Feb 12, 2025

Today was pretty stressful. I had a lot of things to juggle today, I wasn't sure if I was able to fully keep on top of a lot of things. What surprised me the most was that I got so many (5+) people from Reddit come and message me. Some were very active and talkative, too. I appreciated it, but it kind of got in my way because replying to them added on top of my mind also.

Work was super busy as well today. I'm still a bit stressed out from before, but I was able to slowly work on things better. I had my hands full all day as well guiding, writing docs, and doing KT. It was all well and good by the end, though.

I talked to my sister about going out to BGC just so I can de-stress. After timing out for work, we eventually got in a car and headed to BGC. She clearly didn't want to go and was feeling anxious because she was being dramatic in the car, which made me feel uncomfortable. It was also awkward when we got to BGC High Street and she ran around Terra 28th. I didn't plan on running or exercising that much because I didn't have any workout outfit read, and I just wore normal sneakers and not my running shoes.

My sister confronted me on whether or not I would walk and exercise and I told her I didn't plan on running here today. We just walked around and I settled on just getting Jamba Juice and then going home. My sister was still pretty awkward with me and things were tense. After getting my drink, she eventually talked to me about what to do and I tell her that I just wanted to send her home now. She was clearly unhappy and stressed while I just wanted to walk around BGC. I needed to clear my head. I'm so stressed and I still feel sad because I haven't fully cleared my chest to anyone. It sucks that my sister has to pile on to whatever I'm feeling when all I wanted was to just have a nice walk outside.

She acknowledges that there was a misunderstanding but she still doesn't lighten up. She still refuses to go home even though I already asked her to, and she accompanies me as I head down High Street. She eventually cries for some reason and then decides to go home. She tells me that it's unrelated to me and that I should just go and continue my walk. I didn't think it would be okay for her to go home and be all alone so I just decided to go home as well, even though my sister was insisting me to stay and walk around BGC.

We both book a ride home and I really feel stressed out at myself. When will we ever feel okay enough to have a rest? To have a good year is all I ask. I really hope that in my pursuit of a better future, I don't develop a severe mental illness from the stress and emotions I'm bottling up. I better not kill myself, Dartegnian.

After we get home separately, things simmer down and things become okay. I reply to the other people I had not messaged throughout the day and some of them keep me up for a good part of the night. Things got okay by the end, though, and my sister and I eat dinner just fine.