan on lollygagging. But I was turned away with excuses, but somehow their other friend was given a free pass because they were friends in high school. This was honestly my breaking point and it wasn't long until they blocked me, then they left our server again. I didn't try to call them anymore to talk, I didn't want to spam them with messages. I was just done. These were people who I stood with through their worst times, gave them so much, sacrificed and endured so much, and I essentially tried my best. Whenever I speak up about how unfair they are to me, I'm always not heard properly and my side would never be understood. I've been mentally preparing myself for this day, honestly. The point where things would just break. I knew it, and I was honestly not surprised to have it all end here. I'm honestly ready to cut them off for good and never come back. I guess this will be the case and thought to myself how fitting this ending would be. We ended because they couldn't help me, after all we did together, the nights spent, the games played, and all the fun moments. All that meant nothing to them and some person was worth more to them than I was. It's a perfect ending and, to stop myself from feeling sad, I thought back to this passage from a review about Past Lives (2023): > There are things in life that we just can't control and Past Lives represents coming to terms with those events that we hold no authority over. Nora and Hae Sung both hold different character themes that tie into the overarching message of the plot: letting go. As much as something may hurt now, holding onto such things will only cloud your vision of what's ahead of you and prevent you from living happily in the future. I personally don't want to come back anymore. I'm ready to throw away everything from the past 2 years and just mark it as a loss that I shouldn't chase after anymore. I've done everything I literally can except let go, and it was time to do that. I booked a ride to BGC, went to my usual hangout spot at Starbucks 32nd Street. My phone's signal was horrible throughout, which was surprising because it was never this bad before. Still, I tried to nurse myself and prevent this from becoming an awful day. I watched a few videos about productivity and envigorated myself in continuing that certification path. It was also weird because the feeling I'm getting isn't sadness, it's the kind of righteous anger I'm feeling towards myself for not doing better, and that I should strive hard to prevent situations like this from ever happening again. I should have trustworthy friends that I can lean on, a better place that won't have these constant electricity problems, and so much more. My feelings just burned and burned, and I was on the verge of booking a hotel or Airbnb so I can de-stress. But thankfully, power was restored to my house in the afternoon and I didn't have to spend on an expensive room I'll stay in for a few days. I watched some hype moments about Counter-Strike and felt so energized from seeing how the pros play and get wins. On the ride home, I played a few songs that bolstered my mood. One that I could relate to the most was Katy Perry's Part of Me. The lyrics perfectly encapsulated my emotions of being angry and of feeling slighted, and it was nice to come back to this forgotten gem. When I got home, I was relieved to have electricity again and played Overwatch 2. I bought that new D.Va Porsche skin. I played 1 round of competitive and did really, really well. I had extremely good stats like high kills, few deaths, and fought a good fight. I was at my happiest at this point and that really made me realize that today wasn't awful at all. I remember my awful days vividly and they didn't feel like this. I was happily angry, driven, and determined. I'm looking forward to my future and I'm now in full control of my life. After that, I trashed everything that we had between all of us. I unfriended all of them from Steam, uninstalled Sons of the Forest, left our server, deleted their messages, and just removed everything. I'm ready to let them go and live happily in the future I'm supposed to be in, putting this chapter to a close.

Song of the day: The One That Got Away by Katy Perry

Lyrics that resonated with me:
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down

...

I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me

You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep, you let me drown
But that was then and this is now

Waiting. So Much for That.

Tue, 14 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I thought this day would be great, a gift would come in, and I'd have a happy day while in a call with my friends. But the gift didn't arrive, and my day started with me being in a call with my friends in the early morning. We mostly watched videos from other YouTubers and nothing much went on aside from us talking about their want for banana bread and their work things. They were disturbed by the work of one artist named Yuko Tatsushima, though, and it was me who was passing out every now and then. Eventually we disconnected from the call. The morning and work wasn't that busy for me. My friends tried screen sharing a few videos and we even shared songs to each other. It was weird that they knew about Owl City's Take to the Sky and they knew about the movie's title. They knew about "Legend of the Guardians" and forgot the other title, while I knew of the other title only, "The Owls of Ga'Hoole," and it was so freaky to me. They also shared with me other songs that they liked, including a pop song and a few soul, R&B ones. We also watched [What Is A Cat? (1972)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laLAaTXGnp0&pp=ygUSd2hhdCBpcyBhIGNhdCAxOTcy) on YouTube. Eventually, it progressed into the afternoon and we were then playing Sons of the Forest. It was on this day where we both got shotguns (even though I gave mine to Virginia). We went into the other places with the keycard that we got from yesterday's playthrough and explored this massive entertainment bunker. We got a lot of stuff and explored around the complex. We fought off a lot of mutants inside the facility and kept getting killed by cannibals outside the facility. Once we were done, though, we called it a night between all of us. I went outside to buy food from the mercato and I was saddened to know that it was the last day. I felt really sad because I didn't have the money to buy a lot of food from there. I told my sister about it and she seemed more sad than I was, she recalled back to the first day of the mercato and you could tell that she was devastated. I gave her a good chunk of the bacon enoki and we had a sad dinner together. Later in the evening, the power got cut off and I was instantly worried, and also pissed. I've been taking blows all day and now I didn't have electricity, Internet, and other things. It was horrible and the night continued on with that bad tone.

Journal entry for Monday, May 13th, 2024

Mon, 13 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

The day started with me accompanying my friends for a call. It was mostly me who watched through the horror videos I have prepared, and the time quickly passed by since nothing else was happening. I eventually disconnected from the call and got some sleep. Work quickly came and passed by with nothing much happening. Then my friends recommended a new horror channel we could watch and they were Sapphire Sandalo. We watched a few animation videos from her, apparently my friends got a bit scared from it but I didn't feel that scared. In the afternoon, aespa released Supernova and it was honestly a "miss" for me. I streamed it in a call and my friends were so excited and happy, but I wasn't feeling the same since the song was really mid. We played Sons of the Forest in the afternoon and found a few things like the shovel and got to explore a really large cave system. We kept dying to bombs, new creatures, and other things but it was fun to explore around. We called it a night after exploring the cave and I went outside to buy food from the *mercato* again. I got a lot of food, my sister was shocked that I got such a big piece of chicken for only 50 Pesos. After that, I talked to my friends for a bit more until they eventually slept and I tried to spend my time doing other things.

Song of the day: Magnetic by ILLIT

Journal entry for Sunday, May 12th, 2024

Sun, 12 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Sunday was pretty tame. I spent the morning playing Overwatch. In the evening, I just went to buy food from the *mercato* for my sister and I to eat. I played Sons of the Forest with my friends for 1 hour. They asked me to help build a base on water and we watched a video on how to do it. We ended the night there.

Journal entry for Saturday, May 11th, 2024

Sat, 11 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today seemed like your usual day and zen meditation class. I know I slept somewhat early today, around midnight. But I woke up and it was already 10 a.m. or so. I kind of rushed my morning and didn't really eat any breakfast because I had so little time before I had to leave for lunch. Still, I played some Overwatch and managed to lock in a win before leaving. While on my commute, I had some weird thoughts. I just kept thinking about letting them go and whatnot. Regardless, the trip was fairly quick and I actually got in time to have lunch. Thankfully, the monastery was handing out free vegan lunch. I ate 2 dishes, one was obviously full of mushrooms. I'm a big fan of mushrooms so I finished all of that. The other one was probably tofu or mushroom in adobo soup, so it was pretty delicious. It actually surprised me how good it was. Then I got to go to the meditation hall and do some meditation. It only was for 30 minutes, which seemed okay but I didn't really meditate much at all because my mind was still racing. Our *shi fu* then gave us a talk about the actual meaning of karma, how you build it, the good and bad examples of it, and so on. It was nice, I got to learn a few things and laugh at the funny examples provided. I didn't linger much after class ended and just went home. By the evening, I just did random things and got food at the *mercato* again. Thankfully, I had a lot of money and I got 10 oysters, 4 bacon enoki sticks, and that cheesy Buldak thing that they served. It was a lot and my sister and I felt full from eating. We enjoyed our meal, though, and I continued to do random things online before falling asleep late at around 3 a.m.

Journal entry for Friday, May 10th, 2024

Fri, 10 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I accompanied my friends for a call today and it was your usual late night call. We watched more animation horror stories from Pusang Hari Animasyon. We ordered food at around 4 a.m. and ate together. I also assisted them in some email HTML that they were trying to do. I eventually slept after that Work came and passed by with nothing noteworthy happening. By the evening, I was invited to play Sons of the Forest with my friends and we discovered that Kelvin was killed in our playthrough. I had to do a bit of digging and save file editing to bring back Kelvin because we were so distraught with seeing him die and not having them around. We also befriended another NPC named Virginia and we gave her a gun to help us with. We ended the day by finding a place by the beach where we spawned and building a few walls around our would-be base.

Song of the day: See You Again (feat. Charlie Puth) by Wiz Khalifa, Charlie Puth

Reality Shifting?

Thu, 09 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My day started with me joining my friends for late-night call and we talked about this weird new theme park from Daniel Padilla, J Castles. We laughed at how weird and kind of tacky it looked, with the entire design not having a corehent design. Like for example, the theme park is castle-themed but the mascot was some cartoon in a black jacket, with black shorts, and a black cap. They even joked that it looked like me. We watched a full tour of the place and it was surprisingly lame, but we had fun talking about it and dissing on it. At one point, I was surprised at how liminal it looked, and like it was a creepy form of liminal space. We then watched a few videos from Bedtime Stories and other things. It was a bit dicey since things quieted down a bit. It was pretty awkward, but I still had to get them chicken from Jollibee and that macaroni soup, while I got myself baconsilog and chicken skin from a local *carinderia*. It was eventually 4 a.m. and I disconnected by then. I woke up later than usual and had a pretty big problem to fix in the morning. Thankfully, the solution was pretty simple and it literally involved 1 mouse click, and the funny part that it was out of my control. After that, my work tasks were simple. In my lunch break, I played Sons of the Forest with my friends and we explored a golfing site. But we then closed out of the game once lunch was up. At some point in the afternoon, Loy messaged me out of the blue with a dilemma he was having. It was the craziest thing I've ever heard and I honestly couldn't believe it. I felt like giving him advice and he asked if I'm free for a call. After work, I gave some seemingly-solid advice to Loy about his situation in a call. I was surprised that he got himself into this, but part of me kind of wasn't shocked. I just gave him a small talk about it and ended our call there. Hopefully he does follow my advice. Since I had spare time, I decided to work on my [Web Stories project](https://stories.dartegnian.com/) in the background and added a home page linking to all of the Web Stories. I based it off of the basic Next.js 13 template and added my standard color pattern and some Material You styling into it. The whole day, I had nothing to eat so I just went outside shortly after my call with Loy. I was supposed to just buy some usual Pinoy food from the *carinderia* but as I was walking out, I saw a few stalls that were just new. It was pretty surprising. I haven't been to these in a while and, while they're technically called night markets, Jaze and I used to call them *mercatos*. There were so many new food stores and I was happy that I got a sizable amount of money on me. I ordered 10 pieces of oyster from one of the stalls and it only cost me 120 Pesos. I also got bacon enoki mushroom skewers that they were selling, and both were honestly **the best**. I also was surprised to see a stall that sold Buldak and I immediately bought one. While I was waiting for my food, I suddenly saw my sister walking home and I surprised her by greeting her. She looked so shocked and the whole event was so surreal and fun. We ordered so many food after that, we got 4 shawarma wraps, we withdrew money so we can buy more food, we got lemonade together, and other things. It was so fun and it was honestly the funniest twist to my days yet. I essentially got all of the things I had wished for and more. When I got home, I was asked by my friends to play Sons of the Forest with them and we had a fun time exploring the remaining golf park area and getting the rebreather. After that, we disconnected from the call but we still talked after that.

Journal entry for Wednesday, May 8th, 2024

Wed, 08 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was pretty calm and chill as far as days went. When I woke up, I was 10 minutes early at around 7:50 a.m. so I decided to sleep for a few more minutes. But I somehow blew through all of my alarms on my 2 phones and ended waking up at 8:50, which surprised me. I timed in for work and got to my tasks. I also got food earlier this time because going outside yesterday was hot as hell, and I ordered rice this time. I invited my friends for a call and we eventually got into one. I didn't notice them join, though, and I was singing Girls' Generation songs at the time like Gee and Lion Heart. They sang along (but I couldn't hear them) but then eventually told me off and I paused my music thereafter. They invited me to get coffee with them and I ordered McDonald's while they got Starbucks. At lunch, I played videos from Rob Gavagan. I ate my order when they got all theirs delivered. In the afternoon, we mostly watched Emma (1996) because I couldn't find a copy of Reincarnation (2005) to watch online. We had already watched Emma before, and I've completely forgotten the plot, but eventually remembered as the movie went on. We also noticed distinct differences between Emma (2020) and Emma (1996). Around 4 or so, they invited me to play Sons of the Forest again and we killed a few cannibal camps and even went through a cave system. At the first cannibal camp we encountered, we kept dying multiple times but eventually defeated a few camps. By the time we went inside this cave, most of them didn't die and I was on the verge of dying multiple times. We killed a few mutants and they mostly wielded their torch to burn the enemies, with me equipping the club to deal more damage. I had a hard time dodging, but was able to get out of the cave system with them. We saved the game from there and ended our call for the day. By the evening, I was just chilling and relaxing by myself. I had installed a local WordPress installation for my sister so she can practice Elementor and gave her a few tips. I also played Overwatch 2 for 1 game because I had a really good 1st game as Junkrat in competitive, and I even got the most kills, damage, even the POTG. I knew I wasn't going to top that so I ended on a win. Other than that, I fixed a bug on my website and I was able to keep the selected mood active while switching through the year. It was pretty fun to see it run and see which moods were where for that year.

Song of the day: Lion Heart by Girls' Generation

Journal entry for Tuesday, May 7th, 2024

Tue, 07 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a pretty chill, normal day. I started it being in a call with my friends and watching a few scary videos on YouTube. We mostly watched scary videos from Nick Crowley and Bedtime Stories again. Around 1 a.m., I asked them if we could all eat together and some of them got that chocolate coffee from McDonald's while I ordered this new "imperial chicken chop" from Chowking. I told them about it and they decided on getting it as well. When we started eating our respective orders, I told them that this was just glorified chicken tonkatsu. We talked about other things and our call went on normally. I even showed them my matryoshka doll that I had lying around and they joked that it was haunted. Nothing much followed and I eventually disconnected. I got to work and it was just your usual day of handling tasks, with nothing noteworthy going on. I just had a lot of things handled in the morning. I had bought a lot of food for breakfast and lunch but I actually forgot to order rice. It was a funny mistake, but it's something I'll keep in mind when buying outside next time. By the afternoon, my friends invited me to play Sons of the Forest and we pushed through more sections of the game. We left our simple base in the middle of an open field to venture into other places like the beach. We checked a few places on the map, we even found a golf cart to ride and a "Knight V" that allowed for easy transport. I was really impressed by the Knight V and the number of vehicles in the new game and felt amazed at it. While we were at the beach, we went to a cannibal's camp and handled them, we even went to a second one that had this tall cannibal and, while they were hard to defeat and we died, we just respawned at the same camp and easily defeated it. At the end, we got to a place that had boats and got items from them. We were supposed to go to another camp but it was a long day for most of us, so we all decided to end the day. For dinner, I ate Chowking (again) with my sister and spent the evening sleeping, albeit improperly because I woke up at weird intervals.

Song of the day: Panalangin by APO Hiking Society

Journal entry for Monday, May 6th, 2024

Mon, 06 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was pretty weird. I didn't join my friends for a call last night and I woke up to see that they replied to me at around 10 p.m., I've already slept by then. When I woke up, I checked my notifs and other things. Eventually, my friends and I got on a call to just stream some videos. I invited them to eat with me and they got food from McDonald's as well. We watched a few videos in the background, especially an alien one from Bedtime Stories. We even watched Dreamgirls (2006). I was doing work in the background and so were they. Work was fairly easy today, but I had a lot of requests come up in the afternoon. They were all mostly resolved, though. And I didn't have anything major going on aside from some minor things. By the time work ended, I was in a call with my friends and they invited me to play Content Warning with them and Luan. We played for 1 round and I was recording through OBS. But then my computer crashed and we didn't continue playing Content Warning. While we were in a call, we played Sons of the Forest and got our head start there. We loaded up a new game and had a few things set up like a camp, some tools, and whatnot. After playing until 8:00 p.m., and I continued on with my evening doing random things.

Journal entry for Sunday, May 5th, 2024

Sun, 05 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today. I was able to clean up the part in the hallway that had a lot of junk because Milktea brought a large rat in the top floor and it scurried there. I was able to kill the rat and help my sister clean up that part. Afterwards, she got a new water dispenser for us and those were the highlights of the day. I just slept the day off because I was feeling sick afterwards.

Zen Meditations Class!

Sat, 04 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

I woke up naturally at 7 or 8 a.m., which was a surprise because I thought I would oversleep today. I did sleep early yesterday, at 1 a.m., after having a call with my friends. In the morning, I ordered take-out since my sister still wasn't home. I got a really good deal on a bunch of food and I was playing Overwatch at the time to keep my mood going. I had a very hearty breakfast consisting of beef shawarma rice and that Umami Burger, and that was honestly the best meal I've had in a while. I also talked to my friends for a bit in the morning. I continued playing Overwatch and ended on a win, almost before my time to leave for that zen meditation class I took up. I was a bit panicked because it was already noon and I still haven't booked a ride, and even then I left at around 12:30 p.m. or so. I asked the driver if he could go a little faster and, thankfully, we got there in around 30 minutes, which was a surprise. He kept talking to me on the way there and I could barely hear him, and I didn't even play any songs on the way there. When I got to the monastery, I was surprised at the amount of people there. There were so many of us gathered at the start of the building. I asked where group 1 would be and they gave me an ID and I took my picture. I got a locker for the few stuff that I had and placed my phone inside since I didn't want to distract myself from this experience. I went to the second floor for a bit to have my seat, then we went to the third floor to where the *real* meditation class would begin. By the time we got to the third floor, we were asked to remove our shoes and we got into this large room with mats and other meditation stuff on the floor. It looks pretty comfortable and very clean, the whole place was really well-kept and there were a lot of Buddhist things placed around the room. We then met our "Shi Fu" for this lesson and it was a bald Buddhist nun. I forgot her name, only that she would be called a "Shi Fu" and that she was Taiwanese. I've heard that Buddhist monks had no hair and my friend told me about the women as well having no hair, and seeing one up close was surprising to me. But she looked nice and everyone looked really welcoming. We were briefed a bit on Buddhist etiquette, bowing practices, the proper way to sit on a meditation mat, and so on. Then the real meditation began. We were initially guided to close our eyes, take deep breaths, and to start counting them. The room was very quiet and I was trying my best to count my breathing, but my mind kept talking to me and was fully alert. While I was trying to meditate, I kept hearing my inner voice talk to me, come up with scenarios for the future, and so on. It was funny because, while this was going on, Shi Fu told us to focus on the present as the past was gone and the future has yet to come, therefore an illusion. I tried my best to keep my mind calm and empty, but I couldn't really do it. I already knew this because I have a hyperactive mind that runs on a million things at once, like how an operating system would. I guess this is the real reason why I took this meditations class. Once we were done, we were asked to stand up and go to the second floor to listen to a discussion about meditation and how to properly meditate. I got 2 bottles of water and the lecture eventually started when Shi Fu pulled up her presentation slides. I learned a lot about her and Buddhism, how this one was a chan monastery because it is Chinese, that she went to New York, that monks and nuns don't touch each other, the founder of the monastery, and what *amituofo* means. The presentation was pretty engaging because she talked about real-world examples and applications of the topics she presented. She also told us that this zen meditations class would be around 20 sessions overall, with 17 attendances needed to get a certificate of completion. Naturally, I'm aiming for a complete certification but then I realized that I would have to free up all of my Saturdays for the next 5 months. The great news is that the class would be free, so I was thankful for that. I just have to be wary of whatever plans I have in the upcoming future. When the lecture ended, we went downstairs and I purchased a zen meditations book out of my own volition. I was interested in seeing the books they had and, while everything was mostly free, the book wasn't. But I was fine and happy with the book I bought. When going home, I played Passenger Seat by Stephen Speaks and it was really fitting for the day. I saw the bright sunshine light the road and I got into a happy mood from it. By the time I got home, I was exhausted so I rested for a bit on my bed and showed my sister the book I got. In the evening, nothing much happened other than me getting KFC for our dinner and my sister and I were shocked at the bill and how expensive KFC now is. But after eating, I mostly took it easy and slept the night off.

Song of the day: Passenger Seat by Stephen Speaks

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And I've got all that I need
Right here in the passenger seat
Oh and I can't keep my eyes on the road
Just knowing that she's inches from to me

Journal entry for Friday, May 3rd, 2024

Fri, 03 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a usual, fun Friday. My day began with me waking up and it was time for work, I felt so groggy. But I had to do a lot of my morning tasks and got on with my morning routine. I got a lot of food for breakfast and lunch, and watched Philip DeFranco while eating. By afternoon and after I've timed out of work, I had a lot of free time and I was in a call with my friends. They suggested that me and Luan play Content Warning with them and it was fun. We had a lot of scares and had a lot of funny moments capturing videos of the monsters. We progressed very far, up until the 9th day or so in the game and the minimum number viewers we needed to accumulate was around 120K. We didn't even reach that, but we had fun and ended the game from there. Still, we had a really fun time playing the game. We had a lot of good scares, it was the most expansive time we've had in Content Warning, we saw so many unique monsters and items. It was pretty fun. After we all disconnected from the game and after I disconnected from the call, I kept talking to my friends in the background. They told me that they were down for a call later for 1 hour and asked me if I'll be sleeping. We kept talking about various things, especially my clothing and how I'm like a cartoon character who always wears the same outfits. I offered to join the call for 1 hour later and continued talking to them. After that, the night went on from there.

Song of the day: Feather by Sabrina Carpenter

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I feel so much lighter like a feather with you off my mind (Ah)
Floatin' through the memories like whatever, you're a waste of time (Ah)
...
I feel so much lighter like a feather with you out my life
With you out my life

Journal entry for Thursday, May 2nd, 2024

Thu, 02 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My friends were mostly away today but I was in a call with them in the early morning. I started the day by being in a call and watching scary stories on YouTube. We watched a lot of videos from Bedtime Stories. Even though I was playing the video in the background, they kept sleeping throughout most of the call, especially around 4 to 6 a.m. or so. In the background, however, I was being productive and coding in a new framework I've literally just tried. Since I didn't feel satisfied with my standalone Angular recode of my Web Stories feature, I researched on another framework. I was already using Vercel as my deployment platform and I decided to try out the React framework that they had. I've made things in React and Vue before, so trying out this new framework was easy after I got the basics and gist of it. I tried to migrate my Angular code and functions into it, and it worked pretty well. I worked on a lot of things about it, like my images, how it would display them, fixing all of the build errors, and so on. This all went as my friends were sleeping. When it was around 6 a.m., we had disconnected. I was still programming and working on my NextJS app in the background. I continued working, and working, until it was time for my actual work to begin. As a kind of reward for myself, I got myself a good breakfast and it was really, really good. I got beef shawarma with rice and this Korean bowl that had beef, kimchi, and egg. They were pretty delicious and were super worth it for the price. I haven't had Mediterranean food in a while and I've missed it, and it lived up to my expectations. My friends were gone throughout most of the day but I was still talking to them on Discord. I was mostly left alone to focus on my work throughout the entire day. I was just doing my work tasks to pass the time. By the time work ended, I was really, really sleepy because I didn't sleep at all earlier. I wanted to work on my Web Stories project a little bit more, but I couldn't so I just lied down and closed my eyes. By the time I woke up at around 11 a.m. and I saw a few messages from my friends. I felt so groggy waking up.

