Lacking?

Today was my company's "work together" event and I attended it. While on the way there, I kept daydreaming of a future chapter of my life where I'd be able to play songs from the Aim and Ignite album by fun. again. I could imagine myself meeting someone new or starting a new chapter and playing all those songs, and the thought of it all made me giddy because I was so ready to be happy. But when I got to the event, things were just.. normal.

I got to talk to some people, and I socialized a bit, but I didn't have any of my close friends at the event so that kind of made it dull for me. Also, I kind of felt lonely that someone wasn't here anymore. I enjoyed the event, all things considered, but I just felt lonely. Some junior devs came up to me and asked me about a few things, which made me feel like I was an actual senior at the company (which I was, but I still feel like a newbie).

Overall, the day was actually blander than I thought.

It kinda stung to know that this chapter of my life had been stagnant, and I guess I truly feel like I'm alone. What made that feeling worse was that I went home alone and I didn't talk/meet someone before going home, which was always the case. My ride took so long and I was the last person to leave the premises, with me being left behind at a Starbucks. I went home alone and just did random things in the evening alone.