Jul 26, 2026

For the morning, I didn’t do much aside from continue playing that game from yesterday. It was fun, but at a certain point it got boring so I called it off and got some sleep. I had a kind of strange dream, but I couldn’t recall it. I had a few messages, but it wasn’t much. I talked to someone and told them that I’ll just be doing my own thing today because yesterday was kind of a free space for friends and other people. Thankfully, they were able to apologize, even though I didn’t ask for one. I wished them well on their stuff for today and went on my usual stuff. I spent the early parts of the afternoon with my sister and I showed her a good cover of “Leaving On A Jet Plane” I heard from the radio last night. She immediately cried and I didn’t expect it, but I asked her why and she said that it reminded her of mom because she always played that song before leaving. Then I just spent time in the living room with her and ate lunch/breakfast. After that, I had a decision to make that was somewhat bothering me because I’ve been thinking it over. When I got back on my MacBook and listened to that song, my mind was kind of made up. I wrote a short goodbye message and then deleted the app. It was a pretty heavy decision to make on my part, considering how they also looked forward to it going well, but, eh, I don’t know. What triggered me to make the decision was seeing some sleazy online personality have a relationship with someone cute and caring, and I just felt incredibly sad at where the state of my life was. For the next few hours or so, I tried to get back on my journal but I was stuck in the deepest rut I’ve been in. I cried for a while and thought of what I had done to deserve this kind of life, when I tried my best at all times, but it just sucks. I thought about that alternate universe variant of me who magically met the love of his life at an early age and I just felt incredibly sad and cried a bit again. Afterwards, I spent some parts of the evening re-thinking my decision but ultimately settling on it. I downloaded some card games off of Apple Arcade to pass the time, and talked to Ange and Badet on when should we go out for next month. I got back to writing my journal entries shortly thereafter.