Song of the day: Centerfold by The J. Geils Band

Journal entry for Wednesday, May 1st, 2024

Wed, 01 May 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Since it was my day off, I decided to be with my friends the whole night. We were just chatting via text on Discord, talking about random things like what they know about Buddhism and other things. We eventually got into a call, and it was pretty awkward, but it turned all okay as we were back to our usual routine. At around the morning, they were mostly sleeping and but I was working on moving my Web Stories into an Angular subproject in my current website. It didn't work really well so I decided to abandon my progress for the morning. Eventually, we all disconnected at around 8 a.m. or so. I slept and got back on my lost sleep, and I guess I had a fun time sleeping. Since my friends were still gone by the afternoon, I was mostly by myself and I played Overwatch 2 for a while until I won. I had decided to host my Web Stories in a new Angular app and host it under the subdomain [stories.dartegnian.com](https://stories.dartegnian.com). I got to work creating that new project and had moved a lot of my existing code onto that new project and eventually deployed it. The performance was still something to be desired as it had some slowdowns in some places. What really dismayed me was that they weren't valid AMP sites, so I had to think of another way to retool them and make them work. By the afternoon, my friends messaged me that they were down to play. We played a few rounds of Content Warning with Luan and even got into playing Lethal Company once again. I instantly remembered December of last year because I was so into Lethal Company at that time, but they and Luan had already stopped playing by then. We had some technical difficulties because someone's PC kept shutting off during our Content Warning session, and it was down to their PC being too hot to function properly. Our gaming session ended after a while of playing and we disconnected from the call. What I found funny was that I was back in a call in less than an hour and we were just talking, and I tried to stream a scary game called Unspoken. I've already streamed it before, but I wanted to complete it tonight. But eventually the game crashed and we eventually left the call for the night.

Song of the day: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) by Whitney Houston

Journal entry for Tuesday, April 30th, 2024

Tue, 30 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I woke up at a really weird time, 2 a.m. and I just spent most of my early morning just talking to my friends over Discord. I wasn't in a call, which was kind of disappointing. So, in the morning, I just made breakfast on my own with pancit canton and eggs. After eating breakfast, I got started to work on my morning tasks. All of my things in the morning were fairly easy, but I had a minor fuck-up that was super funny. I felt a bit embarrassed, sure, but I found myself laughing at my blunder. It was just extremely funny. The evening was just me lying on my bed. Since I was really sleepy by then, I just passed out and woke up a few hours later at 11 p.m. When I woke up, I got a lot of messages from my friends. But regardless, I was able to get in a call in the late night and I had a good time.

Song of the day: I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) by Whitney Houston

Journal entry for Monday, April 29th, 2024

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I had a really big mess-up this morning that made me not sleep at all. While I was with my friends in the call, I was busy in the background fixing this thing and I literally was on the verge of crying because this was the largest fuck-up I've ever had. I spent the entire night trying to fix it and, even though I left the call early morning, I was still fixing it. By the grace of God, I was able to fix things and it didn't really cause a big issue, if any at all. I got myself breakfast in the morning to celebrate me getting out of that horrible situation. Still, I was mostly sleep deprived today and I had a very busy morning. I had a very long call and a lot of things to get done in the morning. Thankfully, I was able to complete my morning tasks. It was really horrible in the afternoon because I've been busy and stressed all day, and I had so much stuff for my plate remaining. Things piled up and multiple projects had horrible deadlines that I just was put into. It was really unfair for my side and I still came out on top, but it was just so bad that I had to feel extreme mental exhaustion on top of my ongoing physical exhaustion. I'm glad I handled my emotions throughout it, though, and I was just vibing to OPM and other fun music by the afternoon. I was just singing songs to help my mood. By afternoon, I kept passing out and I felt a sense of vertigo. It was like I was going to puke. My body physically could not handle the stress I had going on and I had to lie down to feel a bit okay. Thankfully, it wasn't long until my shift ended and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. By the evening, I was in a call with my friends and they suggested that I search for something scary or a game we can all play that's like Left 4 Dead 2. I left the call very early because I was so tired. After having dinner with my sister, I just slept and woke up at 2 a.m. the following day. This day was extremely exhausting and tiring, but I didn't feel down in some day, so I'm glad I came out on top of it.

Song of the day: Antukin by Rico Blanco

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Iniwan ka na ng eroplano
Okay lang, baby, 'wag kang magbago
Dito ka lang humimbing sa aking piling
Antukin

The Tortured Third-Wheeler Department

Sun, 28 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I woke up to a very strange morning. I just had a dream where I went back to college and, funnily enough, it actually continued off of a dream I had established some time ago. I referenced that I had completed another term and I was looking to continue it. Cue to me having wacky shenanigans at school, then talking to someone and having feelings for them. I can't remember what they did in the dream, but they were heavily featured in it. Then I woke up and immediately got shocked at the time because it was 7 a.m., but I remember sleeping at around 5 p.m. last night. Regardless, I start my morning and got to greet my cat Milktea. What shocked me upon seeing him was that he killed a large rat from the sewers and left their corpse at the end of the hallway. It was freaky, too, because it has these worms or things wriggling around its dead body, and God knows what the hell only those could be. So that was a fucked up start to my morning. I eventually got to work trying to wash it off, helping in throwing out the body, asking my sister to spray Zonrox all over the floor where the rat had died, then made some breakfast for myself. I got with the old classic: bacon and eggs, and this time I was kinda happy because I didn't break any of the yolk for the 2 eggs. Eventually I finished breakfast and got to help with my sister in doing the laundry by bringing some of the stuff downstairs. After I ate, I just passed my spare time by working on other things and catching up on my mood calendar entries. Eventually, Julius came around and I was asked to install Linux on his laptop. He brought his girlfriend along which was kinda awkward because my room was hot as hell and us 3 were just standing. Thankfully, I wasn't able to install Ubuntu so we didn't stay in that situation for long and I had to bid them goodbye, only to come back when Julius has an SSD. Eventually, they left and I was off to go meet Ane for that TTPD event later at SM MoA. I got my stuff and myself prepared, and then went on my way. When I got to meet Ane, she was the only person there. There was supposed to be the 4 of us, but it was just me and Ane. I just casually talk to her about the past girls I've seen, like the one with the kid and the gold digger/sugar baby wannabe. It was funny, but she seemed to have a normal reaction because she knew I was up to dumb shit again. She just told me to date normal girls and to stop having such high standards. Eventually, Nathan came along and he showed me the Nintendo Switch I sold him a few months ago. Thankfully, it's still working and the data hasn't been wiped. Eventually another one of Ane's friends comes along and it's a guy named Sam. We just waited until 5:30 p.m. because it was still too hot inside. By that time, it was around 4 p.m. and I killed time by buying a burrito and eating it. By the time it was around 5:40 or so, we went out of the food court and just browsed the mall. They got to order Burger King and I already had food earlier, so I didn't order. Then we went to SM Seaside and got into the event. The odd thing was that all but 1 of our phone's mobile network speeds were slow as hell, so we took a while in the signing up process. I didn't know the signal here was so bad, it was honestly surprising to me. But eventually we got in and the event started. We didn't pay that much attention to the things that were going on at the stage, we mostly joked to each other about all things Taylor Swift. I asked Ane what her favorite TS song is and I told her mine. Evening quickly came and the event host made note that there was a lot of good Taylor Swift merch being sold nearby, and I was immediately interested. I've always wanted TS merch and I rarely see them, so I took the opportunity to focus on buying things at the event. We also had time to lie down on some fake grass and watch the fireworks the event had. And I got a lot of merch. It was also around this time where I started talking to my other friends and they saw that I got some cool merch. They even asked me to get them a baseball cap with the TTPD title on it. I had to carry around Nathan's phone because it was the only one with signal and I used it as a hotspot so that my phone can pay digitally. But eventually my merch-shopping thing came to a finish and my friends asked me if I'm going to come home soon, and that we should play Left 4 Dead 2. Nathan asked me if I was going to stay out with them for dinner, but truthfully, I had something else and plus my stomach was not in the mood to eat anymore. So I just promptly went home and ended my day with them. When I got home, I immediately went in a call with my friends to watch someone play this wedding simulator game and and then we finished the remaining stages of Left 4 Dead 2! So I can conclusively say that we were able to finish Left 4 Dead 2 today and we tried out other games instead. We didn't really go to sleep so we continued our call until the early morning.

Song of the day: Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) by Taylor Swift

Aespa Movie!

Sat, 27 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

So, the options I were faced last night just turned out to me accompanying my friends from midnight until very early morning. Honestly, I kind of regretted it. We just watched random horror content on YouTube and none of them were really scary enough to be memorable. Our call ended early morning, around 7 a.m., and I just continued my morning by making bacon and eggs for breakfast. Then I prepared to go out with my sister to watch aespa: WORLD TOUR in cinemas. We were gonna watch at around 12 p.m. and SM Podium is a bit far, so we had to leave early. The ride there was an hour long, but we eventually got there and had to order some food as well. The food took a while to be served, but we eventually went inside the theater and watched the movie. It was **really phenomenal**. I have watched concert films before, but this one absolutely blew me away. I think it's been the best concert film I've ever seen. I loved the performances, from the individual songs to the overall group songs. It was good that they were able to sing the top hits of each album so far. My sister and I also sang along to most of the songs and we were enjoying the overall movie experience because we watched in an exclusive movie theater with reclining chairs, plus the screen was really big. After watching, we walked around the mall for a bit and my sister bought some clothes at UNIQLO for a bit. Then we went to BGC to eat lunch, and we ate at Samgyupsalamat. It was extremely hot inside Samgyupsalamat and they initially didn't have any ice, but then an ice delivery came in and we were able to drink with cold water. I had a fun time eating and talking to my sister and we just talked about how Twice and SNSD compared to each other, with me stating that I'm more invested in SNSD because they have deeper, hard-hitting songs, and that their songs tugged more at my heartstrings while Twice's songs didn't have the same depth of feelings. And my sister just agreed to it since she couldn't really bring up any deep songs from Twice, or at least not to the caliber that SNSD had. After eating, we had to part ways because getting a ride home again together would be extremely expensive. She went home along with her boyfriend's family and I went home alone on a motorcycle. After getting home, I was **so damn tired**, and this week physically drained me. Everyday was extremely eventful and I haven't had any proper sleep. So I slept, from 5 p.m. #### **UNTIL 7 A.M. THE NEXT DAY**. A straight 14-hour rest.

Song of the day: 'Til We Meet Again by aespa

Which Choice?

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I got food in the morning and ate, I had 1 piece of chicken remaning, I gave it to my sister who was now awake and I slept for 2 hours or so. Then work continued and there was **A LOT OF IT**. I was drowning in tasks today, and I was asked to do some really dumb WordPress stuff that I absolutely hated and put off until the last few hours to do because I wanted to prioritize the DevOps tasks. I had so much to do. And when I came back at around 2 p.m., I was busy with meetings. I did a lot of stuff in the afternoon as well and my hands were full until the time I left for work at around 5 p.m. By the evening, I was playing Left 4 Dead 2 with my friends and then the guys from RC called me. They invited me to go clubbing with them and I was forced to make a choice. Not only that, but Julius insisted that he come over today so I can install Linux on his laptop. When we finished playing Left 4 Dead 2, I thought I was in the clear and that I would be free for the evening and I can party with the guys. Nope, as it turns out, I was asked if I was willing to be in a call with my friends later. So, my order of decisions turned out to be this: - Partying with the RC boys - Joining my friends for a call - Helping Julius with his laptop So I was met with 3 choices that all diverged how my future would go. Great, just great. I was kinda sad at the thought that I wouldn't see my RC friends because I already knew the decision I was going to choose. It was dumb and my reasoning for going with option #2 was lame. But I just decided to go through with accompanying my friends for later. I also factored in the fact that I might oversleep outside and miss tomorrow's aespa movie with my sister. I was still cheesed off, but I just decided to sleep.

Song of the day: Swear It Again - Radio Edit by Westlife

Journal entry for Thursday, April 25th, 2024

Thu, 25 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was your usual day. I don't remember much happening aside from cooking breakfast and making eggs and bacon. I accomplished a lot of stuff for work. In the evening, I played Left 4 Dead 2 with my friends and finished a few stages with them.

Song of the day: I've Never Been To Me by Charlene

Today Was Pretty Weird

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

I can't believe I somehow got through 38 hours of no sleep. That's a day and a half of no sleep, no rest. And, by the end, I wasn't exhausted or anything. I was just buzzed for some reason. I think yesterday's coffee broke my body clock pretty bad, because these days I've stopped my caffeine intake and I was still buzzed come morning. Usually, when I stay up for more than 24 hours, I'm very sleepy the next day but I just recall being buzzed. Breakfast was still a thing to worry about so I thought about either ordering outside, but since I expected today would be another costly day (and that my food expenses from yesterday were *so bad*), I just decided to cook myself. I cooked the last packet of Buldak cheese that I had along with some eggs, so that made for a very filling (and spicy) breakfast. After eating, I had a lot of things to do for work and it was especially **a lot**. I basically jumped from project to project. My main event for today was going outside to co-work with someone at a Starbucks, and I was supposed to leave by noon. I even shifted a few things for the afternoon to the morning because I wanted to just be smooth sailing for later. It was already 12 and I was stuck in a meeting, fixing things, but I managed to troubleshoot a good junk of the thing I'm fixing and eventually leave by 12:25 for SM Sucat. It was a long commute but I finally got there. I actually felt a bit weireded out because I had never been to SM Sucat before. I've been south of my area before, but this just felt so foreign to me. I eventually got to Starbucks and even almost tapped a girl on her shoulder. I thought it was someone but, and I just watched them get up from their seat and go outside to wait for someone else. It eventually turns out that the girl was a complete stranger and I eventually saw someone go into Starbucks and I greeted them. I also tell them that I've been having a weird day so far. So we get seated, initially we shared a table. And as I was talking, I drop my phone and the back glass shatters. I honestly couldn't believe it! I had dropped this phone (and many others) so many times and not once had I ever cracked a piece of the phone before. But I just picked my phone up and told someone (again) that I've been having a pretty weird day. We started work and eventually got to talking about things and started work on our laptops. It was pretty routine, with me feeling a bit uncomfortable about my wooden seat, but it was okay as I just waited for the couple beside us to leave and then I sat at the seat next to someone. And we just do work and talk to each other on the side, just as we always do and have been doing for years. I had a lot of things to do on my plate and, since we were outside, I tried to stream something scary for us to watch in the background. It was around this time where I got drinks for the both of us. She got a regular-sized java chip drink and I got myself a tall matcha latte. I wanted to avoid anything caffeine since I had a speculation that my insomnia was caused by it, so I went with matcha, an old favorite. I also got us food and she said that I should get the pizza one, but I found it funny because she calls it pizza and I just know it as the sausage and bacon flatbread. So I got that for us as our *merienda* and continued watching. Time flew by pretty quickly. It was around mid-4 and our time to leave SM Sucat and do other things. She paid the parking while I offered to get her pet food for the cats. She said that she didn't know any pet stores in the mall so we just decided to buy from a local pet store nearby. She got into her car and then drove outside of the parking lot to come pick me up. I was really surprised and mildly embarrased by being a passenger prince for today. I thought it would be something that I'd be used to since I've been in friends' cars before, but it still felt mildly embarrassing. It was fine, though, as they drove and we moved on to talking about the road, cars, how driving is in general and the bad driving practices of the people around us. I even identified a few cars for them like Mini Cooper that was a convertible and the roof was down, which we then joked about the drivers getting mugged or something. They also had a good playlist in the background and it had a few songs from Sing Street, which was funny because I was the person that introduced them to it. We drove past Paranaque City Hall and get to the pet store we were talking about. Only it looked pretty small and it didn't even look well-stocked, so I just planned for us to go to the pet store I usually buy cat food from, Doodies Pet Shop. We were supposed to go to Doodies Pet Shop which was just a few hundred meters away, but when we inputted the location in Waze, the distance turned to be around 6-7 kilometers away. It was pretty weird to me because Google Maps noted that it was only a few hundred meters away. Somehow, it didn't register in my brain that we had **already passed it** when we passed by Paranaque City Hall earlier and we only got to turn around after quite a bit on the road. But it was fine, we just joked about various things while on the way there. I even preemptively noticed that the side mirror was gonna hit a pedestrian and I just gasped but did nothing else. We then joked about the various streets and how they're named after countries. It wasn't long until we got to the pet shop and I got cat food, then we were back on the road. While figuring out where to drop me off, she randomly decided that they'll let me see the kittens and that I would be dropped off nearby their house. I've always wanted to see the kittens in person, so I was pretty excited. We eventually got to her house and I got to see the cute kittens. Susan's eye condition was pretty bad but I was glad I got to see her, and I eventually picked up Thomas and Koala. I eventually picked up Kit girl as well and she was very cute. It's been too long since I last saw her. It was quick but I eventually had to go home after meeting the kittens, I eventually had to go home. She walked me out of the village and I booked a ride home from there. It took a while, but I eventually got home. When I got home, we eventually had free time and got into VHH, we played Left 4 Dead 2 and then finished the final stage of the No Mercy map. But we had fun while playing, we even progressed to a new map. We left VHH and I was left alone for the rest of the evening. I was supposed to call Meryll and Max tonight, but it was already 9 when Max messaged us and I had already fallen asleep. I was awake for a grand total of **38 hours**. I honestly hope I can recoup my sleep really, really soon but I had a really weird and fun day.

Song of the day: Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And for a fortnight there, we were forever

Shake Shack Sh-again?

Tue, 23 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I woke up today will a full night's rest, surprisingly. Granted, I got 7 hours of sleep in and instead of the recommended 8. Since my morning was met with a good start, I made breakfast early in the morning. I got to work reheating my leftover food from last night on a pan, then cooked 3 strips of bacon after it. It proved to be a good enough breakfast and a heavy one, too, even though it was just leftover chao fan, steamed siomai, and bacon. After eating, I got started on work and, like my breakfast, there was a lot on my plate. I had a few things to take care of by the morning and I was keeping in mind the time limit since I had to go out for an in-person corporate meeting in Makati. I gave my all in accomplishing my work tasks in the morning, and all of them were up-to-par when checked by my teammates. I'm glad I didn't get asked for any follow-ups or redos because I didn't want to be bothered for later. When it was time for me to go out, I got my black polo shirt, black jeans, headed to Makati in the sweltering summer sun. The ride to there was pretty quick, surprisingly. I left at around 1:30 p.m., and arrived around 1:55 or early 2 p.m., which was probably the quickest trip I've had to Makati in recent memory. Since I had some spare time on my hands (the meeting was about to start at 3 p.m.) and it was technically my lunchtime, I decided to eat at a nearby restaurant. This was honestly the fanciest, most expensive fast food joint I've ever eaten in. And a good burger with nuggets costed me around 900 Pesos. Thankfully, I've only been here a few times so Shake Shack is an """""okay""""" guilty pleasure every now and then. Fast-forward to meeting my team in the building and the meeting starting then ending. It was okay, I believe I participated well and it was nice to have brought up some DevOps work I did the past day used as some sort of proof. I think I like the tasks that I'm handling now. When all was said and done, our team went to Tim Hortons after the meeting to talk about work and various going-ons at the company. It was more of a fun, laid-back meeting and I got a free large caramel macchiato and maple doughnut. Getting the coffee, though, **was a big mistake** as it warped my sleep schedule. It was the strongest, most bitter-tasting coffee I've had in a while. After my team's post-meeting meeting ended, I was just alone in Makati trying to get a ride home. I contemplated on playing Wangan Midnight, but since my friends were chatting me to play Left 4 Dead 2 with them, I wanted to get home early. It was weird, though, I was thinking of them and how I should position myself in this weird situationship with her. I'm still leaning on the side of letting go, while deeply feeling hurt over the past things. It was weird, having those thoughts in the background. But I eventually got a ride home after an hour and a half (or so) of waiting. I got home and played L4D2 with my friends and we ended the day on the last stage of this map we're trying to finish. Since I was yawning earlier, I thought I would feel sleepy. But that coffee was something in that it kept me buzzed for a really long time. It even rolled over until the next day. But for the rest of the evening, I don't recall doing anything else noteworthy.

Song of the day: STUPID IN LOVE (feat. HUH YUNJIN of LE SSERAFIM) by MAX, HUH YUNJIN

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Babe, I've been waiting for you all day
So lean my way
And let me just take away all the pain
I know it's a bit soon for vows
Paper rings are good for now
But know I'm already down the aisle
'Cause I'm so stupid in love

Let's get married in Vegas
We don't need a guest list
I don't wanna think too much
Let's get matching tattoos
I don't wanna think it through
Baby, I'm so stupid in love

Journal entry for Monday, April 22nd, 2024

Mon, 22 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I didn't sleep and started my day very early. Once work came around, I just minded my own business at work and also helping set up some GitLab pipeline for dockerizing an app. But I was busy with work by the afternoon as well. In the evening, I just slept for an hour and 30 minutes or so, and ate dinner with my sister. I just spent some parts of the night playing Overwatch until winning and ended the night there.

Song of the day: STUPID IN LOVE (feat. HUH YUNJIN of LE SSERAFIM) by MAX, HUH YUNJIN

Journal entry for Sunday, April 21st, 2024

Sun, 21 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I don't remember doing much today. My sister helped me with making breakfast and I made some Buldak ramen I had ordered last week. I played Overwatch a bit until I won and ended my gaming streak right there. Shortly after that, I fell asleep while listening to some CS2 videos and stuff. I mostly slept from 11 a.m. until 7 p.m. In the evening, I woke up from a long dream about meeting a girl that my friend knew and I started to like her. Then I got dinner and watched a few animated videos from Overwatch. I rewatched one that had this quote that I used to love so much. It was titled "Recall" and it had this quote: > Never accept the world as it appears to be, dare to see it for what it could be. It got me motivated and I remembered how much I was driven by that quote. I played 1 game of Overwatch thereafter and got a win and a POTG. I ended my playtime on that win and did some work redesigning my portfolio.

