Progress Requires a Consistent, Sustained Struggle

My day continued with me accompanying someone for VHH. I eventually confronted someone about them watching the movie and she told me that she watched it with another friend. This came as a complete surprise since she told me that her Saturdays were just spent at home, not using the Internet. I was under the same impression that she would just rest and be by herself all day like she did before. I believed this despite knowing that she went out with another guy last year on a Saturday. We played Sky but didn't really hang out with each other in the game. She eventually told me about how she's been going out with various guys and girls and I just felt like I was stabbed. The pain from hearing it was very intense and I just felt betrayed again. My idea of her was just soured and I was just angry at myself for being so stupid at allowing me to get tricked by this whore. I knew she was going to be with other people, that this was going to happen, and I'm fucking livid at myself for still staying. It was such an intense emotion to uncover and I just got my rattled from the revelation. I eventually told her that I'd just move on and she told me to do what I wanted to do. She defended herself by telling me that she's spending her time how she wants to and that she doesn't talk to them much anyway. That didn't help and I just felt disgusted at their words.

VHH still continued despite me just wanting to leave and block them. We watched a few things, like that video from 4 Plus about The Oldest View and she was pretty scared. She eventually slept by the end of it and she continued to sleep despite me playing other videos. In the background, I was just processing my feelings of pure rage and dealing with them. I feel so betrayed, but there's nothing I can do. I eventually had the idea that I should continue dating around and seeing other people. I set my focus on that and just said "fuck you" from the burnout I'm currently feeling. I got fired up and messaged 3 new people in Slowly. VHH continued until the early morning. We watched K-Pop videos of earlier groups like AOA, f(x), MAMAMOO, and Stellar. I was shocked that they knew Stellar despite them being an unknown group and we watched their MV for VIBRATO. It was tacky and unsexy, then we watched this horror game about a Wii balancing game. But then my Internet cuts out and I get frustrated further. I asked my sister to cook the remaining piece of cheese Buldak that we had and ate that as my breakfast. My sister had to leave the house for the day and I just slept after that.

When I woke up, my foot was aching again because my gout was triggered. I got really frustrated at the onslaught of bullshit being thrown my way. I had never fucking had it easy for, like, a month ever since 2022 and I'm fucking tired of it. But whatever, I continued on and eventually decided to continue my exercise routine again. I remember back to early June last year when I wanted to change my life, and a year has passed with things staying the same (if not, worse) than before. Fuck it, I continued to work out and dispelled my anger through that. I watched some live performances of K-Pop songs to keep me hyped. At the end of the workout, I got really hyped when I played Seventeen's "Fuck My Life" because it still resonates with me. After that, I took a short break to work out to Katy Perry's "Part of Me" and it felt really relatable. It was the perfect song for my situation and I just got angrier. I took a bath to cool off and continued with my evening.

I had a thought while taking the shower that I should not halt/hinder my progress. I need to keep moving and keep pushing myself to greater lengths. And then, I just remembered that quote I found 2 years ago:

Progress requires a consistent, sustained struggle. A willingness to disrupt everyday life.

I watched the Last Week Tonight episode that had that quote and skipped to the segment where it talked about continuous progress. I found the deeper meaning of how much committed action can actually achieve. That one should play the long game and never accept a situation as final. Upon expounding it with ChatGPT, I eventually stumbled upon these words:

Progress is not a passive journey; it demands relentless effort and the courage to challenge the status quo. Every significant change comes from the determination to persevere, even when it's inconvenient. Embrace the disruptions as part of the process. True progress requires us to be steadfast in our fight, constantly pushing forward, and being unafraid to shake things up. Remember, it's through our sustained efforts and willingness to disrupt the ordinary that we pave the way for extraordinary advancements. Keep pushing, stay committed, and lead with unwavering resolve.

Something inside me flared up and I just felt more dedicated to continuing bettering the life that I have now. I really, REALLY need to pick up the trash and improve myself further. Way, way further than where I am now. I hope to just work hard, be genuinely kind, and be open to future possibilities that can lead me to the life I want to live. I decided to buy Slowly Plus because I wanted to expand my reach of meeting new people and message a few people I had checked out. I did random things in the evening and I should really stop doing that, I should fill my evenings with purpose. After that, I went and continued to update my mood calendar for the past few days.