Oct 22, 2024

Today was turning out to be the same, usual day I've been experiencing for the past few: being sad that they were gone and trying to continue despite the massive amount of pain in my heart. Work came by and went. Playing a lot of songs helped my mood. Eventually, the evening quickly arrived and I was alone again. I was having an internal debate on whether or not I should reach out to someone. The mature, older side of me decided on "no" but my inner belief said "yes" and he wanted to give it a try. I was really pushing myself towards no, but I ultimately made a decision. I didn't believe it would work, but I gave the kid in me a shot at whatever he wanted to do. So I decided to message someone again, in Telegram, and I sent the 10K I had in savings as help for them with the cats. I texted them and we talked for a bit, and they sounded like they were completely done with me. Like they wanted nothing to do with me at all anymore. It was a hard-fought battle. During the whole time, I was outside of my room because the signal was bad and I was trying to not miss their text messages. It was also raining so I was on the verge of tears, then crying, what did I do to deserve this? Why have the gods or God given me this fate of trying hard to get the bare minimum, when all I wanted was a genuine relationship. Eventually, they decided to have us play Sky again after I told them that they should log on and see the broom I got them. We, miraculously, played Sky together and I felt really, really, super happy because that part of me came through and won at the end of the day.