Song of the day: Magnetic by ILLIT

Journal entry for Saturday, April 20th, 2024

Sat, 20 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was just mostly by myself today. I woke up from last night at 2 a.m. and did a lot of things in the morning like make myself breakfast and play a lot of Overwatch rounds. It was pretty fun, I had some minor losses but major wins. I ended my game streak on a Play of the Game (POTG) and did other things. I also introduced a feature on my main website that changes the color of the entire site based on the album I'm currently playing. I also had several fixes delivered throughout the day and worked on the site in the background. I slept in the afternoon and woke up in the evening, and I mostly played Overwatch and asked my sister to get tickets with me for the upcoming aespa movie next Saturday. We reserved our tickets and I continue to play Overwatch and ended on another POTG. Then I just watched some CS:GO/CS2 videos and pushed all of my website updates to production.

Song of the day: Perfect Night by LE SSERAFIM

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Me and my girlies
We gon' party 'til it's early
Got me feelin' otherworldly tonight
Caught in some traffic
But the radio is blastin'
Drop a red light and we'll sing it goodbye

The Tortured Poets Department Day

Fri, 19 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I felt a little disappointed today because I wouldn't actually go out and work together with a friend today, so that started the day on a soured mood. I also took a while getting into a call with my other friends and it was 2 a.m. in the morning. We seemed to have an okay call, I got them coffee because they didn't like the bottled Starbucks they bought, and we all ate an early morning breakfast. After that, I had some free time and spent quite a bit just chilling in the morning, then napping for a while. By the time work started, I was innundated with things to do, and there were a lot of them. I had to complete a lot of things in the early morning and even got into an unexpected meeting. It was around noon and my friends were busy, so we weren't really in a call during the release of The Tortured Poets Department. I gave it a good listen and spent my lunch just listening to it. I picked a few songs that I really like and shared it with them after I had to wake them up for work. I had meetings in the afternoon, but after them, I was in a call with my friends. They showed me their cute kittens on call and we played Left 4 Dead 2 after work. We finished a few rounds of Left 4 Dead 2 and we were all relieved because it was the end of a work week. While we were playing L4D2, I was multitasking with a lot of things and felt a bit overwhelmed. Regardless, I got myself food from Mang Inasal. We continued the disturbing videos thing we were watching earlier and we all got off call once we were finished with the video and food. They all had something else for the weekend and they didn't really message me anymore for the evening. By the night, since I was beyond exhausted, I just slept the night off.

Song of the day: Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) by Taylor Swift

A Dorito?

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My day started having a call with my friends in the early morning. They were pretty sleepy throughout most of it, and I suggested that I just give them coffee to wake up. I got coffee for them and I got myself some food to eat. We just talked and had a fun time conversing while we were watching a commentary video about the deadliest film ever made. While watching, the commenter pointed out the significance of the triangle and we came up with our own interpretations. I thought it would be a Dorito, and they answered that it was the symbol for the Deathly Hallows. They just laughed at me and said that it was a Homer-like response because I remarked that I've been watching way too many Simpsons episodes and clips in my spare time. Then we got to talk about other things, including their distastes for the people who use the imperial system, and said that the metric system was better. Then we got to talk about cars and they laughed at how I can't really drive a proper car yet, among other things. It was a pretty funny conversation and we all seemed to have a fun time until it quickly turned 4 a.m. and I had to leave to get sleep. By the morning, I timed in for work and got to do a lot of my work tasks. Today was an extremely busy day for me. I eventually invited my friends for a call and got into a call with them by lunchtime. I had some free time and they invited me for some Left 4 Dead 2, we finished the stage we were trying to complete yesterday and we were able to finish a really rainy stage, and then made good progress on the parish stage after that. Come afternoon, we were again in a call. Someone eventually started by singing a rap from BLACKPINK flawlessly and then Sour Grapes. They remarked how some K-Pop songs make you feel things, like how they felt with SNSD. Then they moved to singing songs from Girls' Generation. They sang Into the New World a few times, then Kissing You, and I sang along with them. They made me stream a horrible wedding vow commentary and we got to watch cute wedding vows from Stephanie Soo and her husband. It was cute and we ended the call there. I didn't do much in the evening aside from have dinner and talk to my sister for a bit. I also watched the gambling episode of The Simpsons titled $pringfield. I really felt sleepy after having dinner so I slept the night away.

Song of the day: Into the New World by Girls' Generation

Journal entry for Wednesday, April 17th, 2024

Wed, 17 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My friends accompanied me for only an hour at night today. I woke up really late today, which honestly shocked me. It turns out that I turned off **ALL** of my morning alarms. I woke up at around 10 a.m. and I got out of a deep dream somehow. It was honestly surprising. But after getting my bearings straight, I was able to get to my morning tasks and quickly completed the bulk of my workload today. For the morning and most of lunch, I was just alone focusing on my own things. But eventually, I got into a call with my friends in the afternoon. They played That's Not My Neighbor on stream and it was fun seeing them play it for a bit. By the evening, we just played Left 4 Dead 2 and we finished the carnival stage. We got to the stage after that and finished it at around 90% by 8 p.m. Eventually, we all had to leave for reasons and I left the call as well. For the rest of the evening, I just did random stuff while pasing the time like washing a bulk of the dishes, talking to Cheska, sending replies to Kai's Reels, and other miscellaneous things.

Song of the day: If It's Love by Train

Lyrics that resonated with me:
While everybody else is getting out of bed
I'm usually getting in it
I'm not in it to win it
And there's a thousand ways you can skin it
My feet have been on the floor
Flat like an Idol singer
...

If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whatever

Journal entry for Tuesday, April 16th, 2024

Tue, 16 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My sleeping schedule was in all kinds of whack today since I slept for the entirety of the evening yesterday. I woke up at around 11:56 with a horrible, throbbing headache. It was the worst headache I've had in months. Still, I thought I was just going to stay up for a few hours to work on other things like review some AWS things for my upcoming exam, but then my friends messaged me asking if I'm still awake. Pretty soon we were in a call. They accompanied me for a bit, I playing some random videos and even a Stephanie Soo video that we watched while eating. It quickly became 4 a.m. and I had to leave from the call to try and get some rest. I couldn't get some rest. And since my circadian rhythm is fucked up, I just had breakfast. I haven't eaten anything good since yesterday, and throughout the whole night, I was just eating bread and yoghurt. So I got myself a very hearty breakfast and that gave me enough energy by 7 a.m. to tackle the day. I had a lot of stuff going on at work. I felt a little exhausted early on, but I still tried to power through. Throughout the entire day and afternoon, I remembered how painful it was 2 years ago to let go of this person, and while I had let go of a distant version of them, remembering it all while playing death bed by Powfu made me cry a bit. It wasn't an ugly cry and it was over in a span of less than 30 minutes, but I should be more careful exploring that part of my history because I still remember it all too well. Work continued, I got busy with a lot of various things and work eventually ended. I tried my best to sleep. I got a few naps in here and there, and I even had my friends message me about wanting to be back in a call. After I saw that message, I couldn't really sleep anymore and just continued my night doing random things.

Song of the day: Magkabilang Mundo by Jireh Lim

Lyrics that resonated with me:
'Di ako mawawala, kahit na may dumating pa
Andito lang ako, iibig sa iyo
Hangga't nand'yan ka pa
Hangga't wala ka pang iba

Dito ay umaga at d'yan ay gabi
Ang oras natin ay magkasalungat
Aking hapunan ay 'yong umagahan
Ngunit kahit na ano'ng mangyari
Balang araw ay makakapiling ka

Journal entry for Monday, April 15th, 2024

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was absolutely horrible. I don't know why, but I couldn't sleep since last Sunday and I couldn't really sleep, even though I've tried. I got that weird acid feeling while trying to sleep, so instead of sleeping, I went outside to buy a breakfast meal that won't trigger my acid reflux. I went outside to get some wheat bread, non-fat yoghurt, and spread. I basically had those as my only things to eat for the entire day. Work began and I had a pretty light workload today. Things were supposedly doing okay. In my break, I had time to play Left 4 Dead 2 with a friend and we had a difficult time trying to kill the zombies in the carnival stage. It was pretty weird since I wasn't playing L4D with Rachel nor Exavier and no one is spilling tea while the game was going on. Left 4 Dead 2 is one of my "therapy games" where I just turn off my brain and rant, talk about random things to my friends. But this time, things were fairly focused on the game. I guess my lack of sleep hampered my skills because we died twice and ended the game there. By the afternoon, I got off work and something bad happened out of nowhere. It was only for a bit and then I just slept to get back the sleep I had lost. Even though there were some bad things that happened today, I tried my best to handle it and I can say that I did well, despite the overwhelming pressure from not being able to sleep.

Journal entry for Sunday, April 14th, 2024

Sun, 14 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today. I felt very, very full throughout most of the day and I slept for more than half of it. Nothing much happened aside from me helping troubleshoot a broken computer monitor that my sister's boyfriend brought in, and watching Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Series on YouTube.

A Personal Refresh

Sat, 13 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today was *finally* my day to go outside and enjoy myself. I've been waiting for this day and I'm glad that I was actually able to go out and do thing today. It was just with myself, but I tried to make the most out of it. I left the house around 1 p.m. or so to go to SM MoA and watch Late Night with the Devil (2023). I got the tickets first, there was a long line at the ticket booth because a famous K-Pop movie was premiering. I just waited patiently in line, even though it didn't take that long. The seats for the movie were surprisingly open, despite the show starting in 5 more hours. I think only 2 or 3 seats were occupied. But I guess it makes sense because this is a "director's club" film and the seats are more expensive, plus the movie isn't a major title anyway (I didn't recognize any of the actors either). So I got my ticket and then decided to eat. I finally decided to try out the sisig at Manam that Reddit keeps raving about. I ordered a large bowl of it, and the waitress told me that it was for 6 people or so, and I just made a joking remark how I haven't eaten in a while, despite it being only 12 hours. I felt a little bit relieved once I got inside because I wasn't the only one sitting alone in the restaurant. But when I got my food and started eating, I could tell that it was *very filling* after a few bites. I couldn't eat that much for some weird reason. I haven't even finished my entire plate and I was just giving up midway. It made me full so quickly, weirdly enough. I ordered the rest for take out and took out the food I had remaining. Honestly, it didn't live up to the hype for me. I had to request extra *calamansi* because mine didn't taste like it had much. Mang Inasal's sisig still wins it for me (and it's way cheaper than this). But I had trouble walking around for the next few hours or so because it had upset my stomach so much. And I was also overcome with this weird feeling of being tired. I eventually burned what I ate by buying some things at the supermarket and playing a few arcade games. I actually overestimated my time on the Wangan Midnight game because the film was 7 minutes from starting and I was still playing on the arcade. I had to leave my ride with some credits remaining and had a little weird situation trying to find the right theater. The film started and I eventually watched the entire thing. Some guy I didn't know sat next to me and he had friends that had their chair light on throughout some parts of the film, which was kind of annoying. Also there were fireworks for no reason at around 7 p.m. which you could hear from within the theater. When the film was done, I just had 1 lingering question and then decided to use my remaining arcade credits on some stupid game because a bunch of dudes had claimed the Wangan arcade cabinets to themselves. I didn't have any dinner outside and just went home after that. My sister bought me some Popeyes chicken for dinner and it was okay, even though it was beyond dry and tasteless at that point. Overall, I had an average-seeming day. Everything was kind of "meh" to me, nothing really excited me or anything, but I still had fun on enjoying my own company today. And, I finally got to go out after being cooped up too long.

Song of the day: Perfect Night by LE SSERAFIM

Journal entry for Friday, April 12th, 2024

Fri, 12 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I felt really, really out of it today. I really felt extremely tired and I couldn't go anymore, so I already know that I was going to take a leave for today. I asked to be excused from work and called it off. I'm going to get my rest. I eventually woke up at around 2 p.m. in the afternoon. I felt extremely groggy and wasn't fully okay, but I felt refreshed after getting a lot of rest in the morning. After waking up a bit, I decided to do my late routine and got ready for the evening. I just did my own thing for a bit. Eventually, I got my pure relief in the evening. I was overcome with joy and I felt like I was *finally* out of the woods. I started adjusting for my upcoming expenses and logged them down. I just went on to play Overwatch 2 for the rest of the night, and eventually won real big while playing tank as D.Va.

Journal entry for Thursday, April 11th, 2024

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I came back from my long vacation today and got back to work. Things were pretty okay today, things weren't that busy and I was able to breathe for the most part of the day. In the evening, I was in a call with my friends and they watched me play Zoonomaly.

Song of the day: Sunkissed by khai dreams

Lyrics that resonated with me:
So slowly a sunlit dream pulls me out of sleep
Feel the morning through the blinds
I get to thinking 'bout your sunkissed face
And a quiet place I could give you all my time

Journal entry for Wednesday, April 10th, 2024

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Today was pretty "meh" for me, another day of staying at home. I kept waking up in and out and my headache from last night carried over to today and actually got even worse. I physically felt sick and I didn't feel okay for the majority of today. I really needed to go outside today, but I couldn't. So I just stayed at home. I didn't log on to social media apps that much today and spent most of my day on YouTube, just lying in bed.

Journal entry for Tuesday, April 9th, 2024

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Not much happened today. I spent the early morning staying in a call with my friends throughout the early morning. Nothing noteworthy happened, but we watched BINI perform live and liked how they sang Pantropiko and Salamin, Salamin. We were able to eat breakfast and, come dawn, we disconnected and everyone went off to do their own thing for today and tomorrow. After that, I mostly slept, had a good win streak in Overwatch, played a few games with Rachel in Valorant, then played with Ane and Nathan. And I stopped playing PC games after that and just stayed up until 5 a.m. because I really couldn't sleep.

Song of the day: Magnetic by ILLIT

Midnight to Afternoon

Mon, 08 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

#### This was the longest Discord call I've ever been in, in a long time. From 12 a.m. in the early morning until 5 p.m. the same day. That's 17 hours. I honestly didn't expect that I would be in a call for that long. I thought I'd join my friends only for the late evening/early morning, but then it turned into the morning pretty fast, and things just kept on progressing from there. It started when I invited my friends for a call and we joined the server. I had a lot of sleep the past day, so I thought I could keep on going through the entire night. In the early morning, we didn't watch much aside from analog horror. My friends were kinda sleepy so they kept sleeping throughout the entire night. I think some of them slept for the 3-4 hours in the entire early morning call (12 a.m. - 8 a.m.). It was pretty uneventful so I just watched some Grown Ups (2010) in the background. I also kept talking to Meryll as well since I had free time and wanted to talk to someone. For the later parts of the early morning call, some of my friends eventually woke up at around 7 a.m. and that's where the next part of our call went on. We were able to watch a new video from Wowman before that ended, though. In the morning, things were mostly filled with music from artists. We started the morning by listening to some analog horror in the background. I recall also just playing whatever I could find like caving and true crime cases since I ran out of analog horror videos we could watch. I couldn't really leave my seat to make breakfast downstairs so I decided to just order food from McDonald's, and even then it was a late breakfast. Some of them had other things to do so I used that time to just rest for a bit, take a bath, eat some food, and so on. Before that, we were just watching live performances of K-Pop groups and I finally showed them that Run Devil Run live performance that I've been wanting to show them. Also, as I was just browsing Twitter, I saw a Tagalog tweet from Sandara Park and read out the replies. I said that Pantropiko by BINI was the top reply, and some of them mention that they've heard of it as well. So we decided to check out Pantropiko by BINI. Pantropiko was really nice, we mostly liked it even though the stream lagged quite a bit. After they were done with their stuff and after I had freshened up, we were immediately back to talking about music and other girl groups. In the break, I saw another BINI song titled Salamin, Salamin and I saw that it looked like an MV from Twice, and I just had to show it to them. We watched Salamin, Salamin on stream and they also liked it! We immediately started liking BINI and then we just streamed a few songs after that. We watched The Feels after Salamin, Salamin to compare the two music videos and it was similar. We also watched a Twice AI cover of it, and it was surprisingly good and convincing. Some of us liked it and honestly found it fun to listen to. After that, we just watched some K-Pop music videos. We watched Ditto by NewJeans twice, the Side A and Side B music videos with the story. Listening to Ditto along with the MV hit me like a truck because it brought back horrible memories from 2022 when I fought for a girl with my friends. We watched a few more music videos and live performances after that, especially from Girls' Generation. We saw that most of their past performances were live and we listened to Genie, Gee, and Cater 2 U by TTS. Cater 2 U stuck in my head and she also sang along with it when it was playing. After that, things were mostly quiet as they were engrossed in other things like work and some of them eventually muted and disconnected from the call. They messaged that they would be taking a rest now and that we'd call me again later for milk tea and maybe even games. But I wasn't really planning to. I almost slept immediately throughout the entire night, only waking up for a bit to message friends and do other stuff. By the end of my rest, I felt really groggy because my sleep schedule was out of whack. I still talked to some friends for a bit, I showed Tiffany my old blog post about her and I had a good laugh talking to her about my writings and how I was already a Swiftie even in high school. And that's where my day ended.

Song of the day: we can't be friends (wait for your love) by Ariana Grande

Journal entry for Sunday, April 7th, 2024

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Sunday was generally like a rehash of what happened during Saturday, but with less walking. My sister mostly bought the food for us to eat and I woke up at around 1 p.m. Since I literally had nothing planned for the day other than to relax and stay at home, I decided to try a video game again. I got back into Overwatch 2 and did pretty well as Mercy for a bit. I got 2 horrible games where my teammates were just dumb bots on competitive, but I still had fun because the other team was a good sport about it. They even chased me around the map and I got 2 free kills. In one game, some guy added me and said that I was a good Mercy player, and I had the idea that I should team up with him for the following games. I didn't realize it but they were in a group and I played with them for quite a bit, I think I played 3-4 games with them, and I won them all. It was really fun and they even added me on Discord. I found out that one was Danish, one was American, and 3 of us were Filipino. They wanted us to call but I wasn't feeling it because it was too hot and I was doing something in the background. While that was going on, Meryll asked me if she could listen along to the Spotify songs I was playing. I agreed and we had a fun time listening to Taylor Swift and other pop songs. It was cute, I haven't had anyone listen along with me on Discord, so I appreciated the gesture. We talked about our favorite TS album and hers was 1989, and I told her about how mine was Speak Now. I wanted to tell her about my special connection to the song Enchanted, but I was busy playing Overwatch and queuing songs for us to listen to. I was able to tell her about my favorite song, Ours, and it was fun to hear that her favorite was Out of the Woods. I eventually got off the Overwatch train while we were on a win streak and Meryll stopped listening to take a rest. Since it was so hot, I just took a bath and then took a nap for a few hours afterward. When I awoke, it was around 9 p.m. and I just used the time to talk to my friends for a bit and ate dinner. Since I was staying up all night, I joined a call with my friends and got coffee. Not much was going on call so I just watched Grown Ups (2010). It was one of my favorite movies in high school and rewatching it again was so fun, I missed out on so much of the innuendos because I was just a teen, but now I fully understood the movie and I had a lot of laughs.

Song of the day: The Best Day (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Journal entry for Saturday, April 6th, 2024

Sat, 06 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a mostly-sleepy Saturday, not much happened as I slept for half of the day, only waking up for a short bit in the morning to have that feeling of throwing up. I didn't really eat anything spicy last night, but this feeling of something spicy/acid coming up from my stomach is kind of concerning. I didn't throw up, though, and I just washed it down by downing water I had. I mostly browsed the Internet today and enjoyed my solitude. I didn't really talk to anyone that much, aside from Tiffany for a bit when I sent her some stuff about Jojo Siwa, but that was mostly it. I played some Overwatch in the afternoon and got POTG in the 1 match I played. I walked to and from *carinderias* to buy food today and I got around 4,000 steps by the end of the day.

Song of the day: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Remastered 2009 by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Desmond takes a trolley to the jeweler's store (Choo-choo-choo)
Buys a twenty-karat golden ring (Ring)
Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door
And as he gives it to her, she begins to sing (Sing)

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah (La-la-la-la-la)

Journal entry for Friday, April 5th, 2024

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

In the very early morning, I got into a call with my friends and we watched a few analog horror videos, one from Wowman, and from a few others. The videos we watched weren't that scary and didn't rival the a/s/l analog horror series we watched before. I couldn't focus much anyway as I was being targeted by a scammer who tried taking over one of my online accounts, but I just had a good laugh and saw how their M.O. went. Eventually, we all disconnected and went to bed. When I woke up in the morning, I made myself breakfast by cooking 3 eggs, corned beef, and some bread buns. It was too hearty for me and I couldn't actually finish the entire thing. I was just eating and watching YT videos when my friends invited me for a call and we eventually got into one. They introduced my to ILLIT and asked me to stream Magnetic. It was really good, they had that sound that NewJeans would make, but they aren't NewJeans. We watched some videos by ILLIT, even a good NewJeans AI cover of Magnetic, and nothing else noteworthy followed. The call was pretty uneventful and, by 2 p.m., I disconnected for an upcoming meeting. I then joined a company meeting. While the meeting was going on, I congratulated a few friends who were awarded and stuff. It was pretty short and then my work week ended there, with me returning for work by Thursday next week. In the evening, nothing much happened. I ate Chowking with my sister, I talked to friends, but I mostly slept because I had been so tired for these past 2 days that I just used it to recoup sleep.

Song of the day: Magnetic by ILLIT

Lyrics that resonated with me:
This time I want

You You You You like it’s magnetic
U U U U U U U U super 이끌림
You You You You like it’s magnetic
U U U U U U U U super 이끌림

The Lesson of Letting Go

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was mostly a mixed bag of feelings. I was happy for some parts, overthinking for some, and largely sad for some parts of the evening. In the morning, I treated my friends to Jollibee chicken nuggets while we were in a call watching analog horror. We ate chicken nuggets while watching some analog horror from Something Sinister, and it was pretty fun. I shortly disconnected after finishing my food. When I woke up, I got to work immediately. I also had a lot of things to take care of and work on in the morning. I was only free around noon, and that had been the latest I've been free in the morning in recent memory. I cooked some tocino and egg for myself while watching a movie review of Past Lives. I especially tried to get this lesson in my head: > There are things in life that we just can't control and Past Lives represents coming to terms with those events that we hold no authority over. Nora and Hae Sung both hold different character themes that tie into the overarching message of the plot: letting go. As much as something may hurt now, holding onto such things will only cloud your vision of what's ahead of you and prevent you from living happily in the future. Even though the tocino I made was poorly-cooked, and the egg yolk was shattered (and cooked poorly, too), I tried to eat some of my lunch while watching a video on YouTube. After my break, I mostly organized my things, fixed some problems, and called some people for my scheduled meetings. By the end of work, I was talking to Meryll and I found out that she was sick, so I decided to buy her beef mami from Chowking as a gift. I also got cat food for a friend's Persian cats. I'm way broke at this point, I just really want to fast forward to next week so I can get my salary. I also had to buy the game Content Warning because another friend asked me to play it with them and Luan again. Eventually, we got to play Content Warning with Luan and it's been a while since we've played games with him. Content Warning was pretty fun, although it resembled Lethal Company a lot and I missed it, as it was kind of a core memory during December. Someone suspiciously stopped in the middle of the game and we left the game shortly after. In the evening, I was mostly left alone looking at some IG Reels. One Reel really made me sad because it showed some guy who worked hard to get his fiance an engagement ring, and then his fiance surprised him with an engagement ring in return. It made me deeply reflect on my situation and it even made me cry, and I haven't in a long time. It was a really bad cry. I just thought of all the hard work I'm doing and realized how useless it was, unlike this man's relationship. I also wondered where that person for me could be. I'm beyond tired of situationships that go nowhere, I'm tired of meeting people that just lead on, and I'm especially tired of online dating. I really just wanted to meet the person that'll work it out with me. There were a lot of highs and lows today, but I didn't feel swayed towards one emotion or the other. I guess this was just a usual day in this chapter of my life. The main theme of today was for me to actually learn how to let go of things. I just hope I can learn it and handle the pain. And maybe, once I've let go, I can welcome a new chapter in my life. One that'll actually let me grow.

