Sep 15, 2024

I spent my early morning talking to Nathan, Ane, and Ane's friends on their Discord server for a while. We were discussing Ane's story and I was playing Monster Hunter in the background. After a while, we played Phasmo and we completed the weekly challenge together. It was fun but felt weird because I wasn't playing with my friends like I usually would. After that, we left the call and I stayed up for the night.

I couldn't sleep because I drank coffee last night. It wasn't even a tall cup of coffee, it was a regular-sized cup I mistakenly ordered. But still, it was enough to keep me up the entire night. I stayed up until 9:40 a.m. but slept throughout the entire morning after that. I then woke up at 7 p.m. and I checked my notifs. I replied to my friends for a bit and we were talking. They showed me that they were watching the DotA grand finals or something. Then Rachel invited me to play Stardew for a bit. They told me what was going on in their life and I was finally able to tell a friend quite a lot about my life situation. These days, I feel like Rachel is the only person I can talk to things about and they wouldn't judge me or make me a lesser person in their eyes. Rachel would just tell me stories about her love life and the things going on in her life and I got to tell her about the dilemma I had just fixed in my life and a bit about how I was genuinely feeling.

It made my day a little better and that was honestly the thing that saved this day from being a disaster. Because after that, I ran into problems with my friends. I just told them that I was just gonna do my own thing like put away my food because I had just eaten and they took it as something else. I just got fully frustrated and called things out, but they didn't reply to me after that so that just solidified my stance on ending things for good.