A Trip Down Memory Lane and Pares Retiro

I couldn't sleep tonight. For whatever reason, I couldn't properly sleep so, at 3 a.m., my brain decided to go to Pares Retiro. I had planned this for myself for quite a while now, but because of the weather and other factors, it didn't really push through. That was the case until today when I just decided to go wearing some "night" clothes that I picked from my drawers. I decided that it would be a quick operation: get in, eat pares, and get out. I booked a ride and the Angkas ride quickly arrived, he got so early that he was a bit annoyed because I was still preparing. When I saw him, he was wearing a Joyride outfit, so that struck me as weird. Also, he drove quickly like a madman on a motorcycle. He rarely stopped or slowed down. He ran through the streets of Manila and even ran through a red light! Which just shocked me because of how careless he was. I literally thought I was going to die then and there, and all these gory scenes just played in my head of me dying or getting into a motorcycle accident. But thankfully, those didn't happen. We didn't take the route me and Jaze used to take, though, but we got there.

The only problem was that the location was wrong. And the rider didn't even look like his picture, what the hell was up with that?

I was dropped off near the University of Santo Tomas. I had actually pinned at a Pares Retiro Express food truck, which was obviously closed. It was so weird that I was just dropped off at a random area, but whatever. I just decided to book another ride to Pares Retiro. I looked up at the sky and I could see that the night was fading. By the time my new ride arrived, the dawn was starting to break and it was around 5:00 a.m. at the time, a far cry from the quick night ride I had planned. During the ride, I was at Quezon City and passed by Pegasus, which made me remember the time I went there. I wondered if I went there in 2022 or last year, but that brought back memories.

Then I got dropped off at Pares Retiro, the restaurant, which was NOT the place I was supposed to be at.

I just gave up and went in, deciding to just order something and go home, calling it a defeat. The white guy who was ordering in front of me took a while, but thankfully his long order gave me time to change my mind and I just waited outside to book a ride to the real place. I searched for the original place on Google and searched for the destination via a landmark. I pinned "The Original Pares Mami House (Since 1989)" as my destination and waited for a ride. It took me really, really long to find a ride. It was already dawn by then and I saw a lot of people coming and going, most of them dressed in something revealing, which made me wonder where they came from. After waiting a while, I got a ride and it took me to the next location.

Only this time, I was at the wrong location AGAIN. I was so annoyed at Jaze, even though we hadn't talked in years.

I could not believe that I had gone to the wrong location for the third time. I literally could not believe it and thought that time or the universe was playing a cruel joke on me. I found it funny and annoying that Jaze referred to it as "Pares Retiro" despite there being a thousand variants of the same restaurant. Regardless, I saw that the real location was only a few minutes walk from here. This time, I actually checked the directions on Google Maps for "The Original Pares Mami House Retiro" instead of searching for the name or using my memory to pin for the location. I was annoyed that I was going to have to walk 10-13 minutes to get there, but whatever. The pares should live up to the hype for making me walk and commute this far to get it. Walking to the restaurant was a breeze and I eventually saw the same street from years ago.

A flood of nostalgia came in and I was just washed away when I saw how everything was 2 years later.

Here I am now, 2 years later, and here I was before, at this fateful place on N.S. Amoranto Sr. Street. 2 years ago, 2 fucking years ago I was here when I had everything. Literally everything I had ever wanted. My mind went back to the evening between January 30-31, when I was at my life's peak. I had everything I ever wanted: a budding romance with a girl who I thought was perfect, my friends who had been there for me for years—friends who I thought would never leave me, and a bright hope for the future. I had just gotten my first-ever kiss by then and I got a love letter from someone. I went out for a night trip with my friends Jaze and Batao to Pares Retiro and we stayed out for long, even though I was supposed to go home early. I still remember the atmosphere of that night, the clothes I was wearing, and the garage I stayed at for a bit. I deeply remember how everything played out.

I had everything, 2 years ago. Who knew that evening would herald the downfall of my life and cause it to stray so horribly? I lost the girl who was in love with me and I lost my friends. Coming back here now means reliving all of that pain and joy I felt and my mind switched back to "2022 mode" wherein I relived all of the moments and memories that shaped how early 2022 went.