Song of the day: End of Beginning by Djo

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it
Another version of me, I was in it
I wave goodbye to the end of beginning
(Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye)

You take the man out of the city, not the city out the man
You take the man out of the city, not the city out the man

Journal entry for Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Disappointment was my main feeling today, even though it didn't affect me all that much. I had come to learn that I was not eligible for my company's certification incentive program, meaning that my AWS certification wasn't gonna be shouldered. Although, to be fair, I took this certification for myself. (And mostly because I rejected a job offer worth around 80K, and I have to prove myself to be better). Regardless, I'm not going to let this put a dent in my pursuit for a more involved role in the cloud in the future. I am still sick of the daily support tasks I go through every day, and today was no exception. It wasn't a nice feeling having to work through those. I'm still going to pursue my AWS certification path, with my next being Solutions Architect - Associate. I'm on my own for this, sadly. My day continued as normal, with me being mostly busy in the morning. I had a lot to do, even patching and I got into a call with the company CTO. I even bought lunch for myself very early today and ate lunch ahead of schedule. By the evening, I didn't do much and I felt so sleepy. After waking up, I just talked to some friends and reconnected with a friend on Instagram that I haven't talked to in a while, and I even replied to a few messages from friends. All in all, today was a huge letdown, but it actually didn't affect my mood. Which is weird. I somehow logically separated my disappointment from my overall mood for the day. I didn't feel sad or dismayed, I was fine somehow. Maybe it's because I kind of expected that this specific disappointment will happen.

Song of the day: Ice Cream (with Selena Gomez) by BLACKPINK, Selena Gomez

Journal entry for Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024

Tue, 02 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was fully-rested today and I woke up feeling really great. I timed in late, though, but it was alright since I was able to do my tasks and other things early. After my daily stand up meeting, I cooked myself the last packet of Buldak ramen and it was really nice. I ate breakfast over a short documentary on YouTube about Akon's city in Africa and how it failed, but then I remembered Akon from Michael Jackson's song "Hold My Hand" which I proceeded to loop for the entire day. The rest of the day was just unremarkable. I played some horror videos from Wowman and 4Plus during lunch. I had some spare time to go out and buy lunch for me and I ate it while watching videos from Horror Mine alone. Shortly after work, I just did minor things, organized notes on my notes website, and I had set some yearly plans. Then I watched a few videos for my next AWS certification and then did some miscellaneous stuff. In the late evening, I realized that the RC had a call earlier where they reminisced a few things from high school and it only became apparent when I saw the group chat. I felt kind of sad that I wasn't able to join the call, especially since I was just free earlier, but I thought to myself that I'll join the next one.

Song of the day: Holy My Hand (with Akon) by Michael Jackson

Lyrics that resonated with me:
So if you just hold my hand
Baby, I promise (Hold my hand) that I'll do all I can
Things will go better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us (Hold) if you just
Hold, hold my, (Hold) hold my
(Hold) Hold my hand (Hold my hand)

(Involuntary) 24-Hour No Sleep Challenge

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Good grief, I couldn't sleep for the whole night before. I couldn't at all. Today was a workday and I was going into the start of the work week with **zero** sleep, no naps, no rest. My day started with me staying up for the entire night, just doing random things. I was probably having a mental breakdown, but I didn't feel the absolute intensity of it. Around 6 a.m. or so, I ordered breakfast from McDonald's and I ate quite a heavy breakfast. I just tried my best to lie back and chill while watching a few episodes from The Simpsons. I watched a few feel-good episodes from The Simpsons throughout the day to make myself feel a bit better about my shitty situation. I mostly just did work and a few minor tasks in the morning. Weirdly enough, I didn't feel that sleepy by then, but it was probably just the coffee from McDonald's keeping me up. By lunchtime, I got to recover some sleep. I felt so knackered by the end of it, though. But I was able to press on with my usual tasks at work, completing all of it by the end of my shift. By the end of my shift, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief but things weren't done. I tried to sleep for a bit, but I couldn't. I cooked some Buldak instead that I had in the fridge for dinner. Surprisingly, my friends invited me to a game they were streaming. I invited them to our old server and we eventually got back in a call by the end of the night. I guess things are back to normal now. They played the game I recommended, one game from The Lancaster Leak series, and they gave up. I eventually bought the Fear Assessment and got them to play it. They were scared so they closed it and asked me to stream instead. I streamed another analog horror game titled Thoughtform Invasion and it was pretty scary to me. By 9 p.m., we eventually all left and called it a day. I was just chilling and trying to get myself to sleep. I was watching some YouTube Shorts of voice actors who are everywhere when suddenly my phone's screen broke on me. A pink line developed as I was watching a video and I knew this was unfixable. This day would've been downright awful had it not been for my friends and I reconnecting again, which ended my dread. But still, I had stayed up for 24 hours and now my phone screen is permanently broken. I just have to buy a new phone now which is really annoying, but whatever. By the end, I took a long bath and tried to convince myself of all the good things that still happened in the day.

Song of the day: Wavin' Flag by K'NAAN

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And we wondering, when we'll be free
So we patiently wait for that faithful day
It's not far away but for now we say

When I get older, I will be stronger
They'll call me freedom just like a wavin' flag
And then it goes back, and then it goes back

Journal entry for Sunday, March 31st, 2024

Sun, 31 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was a pretty chill Easter Sunday. Nothing much happened and I mostly kept to myself today. I wanted to go out and do something, but I couldn't so I just stayed at home for most of the day. In the evening, I got a haircut because my hair had gotten too long and it was getting uncomfortable. My feeling after getting that haircut was way better, and I got it just in time before summer. I'm not sure if getting a haircut helps me move on from a situation, but here's to me feeling a bit better. Around late in the evening, I worked on a feature for my website that shows the current song I'm playing under my profile picture and info. I waited to see if someone would message me the whole day, but I didn't get a single message. I didn't have any meaningful conversation today as well, so most of my day felt really hollow.

Song of the day: Circles by Post Malone

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Seasons change and our love went cold
Feed the flame 'cause we can't let go
Run away, but we're running in circles
Run away, run away

Journal entry for Saturday, March 30th, 2024

Sat, 30 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I probably had the weirdest dream sequence ever. I was drifting in and out of sleep, imagining the outcomes. In one dream, I dreamt and then I realized that I was in a dream, which only led me to dream further and even open my eyes at one point. When I woke up, however, I was really just disappointed and in disbelief. I spent the morning cleaning the refrigerator with my sister until it was spotless. It had gotten really disgusting and I'm glad it was fully cleaned within the day. It was a nice touch to the living room being bare as hell. After cleaning up, I killed a few hours until I got itchy feet by the end of the afternoon. Since I needed a mood booster, I brought my MacBook outside with me and the plan was to just hang out at Timezone BHS, play a few rounds of Wangan Midnight, and head to Starbucks directly after. What happened, though, was that the Wangan arcades were occupied by people who wouldn't leave for a long time, so I just spent my arcade credits on some "gambling" games to score more tickets. Eventually, I got enough to buy myself a new electric kettle, which was perfect since the one we were using had broken down badly. Since the kettle was too big, I just decided to take it home with me. I didn't really have time and funds for Starbucks, honestly. And if my last visit proved anything, I never really got a lot of work done there. This isn't 2022, I'm not that productive outside anymore. So I just went home to work on some of my websites and other stuff. I played Valorant with Rachel by the end of the day, and that was it.

Song of the day: Sleeping Child by Michael Learns To Rock

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Oh, my sleeping child
The world's so wild
But you built your own paradise
That's one reason why I'll cover you, sleeping child

Journal entry for Friday, March 29th, 2024

Fri, 29 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

Today was just a complete mess, honestly. It was too hot at home and I went outside to go, have some relaxation outside but the arcades were closed. So were most places at Bonifacio High Street. It wouldn't damper my mood much initially. It absolutely ruined my day because I didn't expect such a thing would happen, so suddenly.

Song of the day: Smart by LE SSERAFIM

Journal entry for Thursday, March 28th, 2024

Thu, 28 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I got my full 8 hours of rest today and I'm so glad I got a full night's rest. Still, I woke up at around noon and I didn't feel 100% because I woke up without air conditioning. I guess I turned it off in my sleep. Regardless, I started my day and my friends messaged me if I was down to watch them play that horror game she downloaded. I took my bath and we had a change of plans when I came back, they'll be suddenly going somewhere else. I wished them off and I didn't talk to them for the rest of the day. In the evening, I played Valorant with Rachel and ate while we were playing. Today was pretty chill, even though I stayed up super late and I didn't sleep until the following morning after.

Song of the day: Hot Air Balloon by aespa

Lyrics that resonated with me:
고민 따위 싹둑 cut it off
힘껏 땅을 박 차 타타탁

Gee, gee, gee, gee, baby, baby, baby

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I listened to the entire mini album of Gee today and I don't know why. It started with me playing Let's Talk About Love out of the blue and it progressed to me re-listening to the album over and over today. At work, I rushed to deploy an old website and edited some files pretty quickly to rush it out the door. Eventually, I joined a call with my friends. They showed me a Gashapon location in Greenhills and said that they'll go there, but didn't invite me. Which was pretty funny since they told me that they think I'll enjoy going there, despite not actually inviting me for it. I also found a play that we could watch, I was browsing ClickTheCity and found that Six would be coming to the Philippines later this year. I asked if they wanted to watch it with me, but they didn't seem all that excited with having me tag along, which was weird because they were the ones who introduced me to Six in the first place. Both interactions really ticked me off and I was wishing in the background to have a new friend group who'll properly appreciate my presence IRL. After work, they played HuniePop 1 using my Steam account and I watched them play that for a bit before we all left at around 6 p.m. We didn't come back for a call in the evening, I mostly just ate dinner with my sister and watched some videos on YT and IG. I slept for the remainder of the evening after that.

Song of the day: Gee by Girls' Generation

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Gee, gee, gee, gee, baby, baby, baby
Gee, gee, gee, gee, baby, baby, baby

Journal entry for Tuesday, March 26th, 2024

Tue, 26 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was pretty chill, I watched a lot of analog horror today. Work was pretty chill for the whole day with not much going on. Things continued as I invited my friends for a call in the afternoon and we all got on call. After work, while in a call, my friends were bored and one of them offered to play a game. They picked up HuniePop 2: Double Date from my Steam library since they had access to it. It was pretty wild seeing them play the game and "winning" some images to unlock. Then we all left around the end of 5 p.m., to do our own things for a bit, but they said that we're gonna come back at 6:30 p.m. I found a scary analog horror game yesterday that I can stream and I played that when we came back on call. The game was interesting and they seemed interested/scared when I played it. After that, nothing much followed and I just did some miscellaneous stuff. We did join a call later in the evening and we mostly just watched analog horror. We mostly watched a recap of the Walten Files.

Journal entry for Monday, March 25th, 2024

Mon, 25 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I got my AWS exam results today! Granted, it was later in the evening, but I was still able to tell my higher-ups and close friends about it. I even got to post about it on LinkedIn. Nothing much happened today, as today was pretty chill. I do feel like I overate today, I should probably tone down my spending and eating habits. I joined a call with my friends today and we watched Edvasian during lunch. By the evening, we all left the call early and we didn't talk much apart from 1 minor interaction in the evening. I mostly just slept throughout the evening, only waking up for a bit.

Song of the day: I Almost Do (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you

Journal entry for Sunday, March 24th, 2024

Sun, 24 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a pretty chill Sunday. I slept for almost half of it and didn't really do much at the start. My friends came home in the afternoon and we all got into a call. I mostly just spent the entire afternoon and evening with them on Discord. They played some Hogwarts Legacy and then Red Dead Redemption 2. In the evening I ordered milk tea for my sister and I. We eventually left the call to do other things and nothing much followed after that.

Song of the day: Helena Beat by Foster The People

AWS Certified Cloud Practitioner Exam Day!

Sat, 23 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

## This was it. Today was the day for my first-ever certification exam. I spent the early morning reviewing because I honestly didn't feel confident enough to know everything yet, this was despite completing the AWS fundamentals course yesterday. I had to go to the other learning platform to get a better grasp of topics that were not discussed. I was stressed to high hell and I wasn't sure if I was gonna pass. I reviewed for a bit, but then got sidetracked for 1 hour (which should've never happened), but then I ate lunch with my sister. My heart rate was around 122 bpm at that point, way above normal. I passed by the last hour just reviewing on both the official AWS learning platform and another, while also reading through my notes. When it was time for me to start the exam, getting the requirements done was a painful chore, and I had to unplug my monitor from my power socket, but all was well as the exam was released to me and I began testing. Some questions threw me off guard. There *were* gaps in my knowledge. There were some terms that didn't exist in the learning material I've used, and for some I just had to guess. My confidence was waning and I tried, to the best of my ability, to provide the right answers. Still, I wanted to be done quickly. I didn't even review my answers, I didn't go back to check if they were correct. I still had 60 minutes on my clock and I had completed all of the questions. When all was said and done, I submitted my exam and the result was printed on the screen. # PASSED Holy fucking shit. Imagine the wave of relief that came over me and the sigh I breathed. I immediately told my sister and she congratulated me. God, I can't believe it. I passed on the first try, and this was despite failing the practice exam given to me. I was prepared to just be sad, accept it, and pay 5,000 Pesos again to re-take the exam, but damn, I was on the timeline that had the best outcome for once. I took a nap for a bit, and then eventually went out to celebrate this surprising win. On my way to Bonifacio High Street, I needed a hype song and Wavin' Flag was the one. The opening lines made me tear up a little because I actually did give myself fire and a reason to take myself higher. I've been stagnating at work and in life for so long and I got a taste of what it's like to excel for once. I was also going to get my replacement card because I gave my gold Powercard to Kai, but the card printing machine at Bonifacio High Street didn't work. So I had to go to Timezone Market Market, they didn't have it. They told me to go to Timezone Glorietta, so I had to commute to Makati for this. Then Timezone Glorietta tells me they can print my card in a few hours, and it'll only be a swipe version. This won't work on the tap-to-pay terminals at my main arcade place, Timezone BHS. So they directed me to Timezone Greenbelt 3, only I mistook Greenbelt 3 for 5 and visited the Timezone there, to which they directed me to the *right* Timezone. It looked pretty big, it even had several bowling lanes. The best part was that it was playing Stamp On It and other K-Pop songs. They even played Drama from aespa! Instantly made me happy. They told me that they could replace my card but I had to wait for an hour. I got dinner at Marugame Udon and talked to a few of my friends, they congratulated me on passing my AWS certification. After eating, I went back to the Timezone to claim my shiny new gold Powercard and played a round of bowling and gambling games. There were some dudes at the Wangan arcades and all four of them played throughout my stay, which mildly surprised me. I got a lot of tickets, though. After all that was done, I went home to just relax and take in the day. This was unexpected, but I'm really glad and relieved.

Song of the day: Wavin' Flag (Celebration Mix) by K'NAAN

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Give me freedom, give me fire
Give me reason, take me higher

Journal entry for Friday, March 22nd, 2024

Fri, 22 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was actually coasting through work very easily. My morning was pretty chill, until a support request came in and I had to take care of it. I was essentially directed to a PHP project for a seemingly-old system, written in Laravel. At this point, I genuinely hate the tasks I'm given. They're all either PHP or WordPress, what's worse is that I only have experience in WordPress. I literally looked for another job because I stagnated on those tasks. I wanted DevOps then, and I've transitioned into a DevOps engineer role now. I really dislike that I'm given the **brainrot** equivalent of work tasks on a daily basis. But whatever, I grit my teeth and do a big find & replace for this PHP task. It only was fixed at the end of the day by implementing the most basic solution after it seemed like I was stuck in a mire. I couldn't wait for work to be over and focusing on this task really burned me out. I genuinely hate these types of tasks, I'm glad I don't have to tell future recruiters about this or they'll laugh me out of interviews. Come evening, I was just learning and studying for my AWS Cloud Practitioner exam, an exam that directly correlates with DevOps and the cloud. Actual topics that I care about and where my future career path is headed. I was supposed to pull an all-nighter, but I made the mistake of talking to people on other apps instead of studying. It got kinda bad and I seemingly wasted my time. I tried to treat myself to some food to keep myself going and to study again, but I wasn't feeling it and called it a night. I still had fun regardless. I had total control of my time, too bad I could've used it for better. Maybe next time.

Song of the day: Civilization - Bongo, Bongo, Bongo by The Andrews Sisters

Journal entry for Thursday, March 21st, 2024

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Today was pretty weird. I didn't plan for this day to turn out any different, but things just kinda took on a life of their own today. I was enjoying a normal morning. I cooked my own breakfast today, I got a water refill, and I got my lunch early. It was fairly normal at work. I had my tasks lined up. That was, until I felt really, really sick. I was kind of in a jam and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to abandon my work. By that time, it was already lunchtime. I had made the decision to just file for a sick leave and call the day off. I slept for a bit and then I woke up in a cold sweat. At that point, I felt okay but also mildly unwell. I was supposed to review for my AWS exam, but I couldn't and I was feeling really tired, so I still slept again. I had to drink Gatorade that my sister gave me and I felt way better afterwards. Only then did I have enough energy to study and go through course material.

Song of the day: Helena Beat by Foster The People

Lyrics that resonated with me:
You play the game, but you kind of cut
'Cause you're coming down hard, your joints are all stuck
I've tried to say that it's not the only way
I never knew if I could face myself to change

Journal entry for Wednesday, March 20th, 2024

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

After all was said and done, things returned back to your regularly-scheduled programming. Work was fairly easy, I coasted through my major tasks and didn't have any problems. LK messaged me today and she said that we should just talk on Viber instead. We did some proper catching up, I told her about how my love life is still dead as ever, and she laughed at me and said that I attracted "bad juju" which is a funny term I didn't expect her to use, and I use that term to refer to myself regularly. I also asked her how her and her boyfriend are doing, and she responded with a funny message. LK is such a fun person to talk to and I had fun trying to talk to her while I was doing my cooking. She also showed me the fat cats they have at home. After lunch, I went back to work and continued my day as normal. In the afternoon, I watched a few horror videos while at work. And work ended without a hitch for me. I then watched my friends play Red Dead Redemption 2 and it was a usual stream. We also watched horror videos until 8 p.m. and another video. We did watch a funny "fan-made music video" by a couple and the acting was so bad, we laughed while watching it. Our call basically ended on that and I was left alone shortly after. I talked to some people, namely Kai, and a few other people online. I reviewed for my Amazon AWS exam really late and I continued it throughout the late evening. I also watched horror videos again, mainly from Sakura Stardust and it left me kinda spooked. But I accomplished a good chunk of my AWS course material in the time since.

Song of the day: Unwell by Matchbox Twenty

Lyrics that resonated with me:
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

Journal entry for Tuesday, March 19th, 2024

Tue, 19 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

Today started out normally, my day at work was fairly easy. I made breakfast for myself again today and it was pretty good. It was going to shape up as a normal day for me until my workday ended and my evening started.

Song of the day: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Remastered 2009 by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Desmond has a barrow in the marketplace
Molly is the singer in a band
Desmond says to Molly, “Girl, I like your face”
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand

Socia-ble

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I legitimately thought today was going to be bad. Like, straight up just horrible. But I actually managed to turn it around by the end, as luck would have it. I woke up fairly early in the morning and made myself breakfast. I got to finally cook and eat that spicy cheese Buldak ramen I bought yesterday. I even made the perfect sunny side up egg to go along with it, and it was just pure heaven eating them, honestly. I was very proud of myself for making a good breakfast. I got to work and got a lot of morning tasks done in. As for lunch, I had to walk for a bit to actually buy lunch and it was hot as hell outside. I just brought my earbuds and smartwatch there, without my phone, and it was a pretty nice commute (even though it was hell to walk through it). The food I got was really nice, though, the perfect way of cooking Bicol express. It had a lot of coconut milk mixed in, honestly really good. I tried to rest for a bit during lunchtime, and finished my work day by completing menial tasks. When all was said and done, though, I felt mostly alone. I wasn't in a call, I was off on my own after that. I changed my Discord profile picture to something funny and I got into a long, fun conversation with Rachel. I also talked to Kai in the evening as well on Telegram, and also with one other person. But the highlight of my night was reconnecting with my old JS Prom partner from my senior year in high school. She posted a pic of XG going on a world tour. I'm fairly interested in anything K-Pop and I've actually liked a few songs from XG. So we got to talking about K-Pop and the groups we both stan, we made jokes, and even caught up on our mutual friend groups since high school. Since I'm just engrossed in current pop culture, I got to talk a lot with her and she was pretty fun to talk to. I honestly was super relieved to know someone who watched Dune: Part Two and they even shared a meme from Dune. We talked about a lot of other things and I invited her to watch Wicked (2024) with me. It was a super fun conversation and it seriously brightened my mood for the day. By the end, she was grateful that we reconnected and it honestly warmed my heart. It's been **such** a long time since I've felt gratitude from someone and I just feel really happy. To top it all off, I also did some miscellaneous stuff today like sign up for a Buddhist meditation lesson for April and I talked to LK throughout the day! I missed talking to LK so much and she was so fun to talk to as well. The amount of people I talked to today made me really happy, and how all those conversations flowed so smoothly made me really, really happy. Rachel even featured our convo in her IG Story, so I'm pretty thankful for that. Today was really, really good. I know I'm extroverted but damn, I didn't know having such good conversations could help me feel so much better. I wish I could have more days like this. And, I completed 3 major things for my AWS exam this weekend. Also, I just realized that I talked to my 2 prom partners from high school today. Those were all 9 and 10 years away! I knew I was good at maintaining connections, but damn, I'm impressed.

