Jun 4, 2025

Today was super Christmas-themed, what the hell. It didn't start out this way, though. I woke up feeling a bit better than yesterday. I started my morning feeling more okay than yesterday, too. I wasn't sure if I was "okay" and, more importantly, diarrhea-free enough to go to the office. I thought about how the stalls there weren't that good but wasn't sure if I'd risk it. My friend eventually messages me and checks on up on my stomachache, which kind of shocked me for a bit because I thought things were kind of over after yesterday. It was still awkward and I had a heavy heart while talking to them because I still feel guilty, I'm apprehensive, and I'm playing it safe. Still, it was really nice and thoughtful of them to check up on me. I just told them what happened to me yesterday and I eventually had to prepare because I've made up my mind that I'll leave for the office today. Today seems like a good, sunny day anyway. I don't want to commute on a future date where it'll rain. I got a ride to work and eventually got there just fine. The seats were PACKED, though, and there was a lot of people in the booth today. I had to sit at another seat because the one I usually occupied was already taken by someone else, and I also felt guilty taking a seat that wasn't mine because I just saw 1 dude (who usually sits at this one) look so confused. He sat at another seat somewhere else I don't know, so it was pretty cringey for me to see him wonder where to sit. Another one of my seatmates also didn't know where to sit so they sat somewhere else. I did my usual round of tasks and got started on work. After a while, I called my ISP to have the account transferred from being under my grandma's name, to my name since I handle all of the bills anyway. I had submitted her death certificate yesterday and I was just catching up on emails in the office pantry for a while. I eventually got all of that done and I was able to catch my coworkers leaving for lunch. I'm glad that I was able to catch up with them and we went downstairs. We passed by the Denny's cat who was sleeping in their usual cathouse so I took a pic of them sleeping and posted it on my IG Story. We kept walking and eventually arrived at Mad Mark's Creamery and Coffee where we had lunch again. We just ate and talked stuff like the rising HIV cases, especially amongst Gen Z, which they pointed out that I was a part of. It kind of hurt me inside to hear them say the "kids these days" line and it offended me, to an extent, because I don't sleep around like that. Our lunch eventually got served and had a bit of a kerfuffle when it came to paying, which ate a bit out of my time because I was late to my 1:00 p.m. meeting. After we got out of the restaurant, I RAN BACK AS FAST AS I CAN back to the office and it was tiring as hell. I was so out of breath just to get back to the office and I just found out that the meeting for today was at 1:30 p.m., not 1:00 p.m. So I did all that running for nothing. But it was fine, I killed the time by doing some tasks before the meeting. I got into the meeting and the people around me were so loud, which made my teammates ask where I was because it was unusually loud, and I told them that I was in the office today. But the meeting ended just fine and I continued on my day. Somehow, I just had a feeling that I miss Christmas. I tried to find that IG page that shares Reels about Christmas during the other months, and I eventually found one about thinking of Christmas while in June and I shared it on my Story. I really love the feeling of Christmas, and I really miss it at this point. Family, friends, loved ones, and just the general ease that time of year has. I kind of miss it so I just listened to Christmas songs during my shift. I couldn't stop listening to Christmas songs, and I loved them all. I wanted to have a Christmas-themed day because I could kind of use a little warmth and a safe space. I also laughed around with my coworkers, which lifted my mood a lot. I had stomachache in the latter part of my shift, but I was able to handle it and continue working (and playing Christmas songs). I eventually finish all of the tasks and my plate, and them some, and eventually made my way home by booking a ride. The ride home was so scary! The motorcycle rider drove so fast and it was terrifying. He also was a bit chatty, which I kind of found hard to understand while listening to "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" and other Christmas hits. It was fun, but also really terrifying because I didn't know if I'd make it to next Christmas. Luckily, I made it home in one piece and... didn't have anything else to do for the evening. I was bored so, to fully enjoy this out-of-place Christmas day, I thought it'd be nice if I wrapped it up with a Christmas movie. I immediately thought of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. It has a runtime of 2 hours, but, since I started watching at 9 p.m., I figured that I'd still have enough time left in the day to do other stuff. I microwaved an extra-butter popcorn bag and made the poor man's version of hot cocoa (a warm, sacheted chocolate drink that my sister thankfully bought for me), and watched the movie. I watched Home Alone and it was pretty funny. It's been a long time since I watched it, so I forgot the plot, but it was funny and warm-feeling at times. It made me miss my family spending time on Christmas a bit. I was surprised when Kevin said something in the movie that resonated with me. > I always think I'll have a lot of fun if I'm alone, but when I'm alone, it isn't that much fun at all. I don't care how much people bug me sometimes, I'd rather be with somebody than by myself. Sometimes I wonder if I'm only extroverted because I can't handle being alone, but I know I can. I have been alone most of my life and single for the entirety of it. But when I find something fun or interesting, I have no one to share my joy with. It made me miss someone a bit because they always invited me to play video games and watch stuff with. I also remembered that day where they made me watch "Christmas Tree Farm" by Taylor Swift. But they're out of my life now, so, I just have no one but myself for the foreseeable future. What Kevin said just stuck to me because I've been feeling very alone for a long time now. The movie eventually ended around 11:55 p.m. and I think I shed a few tears here and there. I didn't finish my popcorn, though, but I was able to finish my cocoa and I can say that I really had fun today. Even if it wasn't Christmas today.