Dec 3, 2023

I got into an argument with someone and I was really disappointed at how this whole thing turned out. I expected that I would go down this path, and I expected to be disappointed, but my God, was I still disappointed. Whatever.

When I was arguing with someone, I had told them that I wish I was found by someone who's more appreciative of me.

The truth is, I honestly wish I was found by someone who'll properly appreciate me. Someone who doesn't look back at my past faults and even allows me to grow past them. Not someone who keeps me in this weird box. I genuinely pray that I'll meet someone who'll treat me right. And then I remembered this line that my friend shared on their IG Story earlier this day:

My heart is at peace knowing that what's meant for me will never miss me and what missed me was never meant for me.

I personally believe that now. After being here for a long time, being confined in this box with no room to grow or do better, I've slowly realized that I'll thrive with someone else, someday. One day, I'll be arguing with someone and working through our flaws and issues together.

Normally, I'd suffer a lot through arguments like this. I'd have a breakdown, question my self worth, and all that jazz. But now, I don't care. I'll live through this and come out as a stronger person for the one I'm going to eventually meet. I've been on this road long enough to know that it's just pure disappointment, left and right. So I'm gonna do something different: be happy through my struggles. I've been sad, been mad, been vengeful and God knows what, but never happy. LK did tell me long ago that I'm like Sisyphus, and that "one should imagine Sisyphus happy." And, here I am at that tipping point.

So I handled the argument pretty well, I kept my composure and didn't fight back. After everything was okay, I opened my gift for them and had fun unwapping the Mini Brands on cam for them, showing only my hands. Then I got to play Lethal Company with them and Luan.

It was fun. Today was fun. I've grown to where I can stomach dejection and look forward to better things.