Song of the day: Until I Found You (with Em Beihold) - Em Beihold Version by Stephen Sanchez

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Georgia, wrap me up in all your
I want ya in my arms
Oh, let me hold ya
I'll never let you go again like I did
Oh, I used to say

Journal entry for Sunday, March 17th, 2024

Sun, 17 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Something just felt off today. I felt like I was anxious for the whole day, but I can't share why. I guess, deep down inside, I'm really frustrated. I tried brushing it off in the evening by going out after eating dinner with my sister. I tried to play Wangan Midnight for a few sessions and actually got pitted against more skilled drivers. Even though I had collected all I needed, I still played a few versus battles. A group of 2 drivers were really aggressive with pushing my car when racing which really got me fired up and infuriated. BIBI's song really helped dialed in my mood and I was so frustrated. I smoked 1 of the idiots that tried to pit my car and won against them, but I never won against them in the subsequent matches. I immediately cooled down after leaving the area to walk around for a little bit. I saw my cousin working at his workplace, and walked to the Korean store I know. I ordered that Samanco fish ice cream I like for myself, and got another one, and ordered some Buldak ramen for myself to eat over the week. I sang along to some of the K-Pop music in the store, and it was weird because I heard STAYC's Bubble playing over the speaker, and I was just playing it a few seconds ago through my earbuds. So eventually I got home, got a few topics on my Amazon exam done and eventually slept while still feeling some of that anxiety and frustration left over.

Song of the day: BIBI Vengeance by BIBI

Lyrics that resonated with me:
다신 붙잡히지 마
그땐 보게 되는 거야
나쁜 년

나쁜 년 아주 그냥 나쁜 년
나쁜 년 아주 그냥 나쁜 년
나쁜 년아주 그냥 나쁜 년

Cards!

Sat, 16 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I was relieved that today was a Saturday. I regained a lot of my sleep and spent a lot of time sleeping, waking up at only 11 a.m. After getting my rest and waking up, I cooked myself some bacon and eggs for lunch amd hung around the house for a bit. I somehow convinced myself to go out since it was super hot in the afternoon and I went to Timezone Bonifacio High Street to have some fun. I had been using the same blue card for a while now and I've earned enough cumulative credits to upgrade my card to gold! I got the card fairly quickly, but I just got the card itself. Later, I found out that it was supposed to come in a box and it had a flyer and a pen, but I just got the card. I started with around 6,000 Pesos in load and spent 2,000 of it just playing Wangan Midnight, trying out the arcade games (some of which were a total scam because I barely won), and just playing various games. I earned a lot of tickets, surprisingly, and I was deciding on whether or not to get a large pillow to carry home, but it kinda proved unpractical so I just bought Pringles which I couldn't finish and discarded shortly after. By that time, I also went to the Starbucks on 32nd street and bought a gift card with 500 Pesos in it. I was surprised because the card was free, and I used up all of the 500 in it by buying this coconut coffee and blueberry cheesecake slice. I went home after that, played a few chill rounds of Valorant with Rachel and one of her friends. During the game, I was advertising Chowking to Rachel and I kept joking about it, until our few rounds of Valorant ended and I proceeded to buy Chowking and eat it as a very late dinner. Overall, today was pretty fun. I enjoyed the most of it by going out, getting things I wanted, and having good food today.

Song of the day: Wife by (G)I-DLE

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I cook cream soup, taste is Coco Loco
Want me your wife, but she is mm, mm, mm
I clean your room, it's so twinkle, twinkle
Want me your wife, but she is mm, mm, mm

Journal entry for Friday, March 15th, 2024

Fri, 15 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I feel like I ate a lot today, and I mean **A LOT**. I ate a heavy breakfast meal from McDonald's because I didn't feel like cooking today, and I could barely finish that in the morning. I mostly finished it during lunchtime. I mostly coasted through the few tasks I had for the day. I treated a friend to Panda Express and gave them options if they wanted to stick to a safe meal that they'll like, orange chicken, or something different from the menu. They got wok-seared steak and shrimp because I recommended it and they didn't like it that much because it was too spicy and the beef was hard. After that, I watched some horror videos from Dark Asia with Megan with my friends, then we both left the call. My sister got home and brought food home for me, and they told me to order something for them. They specifically wanted coffee from Starbucks, but then I suggested that it was impractical and then they settled for McDonald's coffee. I ordered some food as well (idk why, I already had food my sister brought for me) and I proceeded to eat the Bicol express first, only eating the food I got from McDonald's a while later. I slept for a good part of the evening, waking up to talk to Elaine for a bit as she invited me out to meet on Sunday. I agree and we both plan to meet at Glorietta on Sunday, and we catch up with each other for a bit while we were talking. She was talking about her old blog and I gave her links to her old stuff and helped her remember. It was fun and we ended the convo shortly after. I'm probably not going to eat anything tomorrow to offset the extreme amount of calories I ate today.

Song of the day: It's Been a Long, Long Time by Kitty Kallen

Lyrics that resonated with me:
[Instrumental Intro]

Journal entry for Thursday, March 14th, 2024

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today, I cooked myself a breakfast meal that I was really proud of. Granted, they're all fried (and I wish I cooked healthier options), but having a perfect breakfast plate consisting of bacon and 3 eggs is good enough for me. Making a perfect sunny-side up egg is still very hard for me to do, though. The bacon, however, was cooked to perfection. I went to eat my breakfast while watching my favorite morning YouTuber: Philip DeFranco, and I eventually finished eating. Also, I invited a friend for a call and she got to show me her cute kittens! I liked a particular Russian blue one because it looks so cute, and I think it's my favorite fur color on a cat. After that, I continued work as usual. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I got to call my friends and watch them play Red Dead Redemption 2 for a bit and I helped guide them on some path to find gold. In the background a song titled "Girl in the Mirror" was playing in my head and I didn't know where I got it from. I thought it came from my friends, but they said they didn't know the song and called me gay. Shortly after playing for a bit, we all left the call for the evening and I was left on my own. Since it was salary day, I decided to treat myself out by going to BGC on a whim again. When I arrived at my favorite Timezone place, I sat down at a Wangan Midnight arcade cabinet and tried to pull out my arcade card from my wallet. It wasn't there, which really put a damper on things as I really wanted to play and stay there for a bit. I asked my sister to go look for it in my drawers at home, but she couldn't find it. I essentially just called the whole thing off and wanted to go home, but not without eating out since I was already here. I checked out the stores in BGC Food District, but I couldn't find a good, simple stall for some food. So I went to Ramen Nagi instead since I haven't had noodles in a while (and I wanted something spicy). I ordered the Red King ramen and it was fairly spicy, I had to drink several cups of water while at the restaurant and I felt pretty full afterwards. I decided to go home after that and did some looking for my lost Timezone card. Eventually, I found the card. It turns out, it was in the back pocket of the jeans I wore last week. I almost never wear pants with a back pocket so I didn't think of it, but I had a feeling that the card was in the pants I wore when I watched Dune: Part Two. I was glad and I eventually ended the day on that note.

Song of the day: Girl In The Mirror - I by Sophia Grace, Silentó

Lyrics that resonated with me:
That's why I'm talking to the girl in the mirror, whoa-oh
Like even if you're down, better get up, whoa-oh
'Cause every setback's just a set up, whoa-oh
For something just a little bit better

Journal entry for Wednesday, March 13th, 2024

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a usual day for me. Work was surprisingly light for me and I breezed through the few tasks I had. In the morning, I made breakfast by trying out that spicy noodle + egg recipe, but I think I cracked the egg too early. It turns out, the egg was just to sit *on top* of the finished noodle mixture, but I applied the egg first, then I mixed in the spicy sauce, which just led to the egg being mixed in the whole thing and it turning into a goopy mess. I had no choice but to eat it, but at least it wasn't as hot as it usually was. I also got into a call with my friends and we talked about K-Pop, LE SSERAFIM (and how bad their encores are), and then we talked about BIBI which they took great interest in. It made for a fun conversation. It continued with them talking about my family situation in the past and it was funny because I told them that having the Disney channel was a benchmark if someone grew mid/upper class or lower class. After work, they stayed in the call for an hour more while we watched horror videos, and we all eventually left at around 6 p.m. I felt so sleepy after work and I just mostly slept, only waking up to eat for a bit and sleeping back again.

Song of the day: Thinking out Loud by Ed Sheeran

Journal entry for Tuesday, March 12th, 2024

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing much happened today. I cooked during lunch time and washed a lot of dishes, I cleaned them up real good. While cooking, I listened to this Beatles song that I just discovered and ended up playing it a lot during lunchtime. I also watched Death Forest 1 to 4 with my friends in a call. After that, not much happened.

Song of the day: Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - Remastered 2009 by The Beatles

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah
La-la, how their life goes on
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah
La-la, how their life goes on

Journal entry for Monday, March 11th, 2024

Mon, 11 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was the start of a new week and I had a very-normal Monday. I stood up late and ate food during the late evening, and I woke up with the most serious case of acid attacks yet. I feel like my mouth was just filled with acid and it was so horrible. I gotta stop eating at night. The rest of the morning proceeded as normal, though. I completed tasks and even began cooking lunch on that new pan I bought yesterday. I made bacon, which was good, and chicken nuggets which were burned on the side. I honestly don't know how I burned the food, but I guess I just didn't properly adjust the heat and oil. I spent my lunch break doing whatever, I honestly couldn't remember. I still felt hungry, so I cooked one of those really spicy Korean noodles I bought. It was Samyang Buldak Ramen (Black) and it was hot as hell. I love Buldak noodles in general, but it must've been a while since I last ate them because I felt like dying. Anyway, after that fiasco, work continued as normal as I watched some Dark Asia by Megan in the background. After work, I passed out after lying on my bed for a short nap. I was *supposed* to take a quick 30-minute nap because I was so sleepy and exhausted, but then I woke up and it was 11 p.m. already. I had some anxiety and tried to find more new people and that ended my day.

Song of the day: Smart by LE SSERAFIM

Journal entry for Sunday, March 10th, 2024

Sun, 10 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing happened much today, I feel like I mostly slept through the day. In the evening, I decided to spend **a lot** of money buying groceries and food, especially frying pans that I've wanted to get for a long time. I was so excited about the frying pans, I immediately washed them in the kitchen sink and cooked dinner with them immediately after. The evening was pretty chill, with nothing noteworthy happening aside from me lending my PS Vita to a friend.

Song of the day: Night Changes by One Direction

Journal entry for Saturday, March 9th, 2024

Sat, 09 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was just another lazy day at home. I mostly spent the day sleeping and, by the evening, chilling with the RC boys and talking about various things with them. Bryan joined the call, which we noticed he does more and more often because he left his DND group, and we laughed at some old budots music we used to play. Things got kinda real when I pointed out to them that our Minecraft days of tower defense and Abyssal Siege were 4 years ago. I also played Valorant with them after playing Need for Speed: Heat. It was fun, even though I was consistently the lowest-ranked player in our team. I had fun regardless and ate lugaw at the end of it because my headache got so bad.

Song of the day: Smart by LE SSERAFIM

He Who Controls the Spice

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I tried to make the most out of my time at home by playing music and having good food, but it was still mostly a lonely affair. I mostly focused on finishing tickets for work. Once work was done, I breathed a really big sigh of relief as the week was **FINALLY OVER**! I had never been that hyped for a weekend before, honestly. But this work week was just horrible, straight up. Pure shit. I hated every single day of this week but I'm about to make it all up to myself by enjoying the evening by watching Dune: Part Two. I packed up my things after work and headed straight to Venice Grand Plaza. When I got there, I just hung around and walked around the mall. By the time I got to the theater, I was glad because I bought a ticket to the most expensive theater room. The seats were so comfortable, and only for 620 Pesos. I even got a free promotional tumbler (granted, it was a The Marvels-themed one, but still, free tumbler) and if I factor the tumbler, free popcorn into the cost, the *actual* ticket would be around 300 Pesos or so. Definitely a steal considering the type of seat I got. Someone actually was supposed to sit to the left of me, because the seats had a couple design, but I'm pretty sure they felt awkward sitting next to a total stranger, so it was funny to see them shuffle to the next available seat. When the movie started, I could say that I was in awe of the film. It's kind of poetic, 4 years ago I by myself walking around Venice Grand Plaza where I saw a poster for a movie titled "Dune." I went into it blind, not knowing what it was or what it was about, and I really enjoyed it. Here's me, 2 years and a few months later at the same theater, same place, watching Dune: Part Two. I found myself back here again, which was a total surprise. I thoroughly enjoyed the film, went home, and even ordered some food and necessities at a nearby convenience store. That ended my night and this day was my *actual* well-needed break from such a shitty week.

Song of the day: Savage Love (Laxed - Siren Beat) [BTS Remix] by BTS, Jason Derulo, Jawsh 685

Lyrics that resonated with me:
BTS

Savage love, did somebody, did somebody break your heart?
Lookin' like an angel, but you're savage, love
When you kiss me, I know you don't give two fucks

I Would Never Fall In Love Again Until...

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I found her. That song from Stephen Sanchez kept haunting me throughout the entire day. I guess it haunted me because, deep inside, I feel like I won't love another person until I found another person like "her" again, the person who I think is my soulmate. I thought I found her 2 years ago, and I haven't fallen in love with anyone ever since. I've tried to search for her again today, and I'm still feeling unease from my anxieties this week. I mostly just continued through my tasks and other things, but I could hear that song playing in the background. When I took a quick nap and woke up, I heard a distant version of that song playing in my head as I awoke to the heat of the afternoon. In the afternoon, I mostly dealt with some minor tasks. Since I got my money from the salary loan, I decided to treat myself at the end of my work shift and went outside to BGC. I was actually planning on issuing a few proposals for myself and deciding on big life movements/opportunities, and then ratify them. I had this super-productive idea in my head that didn't really come into fruition since I spent some time finding a proper seat and, while the seat I got was comfortable, the environment wasn't fully conductive. Plus, I was feeling sick and kept sneezing, also I got too distracted to get a significant amount of work done. Still, I tried to make the most out of it. I've decided on a few things and got some things done, including the documentation of my past "versions" and what I want my future version to be, I updated my mood calendar, and I made a few decisions. After all that was done, I talked to an artist I knew on Twitter and asked them to commission a new artwork for me. Then I went to BGC Uptown to finally try that *hakaw* dish I've been wanting to eat. I ate at Tim Ho Wan and it was surprisingly affordable, so I ordered 2 sets of *hakaw* and congee, as well as salted egg yolk custard buns for my dinner. The *hakaw* was really nice, but I enjoyed the congee more because I feel like I'm gonna get a cold. I had the rest of my order for take-out and ate some at home. By the late evening, I was still mostly left alone and just found a cinema to watch Dune 2 on, since I fully expected that I'll be watching it alone. I ordered a ticket for tomorrow and ended the day there. I did a lot this day but it all felt really hollow. Like something was missing from my day.

Song of the day: Until I Found You (with Em Beihold) - Em Beihold Version by Stephen Sanchez

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Oh, I used to say

I would never fall in love again until I found her
I said I would never fall, unless it's you I fall into

Journal entry for Wednesday, March 6th, 2024

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

Today started really bad, our things still weren't fixed from yesterday. I was still feeling very horrible. After the daily stand up meeting, I decided that I couldn't it and called for a day off. I didn't know what to feel. Part of me wants to leave them and my current life behind, but part of me wants to bring everything back. I went to think about things and talk to myself for a bit. I kept asking myself, throughout the entire time, where was my soulmate. The person *I'm supposed to* be with. Where are they? Unfortunately, I didn't know the answer at this time and I told myself that it's impossible to know. I looked outside and figured that she was probably working at an office in the big cities. Time ticked slow, very slow. I was still filled with anxiety as the days before, and I remarked how this time was a repeat of last year: filled with anxiety, emoting. It was around early March, too. Eventually, I ate dinner by buying myself that good squid I had last year (although it didn't live up to expectation) and had a heavy feeling in my chest. I stayed up until 1 a.m., unsure of what to do but I still greeted someone a happy birthday. I was unsure of what to feel throughout the entire day and I was conflicted for the most part. Still, I was disappointed at how things were a repeat from last year.

Song of the day: Patron Tequila (feat. Lil Jon) by Paradiso Girls

Anxieties Come True

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

Oh God, I can't believe my worst fears came true. It's kinda sad, really. I *expect* to be disappointed, but when the disappointment actually comes, I'm *still* disappointed from it. That's what sucks. I still get hurt even though I try my best to be stoic, or to hurt myself in advance, but it doesn't really work when I'm in the thick of it. I thought I was late and I was so anxious, what made it worse was that the driver took a long detour through BGC instead of around it, which probably took up most of the time. When I got there, I could barely recognize anyone at the event. My company asked us to "work together" event, an in-person meetup, and I would be seeing my friends there. A few hours pass and I get seated with my other friends, I talk to Meryll and Max, and I also gave Meryll her book back (after more than a year). The whole event was pretty okay. I talked to a few friends and caught up with some workmates. But I was mostly anxious because someone and I weren't that close. It's like we were passing acquaintances. I helped out with some other tasks like helping Den with the announcements and carrying food upstairs. I had a lot of time because it was a slow day, and I just spent it by myself, for the most part. Which was weird because I was surrounded by coworkers. At one point, someone asked me to get ice with her and we talked for a bit there, but someone else called her and she went back on her way. By the end, we had some company announcements and it was leaving time. Someone left without saying goodbye and I went home on my own feeling dejected. When I got home, I just felt exhausted. I'm an extrovert, but I don't really bode well with the wrong crowd, ironically I had a lot of friends within my vicinity but mostly felt estranged from most of them, especially with 1 special person. I just lied on the living room couch and slept eventually. I ended the day horribly.

Song of the day: Aloha, E Komo Mai by Jump5

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I laila, 'O Kaua'i la
No malihini 'ohana
Welcome cousins, a'cmon by
Aloha, e komo mai
...
Aloha (Ji waba!)
You'll find the place where you belong
Ohana (a family to call your own)
Where you feel at home (everybody sing!)

Buds, Again

Mon, 04 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

It's been almost a year since I've had Samsung Galaxy Buds and I'm glad I have them again. I got the same ones that I lost last year (the Galaxy Buds2 Pro) and I missed noise cancelling on my earbuds. The day began as usual, with me sleeping poorly and being anxious over the same thing yesterday. I had a lot of stuff to do in the morning and I felt pretty hammered for it all. Regardless, I started my morning routine pretty late after dealing with a lot of tasks. I was happy I got my Galaxy Buds in the morning and I felt so psyched to try it while outside as part of my everyday carry (EDC). I joined a call with my friends and we watched a movie recap from Horror Mine, then other scary videos on YouTube. In the evening, I ended up mostly sleeping and waking up with a feeling to just go outside. Since my friends weren't available for a call anymore because they had to go somewhere else, I just spent my evening alone and going to the Starbucks on 32nd street in BGC. I ate a mushroom sandwich I was curious of and didn't regret it. I went home at around midnight and found myself locked outside the house for 40 minutes, which was weird since people usually answer the door immediately or within a few minutes. It was a real hassle, but I genuinely enjoyed walking around with my earbuds back.

Song of the day: Ehu Girl (Acoustic Version) by Kolohe Kai

Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?

Sun, 03 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a really chill Sunday and I spent half of it watching stuff on YouTube, laughing at clips of The Simpsons. There's this [one bit where they played Allan Sherman's song about Camp Granada](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tl_qDG9wO_o) and I found it so funny, the song was very catchy, too. But then I realized that it was way past noon and I had a lot of things to take care of today. But before that, I had to buy something. Something for myself that I could use in the future. I bought a brand new Samsung wireless charger today. It's a wireless charging duo and I honestly think it's a great addition since my Galaxy Buds are arriving soon and it can charge wirelessly. I also need a place to wirelessly charge my Galaxy Watch, so I might as well get it. After going to Starbucks on 32nd street to buy the wireless charger, I made my way to Timezone Bonifacio High Street. I played a couple of rounds of Wangan Midnight to relieve some of my stress and, on my way out, I notice a large water tumbler that looked like a Stanely (but it was a fake). It was 2,700 tickets worth and I was 500 tickets short, so I used up most of my arcade balance to play some point games and I got the goal fairly quickly by playing this game that grabs tickets and drops the "ticket rolls" onto a platform that stacks and pushes them. So I got the tumbler and I decided to give it to my sister. I also had someone else to gift, though. Since my friend Erin is going to Thailand and we won't talk for 18 months, I decided to get her something as well. I got her a few Pompompurin-themed things that she might use for her travels and went home. I also had to get my APE lab results, which was a pain in the ass since I was late and everything had closed by then, but I managed to get it all done. Additionally, I was able to send Erin that gift, even though it was a bit of a pain to handle logistically. After all was said and done, I got to talk to my friends by the end of the day and I opened up to them about some anxiety I had. We had a call for the night and that ended the day. Even though it was a long day, I still had fun. The day felt like it would never end but I accomplished a lot today, in spite of all that.

Song of the day: Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold

Journal entry for Saturday, March 2nd, 2024

Sat, 02 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I didn't expect much from this day, but it seems that I've made the most out of it. I finally got most of my APE exam and lab tests done and I was quite happy for completing the hardest part. I felt a little scared when my blood was taken, though, and it kinda hurt even after I got home. After that, I cleaned up the big drawer for my clothes and threw out some really old clothes. I spent the time talking to myself about my life, past relationship struggles, and thinking about other things. I eventually cleaned up the most of my room and was happy enough by the end of the day.

Song of the day: Do You Remember by Jay Sean, Sean Paul, Lil Jon

Journal entry for Friday, March 1st, 2024

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today was pretty good, I started the day by staying up at night. I also had ordered take-out food and I just couldn't finish my meal, so I gave the most of it to my sister. It quickly reached 4 a.m. and I slept shortly after. I had a weird dream about someone I like and asking them out on a date. It was hard because I heard something weird in my dream, but I managed to ask her out and she agreed to us dating. It turned out that the weird thing in my dream was my phone vibrating from the alarm and I woke up a bit late. Work was pretty chill today. I had finished a big DB migration yesterday and helped out a lot in that regard, so today I mostly coasted through my daily round of tasks. I then joined my friends for a call and we just had the usual things: talking, sharing stories, expressing sentiments. They saw my screen and saw that I was playing this game and they watched for a bit, even watched me play some driving/racing games. Eventually, everyone had to leave and left the call for the evening. I remember that my sister invited me out to be with her and her boyfriend for dinner, so I called them and told them that I was down for the evening. We got a ride, picked up her boyfriend along the way, and we eventually got to eat samgyupsal. We just ate at our favorite samgyup place which was Samgyupsalamat in BGC High Street. It was fun, we all got to talk and I told them that I don't really watch anime at all. It's **always** the funniest misconception people have with me. I don't even watch anime at all and the only, single show I watch takes years to produce between seasons, which kind of puts me off from anime in general. They recommended me an anime that I'll never watch and we all left the restaurant after finishing our last order. We then went to Timezone BHS and played some games there. I mostly played Wangan Midnight and had fun racing some rounds, even playing with the two of them and we had a few rounds of racing each other. It got so late that we were the last ones in the store and it got super creepy. It was 11:30 when we had left and we played at around 10:00 or so. We collectively went home on a single car ride and I had a long sleep shortly afterward.

