Apr 16, 2024

My sleeping schedule was in all kinds of whack today since I slept for the entirety of the evening yesterday. I woke up at around 11:56 with a horrible, throbbing headache. It was the worst headache I've had in months. Still, I thought I was just going to stay up for a few hours to work on other things like review some AWS things for my upcoming exam, but then someone messaged me asking if I'm still awake. Things were weirdly back together so soon after we haven't patched anything back, and pretty soon we were back in VHH.

I accompanied them for a bit, playing some random videos and even a Stephanie Soo video that they watched while eating and then they fell asleep. It quickly became 4 a.m. and I had to leave from VHH to try and get some rest.

I couldn't get some rest. And since my circadian rhythm is fucked up, I just had breakfast. I haven't eaten anything good since yesterday, and throughout the whole night, I was just eating bread and yoghurt. So I got myself a very hearty breakfast and that gave me enough energy by 7 a.m. to tackle the day. I had a lot of stuff going on at work, and someone was busy as well. I felt a little exhausted early on, but I still tried to power through. We eventually had VHH around 12:40 p.m. or so, and we just watched videos from Lazy Masquerade while lunch was going on. I also treated them to some ice cream from McDonald's since they asked.

Throughout the entire day and afternoon, they were talking about resigning very soon and that had me worried. While I want things to get better in my life (which would require everything I have now to end), I had experienced the anxiety of letting go. I remembered how painful it was 2 years ago to let go of this person, and while I had let go of a distant version of them, remembering it all while playing death bed by Powfu made me cry a bit. It wasn't an ugly cry and it was over in a span of less than 30 minutes, but I should be more careful exploring that part of my history because I still remember it all too well.

Work continued, I got busy with a lot of various things and someone came back to VHH around 4 p.m. after all their meetings. We talked for a little bit more after that, and they were focused on wanting to leave our workplace. They eventually had to go do something else and I tried my best to sleep. I got a few naps in here and there, and I even had them message me about wanting to be back in VHH. After I saw that message, I couldn't really sleep anymore and just continued my night doing random things.