The plastic screens from when COVID was a thing were all gone now. I sat at a random seat that was away from anyone and I ordered beef pares and a plate of siomai which Jaze used to love. I had tasted the pares there and it was really, really good. It didn't invoke any memory in me, which I noticed because my sense of taste is very dull. But it was still very good, especially the siomai. I know I'm not supposed to eat beef on account of my gout, but whatever, I decided to finish my meal anyway. When I finished my meal, I decided to order 2 more meals for take-out. I was deciding on whether or not I should go straight home, or complete the next stop of that fateful night from 2 years ago: Assi Fresh Plaza in McKinley Hills. I decided to go through with it and found a ride.

On the way there, I passed by so many landmarks. I passed by some of the roads the girl and I went through when we had to make perfumes last year, and I passed by the ramen place we ate at, I also passed by SM City Sta. Mesa which was the topic of so many trips with the girl. Then I was on the same road I took when I used to take those Buddhist meditation classes recently. I had so many memories just come flooding in my head.

I quickly arrived at Assi Fresh Plaza and bought a few things at the 7-Eleven there, especially the Big Gulp that Jaze used to order and I filled it with Mountain Dew like before. This place didn't evoke that deep of a feeling because I often visit this place when I'm sad or miss Jaze and my friends. There were other people there and joggers sat in the same seat I sat in 2 years ago, so I sat at the seat to the right of that. And there were a lot of people, so I couldn't talk to myself but I just silently reflected on the whole experience.

Holding on to those memories from 2 years ago cuts me deep. It's so deep, it had cut me and left a part of me that's still stuck in that night. That night in 2022 changed the course of my life and I wonder what would happen if it all went right. But then I thought that everything that happened was supposed to happen. I was meant to go there for the last time with Batao and Jaze back then. That night heralded the end of my 2021 fun times with my friends and marked the start of an anxious 2 years. It was my turning point and my canon event.

It sucks, but the 2 years haven't been kind. Although I decided to choose the girl over my friends, I kind of regretted it. Even though I know I would deeply regret it if I chose my friends over the girl anyway. I'm left with regret no matter what decision I would choose and it only solidified the idea that it was all meant to happen and the girl wasn't the one. Then I remembered this quote from that movie analysis about Past Lives:

There are things in life that we just can't control and Past Lives represents coming to terms with those events that we hold no authority over. Nora and Hae Sung both hold different character themes that tie into the overarching message of the plot: letting go.

As much as something may hurt now, holding onto such things will only cloud your vision of what's ahead of you and prevent you from living happily in the future.

Although part of me feels trapped in that same night 2 years ago, I should let that part of me go and move on. Maybe in the future, I'll meet someone new and experience a chain of events where everything just goes right. I have to be kind to myself and stop beating myself up over things that scarred me 2 years ago. I've been miserable for the past 2 years because I've been trying to bring everything back to that one night.

I should just accept that everything's over and move on.

When I got home, it was around 9 a.m. by then. I slept from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. in the evening, and only had the energy to get up at around 7 or so when I decided to cook the pares I ordered for take-out. It took a while to microwave, but my sister arrived during that time and she told me all about her trip to Elyu and how nice it was. I told her about the day I had and a short summary of what happened earlier, and she empathized with me. I gave her the plate that I was microwaving and microwaved the remaining take-out for myself. I expected her to eat 1 dish anyway and I wanted her to taste the food from the pares house anyway. She enjoyed it and we talked about the new food I just bought for Milktea and other things. We eventually had to go back and I got a message on Discord asking me if I completed Eden yet. I replied no and then we got into VHH.

From there, I spent time playing Sky with the person I chose. I asked them about how their weekend went and they told me that they watched Inside Out 2 and they went to Tagaytay but didn't ride any of the rides because it was raining so hard. I asked them who they watched Inside Out with and they said it was Jamie's nieces and nephews. It seemed suspicious to me and I had a feeling that they were lying to me, but whatever. They told me how the movie made them cry and I told them about how it didn't make me cry, which I found interesting. Then they told me about the spoiler I gave them a couple of days ago and how they noticed it. After talking, they invited me to complete Eden tonight. We already had that technique to fly easily so we just did that and thankfully the first stage was a breeze. I accidentally pulled off Nicole's shortcut to the top of the level and it was insane, we were both shocked. By the second stage, we got hit by the krill for some part but we mostly recovered our wings after that. By the third stage, someone disconnected because they lost power. They quickly came back while I carried on and continued the rebirth of my character. We were both done and we just explored.

After that, we mostly explored the Isle of Dawn and collected a few spirits from there. We mostly moved around but we had fun and called it a night. I told them that they should sleep before their next work and they did. I mostly wrote about today's experiences and ended the day there.