Song of the day: Ehu Girl (Acoustic Version) by Kolohe Kai

A Letter to Future Me

Thu, 29 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today's a leap day! And it was pretty boring. I was deciding on whether or not to work outside, but I couldn't push through it and spent the entire day at home. I don't really remember anything noteworthy during the morning and afternoon. I was just left alone in the evening. Nothing noteworthy happened until I browsed Instagram before midnight. It was late and I saw an IG Reel of someone writing a letter to their future self during a leap year, to only be opened come the next leap year. I thought it was a pretty cute and cool idea, and I would've been interested on what me from 4 years ago would say. I wrote one and scheduled it to be sent on the next leap year in 2028.

Song of the day: Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor, John Legend

Journal entry for Wednesday, February 28th, 2024

Wed, 28 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up pretty tired today, I couldn't actually push through with giving someone a free breakfast. It actually took me a long while to wake up and I had a lot of messages constantly coming in throughout the morning. My spirits were still high in the morning, however. I was still anxious from yesterday, but things seem a little better. I got to do my work tasks and things were the usual kind of busy and okay. I still was able to treat someone food out of the kindness I have and I got myself take out as well. The chicken from Tokyo Tokyo was delicious but it was small as hell, I was happy that they were at least generous in giving their gravy. While lunch was going on, I was just watching The Horror Mine on YouTube and then finished eating, then the afternoon continued as usual. The evening was kinda lonely, for some parts. I took a nap for an hour and then didn't know what else to do with my time. I tried to review some Amazon stuff, and then joined a call with my RC friends on Discord. We had a lot of our bros on call and we played a lot of Overwatch matches. We had a full stack while playing and it was honestly really nice to play FPS games again. I missed this feeling of being on call with bros, playing FPS games and destroying the other players (even though we got our asses kicked in comp continuously). We all eventually peeled off call one by one and that ended our gaming session. I just did some minor things and upkeep on my code repositories and ended the night there. For some reason, I couldn't help get rid of this uneasy feeling I got from my anxieties a few days ago. It's a really heavy weight on my chest. I'm so anxious for 2 major events in the upcoming months and it's so hard to carry around.

Song of the day: Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor, John Legend

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I found myself dreaming in silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie that every broken heart knows
We were walking on moonlight, and you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone

I woke up in tears, with you by my side
A breath of relief, and I've realised
No, we're not promised tomorrow

So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye
Wherever we're standin', I won't take you for granted
'Cause we'll never know when, when we'll run out of time

Journal entry for Tuesday, February 27th, 2024

Tue, 27 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was really busy in the morning, and I had a lot on my mind. I surprisingly had a lot of anxieties about things. Since my Annual Physical Exam is really due, I tried to get it done in the morning. I expected the process to take a while, but I waited 3 hours just so my healthcare provider to deny my coverage, making me pay for all of this out of my own pocket. Even though I expected it, being made to wait for 3 hours bummed me out a lot. At the very least I was able to talk to friends and I got news that Karina from aespa was dating a guy, which surprised me. When I got home, I did some work tasks as usual and rendered more time after my usual work hours for over-extending. In the evening, though, I got to join a call with my friends, and they played Burger Shop 2. They even completed the levels, which really surprised me. We spent the evening in the call just watching analog horror videos and other scary things on YouTube. In the background, I found a song from IG Reels titled "Until I Found You" and it was super cute. The song was cute enough to leave me singing it throughout the entire evening.

Song of the day: Until I Found You (with Em Beihold) - Em Beihold Version by Stephen Sanchez

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I would never fall in love again until I found her
I said, "I would never fall unless it's you I fall into"
I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her
I found you

Journal entry for Monday, February 26th, 2024

Mon, 26 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

The day started fairly-normal. That Annual Physical Exam thing was on my mind and I got turned away this morning because the doctor wasn't there. When I joined a call with my friends in the afternoon, things seemed fairly normal. We got to talk about other things, even though the air was mostly dead between us. My friends did try to introduce me to BIBI and even streamed some of their songs. I liked Bam Yang Gang the most out of the songs from BIBI. In the afternoon after work, an argument transpired. It didn't really end well, and I was left alone for the rest of the evening, with them not coming back to talk. I talked to my other friends, though, and felt a little bit better from that. I slept early.

Song of the day: You, Me and Steve by Garfunkel and Oates

Lyrics that resonated with me:
That it's finally me and you, and you and me
Just us, and your friend Steve
Do-do-do-do-do-do, Steve
Do-do-do-do-do-do, leave
...
Do-do-do-do-do-do, Steve
Do-do-do-do-do-do, go away

Journal entry for Sunday, February 25th, 2024

Sun, 25 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I got into a really bad fight that involved crying and breaking down. Unfortunately, that didn't happen to me, though, and I was able to steer my emotions away from sadness. I just had a lot of stuff that I had to get rid of in my chest. In the morning, nothing happened and I just tried to handle some medical stuff for work. I walked home, which was exhausting, and I played a few rounds of Overwatch with my RC friends. It was okay, but we kinda ran into a few issues while playing and we didn't snag as much wins. In the evening, things were really bad. I got into a whole fight/argument with someone and they basically were told down about a lot of past things that they don't want to remember. I brought it up as an example, and I was able to bring back some things from my past that I've been hiding. But that was mostly it for my side, and I still felt like crap at the end since we didn't really resolve anything. The whole fight took 3 hours or so and it was mentally draining. Things didn't end well and we just transitioned into the next routine of the day. We stayed up watching analog horror and it was okay enough.

Song of the day: Havana (feat. Young Thug) by Camila Cabello

Out and About in BGC

Sat, 24 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today was the day I was going to hang out with Max and Meryll! We were supposed to start at 10 a.m. but I still had to help my cousin set up their PC, so it took me a while. I also panicked since I didn't have anything proper to wear, just my white shirt and shorts. I looked like I was gonna go to a beach/swimming trip, instead of going out. I still braved through it, despite not wearing my favorite/most comfortable outfit. Unfortunately, I had shorts which had super shallow pockets, and the charging case for my wireless earbuds slipped out of my pocket on the motorcycle ride. It sucks, and when I had reached Venice Grand Plaza, I felt kinda bummed out already. Add to that, I felt massively uncomfortable after the ride there. I got to meet Max and Meryll, and Max was kind enough to bring me "*pasalubong*" from Antique. We first got tickets to see Madam Web, and then we ate at Ramen Kuroda and I showed them my new Galaxy Watch 4. It was fun catching up with them, we got to talk about various things like work and relationships, and we were able to catch up with one another. After eating, we still had time so we also squeezed in our Life4cuts photoshoot and it was fun, even though I didn't feel comfortable in front of the camera. I had fun regardless and we watched Madam Web. I was seated next to Meryll and she joked how she sat in between people who reacted a lot and gave commentaries while the movie was playing. I guess I enjoyed Madam Web enough, and then we went to BGC High Street to watch this event where Clara Benin and Lola Amour was playing. We got there and found a seat nearby, we also talked for a bit and then we got seated at a bench once Clara Benin was done playing her set. I listened to Lola Amour's set and it was pretty fun. Max and Meryll were away from me as they wanted to get a closer view of the concert stage, I sat at the bench and kept it occupied. After Lola Amour's set, we walked around and ate light dinner, then Max went home. I got to talk to Meryll for a bit and confide in her about some things, and she also did the same. It was nice, I really don't tell people how I'm *actually* feeling, so it was pretty good that I was able to. She then went home at 10 p.m. and I went home shortly after.

Song of the day: Moonlight by Ariana Grande

Journal entry for Friday, February 23rd, 2024

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I woke up surprisingly late today. I suppose I was tired the past few days. I then joined for a call with my friends and we then watched The Favourite (2018). We had fun watching it, but we couldn't finish it in the afternoon because we both had other plans. For me, I just walked around BGC High Street in the evening overthinking things. It was weird, but surprising at the same time. I was expecting to cross paths with my friends, but we never did. In my walking, I was just deep in thought wondering when the next chapter of my life would start because I'm getting so tired and weary of not growing, and staying in the same position. After getting tired of walking around, I decided to head home. I had to help my cousin set up their PC and have them play some Valorant.

Song of the day: Thirsty by aespa

Journal entry for Thursday, February 22nd, 2024

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a normal day, I mostly just watched my friends play more Burger Shop 2 in the afternoon, and then we disconnected. Shortly after that, I watched them play Red Dead Redemption 2 in the evening.

A Generative Day

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I had a lot of work to do in the early morning and that also included preparing my food. In the afternoon, I watched my friends play Burger Shop 2 and I watched them complete the levels with ease. I also rescheduled my Amazon certification exam in the evening to a later day. Throughout the day, I was just dabbling with generative AI and local machine GPTs I could find. It was fun to use them, and by late evening I went deep into the rabbit hole of making generative art of my favorite K-Pop artists. It kinda sucked because it was a massive headache to set up on Linux and my graphics card wasn't all that powerful enough. I still had fun regardless and I was able to make close-enough generated images of Winter from aespa very late into the night.

Song of the day: Smart by LE SSERAFIM

Journal entry for Tuesday, February 20th, 2024

Tue, 20 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I was incredibly tired and busy today. Everything was honestly exhausting and my only relief for the day came in the evening as I was able to sleep from 10 p.m. until 8 a.m. the following day.

Song of the day: Memories by Maroon 5

Journal entry for Monday, February 19th, 2024

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was an okay Monday. Returning to work after spending a week in vacation was a new feeling. I was busy from the get-go, but I was able to handle all of my tasks with ease. I joined my friends for a call in the afternoon and, in the late evening, we eventually left the call. I focused on studying for the meantime and then joined my friends again for a call and we watched some analog horror videos.

Song of the day: Jet Lag (feat. Natasha Bedingfield) by Simple Plan

Journal entry for Sunday, February 18th, 2024

Sun, 18 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I tried my best to review for the upcoming Amazon exam next weekend but I couldn't focus much on it. I did have fun in the evening by watching Poor Things (2023). At first, it turned out to be a really weird movie, but I eventually liked it at the end.

Song of the day: Thinking Of You by Katy Perry

Journal entry for Saturday, February 17th, 2024

Sat, 17 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today, I tried to review for that upcoming Amazon exam and talk to some friends, but that was it.

Journal entry for Friday, February 16th, 2024

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Song of the day: Thinking Of You by Katy Perry

Journal entry for Thursday, February 15th, 2024

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I had some time outside in the day where I took the watch out for a spin. I noticed that the battery drain was extremely excessive, so I tried to charge it with my phone but it had a bit of trouble. After deciding that I charged my watch enough, I ate at a restaurant and had my favorite food. I treated myself again as some form of "comeback" to recklessly spending all that money last week on some girl. I tried to go bowling, but the arcade store didn't sync the actual amount of money in my card, so I just went home and enjoyed a really uneventful afternoon and evening. I really just recalibrated the watch to use the battery less.

Song of the day: Heart Shaker by TWICE

Lyrics that resonated with me:
이상하게 생각해도
어쩔 수 없어 반했으니까
You're my heart shaker, shaker
놓치기 싫어

It's Hero Time!

Wed, 14 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

I met up with a new girl I met online, out of the blue. The meetup place we had set was pretty far but I'm glad she decided to meet on Valentine's day. I was excited to actually meet up with her. After getting lost for a bit, I then saw her sitting at a Popeyes store and I approached her. I'm actually glad she gifted me a lot of things, I didn't expect it. After that was done, we parted ways and I felt so happy! I immediately used the new Samsung Galaxy Watch4 Classic I bought from her. Unfortunately, the only woman I saw this Valentine's day was some random woman selling her old Galaxy Watch. She was nice enough to give me a lot of **free watch straps**, though. That was the "highlight" of my day, but my day began with me staying up until 5 a.m. because of my fucked up sleep schedule. I got chocolates from my workplace in the morning and the delivery of it was what woke me up so early. I was supposed to sleep until 2 p.m. or something. It didn't matter that I woke up early, I might as well have woken up at 2 p.m. because I couldn't remember a single part of the morning. In the afternoon or so, my sister gave me a single sunflower (which I loved), and I remembered this YouTube video of a guy using an Omnitrix app on their Samsung Galaxy Watch. I decided that I've been through a lot of bullshit recently, I *deserve* to actually treat myself out today and live it up. So I found a seller I could meet up with today and purchased the watch from them. I was so hooked with using the watch. I had set a watch face that looked like the Omnitrix on standby and it looks so cool. The way it worked with my Samsung phone was great as well. After buying the watch, I stayed at a Starbucks to install updates and configure it. I'm so impressed by it, it's easily the fanciest piece of technology I own and I'm so happy that I got one. I talked to some friends while there and I wish I could post a photo on my Instagram, but I was lying low so I couldn't. While at the mall, I got groceries and went home. Using the watch while on the motorcycle ride home was such a dream. I used to fiddle with my large-ass Samsung phone and have a fear of it being stolen while using it on the road, but with the watch, I could easily change and set Spotify songs without the hassle. Needless to say, I ended the day on a really high notes and, while I'm a bit dismayed I spent Valentine's day on my own, I'm glad that I got to treat myself well.

Song of the day: Do You Remember by Jay Sean, Sean Paul, Lil Jon

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Do you remember?
Do you remember? (Hey!)
Do you remember? (Oh-oh, ooh, yeah)
All of the times we had
Do you remember? (Do you remember?) (Hey!)
Do you remember? (Do you remember?)
Do you remember? (Oh oh) (Hey!)
All of the times we had (Do you remember?)

Journal entry for Tuesday, February 13th, 2024

Tue, 13 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I stayed up late again tonight until 6 a.m. just being in a call with my friends, watching analog horror and scary YouTube videos with them. I slept for a really long time and, when I woke up, I felt like I wasted half of the day already. I did some other things in the afternoon that weren't important. I also helped some guy transfer crypto in his wallet and it was such a hassle, it also took some of my funds. It was a stress on my head on an already-stressful day, on what was supposed to be a stress-less week. To recoup my mood, I decided to go out to Glorietta and hang out there for a while. I got to play Wangan Midnight for a bit and I used the power bank at a Starbucks. While there, I heard "All Is Found" playing on the speakers and I remembered how good of an album Frozen 2's soundtrack was. I fully charged my phone and I felt okay exploring other parts of Makati that I knew. While walking, I was talking to Kai and catching up on her things as well as life updates. I went home and the ride home was absolutely scary! I thought I was going to faint or fall off the motorcycle. It was absolutely scary to experience that while listening to songs from Frozen 2. But I got home safe and found a new wallpaper to end the evening. Additionally, during the afternoon, I had to install Instagram for a bit and I found a notification from that new person. They messaged about me disappearing on them or something, and it struck me as creepy because I **know** she wants to get back so she can have more of my money/ask money from me again. If she genuinely cared about reaching out, she would send me an email or something. But she doesn't, and she's really into me because of the money I gave her. It was *so creepy* and I was honestly frightened. It's been 2 days since I cut her off and she's still reaching out. Meanwhile, the girls I cut off from before have stopped reaching out after I stopped entertaining them (+ they had nothing to gain from me anyway), but this one was relentless because she's probably thinking of how much money she can siphon out of me. I told my friend about it and they agreed that it was creepy as hell. Thankfully, I'm not stupid enough to go back on IG and use my account again, not while that girl is still there. Good God, I better learn lessons from this.

Song of the day: All Is Found by Evan Rachel Wood

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Where the north wind meets the sea
There's a river full of memory
Sleep, my darling, safe and sound
For in this river all is found

Journal entry for Monday, February 12th, 2024

Mon, 12 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was supposed to go to Enchanted Kingdom today and enjoy the rides there, but I got caught up in other things which forced me to stay at home, much to my dismay. It is kinda sad because I spent my money on some girl which could've been used for a really good day at EK, but I kinda wasted it. I spent most of the day in a call with my friends. I actually called the entire February 12-15 off and I thought today was going to be my EK day. I felt accomplished while trying to add some fixes to my website. For the evening, I was still in a call with my friends while we were listening to a podcast/video from Stephanie Soo about this infamous billionaire in the US. After a few hours, we all disconnected and I was thinking of whether or not I should push my plans to go to EK tomorrow. I thought about it, but I honestly can't go through with it. I'll be in a call with my friends again later tonight which will screw up my body clock. I need to be at EK before 11 and I don't think I can get there on time. I'm also strapped for cash. I spent so much of my money on some useless endeavors these past few days and I honestly regret it. I am still happy for myself, though. I had enough care for myself to leave such a bad relationship at the start. I treated myself and my sister to some food and I appreciate the power bank she got me while she was out earlier.

Song of the day: OMG by NewJeans

An Ending in 6 Days or Less

Sun, 11 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I have been through so many things in my time here on Earth. Some hardships, though, are only meant to be experienced once. I'm very careful with how I place my emotions these days. I'm very wary of going into romantic relationships especially. I've been with a girl that just wanted to drain my money before, use me as a wallet and essentially "buy the things she wouldn't have bought." I've made that mistake before and I'm not going through it again no matter what. When this new person asked me in the morning that it would be easier for me to buy them facial treatments worth 10,000 Pesos for 1 year, instead of me giving them 2,100 every 2 months (25,200), alarm bells instantly rang for me and sirens were blaring. I just gave this girl an exorbitant amount of money in the past few days and we aren't even together. In fact, I don't think she was ever interested. She never even called my by my nickname. I checked, and she never did. I'm in the dating pool to meet someone genuinely and not some "subscription." I'm not going to settle for someone to treat me right "at a later time" neither. I have had **so, so many** of those fake promises, none of which were followed through. It's disgusting, and I'm already suffering a large burnout at the moment from giving too much to the wrong people. I've been a giver for many, many years and I'm so sick of it. Thankfully, I took precautions. I gave money, but not my feelings. I don't feel invested in this and it's easy for me to just cut away and disappear. I'm really wary of people now, after having gone through 2 horrible experiences in a row. I'm glad I didn't get attached that much for me to be emotionally involved or else this fallout would've been horrible. It was the opposite, it felt nice. Rather than stressing for paying for a [white elephant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant), I felt at ease. Knowing that I can be happy on my own and I have my friends. I can gift myself my own things and appreciate them in the right way. I felt comfortable, I felt light at the fact that I didn't have to stress about this anymore. I didn't have to pay for this and that, for recurring payments, and for so much more. I'm glad I ended this early and saved myself from a lot of heartbreak. In the morning, all I felt was unease and, after telling me that I had to give her 10,000 Pesos, on top of what I've already given her (+ things I have to give *in the future*), my heart just sank. And, in the afternoon, it felt really nice. In the evening, I was asked by my friends to play Fatal Frame in a call. After that, we watched The Color Purple (2023). It was pretty good. I was gripped by the movie and it moved my emotions. The call ended on a good note and I was happy afterwards. Speaking of purple things, there was still that case of that purple bouquet. I decided to give it to the only person who genuinely deserves it: my sister. I took out the love letter in the bouquet and threw it away. I asked my sister to make me coffee she got me a cup. I felt really happy after all of that. I was still sad, a bit, because I lost a person. But I chilled back, relaxed, and played Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix+. I haven't played Vocaloid songs in a long time and I used to find comfort in them. One song really boosted my mood and completed my day.

Song of the day: shake it! by emon(Tes.)

A Confession in 5 Days or Less

Sat, 10 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

### This is pretty freaky to me. I met someone new *again* and they confessed to me at around the 5-day mark. It's pretty freaky to me because, of all the 4 people that have liked me in the past 2 years, **all 4** of them confessed in less than 2 weeks. Like, what the hell did I do? Of course, I'm slightly panicking because I know confessions that come this fast never led to anything good. This is my 4th time on the wheel and I can already see that there are warning signs. I didn't know who to tell and I was in a weird, shocked state so I told my 2 closest friends at the moment about this, and Rachel reaffirmed the same thoughts: nothing good that will last comes fast. I felt called out, but it was really true. In the past experiences I've had of a confession that came way too early, it all ended horribly. So here I am, thinking whether or not what I did for them was what got them into me in the first place, or if I'm just a great, genuine all-arounder and a nice person to spend someone's whole life with. I'm pretty sure it's the former. I am a bit sad of this pushing through as this would probably end all of the things I'm comfortable with now. I'm not even sure I can fully trust the person yet. They have a lot of unknowns and, of course, virtual chemistry doesn't really translate well to physical chemistry. I'm not comfortable with them at all and sinking my emotions into this will just lead to heartbreak. She's already saying cutesy stuff to me already, which honestly makes me feel uncomfortable. While my feelings are genuinely of confusion, I'm kind of sad in the background. I went outside and kept talking to that new person while I was out on my own. I kept updating her and telling her about how things are going. If I'm going to take this path with this new person, I need to have all my doubts quelled and I should be ready to end all of the things I enjoy now. I'm not sure about that just yet, though. But I'll see how this pans out.

Song of the day: The One That Got Away by Katy Perry

Journal entry for Friday, February 9th, 2024

Fri, 09 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was a usual Friday for me, but it started with me staying up with my friends. Around 6 a.m. or so, I was able to play Tekken 8 with Nicole in the early morning. I went to sleep and that was that. For the evening, I woke up late but then had a pretty chill afternoon. I got to join a call with my friends and watched some analog horror series with them, but they slept and I disconnected from the call. I went on my evening still talking to that girl online and then I was invited by my friends for a call so we can watch a horror game. They didn't really like the gameplay all that much and we just watch a video from the Horror Mine, which freaked me more than it did for them. After that, we all left the call and rejoined after eating dinner. I just watched them play Red Dead Redemption 2 and we talked about some things. It was 1 a.m. and we left the call around that time. My night still continued for a few more hours. I kept talking to that new person and they asked me to stay up with them until 3 a.m. in the morning. I talked to my friend in the background and spilled the tea on the latest going on with that new person.

Journal entry for Thursday, February 8th, 2024

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I didn't really feel 100% today. There were some parts of me that were still in shambles from yesterday. Even during work, I was crying in the background and I was still very much hurt. But I was able to get through today and have fun for a reasonable chunk of it. In the morning, nothing was unusual and I finished my morning tasks as always. I got to join my friends in a call and play Phasmophobia with them for 2 rounds during my lunch break, then they told me that they give up on Phasmo and said that it was boring haha. Then we just watched horror or scary thing on YouTube. I heard something really bad. So it really ticked me off for a good chunk of the day. In my frustration, I was playing XG's "LEFT RIGHT" in the background and banging a dead lightbulb on my table. I smacked it so much that it broke, scattering shards of glass on my table. Thankfully, I cleaned it up and the only time I got hurt was when I was pricked from a shard of glass I didn't see. One of my supervisors at work did tell me that they clearly see the frustration I have with my work tasks and they heard me when I communicated to them that my tasks weren't up to par with what I want to do with my career. Thankfully, they're making adjustments on their side and they're going to put me into more DevOps tasks soon, which relieved me. In the evening, I was still in a call with someone and we watched episode 1 of Universe Ticket. Then we left the call for the night. I was playfully talking to some girl online for the evening and I honestly wasn't sure if I was flirting or not. I think I wasn't. But I tried to find more people in the evening because I was still very much frustrated. I'm not sure where this goes and I don't intend on it progressing, but we'll see.

