Jan 0, 2025

2024 started with me celebrating New Year's Day with them and it ended with me celebrating New Year's Eve without them. Despite that, I enjoyed the majority of 2024—and the past 2 years—with them. Our tradition of watching horror at 12-4 a.m. in the early morning continued and it got even better around February when we got into analog horror. I found a "home" in us enjoying analog horror content, and being scared of the monsters and entities. We both got into watching WOWMAN after I introduced him, and then Sapphire Sandalo's stories after someone introduced her. Then, we both got really into Sky, doing our daily quests there, collecting flames and wings, and even meeting friendly people across the world! Of course, there were days when someone didn't play Sky, but on those days that she couldn't, I used her account and collected flames for her. Even though they had left my life by the end of the year, I was still collecting flames and candles without them and I was tagging along their account so that they could collect flames, too. It was really lonely playing Sky without them and all I could think of in those times were how much I miss them. I think someone and I did everything we could this year. We argued, finished games together, watched horror together, stayed up late together, and even baked alongside each other. Despite all that, they chose to walk away on October 31st, and they made the conscious choice of not reaching out for the rest of the year. I used to think of our relationship in terms of the Loki series on Disney+, as "the temporal loom" in the TVA that weaved the many branches and possible timelines. When we were together, I had many branches and possibilities in the future with them. Even though I tried my best to keep the loom and branches healthy by staying up late until 5 a.m. with them, helping them with their cats, playing the games they liked, watching the shows they showed interest in, and even getting them lots and lots of food and take-out, all of those weren't enough. And even though I pushed myself beyond burnout for a person who didn't even let me confide in them, all of it wasn't enough to stop them from leaving. "The loom exploded" on the day they went away and with it came the destruction of all the possible futures and timelines we would ever have. Everything that I hoped we could be was gone. In 2022, when we were just starting, they gave me a letter that had this sentence: > Here's to hoping we stick with each other whatever happens. And I guess they forgot that promise. I still had them as a friend on Locket before they unfriended me, I still gave them the PS5 controller I promised, I still collected enough candles for a Moomin plushie in Sky for their account, and I still stayed in our Discord server and kept the invite link active. But they never said a word back after "good bye." Maybe this is how things are supposed to go. I've been convincing myself in 2023, and even as far back as 2022, to let go of them and to have all the pain in one lump sum rather than to hurt further, but no matter what, things still ended. November was brutal for me and most of my days were average because they weren't by my side. In December, though, things started to get better. Here's to hoping that I won't get into another situationship like that again. No more "love pentagons," extreme love-driven anxiety attacks, false promises, and even staying up late for people. I don't think I'll even get into love for a few years, and I was happily single with no situationships for 4 straight years before them. I was already happy before them, I can find happiness once again after I fully heal and learn to love my own life again, without someone nor anyone for that matter. Even so, I won't forget the time that I loved them and I'll keep the time we spent together in my heart. If there's a song I could dedicate to them, it's Rex Orange County's "THE SHADE" and I believe it sums up 2024 perfectly.