Mar 5, 2024

Oh God, I can't believe my worst fears came true. It's kinda sad, really. I expect to be disappointed, but when the disappointment actually comes, I'm still disappointed from it. That's what sucks. I still get hurt even though I try my best to be stoic, or to hurt myself in advance, but it doesn't really work when I'm in the thick of it. I thought I was late and I was so anxious, what made it worse was that the driver took a long detour through BGC instead of around it, which probably took up most of the time. When I got there, I could barely recognize anyone at the event. My company asked us to "work together" event, an in-person meetup, and I would be seeing my friends there. A few hours pass and I get seated with my other friends, I talk to Meryll and Max, and I also gave Meryll her book back (after more than a year). The whole event was pretty okay. I talked to a few friends and caught up with some workmates. But I was mostly anxious because someone and I weren't that close. It's like we were passing acquaintances. I helped out with some other tasks like helping Den with the announcements and carrying food upstairs. I had a lot of time because it was a slow day, and I just spent it by myself, for the most part. Which was weird because I was surrounded by coworkers. At one point, someone asked me to get ice with her and we talked for a bit there, but someone else called her and she went back on her way. By the end, we had some company announcements and it was leaving time. Someone left without saying goodbye and I went home on my own feeling dejected. When I got home, I just felt exhausted. I'm an extrovert, but I don't really bode well with the wrong crowd, ironically I had a lot of friends within my vicinity but mostly felt estranged from most of them, especially with 1 special person. I just lied on the living room couch and slept eventually. I ended the day horribly.