Song of the day: LEFT RIGHT by XG

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Want your body swervin' left, right, left, right
I want your body movin' left, right, left, right
You keep me up, my heart is beatin' up and down
Spinnin' 'round and 'round ('Round and 'round)
Just like my Pirellis burnin' on the ground

I Wish Today Was Better

Wed, 07 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

Today was horrible. I'm doubting if rejecting that offer was a mistake. I think it was, honestly. I just continued to have a miserable day. During lunchtime, my friends and I just watched horror videos and talked. The whole time, those were the thoughts running at the back of my head: I don't feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. I feel like I'm destined to be somewhere else, to be with someone else, have better prospects. In the evening, I wasn't in a call with my friends and I was looking at my messages in Instagram. I saw the profile picture of one of my old crushes and she looks so happy with her boyfriend. The guy looks so happy, too. That was the final straw for me, I literally cried after seeing that. That guy is *so* lucky. I had a "that should be me" moment towards that guy. The girl was the nicest girl I've ever met, she imparted so many lessons for me. I know she would've been the perfect girlfriend. And I just kept bawling my eyes out. I had never had an "ugly cry" in a while and I feel like I've been bottling up my emotions. I was praying and wondering when it'll be *my time* to be happy like that. When I'll be that lucky and grateful for the person I'm with. Then I remember what the girl said to me before: > We are each other's safe spaces. Just when I thought I couldn't cry anymore, I cried even harder. It sucks because I don't have any safe spaces anymore. I don't feel safe fully confiding on a single person. Whoever that guy is must have been a saint in a past life, or must have cured cancer in an alternate timeline. I'm so jealous. I feel so miserable. This day would've been just awful if it weren't for a few saving graces in the evening. My friends asked me how I was doing and they listened to how I was feeling for a bit, before they went and changed the topic about something else. And apparently I had someone confess to me that they're interested in me. Which seemed **extremely suspicious** after I just gave them something. Personally, I think it was bullshit, but I'm playing along because I'd rather have someone lie and tell me that they're interested in me than not having one at all. I hate my life situation. No matter how hard I run, how much I strive, I still think what I'm doing is not enough. How much more work do I need to devote, how many more projects, how much more effort. I really hope that someday I'll get out of this horrible midnight part of my life and see the sun rise on my head again.

Song of the day: Am I Dreaming (Metro Boomin & A$AP Rocky, Roisee) by Metro Boomin

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Got me feelin'
Like it's all too much
I feel beaten
But I can't give up
I'm still fightin' (Metro)
I don't feel I've lost
Am I dreamin'?

Journal entry for Tuesday, February 6th, 2024

Tue, 06 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I woke up today feeling okay, I feel really good and I think I had the ample amount of sleep for me. In the afternoon, I was on my own doing my work tasks to pass time. Suddenly, I had an idea. I anticipated that I wasn't gonna be in a call with my friends for the evening, so I decided to treat myself outside to a restaurant. I found the best restaurant that served squid on Foursquare, and it turned out to be Wok Inn in Manila. I got my best/favorite outfit ready and I felt great. When I got there, it was freezing like hell. The place looked a little drab, but the air conditioning was top notch. They didn't have a lot of people eating, in fact when I got there it was just 1 couple eating, so I felt really awkward. Eventually, I was able to order squid and their famous fried dumplings. The dumplings they served were totally different from the other dumplings I've tried. It was flavorful and I honestly have never tasted dumplings like that before. It was good, it was different. Then I ate some of the stuffed squid and it didn't turn out to par for me. It was stuffed with some weird vegetables that was a little too bitter for my taste. Plus the squid was really tiny. For 305 Pesos, it was kind of a letdown, but I had fun eating regardless. I walked around a bit more to a Starbucks and got a notification from Instagram about an IG Story I posted 3 years ago. I was with Angela and we ate at a samgyupsal after the pandemic. It freaked me out a bit because I was at the same spot, at the same Starbucks we were in 3 years ago. It was super freaky. When I got home, I paid close attention to Manila's surroundings and neighborhoods. I don't think I like Manila all that much. It reminds me of bad events from the past, how I weaved through these streets 2 years ago (or more) all hopeful and happy, but now I'm pensive and alone. When I got to the SLEX highway, I was playing "Lovesick Girls" by Blackpink and it was pretty scary because I was riding at the back of a motorcycle, and we were going at 62 kilometers per hour or so. It was fun, but I *felt* like I was gonna die. The song was super fitting to my mood and situation, though. I think I looped the song for more than 10 times on the ride home. I got home safe and I was able to talk to a few friends, especially Cheska. We haven't caught up in a while and I was happy to talk to her again. I had some bouts of overthinking throughout the day, but I tried my best to affirm myself that I'm okay. The thing that made this day was definitely playing "Lovesick Girls" while I was holding on for dear life. Also, that driver sprayed some good-smelling alcohol into the helmet and it left my hair smelling nice? It smells like a girl's hair and it somehow raised my mood???

Song of the day: Lovesick Girls by BLACKPINK

Lyrics that resonated with me:
But I don't care, I'll do it over and over
내 세상 속엔 너만 있으면 돼

We are the lovesick girls
네 멋대로 내 사랑을 끝낼순 없어
We are the lovesick girls
이 아픔 없인 난 아무 의미가 없어

But we were born to be alone
Yeah, we were born to be alone
Yeah, we were born to be alone
But why we still looking for love?

Journal entry for Monday, February 5th, 2024

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I thought today was going to spiral into a bad day, but I managed to steer my mood in the evening to okay-enough levels. In the morning, I had a lot of work tasks to finish and a lot of things to deal with. > Expect disappointment and you will never be disappointed. Yeah, right. I did that and still managed to be disappointed, which was a new low for me. Thank God I was able to channel my frustration into something productive by working out and continuing my AWS course for a bit. If it wasn't for myself, I would've been so distraught. But I'm not gonna let this crush my spirit. I'm going to keep looking.

Song of the day: It's Been a Long, Long Time by Kitty Kallen

Journal entry for Sunday, February 4th, 2024

Sun, 04 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Not much happened again today aside from me procuring the items that I'll give out for Valentine's day. In the evening, I tried to cheer myself up by buying alcohol, because I thought for some reason that would help. I bought a few beers for myself, and I first tried drinking 1 honey ale one while watching The Hangover Part III (2013). I couldn't even make it through the first 30 minutes because I was burning up and I felt itchy all of the sudden. I broke out into hives and I quickly realized that it was an allergy attack. I didn't know I was allergic to beer, or maybe just **this** type of beer. Needless to say, that put a break to my beer drinking for tonight.

Song of the day: Under The Sea by Sweet Steel

Journal entry for Saturday, February 3rd, 2024

Sat, 03 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Nothing much happened today, I spent most of the day browsing the Internet and doing random things. In the evening, I tried to boost my mood further by going outside. I went to play Wangan Midnight at the arcade agin but didn't really have that much of a fun time there. I did meet my cousin there, coincidentally, and that shocked me. After playing, I got to walk around and think to myself. I took a while in staying at a Starbucks because I was charging my phone, but I was just browsing Instagram or Reddit to kill the time. After getting a full battery in, I walked around for a bit. Walking actually seemed lonely for me, way more lonely than usual. I would often just walk and be okay, but somehow I want to have someone/anyone by my side. I sat at a very memorable spot amongst the stairs and I booked a ride home. In the evening, I didn't really do much aside from just browse my phone.

Song of the day: Мой мармеладный (Speed Up) by Katya Lel

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Попробуй муа-муа, попробуй джага-джага
Попробуй у-у, мне это надо, надо
Опять мне кажется, что кружится голова
Мой мармеладный, я не права

Journal entry for Friday, February 2nd, 2024

Fri, 02 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

In the morning, I had some work done and my workload for today seemed pretty light. I mostly coasted through some work items for today. I feel like I ate so much food today and my fullness from yesterday still wasn't gone. In the afternoon, I was completing a task that I couldn't figure out. By evening, I was pretty much left alone doing my own things after work. Around 10 p.m., Meryll and I joined a call to watch Elemental (2023). We had planned this since last week but I had to meet Badet so it was rescheduled to today. It's been a few weeks since we last talked so we had a lot of stories to tell each other. We talked about a lot of things for the first hour, especially about work. I had my second account join the server and had the movie pulled up, but we were an hour in and we still haven't started the movie! It was funny because both of us were just talked a lot longer than the usual "hi, hello, how are you?" and then watched the film. Then Max joined in on the call once we saw that she was awake. It was pretty funny how she didn't have stable Internet and I was wheezing because of it. Max stays for a bit and we all talk about meeting up again on the 24th. It got to the point where it was around 11:50 or so and we 3 were still talking on Discord, just talking. Max left shortly after that, Meryll and I laughed at how it was midnight and we hadn't watched the film yet. It's been 2 hours since we last planned to play the film but we were both caught up in talking and gossip. We eventually watched Elemental and it was a pretty cute film between 2 budding lovers. Going into it, I did not expect it to be a romance & comedy film. I was expecting it to be something along the lines of Up (2009), or The Incredibles (2004), or Monsters Inc (2001). It tugged on me a lot because I've been wanting a cute romance story in my own life, I want to magically meet someone new one day and have a fun, lighthearted romance with them. A few tears were shed from my side and Meryll had already seen the film, so nothing was new to her. One weird thing I noticed while watching was that I had to remind myself that I'm watching the film with Meryll and not with someone, which kind of surprised me. The film ended on a cute note and we talked a lot while watching the film. Meryll had a lot of insights and it was funny how alike were our thoughts throughout the film. After watching and while the credits were rolling, we got to talk about other things and I even expressed some of my hidden frustrations about life and my current situation. It really has been a while since I talked to anyone about my problems and Meryll attentively listened with the problems I was carrying. It was really nice because all I wanted, recently, is just to be acknowledged. To have my struggles validated, and know that my frustrations are worth getting mad at. We talked for a bit more about her things and then I showed her the inner workings of my mood calendar. All in all, it was *really nice* to have a friend to talk to, watch movies with, and also have a friend group that plans on doing more things in the future. It made for a really good day.

Song of the day: Turn Around (5,4,3,2,1) by Flo Rida

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Oh, oh, baby, want some more, baby?
I love the way you do it 'cause you do it so crazy
I'm countin' down, so turn around
5, 4, 3, 2, 1, now make that booty go
Mmm da da, mmm da da
Mmm da da, oh-oh
Mmm da da, mmm da da
Mmm da da, oh-oh

Journal entry for Thursday, February 1st, 2024

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today is a really surprising day. I was dealing with work things as usual and I had my fair share of work items on my plate today. The evening was more interesting, though. I had gotten myself into an argument with someone and it was a really harsh, standoff-ish argument. It got really heated and they brought up their pains from years ago. I saw that it had hurt them pretty badly. Even though I didn't think of it as such, it was apparently very deep for them. I was at fault though, for not doing my part, and they were right in saying that it was them who did most of the heavy lifting when things go bad. I still hold on to my reasons (for the ones that are true), but I honestly admit my fault and admit that I could do better. Even though the argument somewhat ended, they still haven't made up to me and that kind of caused my mood to dip way down than we were arguing. What shocked me was how perceptive they were and how attuned they were to *my* emotions. They sensed that I wasn't okay. I personally thought they would go into another tirade against me or just talk about themselves, but they noticed that I still wasn't okay. I personally was crying in the background because I'm vehemently wishing that I'll be acknowledged by someone someday. That I'll meet someone who'll be attuned to my feelings or at least listen to what I have to say. That I'll meet someone who truly appreciates me. It made me really sad, but I was eventually okay when they noticed my mood and eventually made amends for it. I'm personally glad they just admitted that they were intentionally not listening to me. For me, I'm just glad that I was able to communicate and talk out of this. We had both expressed faults in the end and that's the only thing that made this day worthwhile for me: we can still communicate to each other. Plus I'm also glad that they cared for me, even though it wasn't much.

Song of the day: Sugar by Flo Rida, Wynter

Lyrics that resonated with me:
So call me your sugar, so call me your sugar
You'll love you some, you'll love you some
I'm sweet like...

Dumm
Da ba dee da ba dye
Da ba dee da ba dye
Da ba dee da ba dye
(I'm sweet like)

Journal entry for Wednesday, January 31st, 2024

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I didn't really do much today aside from sleep. I didn't get any sleep at all in the morning. I decided to watch The Hangover Part II (2011) to burn the time. I was, however, able to recover enough sleep in the morning. When I woke up, I was able to get into a call with my friends. We were just talking and they were singing a song from Moana. I told them that I've never actually watched Moana before and they suggested that we watch Moana (2016). I really liked the story and I can't believe I sat on it for this long. After watching, they asked me what other Disney movie I missed and they recommended Cinderella (2015). We planned to watch it after 1 episode of Downton Abbey. Then we watched the pilot episode of Downton Abbey for the fun of it. It's been a long time since we watched it, I know the last time was July of last year, so I couldn't remember the story that much. We finished 1 episode and I still remember a good chunk of the plot, thankfully. After Downton Abbey, we watched Cinderella and they made a lot of jokes during the film. I learned a lot of fun trivia items about the movie while we were watching, and we exchanged a lot of jokes during it. After that, they all left to sleep for a bit and I decided to do some other things. In the background of it all, I was managing my domain transfer. I had decided to migrate my DNS and registrar from Cloudflare to Amazon, then use Route53 for my DNS. It was pretty seamless, I was able to remove the registrar locks and transfer all of my DNS records to Amazon. The whole process took around an hour or so and I was able to extend dartegnian.com for 1 year, following another registrar transfer. I've moved from Zoom.PH to Google Domains, then Cloudflare to Amazon in the past years and I'm hoping to make Amazon/AWS my home as I pursue a path in taking up AWS. The day ended with me sleeping throughout most of the evening. I don't think I recall waking up for more than 2 minutes. I don't know why, but I slept through the whole evening. But I enjoyed my time awake, and I really enjoyed it no matter how short it was.

Song of the day: I Ain't Worried by OneRepublic

Earbuds in Vegas

Tue, 30 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Tuesday came with a lot of deliverables and deadlines on my plate today. I just had to finish a lot of them. Normally, dealing with a lot of tasks and work pains would turn this day sour for me, but some saving graces came through for my mood: - The Hangover (2009) - Katy Perry's "Waking Up In Vegas." I watched The Hangover over the course of the day because my mood was totally shot. I was "chest-deep in the dumps" kind of bad. But I remembered how The Hangover seemed like a fun movie and I have a thing for films I watched when I was in school, so I decided to watch it for the hell of it. It was super funny to me, I immediately imagined myself in a group with 3 other guys, having fun on a night out and just doing shit for the hell of it. It's kinda sad to think that I *used* to have that kind of friend group, but now I'm a lone wolf (or a lone star, heh) now, but thankfully my mind didn't fixate on that. It really boosted my mood and I rediscovered Katy Perry's "Waking Up In Vegas" because of it. It is such a hidden gem and I remember listening to that song a lot when I was in my early teens. My sister also got me free food in the afternoon, which probably helped me a lot. After work, I joined a call with my friends for a bit and watched them play Red Dead Redemption 2. The call ended and I decided to go outside so I can pick up that AWS training course, but in a different setting. I wanted to continue learning, but at my favorite hangout place this time: Starbucks 32nd Street but then my friends messaged that they'll play Red Dead Redemption 2 so soon. I asked them to play for a bit without me and they obliged. My wired earphones started to break and fail on my way there, though, so I decided to buy myself new earphones as a sort of gift. I got the Sony WF-C500. It's been a year since I've had wireless earbuds anyway, plus I am in love with wireless earbuds. It's a step down from my flagships WF-1000XM4 (sold) and Galaxy Buds Pro 2 (stolen), but it'll do since this is all I can afford right now. I promised I'll get myself any top earbuds once I pass all my AWS certifications. I eventually arrived at my favorite place in BGC, watched some parts of the current module to test out the earbuds and went home replaying "Waking Up In Vegas" to keep me hyped up on the way home. I got to join the call again while my friends were playing Red Dead Redemption to and I just hopped in the call. We talked about the game for a bit and it wasn't long before they went to sleep. I used the time after to continue my AWS certification training course as well as tinker around the AWS Management Console. I was going to write a blog post about the current state of my domain's architecture, but it was postponed. I just decided to do some other things which ended the day.

Song of the day: Waking Up In Vegas by Katy Perry

Lyrics that resonated with me:
You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night
We need a taxi
'Cause you're hungover and I'm broke

Journal entry for Monday, January 29th, 2024

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Monday began and it was work as usual. I resumed some of my tasks from last week and I had quite a few stuff to deal with today. My team gave out a survey for us and I gave them my honest opinions and expressed my circumstances there. While working, I also listened to old scary Filipino stories from Philippine Campfire Stories. For lunch, my sister wasn't around so I ordered take out and got Zark's Burgers, I got "The Jawbreaker" and some sides like fries and nachos. I finished the Jawbreaker with relative ease this time, which should sound off alarm bells because I had a hard time finishing it before. I'm going to die from my diet, for sure. The sides weren't as much as I had remembered ordering before—for better or worse—and it was expensive for the price. Eventually, I finished my work, and my sister arrived from her job interview in the evening. She got an offer and signed immediately and I told her some general tips about working. In the evening, I joined a call for a bit to watch my friends play Red Dead Redemption and then they all slept afterwards. It was still pretty early in the night and I saw the RC guys playing Valorant in the Discord server. I didn't want to join, I never even played Valorant with them, so I just focused on my AWS certification and took more of the lessons the current course I was taking. I burned a good chunk of it and had some spare time to browse the Internet and reply to my other friends on Slowly to pass some time, which ended the night.

Song of the day: Lovefool by The Cardigans

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Lately I have desperately pondered
Spent my nights awake and I wonder

Journal entry for Sunday, January 28th, 2024

Sun, 28 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was an average weekend at home. I woke up at around 10 to do some general things and eventually I joined a call with my friends around noon to watch them play Red Dead Redemption. They played for quite a bit, then they brought up the origin of the "I will never financially recover from this" meme. It was a show called Tiger King that starred some weirdo named Joe Exotic and we watched them for some episodes. They were about to pass out, and even slept for a good chunk of it, while I was eating my spicy KFC meal. The crew somehow got my order wrong again and, thankfully, I got another free sandwich. I'm pretty sure my stomach will never recover from this. I was right and, by the time it was evening, I had a really bad issue with burping so much. I can also feel my stomach acid rising. I was still in a call with my friends and we watched 2 episodes of The Last of Us show before they played more Red Dead Redemption 2 in the evening. After that, we just watched some general unsolved mysteries and stuff while they dozed off to sleep. That pretty much ended the day.

Song of the day: Jenny by The Click Five

Journal entry for Saturday, January 27th, 2024

Sat, 27 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I mostly slept for this day, I don't know why. I woke up around morning, as usual, but then I went back to sleep after taking some milk in the morning to calm this acidic feeling in my gut. I then woke up at around 1:00 p.m. with a large headache. In the afternoon, I was mostly watching videos of aespa and other things on my YouTube feed as I ate food. I tried doing some learning with that AWS course, but I kind of struggled with finishing a good chunk of it today. I also played Wipeout HD & Fury on my PS3 emulator today but eventually took a break from it. I feel like I wasted a lot of time today, not sure of what to do, but I tried my best to be productive. I didn't really join a call with my friends today because I was afraid of wasting my time, so I just wasted my time on some other things.

Song of the day: Thirsty by aespa

Lyrics that resonated with me:
조급한 생각은 no, no (ya)
이건 또 너를 위한 감정인 거야 (woo)
(Sip, sip, sip, sip) 그래서 난
(Sip, sip, sip) So thirsty, thirsty, thirsty

It’s Been 5 years!

Fri, 26 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

I met Badet again after 5 years! She brought along her husband of 2 years and we all had dinner in BGC! I honestly cannot fathom how long it has been ever since I've seen her. I've kept up with my past workmates, and even attend some of their celebrations (as the "baby boy" of the company). But for Badet, we haven't kept up much and ony recently decided to see each other after she moved in with her husband. Her humor hasn't changed one bit, as she says, and I can clearly see that she still makes the same old jokes as she did in 2018-2019. We're still very close, despite not talking much for a very long time, which honestly surprised me. Before we met, I finished a lot of my major work duties and had my fair share of fun at a monthly company event, VHH. My friends are gonna be unavailable this evening and for tomorrow so it was the perfect time for me to meet and hang out with old friends. After a few hours of "me" time, I went to BGC and got there pretty early at around 7:40. Since they were doing church activities, I decided to play Wangan Midnight to kill the time and I got a lot of good wins. I progressed through the story enough to max out my car's tuning. An hour or so later, they arrived and I got to meet up with them. We ate at Samgyupsalamat again, which is kind of funny because I just ate there recently, just last week. And they treated me to dinner since they were so late (the meetup time was 8:00 p.m.). Funny enough, we only ordered beef and I believe I ate so much again. It was just me and Badet talking about their plans for the future as husband and wife, where they're going in life, and how I'm planning to change my life this year. Badet was really insisting me to go to Canada with them and I appreciate the gesture. Maybe in the future, if I don't have ties in this country, I might take them up on the offer. Once we were finished eating, we walked around for a bit to burn what we ate, and this is the part where I open up to Badet about my current situation. Like all of my friends I've told this story to, they gave me the advice that I should be following, but she praises me on doing what is necessary for my situation. She and her husband then share stories of their horrible trip to Cebu and we laugh about some things. They invited me to come over and use their PS5, or just play games at a gaming cafe when we have the time and I agreed. After that, we got a single car home that stopped by their and my place. On the car ride home, I was mostly trying to digest how much time had passed ever since I was in KVH. It's been 5 years and I still keep up with them, which was frighteningly weird. I got to catch up with Meryll a bit before going to bed, because we had originally planned to watch a movie this evening. But after that, I went to sleep.

Song of the day: Kiss You by One Direction

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Oh, I just wanna show you off to all of my friends
Making them drool down their chinny-chin-chins
Baby, be mine tonight, mine tonight
Baby, be mine tonight, yeah

Journal entry for Thursday, January 25th, 2024

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I was mostly busy with work today, again, and I sought help from higher-ups after I found my current situation too frustrating and I couldn't figure it out anymore. They proposed a solution and I was able to work well with that solution. After that, my work continued as usual. In the evening, I got into a call with my friends and I watched them play Red Dead Redemption 2 for a few hours, before we all decided to wind down by watching The Last of Us, the HBO show. We were able to watch 2 episodes before we called the day.

