Dead Air

I continued my day by playing Valorant with Rachel. We were supposed to play 1 match and I was doing poorly since it's been a while, but they're picking up the slack by being the top frag. While playing, I suddenly remembered the lyrics to "We Can't Be Friends" and sang it while we were playing. Rachel eventually plays it through the music bot and we sing it together. I was trying to be a tryhard in singing and I raised my pitch to intentionally sound bad. Then we played a few sad songs because she knew what I was going through. It was a hard game, but we eventually won in the end, thankfully. We both left the call after that and I was just sitting, I was unsure what to feel. I saw Nicole online and alone in a voice channel so I joined her. She was playing a game and I was ranting to her a bit about my problems with someone. I told her what was going on and she just listened. I eventually got interested in the game she was playing titled "Sky: Children of the Light" and got into it. I played a bit with Nicole guiding me and helping me as I go along. I eventually progressed far enough to call it a night and got off the call at around 3:30 a.m.

I couldn't really sleep after that, though. I just felt too bothered/disturbed to sleep. So I was just awake until 5 a.m. or so when I finally passed out. I kept dreaming about someone. I had a dream about them posting on r/phr4r or something about looking for friends to do activities with and I exclaimed how unfair that was. I kept having these bad dreams until I eventually kept having no more dreams and just slept. I slept until 3 in the afternoon. I woke up and had set the new microwave in its new place. Then my sister had to leave the house and I was just alone for a bit. Since I had nothing to do, I tried to see if a movie would cheer me up and I tried to book a seat for Inside Out 2. I got a ticket for tonight at 8:40 p.m. at Venice Grand Canal and just passed my time playing Overwatch until I won. Come evening, I prepared all of my stuff and left the house.

Eventually, I got to the mall and I watched the movie. For some reason, coming to Venice just felt right. I remember the last time someone and I didn't talk for a long time (back in March), I was in Venice and someone eventually messaged me. So maybe that's why I kept checking my phone. Only this time, that notif never came. I still watched the movie and I enjoyed it, I loved how the feelings controlled Riley and how she was shaped by the events that took place in the film. The film ended and I felt a bit happy by the end, but then I had to go home now. I decided to walk around Upper McKinley Hill for a bit.

My God, walking around here brings back so many memories—both good and bad. I remember I went here with Jaze 2 years ago. I somehow asked him to go out with me all of a sudden and I confided in them, I was anxious because a person I liked had a secret and I didn't know what to do. I knew I just needed a friend nearby and we got Zark's. But that stall is gone now. I also remember the many times Jaze and I just walked up and down here, exploring the places and talking late at night. I started to feel really lonely because Jaze wasn't my friend anymore, and the girl I fought 2 years for was also gone. All that was left was just me, alone, and dead air.

I went to the 7-Eleven we used to chill and hang out on. I got 2 boxes of Pocky and Pocari Sweat. I sat in the same seat I was in 2 years ago. It was a night just like this one, but back then I was supposed to go home early from a cute, romantic evening and I instead hung out with my friends until super late in the evening. That was the night when things came crashing down. My life was at an unnatural high, and I literally had everything: a budding romance, a super-strong bond with my friends, and all of the tech I ever wanted. I had all that and now I lost the 2 most important things. I looked forward to the future and here I am now, in the future, alone and just tired of the unimaginable hardships I've faced in the past 2 years. Eventually, I had to get a ride home and call it a night.