I Fucking Hate My Life

Things just got pushed to the absolute breaking point today. I accompanied someone for BFT time but they barely replied, they mostly left me unread while I completed my mood calendar entries.

During the morning, I was busy as hell but had good breakfast. I microwaved the Pinoy curry I had yesterday and it was pretty good, but I was extremely busy from the get go. My whole day was just work, work, work, and trying to meet those deadlines while all of them are extremely urgent. Needless to say, I handled everything that I can and I actually succeeded through all of my tasks, but there's just something that feels lacking. To avoid worsening my burnout, I treated myself today because I had actually reached the targets I have. After work, I didn't really talk to anyone I just tried to lie down on my bed, relax, and try to get some sleep without air conditioning.

By the end of the day, I just felt my feelings spiral downward. I had so many shit things happen to me recently. My fucking air conditioner broke down, I don't have any friends to confide in, I'm stressed from work, everyone around me in a happy/stable relationship while I'm not, I met another person online who wanted to string me along but not really do anything serious, I'm starting to lack funds because I've been giving too much while having none for myself, and I just get the feeling that I'm not doing enough even though I'm working myself to the point of total exhaustion.

I fucking hate eating "shit soup" again and again, day in and day out. I keep getting bullshit thrown at me even though I'm trying my best. I'm not commended well for the fucking hard things I do and carry on my back alone and I'm fucking tired of seeing so many people happy and then I'll wonder when it's my fucking turn to be happy for a month or a YEAR straight. When the fuck do I actually be happy and have things go well?

What broke my back was seeing some guy brag on Reddit about how lucky he was to date this girl that was so kind to him and I just fucking wanted to throw my phone. I kind of understand now why I want to ask myself if I'll continue to live past the age of 32 because 8 more years of this is just fucking pointless.