Song of the day: 'Til We Meet Again by aespa

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Sayin' goodbye now
거짓말처럼 행복한
우리가 빛난 오늘 밤

Journal entry for Wednesday, January 24th, 2024

Wed, 24 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Today was pretty calm and fair. I had expected turbulence and that things would not be okay again, but things turned out actually great. When I joined my friends for a call in the afternoon, they were playing Red Dead Redemption 2. I got to be in a call with my friends and with them still playing Red Dead Redemption 2, up until 8 p.m. After that, we watched the HBO show version of The Last of Us and they slowly slept after that. I called it in early today, surprisingly, and slept at around 10 p.m.

Song of the day: The Night We Met by Lord Huron

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met

Journal entry for Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024

Tue, 23 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

I was really busy today. I spent most of my day at work, but I couldn't really figure out anything properly. I overtimed and worked an extra hour and 30 before I went to bed to go to sleep. I woke up at around 8 and did some thinking. I wondered how I'm gonna flourish in my current situation. I decided to just fix my sleep schedule and take an AWS certification on my own, funded by my own money. After being tired so much, I just went back to sleep.

Song of the day: Perfect by Ed Sheeran

Journal entry for Monday, January 22nd, 2024

Mon, 22 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

I woke up with the worst feeling today, like I was exhausted and I didn't really feel okay in the morning. I just woke up to ask for a leave and slept for most of the morning off. When I woke up in the afternoon, I mostly felt okay. I was surprised that I woke up at around 3 p.m., I guess my body needed a lot of sleep. I got to order milk tea from my favorite store to feel better. In the evening, I had some spare time so I just adjusted some variables in my blog's theme. I got to join a call with my friends in the evening and things were fairly normal. I watched them play Red Dead Redemption 2 and I helped them catch their best horse, which was a white Arabian horse that they named Taylor (after Taylor Swift).

Song of the day: Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses

Journal entry for Sunday, January 21st, 2024

Sun, 21 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

My sister and I went out early today so we can have our late birthday celebration for me. We were supposed to visit Tim Ho Wan and try out that *hakaw* (shrimp dumplings) I've been wanting to try, but remembering that she's a picky eater, I just asked her to look at the menu and she asked to visit Nanyang instead. We got to BGC High Street and went inside this Bread Talk shop which also housed another restaurant in it. I thought this was just a Bread Talk shop, but apparently it had Nanyang inside of it as well. We ate at Nanyang and I liked the dish I was served, to an extent. I had some noodles with chicken and cheese, and I wish I had more of the chicken. The noodles were okay. I also had some toast at the side with 2 poached eggs, all were good but I was expecting a heavier meal since it would be the only thing I would eat today. Oh well. After eating, we headed to Timezone and I couldn't transfer the incorrectly-purchased credits from my old card into my main one. But I still got them transferred into a new card and I played Wangan Midnight with my sister. I tried to teach her how to drive with manual transmission in the game and I accomplished a few story mode missions as well, upgrading my car. We got to sing some karaoke afterwards and then walked around Fully Booked before heading home. Some time later, I got into a call with my friends and I was explaining something to them, and they played Red Dead Redemption 2 eventually. I was having a somewhat-bad 2 days recently because I'm dealing with really heavy stuff that I'm trying to keep under wraps, but I just couldn't hold back and waterworks happened. I don't think they noticed, though, but they soon noticed that my mood was off and they asked me about it. In my head, I was thinking whether or not I should tell them the things I'm *truly* worried about, but I just gave them a fib and it wasn't really the crux of my problem. I tried my best to nurse my mood and pretty soon I was OK enough, so to speak. I still felt down, of course. Doomscrolling on Instagram didn't really help my mood either, but I realized that I was doomscrolling and stopped myself. All in all, I think I had a good day, despite everything. I had someone to listen to my problems, I went out with my sister, I had fun singing karaoke. Even though my mood is still shot, it's not that bad for me to call it a bad day. I really wish I was in a far future where I'm truly happy, but I guess days like this'll do.

Song of the day: Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Then, you smiled over your shoulder
For a minute, I was stone-cold sober
I pulled you closer to my chest
And you asked me to stay over
I said, "I already told ya
I think that you should get some rest"

Journal entry for Saturday, January 20th, 2024

Sat, 20 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

Today was the day I was supposed to meet with the RC for our planned get-together, and I was put up to the task of treating 10 of them because it was my birthday celebration. My morning would've been nice if only I'd slept at an earlier time, but I couldn't so I ended up starting my day at 1 p.m. There was still some spare time in my hands, as we were supposed to meet up at around 3:00-3:30 p.m., and I used my spare time to update my journal entries. I met up with them at BGC Forum at around 3:10 p.m. and we all caught up and talked about random things. JK asked me how I'm doing recently and I appreciated how intently Monica was listening in, and how JK responded. By 4:07 p.m. we got in and 7 of us were accounted for and Jaymz, Sean, and Denise eventually went inside the restaurant a few minutes later. William and Sydney sat in front of me and we were right by the TV which blasted K-Pop music. I saw a lot of Twice MVs and I sang to some of the songs there, I also saw aespa's Spicy and Hype Boy from NewJeans play, which was good. We ate **a lot** of food, especially the beef. We had several rounds of that beef-enoki thing that Samgyupsalamat had and it was pretty good. Sydney, William, and I had some trouble cutting up the pork meat into pieces which was pretty funny. While cooking and eating, we all caught up with how we were doing in our lives, a lot of us were wowed by Jaymz's outfit of choice because he either looked like an exorcist or a club owner. It rained a lot outside while we were eating, but thankfully it had subsided by the time we were done eating. A few of the group went to Starbucks first while the rest of us stayed to finish our food and use the whole 2 hours. Starbucks was our next stop and it didn't occur to me that I should give my Starbucks QR Promo Card for more stickers, so I just scanned 2 stars instead of the total 10 that we bought. It was the last day of collecting stickers and I absolutely failed at collecting enough stickers for a collectible this year, which kinda bummed me out. But it's okay since I'll just find some other way to get those. Our trip ended at Timezone where I sat down on a Wangan Midnight arcade cabinet to play my favorite racing game. Eventually the guys left and I was still playing at the arcade cabinet. I also loaded a lot of arcade credits to a wrong card (which I left at home), so I called my night over and just headed home. I didn't spend any of time with anyone else and just did some coding for my website, figuring out this service worker thing. I felt really disconnected from my friends, which kind of surprised me. But I guess it's because they were all couples, except for Jaymz and I. I guess it weirded me out because it felt like a group couples date more than anything.

Song of the day: Way Less Sad by AJR

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I should move
'Cause New York is getting muddy out

Journal entry for Friday, January 19th, 2024

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I called in sick today because I didn't feel well, I developed a fever by morning and I couldn't really do any work, much less move around, come morning. I decided to take a Biogesic and sleep it off, then I woke up at around noon or so. I got some food. Around the evening, I was feeling better but was mostly left alone to do my own things. I worked on an easter egg for my site that only triggers for 0.5% of visitors. I also talked and caught up with my friends like Loy, Meryll, Max. Since I couldn't really use my Steam account, I just browsed the Internet until the very late evening.

Song of the day: thank u, next by Ariana Grande

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Thought I'd end up with Sean
But he wasn't a match
Wrote some songs about Ricky
Now I listen and laugh
Even almost got married
And for Pete, I'm so thankful
Wish I could say, "Thank you" to Malcolm
'Cause he was an angel

Journal entry for Thursday, January 18th, 2024

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

Today was a usual workday for me, getting tasks done and catching up on the tickets that I've missed. In the afternoon, someone and I had to go out and have dinner. We both got to SM Bicutan at relatively the same time and we headed directly to Sumo Niku. It was pretty funny when we got our food because the grill for our table wasn't working. Not only that, but I spilled water on my phone. Both made for really funny scenarios. She also remarked how I sounded sick and I told her that I've had a stuffed nose all week for no reason. We both also were getting frustrated at how the grill wasn't cooking any of the beef. We moved tables and got to grilling and eating, talking about various things in life and where we're both headed. Once that was done, we headed to National Bookstore to buy a few things, at her request. We talked for a bit and even played around while we were in there. She showed me a coloring/counting book while I was in line to pay for things and that got a laugh out of me. By the end of it, we both were ready to go home and she booked a car first. She told me she'll play Red Dead Redemption again later and headed off. I booked a motorcycle but I couldn't play any music on the ride home because my charging port was still soaked. I felt productive when I got home so I organized the clothes outside and did some general cleaning before we both got into a call and I watched her play Red Dead Redemption 2, which capped the day off.

Song of the day: Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5

Lyrics that resonated with me:
Wake up, blood-shot eye
Struggle to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
It feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that, after that
Try to get you back

You Made the Transfer, Man!

Wed, 17 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Special

On October 30, 2022, NASCAR racer Ross Chastain pulled off a legendary video game move that's never been successfully done in NASCAR racing: [wall riding](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOY9p5gFa5Q&pp=ygUXcm9zcyBjaGFzdGFpbiB3YWxsIHJpZGU%3D). Chastain pulled off 1 unexpected move that shocked the crowd, got him a spot in the championship, and cemented his legacy in NASCAR racing history. Upon finishing the race, these words can be heard from a member of Chastain's crew: > You made the transfer! You made the transfer, man! That was f---ing ridiculous dude! That was wild man, that was wild! I don't know how long you've been sitting on that move but that was f---ing incredible. To that effect, that's sort of how I felt today. I feel like I pulled off something so hairbrained, something totally unexpected, that I didn't even know I would successfully pull off until it did—shocking everyone who knew of it. I'm happy, but at the same time, I can't rest easy just yet knowing how much I still have to achieve. I made the transfer, but the championship is still there. Today wasn't an ordinary day for me. A year ago, I would've thought that today would just be the same day. I ate so much, too. I knew I had to diet for a bit yesterday and I made the right call by doing so. Regardless, I *still* feel like I overate, though. I hope I lose this weight soon. For the evening, I was in a call with my friends and they introduced me to a new game series: Fears to Fathom. I played the 1st episode: Home Alone, then the 2nd episode: Norwood Hitchhike, and finally the 3rd episode: Carson House by the end of the night. All games were really frightening and it unsettled me, but I really do like playing horror games.

Song of the day: Danza Kuduro by Don Omar

Journal entry for Tuesday, January 16th, 2024

Tue, 16 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I found some old cringey posts on LinkedIn that I posted 9+ years ago. I don't know why I made a LinkedIn profile as a grade 10 high school student, but I am glad not a lot of people noticed my old posts. In the evening, I spent the most of it with my friends and we all watched No One Gets Out Alive on Netflix, then we watched some episodes of the first season of The Tudors.

Song of the day: California Gurls by Katy Perry

Lyrics that resonated with me:
California girls, we're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin so hot, we'll melt your popsicle
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
California girls, we're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce, we got it on lock
West Coast represent, now put your hands up
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Journal entry for Monday, January 15th, 2024

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Below Average

Things were okay by the late evening, though. I got into a call with my friends and they played Red Dead Redemption 2.

Song of the day: Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!! by Vengaboys

Journal entry for Sunday, January 14th, 2024

Sun, 14 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My Sunday was pretty quiet. I'm glad I got to catch up with a few friends and tasks today. I got to reply to some letters, and got to read a good chunk on one of the books I bought yesterday. I enjoyed my time reading, however distracted I was. My friends invited me for a call today and I got to watch them play for a few hours before they had to go someplace. After that, I mostly spent most of my time catching up with friends through chat.

Song of the day: Mad at Disney by salem ilese

Lyrics that resonated with me:
My fairy grandma warned me
Cinderella's story
Only ended in a bad divorce

Mall of Asia Gala with Meryll

Sat, 13 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

Today was the first day of the year I was out with a friend! I was excited, but also *very* late haha. I thought I would be on time, but apparently, I wasn't. We both were able to meet up at 3 p.m., though, so we still got to meet in the afternoon. We decided to eat first after meeting up because we were both hungry and had missed our meals, so MoA Seaside was our next bet. We talked while on the way there, I told her about my prospects this year, and that I was hopeful about them. We both ate at this restaurant and I ordered squid for my appetizer, and squid again for my main course. Meryll got roast beef and we started talking again about various things, like how frustrated and bored I am with my current life situation and how I'm just waiting for it to end. We then talked to each other about our plans for the year and how we should visit Max in Antique for a week sometime this year. Thankfully, she treated me out as a gift so I'm glad. We then visited Conrad Manila, we had no intention of doing anything there other than to stroll around. We were supposed to go to this cafe at MoA Sky Garden but we took a quick detour here. Thankfully, we stopped by Fully Booked and I was surprised that I bought something there. I **never** buy books at all, and I hate carrying bags with me so that honestly shocked me. But I decided to treat myself by buying 2 books: Diary of a Wimpy Kid (the first book in the series), and The Practice of Not Thinking: A Guide to Mindful Living. Between the two, I'm more excited to read the latter. We got to stroll around the mall for some time more, we even got to buy some coffee at Starbucks. When it was time to go to the cinema, we had to stop by the concession stand to get the drinks and popcorn that we ordered. I had to be such a special person and get that black truffle flavor, which took the workers some time to make. It was such a weird flavor, I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. I think I'm leaning more toward "I liked it." Both of us hurriedly ran to the cinema because we were late and we got to watch The Boy and the Heron. It was a good movie, definitely okay, and not far from Studio Ghibli's films that I've watched. It reminded me so much of Spirited Away, and that was the mindset I had for it moving forward. By the end, it was okay, although the ending was so abrupt for me. Meryll and I were seated apart, so we didn't talk much during the film. They were “couple seats” and I was closest to the dude to my left and Meryll was spaced away, so I had to lean in order to talk to her. Once the movie was done, we didn't have dinner and walked around MoA talking about love and relationships, how my current situation was tiring, and how callous I've grown from it; then her, talking about the guy she's dating and how her relationship with him has been, their difficulties and growing pains. Once the mall had closed, we went back to MoA Seaside to talk more and reflect on various things in life. When that was done and it was around midnight, we decided to end the day there. She went away for a while and I bought some footlong hotdog, then we met up again and she saw me casually sitting on some bench just munching on a footlong. She got to book a ride first before I did, and the night ended there. The day was really nice to me. I got some stuff off my chest and I was able to feel so honest with someone. I haven't felt like this in a long time, and I just remembered how happy and energized I feel whenever I'm with my friends in person, as an extrovert. I've been cooped up in my room recently, so it was super nice to have had the day out with a friend.

Song of the day: Panalangin by APO Hiking Society

Journal entry for Friday, January 12th, 2024

Fri, 12 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I feel like this day mostly passed by. I spent some time with my friends in a call, but we didn't really do anything meaningful together. We just lingered around the call and we talked about the couples from Singles Inferno Season 3. It was fun, though, we were checking out the contestants and their Instagram accounts. We wondered if Gwan Hee and Hye Seon were still together, and found out that Hye Seon had taken a picture of Jessica from Girls' Generation, which honestly shocked us all. I also ate that extremely spicy KFC chicken meal that I've been wanting. It was so spicy, but I ate at the wrong time so it was kinda cold by the time I had to eat it. Also the store messed up my order, so I had to eat a spicy sandwich twice (the correct order and the incorrect order). It made for a really bad combination because I think my stomach is still recovering from the spicy chao fan situation a few days ago. I really won't be surprised if I become acidic or have hyperacidity by the end of the year. I just slept for most of the evening and wasted time on YouTube Shorts.

Song of the day: Fellas In Paris by JAY-Z, Kanye West

Single's Inferno Season 3 Done!

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

We finally finished watching season 3 of Single's Inferno and it was thrilling as hell. I was really kept on the edge of my seat as to how things will unfold. I was watching it with my friends and they provided good comments, reactions throughout the show. After that, I felt anxious. A lot anxious. I had that feeling again where I felt like my life wasn't gonna go anywhere and I wanted to break out of my current life so bad. I tried to clean my room and fix my drawers in an attempt to have some semblance of progress. Then I came across this line from Neil deGrasse Tyson: >We had our vision statement. We were thinking about our future. We weren't thinking about the **now**, we were thinking about the **tomorrow**. I'm torn between the stoic philosophy of just taking in and experiencing the "now" and my ever-burning desire to build and develop the future. While I want to honestly choose both, I haven't made up my mind and I'm left with just living in the present, while still feeling anxious from it.

Song of the day: I'm Unhappy by aespa

Journal entry for Wednesday, January 10th, 2024

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

Nothing noteworthy happened today lol

Journal entry for Tuesday, January 9th, 2024

Tue, 09 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

Nothing much happened today. In the morning, I got to talk and eat breakfast with my sister as I was working. We reminisced at old commercials and things from the past. She asked me if I would ever have a soulmate, some who shares the same interests in music, the same history, with anyone else. I told her that I wasn't sure, but I happily told her that it was her. I appreciate my little sister and how we get along well. We finished eating and I continued on with my busy day. Nothing remarkable happened during my course of work, but I was glad that Meryll suddenly reached out to me and offered to hang out with me. It was sweet that she invited me out of the blue, even though we would be missing Max. I also talked to the RC if they want to spend the next Saturday, the 20th. I got into a call with them but I didn't stay long because I just wanted to be by my lonesome for a bit. Also, after work, I got invited by my friends for a call and we only stayed on call for an hour or so. They played Read Dead Redemption 2 and it was okay. After leaving the call, I didn't have anything much to do.

Song of the day: Alcohol-Free by TWICE

Hollow Cocoon Co-Coomplete

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

My God, was Hollow Cocoon scary. I actually started out the day in a not-so-good state. I was feeling lonely and the morning didn't really get any better for me. I got a lot of work done in the morning and I had a few meetings as well. Lunch and the work in the afternoon was no different: busy, nothing noteworthy. Just work. After my shift ended, I was in a call with my friends, finishing the final parts of Hollow Cocoon. Honestly, I forgot how scary the game was after 1 day of not playing it. I've played a lot of horror games in my time, and I mean **a lot**, and this one really manages to scare me. Once things were done, I just watched scary videos of games with them and we ended the day fine. I also stayed with them during nighttime and got to watch more scary horror game videos with them. It was pretty fun and reminded me of the time where I would stay up with them and just watch Philippine horror videos with them until 3 a.m.

Song of the day: Fashion Week - Remix by icarus

Journal entry for Sunday, January 7th, 2024

Sun, 07 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I pulled an all-nighter working on that programming project I had yesterday and I feel so groggy. I slept for 3 hours or so, during 8-11 a.m. or something. The morning was such a blur. I continued to work on my coding project after waking up. After I passed my work, I tried to get some much-needed rest and "me time" for a while. In the evening, I decided to cool off by going outside to BGC alone and walking around. It's been a while since I've done this, and I remember that my past times of going to BGC were always filled with anxious emotions, but now I'm not anymore. I'm thoroughly void of any anxious feelings from my days past. I keep circling back to Past Lives and the whole concept of *inyeon (인연)*, how destiny/fate eventually wills people together. I'm sure I've yet to meet the person I have 8,000 layers of *inyeon* with. I walked around, thinking of how my life in the future will be better if I take the paths I truly desire, and letting go of things that don't offer me growth anymore. Regardless, I had fun out in BGC. Some girl beat me consecutively at Wangan Midnight, I got to chill at my favorite Starbucks place, and I got to go outside and think. Also this one REO Speedwagon kept playing while I was on the ride home, it was nice and my evening was pretty peaceful afterward.

Song of the day: In My Dreams by REO Speedwagon

Lyrics that resonated with me:
We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

Journal entry for Saturday, January 6th, 2024

Sat, 06 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Above Average

I spent most of the day with my friends in a call today, just playing games. We all decided to stream/play this new horror game that we saw on YouTube, and it was so scary. It really frightened me and it had been a really, really long time since I was terrified of a video game. Hollow Cocoon was really scary. After that, we spent the evening in a call, with me watching them play Sims 4 while I try to work on my coding project in the background. They asked me if I'm done with it, and I told them that I wasn't, then they told me to continue working on it and they left for bed shortly after.

Song of the day: Helena Beat by Foster The People

Journal entry for Friday, January 5th, 2024

Fri, 05 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Average

I spent most, if not the entire, day alone and just doing things by myself. I don't remember much aside from working during work hours, and working on my coding project after work. I wanted to join into a call with the RC, but I didn't and just observed them from afar.

Song of the day: Material Girl by Madonna

God of War Complete!

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I spent a good chunk of the day staying at Nicole's house for the birthday celebration. It was mostly me, catching up with my old friends in my current workplace, and chatting about life, career, playing games (during breaktime), and eating as well. When I got home, I got into a call with my friends and I watched them finish God of War. After that, I got to play Lucius. It was still a good day, I had fun for most of today, despite how difficult the evening was to get through.

Journal entry for Wednesday, January 3rd, 2024

Wed, 03 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Bad

It was the first day I came back to work, and I was just piled with a lot of stuff that needed to be done. I was just busy and my body clock was shot because I wasn't used to waking up so early in the morning anymore haha.

Song of the day: Danza Kuduro by Don Omar

Journal entry for Tuesday, January 2nd, 2024

Tue, 02 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Excellent

After spending most of the past month cooped up in my room and my house, I was finally able to go outside today with my sister. I'm also glad that I was able to take an additional day off for today, which I honestly appreciated. We went to Makati to take a photo of the Christmas tree at Greenbelt. It was nice to walk around Greenbelt and to explore around the area. It honestly makes me miss the feeling of working in Makati and calling this place "my area after work." We basically just circled around it because the Japanese restaurant we wanted to go to was closed, so we just ate at Sumo Niku. We walked around and tried to buy an electric kettle, but couldn't so we just got Starbucks instead. When I got home, I just accompanied my friends to watch them play God of War. It was fun, but our time was cut short after they wanted to sleep. I got to eat dinner with my sister and the food was pretty good, too. All in all, today was pretty nice. I'm glad to have gone outside today.

Song of the day: Boom Clap by Charli XCX

New Year's Day

Mon, 01 Jan 2024 12:00:00 GMT

Mood: Good

I celebrated the new year by going to the rooftop of my house and watching the fireworks with my cousins, as I have for the past 2 new year celebrations. I felt really bloated, like I had a lot to eat. I was with my friends in a call when we all celebrated the New Year's Day but we had celebrated separately when the countdown struck. We shortly got back in the call and I got to watch them complete some of the story in God of War before going to sleep. Even after that, I still couldn't sleep for some reason. My sleep schedule was wrecked and it took a while for me to sleep, not to mention that my cousins and other family members were still outside singing karaoke at 5 a.m. When I finally slept, I had a horrible feeling in my stomach because I ate so much spicy food. I had a full day's rest, though, and woke up at around 1. For the rest of the day, I mostly greeted my friends a happy new year. I got into a long call with my friends for most of the evening, just watching them play God of War and scary videos, then talking about other things in life. It was fun, really fun, to say the least.

Song of the day: Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

Lyrics that resonated with me:
I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings
Uh huh, that's right
Darling, you're the one I want, and
I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this
Uh huh, that's right
Darling, you're the one I want
In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams
Oh, you're the one I want