The Final Page of a 5-Year Chapter

Today was an extremely special day in my life. Today was Valentine's Day, sure, but today's events didn't really revolve around romantic relationships nor Valentine's. Today would be my last day at Dice205.

My morning started out like it usually would, with me doing the usual round of DevOps tasks that I've been doing for years. I also spent a good amount of time documenting my processes and doing a knowledge transfer to the person who would be handling my tasks. As the day progressed, it fully sank in that it would be my last day here and all of my stress just dissipated.

For the afternoon, I was to return to the office one final time to return the company laptop. It was pretty sad to let the MacBook go. This Mac has been with me through countless adventures. It's been with me everywhere and I built great things using this. I built this site using this. My sister also saw me packaging stuff and saying goodbye, and she cried a lot at the thought of me leaving Dice after so long. I essentially told her that it's fine and I would be okay. I booked a ride to the office and I sent some goodbyes before leaving. I messaged my closest friends and other devs that I interviewed 3 years ago.

When I submitted my resignation, I initially didn't have any heavy feelings about leaving. But as I was on the way, I could just feel myself getting sadder and sadder. It didn't help that the driver took a route to SLEX that I haven't been on since high school. Today is just full of nostalgia-inducing things.

I got near the office and took a few pictures of the places I used to pass by when we were working on-site before the pandemic. I still remember the store I used to get sisig and breakfast from. I would commute to Mandaluyong every day very early in the morning just to make it to my 8 a.m. shift. Who knew that I would stay for 5 years more during those days. After taking the pictures, I returned all of the necessary things, laptop included. We made sure it works and I bid my 2 coworkers there goodbye.

It was still 3 p.m. when I booked a ride home. I thought about walking for a bit, doing some thinking. But it's Valentine's and it's a Friday. I don't want to be a single person walking amongst the couples and then going home during rush hour. As I was on the way home, I messaged a few more coworkers goodbye and gave them my heartfelt thanks. I played Taylor Swift's “Cornelia Street” while on the way home and it actually hit me deep.

It made me realize that this was kind of my Cornelia Street. This is the kind of heartbreak that time could never mend.

Moving forward, I don't think I'll have another company like Dice. All of it just flashed back into my head and I just felt immensely sad. More than anything, I missed someone. I missed VHH and how we'd use to talk about work or how I would help them. I missed how we would be together in the planning committee for company events, how I would help them with their HR tasks, and so much more. It hurt my heart a lot that they're not here with me during my last day even though I was on call with them on theirs. It just sucks, but I guess I just have to move forward.

After I got home, the rest of the afternoon was pretty chill. I made it before 5 p.m. and I used the time to send more goodbye messages. As the clock struck 5, I timed out and left my final message. I deleted all of my access afterwards. My work files on my PC, deleted the browser all my work stuff was on, left my work's Viber groups. I reinstalled all the VMs I used for work to wipe the data, and just chilled for the rest of the evening.

Not a lot of people messaged me, but I appreciate that Rachel greeted me a happy Valentine's, Naomi greeeted as well. One person on Reddit messaged me and I kept up with them for some parts of the evening. I enjoyed talking to one person the most and it was about her things and it's really nice to have gotten a post that she shared with me today.

It's a sad and lonely goodbye. Today was literally the last day of a 5-year chapter and, looking back, I don't think I would've changed anything about it. I kind of wish I had made a mood calendar earlier, though, but that's fine. I also wish I had someone to celebrate it with. Google Photos did me dirty by showing me how I spent Valentine's Day years ago in 2023. I was with someone and I was on a Discord call with them, in VHH. It's kind of funny because back in Valentine's of 2022, I was sad that I thought I would be leaving soon, and here I am now 3 years later actually leaving everything behind on Valentine's Day. On this day, of all days.

I'm glad to have ended this chapter, though. I'm ready to move on and look forward to more things in life. I guess I won't walk down my Cornelia Street again.